After Madeleine killed Bellatrix, everything seemed like a blur. She couldn't remember how she had even gotten to her flat but she knew that Fred had something to do with it. Pain was such a powerful thing that because of the numbness in her mind, she couldn't even properly recall the events that followed after Voldemort's ultimate defeat. She hadn't been in her apartment in so long that it felt strange. It felt cold and empty as she stared blankly at the wall. She, felt cold and empty. A large void replacing her heart as it was ripped away from her chest cavity mere hours ago.
There were people moving around her, she could hear the faint noise of footsteps shuffling around but nothing mattered to her anymore. Madeleine was stuck in time. She didn't know how many hours she sat on her living room couch unmoving but a small crowd gathered around her. Their voices were muffled as the five figures she knew too well surrounded her and for the first time since she had met them, Maddie didn't want their company.
"Love, you need to eat something," Fred said softly as he held her hand but no response came from her as she kept staring vacantly at the wall.
"Maybe we should order food because if Elizabeth cooks there is a high chance that we would all get food poisoning," said Alicia.
"Or that the place burns down," added Lee.
"I want you all to leave," Maddie rasped and moved her gaze to look at Fred before removing his hand from hers. "I want to be alone so leave before I make you."
"Mads, you can't go through this alone," Liz whispered.
"Of course I can, it's my family whose dead, not yours," the blonde snapped. "So go celebrate that the war is over because I want to be alone so everybody out before I do something that we'll all regret."
Alicia, Lee, Lizzie and George left, well knowing that in the state Madeleine was she wouldn't feel anything if they did ended up getting hurt but Fred didn't move. "I'm not leaving," he crossed his arms over his chest.
"I don't want you here, I just want to be alone so stop being an overbearing idiot for once in your fucking life and leave me alone," she spat and with all the remaining strenght she had, she pulled him up from the couch
"I will leave but if you think for a moment that I'll let you go through this by yourself, then you're wrong," he cupped her cheek before leaving, closing the door on his way out.
Once alone, Madeleine took out a bottle of tequila from the cupboard and started drinking. She couldn't cry anymore, her eyes were completely dry. Her heart felt numb as she opened the door of the room Clo and Harry shared during one summer and took a seat on her sister's old bed. It was the first time in months she had entered that room and she had never noticed the wall filled with pictures next to Clotilde's bed.
There were pictures of the two of them when they were little, smiling and waving at the camera. Pictures with Hermione and Ginny, Ron, Harry, Luna and Neville. Madeleine didn't know what she was supposed to feel looking at those old photographs but her gaze stayed fixed in one where the two of them were laughing, Maddie piggyback riding Timothee and Clo clinging the boy's legs when they were kids. It felt painful looking at the pictures, it felt painful knowing that the two of them wouldn't be able to make anymore memories. Just like those photographs, they were stuck in time.
Contrary to popular belief, grief was messy. It didn't really follow the neat order of diagrams in psychology books. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. Grief was terrifying for those who had never experienced it. Madeleine was not new to it, but grieving three people at once was simply overwhelming. The solution she found to her pain was simple. Isolating herself and dealing with it in her own way.
Everyone around her knew that Madeleine needed space. Fred was reluctant at first but after much convincing from Alicia, he decided that he would give Maddie the space that she needed. While she was locked in her apartment, he took it upon himself to return all of the muggle-born and half-blood kids they had moved in the midst of the war to their respective homes with their parents. He tried so hard to push his emotions aside in case she would need him but days had passed without hearing word from her he decided that it was best to intervene.
George, Alicia, Lee and Lizzie nervously stood behind Fred, who was carefully opening the door to her flat. Nearly a week had passed since the Battle of Hogwarts. Since Madeleine's heart was forcefully ripped out from her chest. The five of them stepped inside the dark apartment that reeked of different types of alcohol and cigarettes. Maddie was sitting on the couch with an almost empty bottle of tequila in hand as she stared at the wall.
The flat was completely wrecked, just like she was inside. There were pieces of glass everywhere from smashed bottles and picture frames. The wooden dining table was broken and so were most of the plates, cups and glasses she had once owned. The damage wasn't what terrified them, but the state she was truly in did. Dark bags under her sunken eyes, hollowed cheeks and sharpened features only emphasizing that fact that she hadn't eaten in days. Her blonde waves were tangled and by the looks of it, she hadn't showered in days either. Madeleine was simply stuck in time. Stuck in an eternal loop of memories with her sister and family that she couldn't pull herself away from. She couldn't escape.
"What are you doing here?" she asked without moving her gaze from the wall that was stained with red wine.
"It's been almost a week, so we wanted to see how you were doing," Lee said quietly.
"And I told you that I wanted to be left alone," Maddie hissed. "What in heaven's name happened to the Fidelius Charm anyway?"
"It ended when Moody died, he was the one who casted it," George cleared his throat.
"Oh, goodie," she said sarcastically.
"Mads-"
"Can't all of understand one simple request?!" she snapped, interrupting Lizzie. "I want to be alone, and I don't want to see any of you!"
"Your mum and Tim are worried," Alicia tried coming closer to her.
"Timothée can go rot in hell," she laughed coldly.
"Mads, please just talk to us," Alicia pleaded.
"I SAID LEAVE! GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT AND NEVER FUCKING COME BACK!" she screamed angrily and threw the bottle she was holding against the wall that was next to Alicia's head, the glass shattering in hundreds of pieces instantly making Alicia jump in fear.
They all stood still for a moment, waiting for Madeleine to calm down but she never did. She began taking everything she could find within her reach and throwing it their way. Books, more picture frames and more bottles until they all left, but one. Fred remained where he was after the other four left to sit outside in the hall. He could see all of the pain and anger in her eyes and couldn't help but feel guilty. He felt guilty because Clotilde had sacrificed herself for him. He felt guilty because his family was still complete and hers wasn't. He felt guilty because deep inside, he thought that he had brought that pain upon her. Guilt was human and he knew it, but the state she was in and the look in her eyes, was as if someone was stabbing his chest over and over again.
"Get out Fred," Maddie said lowly with her wand pointed at him.
"No."
"I said get out!" she yelled.
"And I said no," he said nonchalantly and slowly took her wand from her hand, throwing it aside. "I gave you space and you're a mess, it looks like you haven't showered in days, the place is a mess and you're drunk, so no, I'm not leaving."
"I hate you," she spat.
"No you don't, you're angry because you're mourning and that's the anger talking," he walked towards her but she pushed him away.
"I SAID GET OUT! I DON'T WANT YOU HERE! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU!" she started hitting his chest as hard as she could but he wouldn't move.
"I'm not leaving Madeleine, for better and for worse, remember?" he said loudly and wrapped his arms around her, tightly restraining her arms under his grip.
"GET OUT! GET OUT FRED I MEAN IT!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, her knees becoming weak as she slid down to the floor, still in his arms.
"Let it out," he said softly, rocking her in his arms as she screamed and sobbed the agonizing ache in her heart away.
"Make it stop, please make it stop," she cried, her face pressed against his chest. "I can't, I can't breathe just make it stop Fred, make it go away."
"I know my love," he cooed while stroking her back, "I'm here."
"She's never going to be the same you know, she has lost so much, way more than any of us have," Alicia sighed and tried her best to not let her tears fall while they heard Madeleine scream and cry loudly.
"Half of her family is dead and she gave her all so that our families would be safe, that's just cruel," George sniffled.
"I'm sorry but I can't listen to this anymore," Lee stood up crying and left.
"Tell me what you want me to do to take the pain away and I'll do it," Fred whispered once she was calmer.
"I want you to fuck me and hard," she blurted.
"Anything but that because you're drunk, you haven't slept in days, I know you haven't eaten in days as well so you're not being yourself-"
"I want you to fuck me, that's all I fucking want Fred."
"Not today, come on," he picked her up and headed to the bathroom. "Let's get you cleaned up."
Fred sat Maddie down on the toilet while the bathtub filled with hot water. Once again, she was unresponsive as he gently took off her clothes, setting her down inside the steaming water. With the shower head, he washed her hair and her entire body thoroughly before wrapping her body in a warm towel and carrying her over to her room.
"I want to leave, I want to get out of here," she said hoarsely while he helped her get dressed.
"Where do you want to go?" he asked, brushing her damp hair before braiding it.
"Away."
"We can rent a place out of here and stay there for a while," he kissed her forehead, "if you want."
"I want to leave and never come back," she whispered as he tucked her into bed, getting inside the covers with her.
"Maybe you should try and get some rest love, I'll be here when you wake up," Fred held her close to his chest, tracing her features with his thumb until she was finally asleep.
That night he couldn't bring himself to sleep. He feared that one false move would push her away from him so he stayed all night listening to her steady heartbeat and her soft breathing. The following morning when she woke up, she sat on the couch, still staring at the same wall while he cooked breakfast for the two of them and cleaned up the shards of glass scattered around the flat with a wave of his wand.
"Coffee and bacon sandwich with melty cheese, just how you like it," he placed the cup and plate in front of her before sitting down next to her on the couch.
"I'm not hungry."
"If I need to put you under the full body-bind curse and shove that down your throat I'll do it Madeleine," he sighed and earned a hateful glare from her. "I'm sorry. That was not nice, but you need to eat so please just have at least half."
"There, I ate half," she said after swallowing the last bit with much difficulty. "Happy now?"
"Your mum owled, she says that the funerals will be tomorrow."
"And what do you want me do about it?" she snapped.
"I was just letting you know," he said softly. "They want you to write a eulogy for her."
"Which of the two?"
"For Clo, Charlie took care of Tonks' and Sirius of Remus'."
"Where will it be?"
"Tonks and Remus' are in the morning, in the cementery where they placed Ted's gravestone."
"Clotilde?"
"Next to your dad, so we'll have to apparate to your grandma's chateau after Remus and Tonks."
"I'm going back to bed," her voice cracked and she stormed back into her room, throwing the door shut in his face when he tried to come inside.
*****
"Are you ready?" Fred asked after she finished getting dressed.
"Do I have a choice?" she said sarcastically, throwing the silver flask with her initials in her purse without him noticing.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm tired of people saying that," Maddie snarled.
"I know," he breathed. "We should go now, do feel like apparating?"
"There's no other way, or is it Einstein?" she rolled her eyes and took his arm, feeling her body being squeezed through a tight rubber tube.
The two of them got to the cementery just in time before the minister started speaking. Fred was holding Teddy in his arms during the ceremony since Andromeda and Cressida were both a sobbing mess, with due reason. Madeleine had zoned out for the entire burial, only moving her gaze to see as the two dark wooden caskets were lowered into the ground. She was surprised by the amount of people who attended the funeral and who were also going to attent to her sister's but the amount of alcohol in her system made her forget about it quickly.
"How is she doing?" Molly asked Fred.
"Not good," he looked over at Madeleine who was still sitting on the chair, not even attempting to move. "I don't know how I can help her mum."
"Just be there for her my boy, that's the only way," she smiled sadly and took a sleeping Teddy from his arms.
"We have to leave now Mads," he approached her and took her hand into his.
"I can apparate by myself Fred," she hissed, "I don't need your help."
With a loud crack, she was gone and appeared in the place she had spent most of her childhood in. The garden was just as she remembered but next to her dad's gravestone, was Clotilde's and she felt sick just by looking at it. Madeleine was about to go to her seat, next to what remained of her family and noticed that the boy with hazel eyes and dark hair who her sister had loved deeply, was sitting on the last row with the same blank expression her eyes now possessed.
"Your seat is in the front," she stood in front of him.
"What?" he looked up at her.
"You're family and that's what she would have wanted so your seat is in the front."
"I um-"
"Do I seriously have to repeat myself for your pea sized brain to grasp to what I just said?" she said through gritted teeth.
"No," he huffed and stood up, following her and taking the seat next to hers.
"That's what I thought," she pulled out the flask and handed it over to him.
Just like in Remus' and Dora's burial, she had zoomed out completely during Clotilde's as she passed the flask back and forth with Theo until its contents had emptied out. Hermione and Ginny had spoken, the two of them crying after each word they spoke. Fred was sitting on Maddie's other side with a concerned expression considering that she was absolutely hammered and about to give a speech in front of way too many people.
"Now, Miss Madeleine Archambeau will direct a beautiful eulogy she prepared in Clotilde's honor," said the minister and stepped aside as she stumbled to the podium
"Well, to those who don't me I'm Madeleine like whoever he is said. I am Clotilde's," she took a deep breath after realizing her mistake. "I was, Clotilde's older sister, I guess I'm the youngest child now. Lovely.
"I thought my tears had run out the night my dad died, but that never prepared me to how it would feel to lose her. I couldn't say goodbye," she stopped for a moment to look at the crowd and snorted loudly.
"You know what, this is bullshit. The pretty, flowery, loving big sister speech that I wrote is complete fucking bullshit," Maddie laughed and with a snap of her fingers, the sheet of parchment in front of her set itself on fire and a bottle of fire whiskey appeared instead. She took a large swing of the bottle before clearing her throat.
"I'm gonna tell you the truth about my sister and the truth is that, she was a little bitch. She was whiny, and spoiled, and entitled and selfish and stubborn and judgy, arrogant, self-centered, obnoxious, and I can keep going. She used to take my things without permision and ruin them. I don't have enough fingers to count how many of my heels she broke, how many of my coats and dresses she ruined, how many jewels and shoes she took from under my nose just to keep them. We used to fight like cats and dogs, of course I used to win 'cause I'm me. Arrogancy is also a family trait, you can ask my brother that too-"
"Someone get her away from there now," Cressida hissed and Nathan stood up from his place next to Timothée, making his way over to Madeleine.
"You touch me and I fucking kill you right here on spot," she said loudly and pointed a finger at him threateningly, before turning back to the shocked audience and giving them a fake smile. "I'm not finished.
"As I was saying, my sister is a cunt. Was, a cunt. I keep forgetting she's dead. But, the little cunt had a good heart, better than mine at least. You know, the responsible for her death is actually none other, than the one and only, Timothée Archambeau. My dear perfect brother. So I blame you, her blood is in your hands so you're no better than me. I may have killed and tortured tens of death eaters, but you killed our sister and I will never forgive you for that. Because you, you let her stay after me and mum had already said no. I hope you carry that weight for as long as fucking live because you fucking killed her.
"You know, being a sister to a girl is different than being a sister to a boy. Because with the boy, you can truly hate, just like I hate my brother. With a girl, you can pretend you hate her but you know it's not true. I loved my sister with all of my heart. It was supposed in order, Timothée first, then I would drop dead and then her. It wasn't supposed to start the other way around because the youngest sibling is suposed to outlive the rest. But, because of the family's golden boy, hero and savior Timmy, the order changed so I only hope that I'll go cold before you do, because there is no way in Satan's name, that I'll be attending your funeral. As for my sister, well, Clo, good luck being maggot food. I guess I won't be seeing you since I'll burn in the flames of hell, so have a great time in heaven or wherever is it that you are. Amen, I guess."
She patted the wooden coffin as she finished the bottle of fire whiskey and disapparated to the alley next to a bar near King's Cross station. "Tequila, neat," she said to the bartender who looked at her oddly but poured her what she had asked for.
Maddie stayed in the small pub until nightfall, the amount of alcohol she had consumed on an empty stomach finally taking its toll on her but before she left, she noticed the train schedules' section of a muggle newspaper that was next to her. She took it and scanned it quickly before finding what she had been looking for.
'LONDON, KING'S CROSS STATION TO PARIS, GARE DU NORD. 22:00.'
With a muggle pen that was lying around on the bar's counter, she circled the platform and paid for drinks before leaving the place in a hurry. She went into the same alleyway and apparated into her flat. Maddie quickly downed a potion that would sober her up instantly and headed to her room rapidly. She took from the back of her closet a muggle suitcase that her grandmother had gifted her once and began throwing clothes and things she might need inside.
After everything she needed was packed, she looked at her wand and threw it in the back of the suitcase, taking a bag with her before running out the door to take the underground. Thoughts were swarming her mind as she ran inside the station, heading towards the ticket office.
"Hi, one ticket to Paris," she panted and handed the older woman a bill.
"Round way?"
"No, one way," Maddie breathed and received the ticket. "Keep the change."
She had fifteen minutes to find the platform before the train left and before she could reach the platform, a familiar voice called from behind her. "Where are you going?"
"How did you even know I was here?" she turned around, clearly being caught by surprise.
"I went to your place and your things were gone," Fred said and pulled out from his pocket the ripped newspaper page "and, I also found this in the bin."
She stood in silence looking at him, not daring to say a single word. "So you were gonna leave, no note, no anything," Fred crossed his arms.
"That's none of your business," Maddie said quietly.
"It is my business Madeleine, we're in a relationship and you can't just run away without saying anything!"
"Fred, I can't stay here anymore," she whispered. "There, I said something and now I'm leaving."
"Are you being fucking serious right now?"
"Yes I am, and you're in my way," she tried walking past him but he grabbed her wrist, turning her around so that they could face each other.
"Can you stop being ridiculous for just a moment-"
"Am I being ridiculous? How come?" she rolled her eyes.
"Let's just go to my place if you want and we'll talk it over like adults."
"There is nothing to talk over Fred, this is my decision and I'm leaving!" she said loudly. "Now please get out of my way because I have ten minutes before my train leaves."
"Can you please talk to me?"
"What do you want me to say?"
"Anything-"
"Fine, my sister is dead, my cousin is dead, Remus is dead, my uncle is dead my dad is dead so yeah, was that enough to satisfy you? I'm leaving Fred and you won't be able to change my mind about this."
"Fine, so when are you coming back then?"
"I'm not coming back."
"What?"
"I bought a one way ticket, I'm leaving for good," she gulped.
"You can't be serious," he scoffed.
"I am being serious-"
"So you were just going to leave me like that? No note, no letter-"
"It was easier that way, please move," she pleaded.
"After everything that we've been through together, you're just going to leave me?"
"This is not about you."
"Because everything is about you? This is not how a relatioship is supposed to work Madeleine!"
"It's all too much okay, I can't be here anymore. I can't stand it. I don't have the strenght to do it again Fred," her voice cracked.
"Then I'll help you go through it but you can't just leave."
"I can, that's what I'm doing and like I said, I've already made my mind," she began walking away.
"Then I'll come with you," he followed after her.
"No you won't. You have a business and a family and-"
"And so do you!"
"No I don't, I just need space and staying here, I feel like I can't breathe!"
"Madeleine please don't leave, we can go through it together but, please don't leave me," tears welled in his eyes.
"It's all too much Freddie, there's nothing keeping me here anymore. Everywhere I look I see her, and Dora and Remus and it's just too much," tears started rolling down her cheeks.
"Just listen to me for once in your life, please," he begged and cupped her cheek with his hand. "I know that you're in love with me as much as I am with you angel, so please I'm begging you. Don't leave, don't leave me."
"I'm sorry Freddie, but I'll be gone for good and you will find a really nice girl who loves you, and you will get married and have many redhead babies and eventually you will forget about me. I'll just be the fling from when you were young and-"
"You were never a fling Madeleine! I have been in love with you since I was seventeen! And I know all that you must be feeling right now and-"
"NO YOU DON'T FRED! You don't know how it feels! You still have your entire family with you. You're still complete! I lost my dad, and my sister, and my uncle, and my other sister, and Remus! Half of my fucking family is dead! You don't know how that feels and you're lucky because of it."
"What about your mum? And Tim, and Sirius and Andromeda and Teddy? What about them? You're just gonna abandon them too?"
"They will understand eventually, but I can't stay here any longer Freddie, I'm just sorry I can't be the one you want me to be."
He connected his lips with hers passionately. Tears escaping his eyes as she kissed him back. This was goodbye and they both knew it. Fred knew that once Madeleine had made her mind about something, it was rare that she would let that idea go but the thought of her leaving was too much for his heart to handle.
"Do you really love me or was it just a game?" his lips brushed against hers.
'I love you more than I have loved anyone in my entire life' she thought, 'but it would be easier for him to move on if he hates me.'
"Goodbye Red," she whispered.
Maddie took her suitcase and walked towards the train without looking back, because she knew that if she looked into his eyes one last time, she would never be able to leave. She stepped into the train and stared out the window. He was still there. The redhead boy who held her heart in his hands. The redhead boy who she fell madly in love with. The redhead boy who was the love of her life, her soulmate, her entire world. But like any other human being, Madeleine was selfish. She couldn't bear to stay in England any longer. She knew that if she stayed, she would become a burden to everyone that around her, so it was best for her to leave. She was still staring out the window, tears clouding her vision while still looking at him. She was a wreck. Even worse than she was four years ago when they had met. But in between mourning and pain, he was there. He led her out of the darkness and showed real and true love, even though he admitted it outloud until now. The train started moving and she looked at Fred one last time, and just like that, Madeleine Archambeau left for good.