Chéri || Fred Weasley

lxx

Triggering content, viewer discretion advised.
AN: so i wanted to make a disclaimer so here it goes. i did plenty of research before writing this and last chapter and i first-hand experienced the grief caused by a miscarriage when my mum lost my little brother when i was 9. for every woman, coping can come in different forms and it's also important to remember that there is no right or wrong when it comes to mourning. i had a hard time writing this part so if you are not comfortable with topics related to pregnancy loss, grieving and depression, i recommend you to not read this part. i am also a pro-choice woman and i strongly believe that every woman has the choice to decide to have a baby or not so please be kind in the comments and have in mind that there can be some readers that have gone through the same thing. i hope you are all well and remember to tpwk <3 if you are going through anything and need someone to talk to, my messages are always open.

Just like Cressida had said, the bleeding and pain fully subsided until a couple of weeks later, but the emotional hear-ripping pain was still there, for both Fred and Madeleine. George had moved into Percy's old room and Fred had returned back to the flat above the shop by himself but the blonde refused to leave from the twins' room. The guilt she felt every second of every day was consuming, it was exhausting. She had casted a spell that would only allow two people to step inside the room, these being her mum and the younger twin and Fred, in the case he came back.

It was no secret that Madeleine isolated herself anytime she was in pain or was going through something difficult, but losing a baby was the cherry on top to break her entirely. She felt guilt because they had lost it, she felt betrayed by her own body because it had caused it. She felt guilt because a part of her did not want to have the baby but she grieved because the other part of her did want it. She couldn't face Fred, knowing that all he ever wanted was a baby and she was the one who had brought this upon them. She couldn't face Molly either, feeling that the redhead woman hated her for losing her first grandchild. She couldn't face herself. She couldn't look at her reflection in the mirror because the small bump that hadn't vanished yet, was a reminder of what her and Fred lost because of her carelessness.

She knew that perhaps, if she had realized sooner she would have taken care of herself, but that was the dreamer in her. Longing for a family with the man she loved, wanting to be able to hold a newborn in her arms that was half Fred, half her. The realist in her knew that it was selfish. She knew that it was selfish to bring a baby into the world in the middle of a war, despite knowing that she and Fred would love him or her eternally and would do anything in their power to protect that tiny little life.

Madeleine was certain she had never cried that much in her entire life. Not even when her father died she felt the way she was feeling. She could feel grief slowly carving itself over every fibre of her being, taking over her as fake illusions implanted themselves in her head. She cried every night on her mother's chest until she couldn't anymore. She sobbed until her eyes and throat became dry and her body and mind became numb, unbeknownst that Fred was doing the same thing by himself.

Two days after it happened, he left the burrow and had yet to return. The same amount of guilt she felt was in him too. He couldn't bare for her to look at him so while she was asleep, he left in the middle of the night, fire whiskey bottle in hand as he apparated into his flat. The moment he landed on the living room floor, he collapsed on his knees and screamed in a way he had never done before. Angry tears were heavily running down his cheeks as he drank the entire bottle, followed by another one until he blacked out, unable to cry anymore. The days that followed were just the same for him but his internal anger was now manifested through breaking things. He would scream and curse whoever was above and broke everything that was surrounding him, and then he would cry and drink until blacking out, only to start the cycle again the following day.