- Chapter Eighty -
"Ooh, love, Ooh, loverboy."
(A/N: here we go, 3500 word chapter to go with the gif. you're welcome.)
Elladora was still in a daze of confusion when she reached the Gryffindor Common Room portrait hole, suddenly very tempted to turn back around and find somewhere else to go when she realised that Remus was in there. Her stomach jumped more violently than ever at the thought of him now that Madam Pomfrey had explained what she was feeling and why she was feeling it. The last thing Elladora wanted to do was explore dangerous territory, she didn't know anything about this love thing, was she meant to act on it or not? Would that make the feeling in her stomach go away? Pomfrey had only told her that she was in love with Remus before explaining how he looked at her weirdly before she had dismissed her.
"Are you going in or not?" The voice of the Fat Lady snapped her out of her mind as she stared at the portrait .
"No." Elladora shook her head, turning away with her mind made before turning back around again with the thought that it was James' celebration in mind. "Actually, yeah, wait no. I should really hang out with James, but I don't want to be awkward. No, yes, no...yes. Mighty Sword."
With a roll of her eyes, the Fat Lady swung open to reveal hopefully the last Gryffindor party of the year, Elladora reckons she had done enough dancing about in there and didn't know if se could deal with another cluster of sweaty bodies for that school year. She hung back a moment, just staring at the students with wide eyes, she should just act natural right? Nothing's happened, she just realised something which changed her whole perspective of one of her best friends and was affecting her thoughts.
Now, she feared what her thoughts were. It was like a war was raging on inside her own head. She didn't know what to say...what to do...does she tell him? Does she not? James had said how in love with Lily he was and constantly asked her out but Lily hadn't said yes until this year and Elladora's last date didn't go so well. Plus, she doesn't think she's actually felt any attraction to Remus apart from the weird butterflies but maybe she just hadn't realised that she was attracted to him? She hated this and was very tempted to cry and break down like a toddler.
She knew nothing about love, was it even love? She's heard people use the word like before, Ernie had used it to explain his attraction so maybe she didn't love Remus but liked him instead. But of course she liked him, they were best friends. So why had Ernie used it romantically, was there a difference between love and like or was Ernie just being odd? She liked Sirius, she liked James and she liked Peter so why should it be different for Remus unless she loved him...which she didn't know how to do.
The Fat Lady was a lot more calmer with her that evening as even just taking one look at her, someone could tell the flurry of emotions going through her eyes. Elladora was still debating whether to enter or not. She can't tell Remus, it wouldn't be fair because she doesn't know how to love someone. Does she just carry on like they were but as...partners? The thought was unnerving but with a deep breath, she set forward into the party and felt the portrait swing shut with a thud behind her.
People had gotten changed, James and Sirius for example were now out of their Quidditch uniforms and dancing energetically in the middle of the crowd in more casual outfits. Lily was stood near the drinks table, looking into the middle of the crowd where James was dancing and smiling sadly; a lovely pink swing dress hugging her curves perfectly. Elladora frowned at her shifty posture as she glanced around at everyone dancing.
Looking around her to check if Remus was there (which he wasn't), Elladora breathed a sigh of relief and walked forwards to the drinks table where she stood with her arms hugging herself and a drink in her hand that was still full and looked like it hadn't even been drunk the tiniest bit. Lily managed a small smile when she saw her approaching, and barely moved her hand in a wave.
"You okay?" Elladora asked her, pulling the hair tie out of her hair and tying it up again so it was neater. She was still dressed in her long-sleeved black shirt and her sweatpants which were even hotter especially in this environment, thankfully the windows were open.
Lily nodded distractedly and looked away from her and into the crowd again before turning around with tears developing in her eyes; Elladora brought her hands away from her hair and widened her eyes at the girl in front of her as she tried not to cry but couldn't help but let a tear loose.
"Do I look bad?" She asked quickly and through a hoarse whisper, she then turned fully to face to the drinks table so no one who looked their way could tell that she was crying. At Elladora's loss for words, Lily began to ramble. "Like, I've never really bothered with my appearance before and tried to be positive about it but someone told me that my...body type makes me look terrible in everything and I-"
She took a pause to inhale a large shaky breath as her hands stabilised her body against the table. Elladora furrowed her eyebrows, shaking her head angrily, sure Lily was (in the nicest way possible) thicker than others but she never looked bad. She was always looking pretty in Elladora's eyes and even when she didn't try to look nice, she always did.
"Who the hell told you that?" Elladora asked angrily and Lily shook her head, her red hair flying from side to side as tried to stop her tears.
"My sister!" Lily burst, not loud enough to attract the attention of others but enough to make her sob quietly. "She told me that I shouldn't be as confident as I am and- and she's always hated me for having magic and I never listened to her but this really really hit me. It was when I was talking about James over Easter and she told me that she doesn't understand why he likes me and I realised that all this time...it was all just a joke-"
"So that's why you stopped replying to his letters?" Elladora asked, feeling only very slightly awkward, anger towards Lily's sister took the other half of her. Lily nodded at her question as she cried more and Elladora gaped. "No, no, no, Lily. It's not a joke, it's never been a joke. James loves you so much and he's been so genuine all this time. Your sister's wrong, so so wrong. You're so beautiful."
Lily shook her head again, bringing her hands up to wipe at her cheeks. Elladora didn't know what to do anymore, she had tried to reassure her and that hadn't work, she was all out of options. Stammering hopelessly, Elladora looked around quickly before she spotted the staircases up to the dorm room.
"You wanna go upstairs so we can hear each other better and it's not as loud?" She suggested unsurely, Lily let out a whimpering yes and with a breath of relief, Elladora put a hand on her back and the two of them started to make their way to the staircase.
On their way, Lily ducked her head to hide her tear-stained cheeks from others so the two of them didn't get stopped. It worked to some extent as everybody was too busy either dancing or laughing at the 7 stars of the evening all dancing together in the middle of the crowd, Marlene McKinnon was included in that and Elladora decided that she would get Lily upstairs and ask if she needed Marlene before getting her to decrease the risk of Lily being seen in such a vulnerable state and having multiple people ask if she was okay.
"Elladora!" A voice called out and Elladora's eyes widened before she closed them in exasperation. It was Remus and he had spotted her, she became panicked and turned her head quickly to call out to him.
"Uh, no." She said and started walking up the stairs with Lily whilst mentally slapping herself for what she had said. No? Her heart began to hammer and her head pounded with the dread that it would all get awkward between them.
The two girls managed to reach the sixth-year common room without any more interruptions and as soon as they were in, Lily's heels clicked against the floor as she paced and Elladora shut the door softly behind them before leaning her back against it and watching as the redhead before her went to one of the beds which she supposed was Marlene's considering the big red Quidditch jersey with the name 'McKinnon' on it.
Lily got down on her knees and went rummaging under the bed before pulling out a picnic basket of some sort although it definitely wasn't food in there as it clinked when Lily pulled it out. When it opened, Elladora widened her eyes at the amount of butterbeer inside of the basket.
"Here." Lily walked over to her and handed her a bottle, one in her own hand too. She had calmed down a bit now, there were no new tears, only quiet hiccoughs and sniffles. "I'm sorry about that, I just..."
"It's okay." Elladora said and hesitantly walked further into the room, the music was prominent from down below and the voices of ABBA drifted up through the floorboards. "You're not ugly, you know? You don't look bad, you always look really nice."
"Thanks." Lily let her lips tip up into a smirk as she lowered herself to sit against one of the other beds, tapping the floor next to her and Elladora walked over to her and sat down. It was silent for a moment as both of them tipped their drinks up into their mouth and took a large gulp of it whilst the pumping music from below vibrated the floor. "I love this song."
"So do I." Elladora smiled and took a gulp of her drink as well. She looked around the dorm room and examined it with curiosity, maybe she wasn't so different from these girls after all.
"I was so lonesome, I was blue." Lily sang softly along to the music, her previous troubles forgotten as the two of them relished in the quiet whilst tipping back butterbeers. "I couldn't help it, it had to be you..." She trailed off with furrowed eyebrows and looked over at Elladora. "James really likes me?"
"He loves you." Elladora nodded and Lily smiled before muttering a soft 'I love him too' under her breath and looking away. The girl next to her mulled over love again, shaking her head at her own thoughts before facing Lily again whilst she was taking a sip of her drink. "I think I love Remus."
Lily coughed, some of the drink spitting forwards as she jerked the drink away from her mouth and hit her chest a couple of times. Elladora widened her eyes at the sudden movement as Lily leaned back against the bed and looked over at her with just as wide eyes whilst she continued to cough into her hand.
"Remus?" She exclaimed when she had recovered from her coughing fit, her mouth was stretched into a wide grin. "Oh my god, I knew it! You two are so cute, do the others know you're together?"
"Woah," Elladora leaned back, shaking her head. "We're not...together. I said I think because Madam Pomfrey told me so after I went to ask her about my so-called butterflies. But I don't actually know what it feels like, like what do I do? What happens? Can you...explain it to me?"
It was kind of embarrassing to ask, but Lily only smiled warmly at her and took the bottle out of Elladora's hands, placing both of the bottles on the floor before them before turning and holding the girl's hands. Elladora looked into Lily's calming green eyes and smiled slightly at the excitement, the girl started speaking with just as much excitement in her voice though it was softer, mellow and more calming.
"Love is complex mix of emotions. It's when you have strong feelings of affection, warmth and respect for someone else. You feel happy when you see them, you feel sad to see them go. They make you feel safe, you can be yourself around them, the mere thought of hurting them can crush you but that can go for all types of love." She explained, squeezing Elladora's hands before she smiled to herself and continued. "Romantic love is all those things but...stronger. When you see them, your stomach does a funny little victory dance because it knows you really want to see them. When they walk away, all you want to do is tell them to stay, find any excuse for them to stay with you or just...be there. The mere thought of them makes you smile and you find yourself always staring at them and picking up the little things. Like, James always holds his cutlery a different way on the weekends, it's odd but it makes him...him."
"Remus mouths the dialogue when he's reading a book." Elladora offered and Lily grinned at her, a slight warmth bubbled up in Elladora's heart as she continued. "His eyebrows pinch together slightly every time he makes a sarcastic comment towards someone else, he bites his lip when he's writing notes down in his book and every morning he has to rearrange the way his plate is set out because he doesn't like the way the school does it."
"My stomach feels funny whenever he's really close or touches me in some way, it's hard to walk away from him when I have a different class and I've lied to him before about having a class the same way before. I always tell Regulus about the funny things he said when we see each other in the Common Room at the end of the day."
Lily smiled again, the room enveloping in silence as a new song began below them. Elladora gaped at the redhead who chuckled at the look of realisation on her face, it was like her heart had exploded with warmth at her sudden confessions.
"Go get him." Lily whispered with a smile and when Elladora opened her mouth to argue, she interrupted. "Just tell him everything you told me, just let it fly out. Then whatever happens, happens. I know this is all new to you so just take it slow, I know he'll respect that."
"It'll turn everything awkward." Elladora argued, she hated how much she sounded like the conversations between the third-years that she sometimes overheard on late nights in the Common Room. "He won't love me back-"
Lily put her hand forward and put it over her mouth, her palm skimming Elladora's lips as they looked at each other and Lily scowled although smiled too. "He loves you, I can tell. Go tell him."
"Go tell James." Elladora retorted, muffled by her hand as Lily finally took it away.
"Deal." She nodded her head firmly and stuck her hand out, Elladora looked down at it for a hesitant second and when Lily shook her hand, she reached out her hand and they both shook it. "Let's go."
Drinks forgotten on the floor of the room and the basket still poking out from underneath Marlene's bed, the two of them made their way over to the door. Lily was much more bouncy and actually ready to tell James how she felt, Elladora still felt nervous and the redhead looked over at her encouragingly, taking her hand before dragging her out of the room and into the girls hallway.
The two of them walked down the hall until they reached the top of the staircase and descended it back down to the party. Lily separated from her and tried to squeeze her way through the crowd to reach James who was still in the middle of the crowd with Sirius, this time accompanied by Remus and Peter. Elladora stayed stood by the two staircases, watching nervously as Lily tapped Remus on the shoulder before pointing over towards her.
Remus smiled at Lily, patted her on the back before beginning to squeeze through the crowd, getting closer and closer towards her. Overcome with nerves, Elladora chickened out and softly swore under her breath with mental apologies to Lily for being too scared. She turned and went to go back up the staircase, it was only when she got to the top of it that she realised she had gone up the boys one by accident.
Dining at the Ritz we'll meet at nine precisely
I will pay the bill, you taste the wine
Queen was playing as she turned to try and run back down and get to the girl's staircase quickly but as she turned back around, she was met with Remus smiling and stood before. Elladora felt the pulling attraction, like her heart was tugging no dragging her towards him. Her mouth had gone dry and she had forgotten everything she had said to Lily, she gulped as she stared at him and he stared back with a small smile.
"You okay?" He asked and his soft tone didn't dwell her attraction, she had never felt like this before and although scary, it was thrilling. "Lily said you wanted to talk to me?"
Driving back in style in my saloon will do quite nicely
Just take me back to yours that will be fine
Overcome with confidence, Lily's encouragements, her stomach's butterflies roaring and the upbeat tempo of the song and the pressure of looking into Remus' heart-warming brown eyes, Elladora took a large step closer, propped herself up on her tiptoes and cupped Remus's face in her hands before pulling him slightly towards her and pressing her lips very quickly to his. She tried to remember what Sirius had done on the night of their detention and she had already done that, Sirius had cupped her cheeks and just touched their lips together, which was exactly what she was doing.
Ooh, love
Ooh, loverboy
She didn't pull away yet, she didn't know when to seeing as she and Sirius had been interrupted instead of pulling away. Remus took a step closer, Elladora's head tilting up more and his head tilting down he began to move her lips against hers, she attempted the same and felt pure bliss fill up her heart. His lips were soft and slow and it felt so nice to be kissing him.
What're you doin' tonight, hey, boy?
Two hands placed themselves on her waist and her breath got caught in her throat slightly as she felt herself get pulled close; they were pressed against each other now but she somehow wanted to be closer, the feeling she had at that moment was indescribable. Now that she was pressed closer, Remus put his arms around her waist instead of resting them on her hips.
Everything's all right
Just hold on tight
Elladora slowly moved her hands away from his face and wrapped them around his neck like it was a hug...but they were kissing. All thoughts of her other troubles were gone and just Remus was left in her mind, moments from the past and this moment right now that she relished in. Happiness, warmth, longing and safety, that's what she felt in the arms of Remus.
That's because I'm a good old-fashioned loverboy
As the song stopped, Remus pulled his head away from the long kiss and so did Elladora, her arms coming away from his neck and settling on his chest as it heaved up and down. Hers did the same and his arms unhooked from her waist and he settled his hands on her waist once again. Elladora found it within herself to look up at him and they met eyes, both were alight with happiness, delight and deep affection.
"Wow." Remus whispered.
"I'm so sorry." Elladora closed her eyes and took her hands away from his chest to put her head in them, flushing a deep scarlet from embarrassment. She felt his hands let go of her waist and instead of walking away like she expected him to, they circled around her wrists and he lowered them from her face.
Elladora looked down, she couldn't bare to face her rejection. But she was forced to as she felt a hand on her chin tilting her head up, they met eyes again.
"Don't apologise." He whispered and Elladora heard Don't Go Breaking My Heart come on before Remus connected their lips again and she smiled into their kiss.
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A/N: early chapter because it's father's day tomorrow and i won't have time to write a chapter so here it is!
plus-size Lily, low-key shipping Liladora, Flowerpott (Jily) , Moonra and Queen...best chapter so far