"In a world where vows are worthless.Where making a pledge means nothing. Where promises are made to be broken, it would be nice to see words come back into power."
― Chuck Palahniuk
After months of healing, I realized something.
There was nothing wrong with me in the first place. I was only surrounded by the wrong people.
I'm not completely healed. It will probably take me years.
Some days I still doubt myself. Other days the negative thoughts overwhelm me.
But having Zane by my side has been a blessing. Whenever I fall into that dark side I try to think about his beautiful smile. About the way he's been calling my body beautiful and how he keeps eye contact whenever I talk to him about my worries.
There was something else that I decided to do to heal. I sought help from a professional. And to be honest I think it's the best choice I made.
I still remember his questions. Questions that made me realize the main problem.
"When you have those thoughts what voice comes into your mind? Are you the one who thinks your body is ugly? Or, are your family's words that come into your mind? There is a difference Katherine."
"There is?"
"Yes. In the first question, the problem comes from within. You are the one that believes and thinks that there is something wrong with you. On the other hand, on the second question, your family's words are the ones that make you believe there is something wrong with you."
"I never thought it like that but now that I think about it it's definitely the second question."
"Then Katherine let me ask you something else. Do YOU believe there is something wrong with you?"
"No, I think that everything that happened to my body was normal. My weight is normal as well..."
"Then you can clearly see that the problem is not internal but external."
Sofia and Elena also helped me a lot. As my biggest insecurity was my stretch marks they were crucial for my healing.
When I told them about my fear they immediately understood.
I was shocked to see both Sofia and Elena having stretch marks. Because of the pregnancy and gaining weight, they both had them all over their bodies.
I remember all of us crying because they also felt insecure. It was then when I understood how normal having them was.
There was nothing to be ashamed of. Those marks are proof of both suffering and healing.
Soon the wedding day came and both Zane and I were excited.
When he proposed to me I had no doubt that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
The amount of patience and love that he's given me, no one did.
And when that same day I decided to take out the relationship further I felt nervous but secure at the same time.
He was gentle and understanding the whole time.
I felt loved, both my soul and my body.
I looked at myself in the mirror. For the first time in my life, I felt beautiful. Maybe it was because of the wedding dress but it could also be because I loved myself more.
"Do you take Katherine Willson as your wife?"
"I do" Zane replied with a smile.
"Do you take Zane Wilder as your husband?"
"I do" I replied without any doubt.
"I declare you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride"
We exchanged a quick kiss and then turned around at the people that came with us.
My new family was there. Jake, Sofia, Kaden, and Elena. My cousin and her husband came as well. Other colleagues of Zane came too.
There weren't many people but those present were enough.
The day ended too soon. Back home Zane and I took a shower together and then dressed up for bed. We were both exhausted. The day was hectic and stressful but we enjoyed it regardless.
I was upstairs finishing dressing when Zane called me downstairs.
"Wife? Can you come down for a second?" I blushed at the new name. It felt strange yet it was a nice feeling.
"Coming!" I replied back and hurried to dress.
Zane was sitting on the sofa holding a box in his hand. He patted the spot next to him and I sat without question.
"This is my gift for you baby" I took the box and opened it curious to see what's inside.
There were photos.
One photo had a young couple holding hands. The woman had dark hair and hazel eyes. The man had blonde hair and green eyes.
Then another photo had only the woman holding a huge belly. She was pregnant.
Another photo only showed the man dressed in military uniform. The name was written on it.
Robert Willson.
"Are these, my...my parents?" I couldn't stop the tears from falling.
"Yes baby, these are your biological parents"
"Thank you" I hugged him so tight that it probably hurt him but I didn't care. I was so grateful that I wanted him to feel it.
"Even though I was the one who asked, my boss gave it to me as a wedding gift. So you should probably thank him"
"Then please thank him on my behalf and invite him over with his family if he wants too"
"Alright, I will deliver the message"
Zane looked at me and asked.
"Do you like your gift?"
"I do ZeZe. I really do."
He looked at me and then at one of the photos.
"You know you took parts of both. I can't really tell who you look closest to. But if I had to choose I'd say your father."
"How can I thank you for this beautiful gift?"
"Just love me the way you do, that's enough for me baby." Zane came closer and gave me a kiss.
"Well I guess you don't need the gift I had in mind"
He looked at me confused but immediately understood when he saw my embarrassed face.
"Wife, that's a way of love too, you know?"
"Is that so? Then I guess I can show it to you" I played along.
He lifted up in his arms and took us to our room.
There is no guarantee we'll be forever together. Nothing lasts forever but if we worry too much about the future we'll never enjoy the present.
We've been through a lot. Many things were not enjoyable but others were beautiful memories.
"Baby, where do you want to go for our honeymoon?" Zane asked me a few days after.
We didn't go right after the wedding because he had to work.
"Hmmm, I don't have any preferences. Do you wish to go anywhere in particular?"
"Actually yes, I want to see the northern lights. It's one of my lifetime wishes" Zane replied.
"That sounds amazing to me. I'd love to see it too. Maybe we get to do a tour and see some fjords." I was already excited only thinking about it.
"How about Norway?" Zane asked me.
"Yes!"
This is how our new life together began.
A life full of love and happiness.
🆃🅷🅴 🅴🅽🅳