I sat in a quiet room behind a long wooden table. Fury sat across the other side. His intense gaze looking down at me. Clint shifted nervously behind him as the silence filled the room. My arms were crossed and my eyes were puffy and swollen from crying. Earlier that day when I woke up I explained everything. Fury gave me a few minutes to compose myself before coming in here.
"I warned you didn't I?" He said simply. I shook my head as I leaned back into the chair. "I told you that you weren't going to like how that story ended. But you still kept going back anyways and lied about it."
I stayed silent as I shifted my gaze down to the table. I felt guilty. It was supposed to be a mission. In and out. Nothing more. Instead all I could do was watch the man I loved die. Fury shifted and sat back in his seat. His eye not leaving me.
"Here's what you're going to do. Cap is ready to wake up here. You're going to go back. Obviously so torn with grief you will be discharged. You will say your goodbyes, and you will leave London. Thus ending your trips to a place you don't belong in. Am. I. Clear."
I looked up at him and nodded. "Yes, sir." I said quietly. Fury shook his head at me before getting up. He walked out the door. Slamming it behind him. I took a deep breath before burying my face in my hands. I could feel the tears coming back. I swallowed forcing them back down. Clint leaned against the wall behind him with his arms crossed. I could tell he wanted to say something but I didn't want to hear it.
"Layla..." He began to talk. I moved my hands away from my face and lacing my fingers together and leaning my face into them.
"Did you know?" I asked sternly. Clint stood up straight his hands falling beside him.
"Know about-" he began to talk again.
"DID YOU KNOW?" I yelled this time. My heart was breaking. Why didn't anyone tell me? There were articles upon articles of the Howling Commandos. Every one of them I had to read before heading down there. Barely any of them were about Bucky however. Clint sighed before looking down at the ground.
"Yes...I knew." He answered quietly. I sighed as I felt the tears begin to form in my eyes again.
"Why?" I croaked as I tried to hold them back, "I read everything before doing this mission. Not once did I see-"
"It was a test." He said quickly. I took a sharp breath, "Fury wanted to see if you were able to separate your feelings from a mission. So he purposely took out any information on Barnes."
I shook my head and scoffed, "So I failed the mission. I didn't pass the test."
Clint smiled at me softly before walking up. He quickly grabbed my hand and held it tightly.
"I wouldn't say mission failed. We still have to wake Cap up to see that. Test however..." He gestured his hand shaking it back and forth, "That's a 50/50."
I shook my head as he kneeled in front of me, "Look kid. We all have things we hold close to us. I know that better then anyone. Why do you think Laura is wiped off Shield's records." I chuckled a bit as he continued, "However I still come in everyday knowing I need to do what I need to do. You can't let something like this, or Fury's...well...fury, hold you back."
He bushed the hair out of my face and patted my head. "You're a good agent. One of the best since Nat and I. Don't take it to hard. We've all made mistakes along the way getting here."
He stood back up and let go of my hand. I nodded slowly. He smiled down at me before tilting his head.
"Come on. I'll let you beat me up a bit in the training room so you can let out some of that anger." He joked.
I smiled back and stood up. "No its fine. I need to rest a bit. Being stuck there exhausted me." I walked to the door and opened it. Before walking out I paused in the doorframe. I turned my head slightly. "Thank you, Clint." I said quietly.
"Any time kid." He replied back.
I moved through the corridors of Shield before arriving in my room. The images of Bucky falling kept flashing in my head. Everything was hitting me again. I didn't want to go back and face Steve. I could feel my body begin to crumble as I thought about it all. I just needed to make it to my room. I make it to my room, then I fall apart. I slowly opened up the door to my room before closing it behind me. In a flash the emotions took over.
I leaned my back against the door. My legs slowly caved under me as I slid down the door. The tears fully washed over my face as I tried to hold back a whimper. It hurt. It all hurt. Images of Bucky's smile, the cute smirk, his beautiful eyes flashed in my head. In that moment that they did I let out an unrecognizable scream. I wanted him back. I needed him back.
I buried my face into my head as I continued to cry. I was weak. I couldn't save him because I was weak.
I woke up on the floor of my room. I didn't even make it to the bed. I could hear someone knocking on the door. My body wouldn't move though. I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to be here anymore. If Bucky was dead what was the point. I didn't even get a chance to figure anything out. Only a few moments with him. That was all.
The door opened to my room as I heard someone walk in. My eyes shifted up looking at Clint staring down at me concerningly. I heard him sigh as he sat down on the floor next to me. He laid his legs out in front of him and grabbed my body. He force my head on top of his thighs. I just laid there lifeless. At this point the tears weren't even coming out anymore.
"I know its a lot to ask right now." He said quietly as he patted my head, "But the mission isn't over yet."
"I don't want to face Steve." I whispered quietly. My voice horse from crying all night.
"I know." He replied, "But you need to finish what you started." He held my body up as I nodded. He rubbed my back before standing up, holding his hand out in front of him.
"I'll be with you the entire time." He said. I took a deep breath and nodded. I grabbed his hand and stood back up. I stumbled a bit on the landing and walk with him out the door.
✪✪✪
My eyes fluttered open as I awoke in a bright room. I shifted my eyes around taking in the scene. It was a hospital. I shifted to my left as a figure began to move. Peggy quickly got up and walked over to me. A smile on her face.
"You're finally up." She said, her accent poking through. I sat up and nodded. She held her hands out with a concern.
"Where am I?" I asked.
"In a hospital in London." She sighed. I took a deep breath as I looked down at my hands. They seemed a little scrapped up from the fight. Images flooded my head as the memories returned again. I breathed sharply as I held the tears back.
"Where's Steve?" I asked. Peggy looked away from me as her face dropped. I could tell the answer wasn't good.
"Hiding out at the Whip and Fiddle." She answered.
I managed to get myself discharged out of the hospital quickly. It didn't take much since there wasn't anything physically wrong with me. I had a short talk with the Colonel before I left. When I walked out to the streets of London, the once beautiful city, had been turn to ash and rubble from the war.
I quickly walked to the bar and stood in front of it. The windows we're blown out. All the furniture inside were completely destroyed. The fact that Steve was staying here was even more concerning. I walked over all the debris as I moved throughout the room. Or what was left of it. I could hear a bottle clanking from the other room. I quickly moved into it. I paused at the doorway as I saw Steve.
He sat alone in the dark with a bottle of alcohol. Drinking by himself. I couldn't help but break looking at the image of him. I guess he wasn't taking Bucky's death well either. I sighed as I moved closer to him. I quickly grabbed a stool that was still intact from the destroyed bar in front of him and sat down.
Steve just stared at me before looking back down at his drink. I didn't know what to say. It hurt seeing my friend like this. I understood though. I understood better then anyone. I could tell he had been crying the whole time. He sniffed a bit before taking a sip of his drink.
"Doctor Erskine said that the serum wouldn't just affect my muscles," He began to fill his cup up again, "It would affect my cells. Create a protective system of regeneration and healing."
"Which means you can't get drunk." I answered for him. He look up from the cup and at me. His eyes were red from crying. I took a deep breath and grabbed the cup from his hand. I brought it too my lips before gulping down the alcohol. The drink burning my throat a bit.
"Lucky for me I only got half of what you got. So I can still drink." I said quietly. I quickly got up and grabbed another cup that was on the counter. I wiped the dust off of it with my coat before setting it down at the table. We both sat quietly as I pored us both a drink.
"Do you blame me?" Steve asked quietly. I set the cup down in front of him and stared at him.
"For what?" I asked.
"For letting Bucky die." I could see the tears starting to fill his eyes.
"Do you blame me?"
"Why would I do that?" He asked concerningly.
I scoffed, "I'm half super soldier, half I don't even know what. And he slipped out of my hands."
Steven nodded his head, a small smile landing on his face, "You did what you could. Its not your fault."
"Then stop blaming yourself as well." I said quickly. Neither of us took a sip of our drinks. Both just sat their staring. Letting the silence soak in.
"Look," I finally said, breaking the silence, "Bucky knew joining you in this fight was a risk. Just as I did. Respect his choice. Respect that fact that he knew you we're worth running into battle with. Just as I did."
The room fell silent as Steve continued to stare at his drink. I knew it wasn't enough. Even I was still blaming myself. I took a deep breath.
"I got discharged today. So I won't be able to help from here on out." I said quietly. I grabbed his hand and looked into his eyes. His face was sad, "Kick Hydra's ass..." Steve chuckled a bit at my sudden profanity. He nodded and squeezed my hand. I pulled away and grabbed my drink. I held it up above me. A sad smile landing on my face.
"For Bucky." I said quietly.
Steve smiled as well, lifting his glass up. "For Bucky."
A loud clink could be heard throughout the empty destroyed bar. We both finished our drinks before setting the cups down. I smiled softly before getting up. I shoved my hands into my coat pockets as I walked away.
"You still owe me a drink by the way," I yelled to Steve, "That one doesn't count since you didn't pay for it."
"How will I find you after everything if you're leaving London?" He yelled back. I turned around and smiled as I walked backwards.
"I'll see you again, Super Soldier. Don't worry."