Hola fam!!!!
Happy reading :-)
Enjoy.....
Izzah's pov.
I don't know when these two days passed and these two days were bliss but I was missing ahad and family very much. After the night when ahad came everyone teased me to death. Maa promised me that she will not tell this to anyone but she being she.
She announced this thing like a radio jockey that ahad came in my room by climbing pipe and everyone teased me like there is no tomorrow. This news even went to dadi , adam , maa and ahad's friends. They also teased me and maa called everyone personally even my friends. There reaction My god they teased me like hell. And about my confession. It will take more time now because ahad went to New York for a business deal and he will come after 4-5 days.
I was really sad when he told me that he is going NY and I don't want my confession to be on phone so I decided when he will be back I will confess it.
Now I was sitting in my and ahad's room. I came back yesterday only.
Consy I am bored - i thought.
So what should I do. Huhh should I dance or sing to entertain - spoke consy.
How rude duh. I should not have said you - I thought.
As i was missing ahad so i wore his one of the t shirt and my pyjama. I think I should go and fold my cloths as my wardrobe is mess.
You yourself is a mess - spoke consy.
Shut up - I thought.
I went to closet and started rummaging through my cloths when I was folding some cloths of ahad a diary fell from wardrobe. I picked it up.
Whose diary is this - I thought.
Obviously it is ahad's diary stupid - my consy spoke.
Yaaa - I thought.
I quickly folded the cloths and put the cloths in wardrobe. I went back in room with the diary in my hand. I kept the diary on the table and sat on bed staring it.
Should I read that - I thought.
No izzah it's ahad diary. You should not touch it - spoke consy.
But he is my husband - I thought.
But there is a thing called privacy - spoke consy.
But wait a second what privacy between husband and wife So just shut up and don't interrupt - I thought.
You'll regret izzah it's not good to read someone's dia- spoke consy but I cutt off.
Ohh shut up and let me read it. It's my husband's dairy and ahad didn't hide anything from me till now so - I thought .
I am already warning you and afterwards if you regret don't come for help ok bye - spoke consy.
I will not regret and bye huhh - I thought.
I quickly locked the door and sat with the diary on bed by crossing my legs.
And opened the first page of it. A photo fell from the diary. It was the picture of A boy and A girl.The boy is ahad as I have seen his young adult pictures. And the girl I really don't know.I kept the photo on table and started reading the first page of diary.
Dear diary.
It's the first time I am writing a diary because I can't tell my feelings to anyone back I used to have my whole family but now the situation is different. No one is in the situation to hear my feelings. And its just because of me. It is my fault, everything just happened because of me. Papa is not talking to me and everyone became silent after that dreadful night. Mom became silent, she was just breathing but I know she was dieing every single moment. I was also not in situation.
Why am I even alive?? Why allah didn't took me instead of her?? Why?? Why?? Why?? My life became a hell after she left us. I am dieing every moment. Mom says that allah chooses good things for good people and bad things for bad people. Am I that bad?? Don't I deserve happiness?? I also want to live my life normally.
Bohot akela kar diya hai
Mere apno ne mujhe.
Samajh nahi aata main bura hu
Ya meri kismat.
(My own family made me
So lonely,
I don't get if I am bad
Or my fate is)
I will not say anything now as I don't want my diary to be bored because of my talks. So I will meet you later now.
Bye.
Dear diary.
As I read the first paper of diary. I felt like someone just stabbed me on my heart.
Miserable life??
Why?? Why you are so mysterious ahad???
And who left??
Then I remembered about that accident day when he was telling me a story about a boy. That boy was ahad.
But why his father hates him??
From the day one I never saw his father talking to him nicely. What happened that changed his life. I really want to know from ahad's mouth only. But before that I have to read this diary. What if I get to know something.
So I flipped next page.
Dear diary.
My life is a mess total mess. I have everyone but still no one is there for me. Why god did this why?? Dad is still blaming me and everyone went silent after that incident. I agree everyone is still traumatized because of that but no one is there for me. I wish I had someone who would understand me and my feelings.
Kaash!!
Koyi is tarah Wakif ho
Meri zindagi se.
Ki me barish me bhi rou
Or wo mere aansu padh le.
(I wish!!!
Someone knew me and my life
From this much closer that
Even if I cry in rain and
He reads my tears)
I want my family back, I want my happy family back. Please allah please do some miracle and make my family happy again . Now I think it's time to end this conversation but I will come back to tell my feelings.
Bye.
Dear diary.
Ok ok calm Noo how can I calm down what the hell is this. I am not understanding a word.
Why his life is a mess??
I want to know everything??
Happy family back??
Ohhh goodddd my head is spinning.
I can't understand.
I am gonna read this whole diary now.
So I flipped the page.
Dear diary.
Miserable, traumatized and sad. That is what my life is. Today my dad did something that no one can even imagine.
He told me bad omen and what not. He told me I should die. I should die he is right. Rather then living my life like this I should die. He is correct.
Kaash!!!
Aaj koyi tara toot jaye,
Mujhe apne liye mout mangni hai.
(I wish!!!
Today a star breaks
I want to wish death for myself)
I am going, going forever. I think it is good for everyone. I should die. Bye I will never meet you now and bore you with my talks. Bye I will miss you. Goodbye forever.
Bye.
Dear diary.
Reading this my breath hitched for a second. What he meant by goodbye forever.
Don't tell me.
He committed suicide back.
Oh my allah!!!
Tears started welling up in my eyes. My breathing was uneven reading this. I can't even imagine. Taking a sigh I flipped the page.
I had to do this.
I am sorry ahad.
Dear diary.
Alive, I am alive. You must be thinking that i am a coward I didn't do what I wrote but if I would commit suicide then I would become coward. I was about to cut my wrist in my room but I was saved by reyan, sharik and adam. Reyan slapped me and they put some brain in my head and then I realized what was I doing was wrong. They told me if I did something then my family would not be able to live. I still have hope that I will bring my happy family back.
HOPE...
Sometimes that's all you have.
When you have nothing else.
If you have it, you have everything.
I am gonna bring my smiling Maa , dadi back. Jolly adam and my friends back because I have hope. I will meet you later.
Bye.
Dear diary.
I don't even know when tears started flowing from my eyes like waterfall.
I was not able to control myself.
He was about to commit suicide.
Just because of his father.
How can someone be so cruel?? His father told him bad omen and wanted him to die. I was fuming in anger now.
I want to go and confront his father and ask how can he be so cruel with his own son???
Thanks to reyan, adam and sharik that they saved ahad. I really want to talk to his father but I don't want to create a scene as ahad is not even here.
Taking a deep breath I started flipping the pages and reading his feelings that he never told to anyone.
****
Aaj hum nahi, kal Humari
Yaadein hongi
Jab hum na honge,
Tab humari baatein hongi.
Kabhi paltoge zindagi ke
Ye panne,
To shayad aapki aankhon se
Bhi barsaatein hongi....
(Today I am here, but tomorrow
There will be my memories,
If I will not be here
There will be the talks of mine)
(If you will turn the pages
Of life
Then I think you will also cry
Remembering me)
****
Marna to sabko ek na ek din padega.
Magar dekhte hai kiski mout ka sadma
Kitno ko lagega.
Kya khushi manaenge ya phir gum me doob jaaenge.
Dekhte hai mere janaze par kitne mere aaenge.
(Everyone had to die one day
But let's see, who will take the shock of
Someone's death)
(Who will be happy and who will cry
Let's see, who will come on my funeral)
****
Kya pata kab mout ka paigaam aa jaye.
Na jaane kab zindagi ki aakhri shaam aa jaye,
Main to intezaar karta hu kisi aise waqt ka,
Ki meri zindagi mere dost ke kaam aa jaye.
(Who knows, when the death is near
Who knows, the last evening of our life comes
I am just waiting for the time that
That my life would be useful for my any friend)
****
Mehfil bhi royegi, har dil bhi royega
Dubi jo meri kashti to saahil bhi royega
Hum itna pyaar bikher denge duniya me Meri mout pe mera katil bhi royega.
(Everyone will cry, every heart will cry
If my ship sank, the sea shore will also cry,
I will spread so much love everywhere that
My murderer will also cry on my death)
****
Kitne khushnaseeb hote hum,
Agar zindagi ek tasweer ki tarah hoti.
Na waqt guzarne ka darr hota,
Na kisi ke jaane ka
Naa haalat badalte or
Na hum......
(How lucky we would be
If this life would be like a picture,
There will be no fear of passing time,
No fear if someone goes
No circumstances would've changed
I wouldn't have changed)
****
Kaash!!! Koyi hota
Kaash koyi aisa jo gale lagakar bolta.
Pagal roya na kar mujhe bhi tere dard se dard hota hai.
(I wish!! Someone would be here
Who would hug me and says
Stupid!!! Don't cry, I also feel pain because of your tears)
****
Sukoon milta hai do lafz kaagaz par utaar kar.
Cheekh bhi leta hu or awaaz bhi nahi aati.
(I got peace after writing two words on paper,
I can scream and no one can hear it)
****
Kal aapki yaad puri raat aati rahi,
Hum jaage puri duniya soti rahi,
Aasmaan me bijli bhi puri raat hoti rahi,
Bass ek baarish hi thi jo mere saath roti rahi.
(Yesterday, your memories kept coming in night,
Everyone was asleep but I was awake,
There was sky lightening whole night
Only the rain was crying with me)
****
Zindagi chal tera shukriya,
Shayad mile na tu kal ki subha,
Jo diya humne hans ke liya
Ae zindagi tera chal shukriya.
(Thanks to my life,
Maybe you will not be here tomorrow morning,
The things you gave, I took it with a smile,
Thanks to my life)
****
Is duniya ne bade aaram se,
Hume bhi ayyari sikha diya
Ek jhuti muskaan ke piche humne
Saare dard chipa liye.
(This world easily taught me
Honesty and sincerity,
I hide every pain inside me
Only by a fake smile)
****
Dard to dost purana hai
Saath me yaadein lata hai
Kuch meethi kuch mushkil si
Phir mein, dard or wo yaadein
Lag jaati mehfil si.
Khaas hai itna yun samjho ki
Ghar pe aana jaana hai
Dard to dost puraana hai.
(Pain is my old friend
Who comes with memories
Some are sweet but some are bad
Then me, the pain and the memories
These felt like gathering
It's so special that
We know each other really well
Pain is my old friend)
****
Shab-e-gum ki sehar nahi hoti
Hoti bhi to mere ghar nahi hoti
Zindagi tu bhi mukhtasar hoja
Shab-e-gum mukhtasar nahi hoti.
(There is no morning of sorrowful night
If it happens then it doesn't happens with me,
Life please, be short because
Sorrowful night cannot be short)
****
Ek raat huyi barsaat bohot
Mein roya saari raat bohot,
Har gum tha zamane ka lekin
Mein tanha tha us raat bohot,
Phir aankh se sawan barsa
Ajab sehar huyi to khayal aaya,
Wo badal tha kitna tanha
Jo roya puri raat bohot.
(One night, the rain was drizzling
I cried whole night,
There was pain of whole life
But I was so lonely in that night,
The tear didn't stopped but when
It was morning, a thought came,
The cloud was so lonely
That it cried whole night)
After flipping several pages I was a crying mess. My tears were not stopping and continuously flowing. I got to know that his life was depressing.
Just after reading some pages of his diary I was crying mess and he even tolerated everything. If I would be at his place I don't know what I would have done till now. But still I didn't get to know something about his past. He just wrote some shayari nothing else but one name was written in several pages.
Anaya.
Who is she???
I was flipping and reading when suddenly one page took my breath away. It was about me. I quickly wiped my tears from the back of my hand and started reading the page.
Dear diary.
Today I met a girl I don't know her name but I named her "MYSTERIOUS DHAKAD GIRL" as I don't know her name and dhakad because she was beating the boys on the streets I don't know why but I felt a attraction towards her. Everyone was teasing me because of this but I refused. I really felt something and I just can't forget don't know why. She was damn beautiful and her voice was like someone pouring honey in ears.
Yaad aa jati hai mujhe wo
Teri hasi,
Muskura jati hai khud
Ye palken meri.
(I remember your beautiful
Smile,
My lips automatically curves
In a smile)
She was amazing, I met many girls in business parties and all but they all were clingy but she was different, different from everyone and unique. I don't know why but just thinking about her my lips automatically curves in a smile. Ok so now lets end this now, we will meet later.
Bye.
Dear diary.
Ok ok izz calm calm no screaming and jumping - my consy said.
How can I not consy - I spoke.
I started jumping on my bed and screaming. I am sure if anyone sees me like this they will definitely book a bed for me in mental asylum. Suddenly some knocked the door.
"Bhabhi are you ok what happened. Why are you screaming - said Adam from outside and I bit my tounge.
"Yeah adam I am ok actually I saw lizard that's why - I said.
"Bhabhi Should I come inside - he screamed from outside.
"No adam it's ok you should go and sleep. Actually the lizard went away. Don't worry. Go and sleep good night - I said and he also said "good night" from outside and left. I took a breath.
You definitely need a doctor izz - spoke consy...
Ohh shut up and don't interrupt now. Let me read - I spoke and flipped the page.
Dear diary.
Today my mom asked me now I should get married and mom is now finding girls for me. I want a simple, sober girl for me. I don't know why but I am not happy. Again and again that mysterious girl is coming in my mind. I really don't know what is happening to me.
Unka khayal hai ki Jata
Hi nahi.
Or jab khayal karu to unke
Alawa kuch aata hi nahi.
(Her thoughts don't leave
My mind,
And when I starts thinking
Only her thoughts comes)
I just can't forget her face, her angelic face. I really tried to but can't forget. I have to do something for that. I think I should now end this and we will meet later.
Bye.
Dear diary.
Shocked and surprised. These are the words I am feelings right now. Butterflies are dancing in my stomach right now. I really don't know I mean these feelings are unexplainable. He is writing about me in his diary. I am crying and laughing at the same time. I am really going mad. Again I flipped the page.
Dear diary.
Today I am so so so happy. You know what I met a girl today and who is she. That mysterious girl only. Her name is izzah. She was looking breathtaking today and the way she came inside was hilarious. I was just controlling my laughter and the way she and her friends got scared was so cute. My mom and her mom are friends and they want us to get married. I don't know why but I felt sudden happiness. I really don't know what is happening to me. And the way she smiled was ufff!!!!
Aapki muskan na-jaane
Kitne dilon ko hasati hai
Hasi aapke chehre pe hoti hai
Aur khush ye duniya ho jaati hai.
(No one knows that your smile
Makes everyone smile
You are happy but because of you
The whole world smiles)
But now I am confused what to say and what to answer to our alliance. Mom is continuously asking me about the alliance and I am damn confused. Let's end this now.
Bye
Dear diary.
I gulped my saliva. No word was coming out of my mouth. So I just flipped the page. Further he wrote how he said yes for our marriage and I started flipping the page. Some shayari was written and the things which shocked more is he wrote on the top that "Shayaris for izzah".
Ajeeb ajeeb baaton se wo mujhe
Hansati hai.
Bujhe hue mere dil ko kya khoob
Behlati hai.
(She makes me laugh by her
Wierd talks,
She only knows how to make my
Sad heart smile)
I think these shayaris was written after our marriage as he wrote that we are married.
Khali panno si hai
Shaamein meri,
Tum kuch muskurahat
Hi likh do unpaar.
(My evening are like
Blank pages
Please fill some smile in it)
I must say these shayaris are sooo cute and these are for me. I am continuously thanking allah that he gave ahad to me as my husband. Tears welled up in my eyes reading these shayaris for me. I flipped the pages and read more of that.
Maasoomiyat pe unki
Main Badmast tha
Lekin gussa unka
Mera dil le gaya.
( I was always lost in
Her innocence
But her anger took
My heart away)
****
Ab to yun lage ke
Tu mere lazimi hissa hai
Tere bagair mein adhura hu
Adhura mera qissa hai.
(If felt like
You are a piece of mine,
I am incomplete without you
My story is incomplete without you)
****
I think these shayaris are written freshly and I am loving every shayari. Tears are not stopping from my eyes. I am a crying mess. Crying and laughing at the same time.
Kitna samjhaya is dil ko
Is ishq wishq me mat padna
Par ye mann, mann hi mann mein
Manmaaniyaan kar betha.
(How much I taught this heart,
Don't fall in love
But this heart didn't listen to me
And fell in love)
And here I froze. Did he said love i mean he loves me. It took some time for me to understand and I took a deep breath.
Tum haso to khushi
Mujhe hoti hai.
Tum rutho to aankhen
Meri roti hai.
Tum dur jaao to
Bechaini mujhe hoti hai.
Mehsoos karke dekho
Mohabbat aisi hoti hai.
(If you laugh
I feel happy
If you feel sad
Then I cry,
If you go away
I feel restless,
Just feel it once,
It's called love)
****
Pyaar tumse hai bata nahi sakte,
Haq tumpe jata nahi sakte
Kitni bedard hai meri majbooriyaan
Manzil saamne hai kadam bada
Nahi sakte.......
(I can't tell that I love you,
I can't say that I have right on you
How bad my compulsions are
The destination is infront of me
But I can't take any step forward)
****
Fir wahi din thehra
Meri shaamen roothi
Khayal-e-judaai se mere mehram
Meri saansein ruki.
(My days stopped,
My evenings are upset,
Just thinking about our separation
My breath hitched)
These last shayaris really confused me.
Why he don't want to confess his feelings. And at the last it was written
"I CAN'T CONFESS" and "I AM SORRY IZZAH". He loves me but can't confess what is stopping him.
No wait...... wait a minute ahhhhhh
He loves me - I thought and started jumping.
Good morning izzah - my consy spoke.
Ohh just shut up he loves me - I spoke and again started dancing on bed.
Congrats izz - my consy spoke and I thanked.
After dancing for 10 minutes i sat on bed breathing heavily.
Wait but why he don't want to confess. Don't he love me - I spoke and I was on the verge of crying.
Stupid he loves you but something else is stopping him - my consy spoke.
But what is stopping him - I spoke.
His past, what if his past is stopping him izz you just need to wait and when he will come, he will tell you. He understands you and you also need to understand him. Just have patience - my consy spoke.
And I understood that when suddenly I remembered his past. How he wrote everything which was damn depressing. He tolerated his own dad's hatred. Thinking about that tears started flowing from my eyes and quickly I took my phone and called him.
I didn't even realized the time was 11:30 pm and in NY it must be afternoon. After five rings he picked up.
"Hello izzah - he asked and I couldn't control so some sobs left from my mouth.
"Izzah what happened tell me?? Are you crying?? Izzah please tell jaan. Is your health ok and you didn't sleep it must be night in india - he asked.
"Ah....ahad I....I - I sluttered and then I realized what I did and what would I answer so I lied.
"Ah...ahad I got a bad dream th.....that yo.....you are no.....not fine ar.....are yo.....you ok - I asked sobbing. I couldn't control again and again those words in his diary was coming in my mind.
"Izza listen to me I am perfectly fine and it was just a bad dream. Forget that and sleep you also have to attend office tomorrow right then sleep jaan - he said and after some talks he bid bye and disconnected the call.
I quickly put the diary on side table and layed on bed thinking about ahad's words. I don't know when sleep consumed me.
------------
I hope you guys liked the chapter.
Signing off......
~Ria