Louis hated laying in bed at the end of the day. He would be forced to listen to his own breathing and remember how very, very alive he was. But at Harry's place, things were... different. He didn't know how to put it. And it was strange because he knew what it was like to have a roommate. Maybe it was because the bed was bigger and softer, or because he didn't have to go to sleep alone.
Either way, there was just something about Harry Styles.
He scratched the back of his neck when Harry rushed around, grabbing a kettle and filling it with water. "What's that for?"
"You just got a tattoo, silly, what do you think it's for? After that pain, you deserve something soothing so I'm making us tea."
"Oh... Well, you don't have to go through so much trouble. I can take care of myself."
"Oh well, too bad!" He replied saucily. Louis wanted to be annoyed but then the scent of honey reached his nostrils and he couldn't find the heart to be, especially when Harry started humming to himself. He was pretty sure he was hearing the F.R.I.E.N.D.S theme song and smiled softly. Harry appeared some minutes later and placed the tray in front of Louis, looking him over.
"I know it's gonna be bandaged till tomorrow but I still wanna see-" Louis gripped his hand and Harry sighed. "I knew it. You're scared. Scared of showing me. Why?"
"I don't see why I have to show anybody."
"I just want to see-"
"Not important."
"Fine. Okay. How about this?" He sat next to Louis, hunched over slightly as he gazed into his eyes. Eye contact was always disgusting and uncomfortable for Lou. Irritating, really. But then again... There was something about Harry. "You show me your insecurity and I'll show you mine?"
Did he even care enough about knowing what Harry was insecure about to expose himself like this? Of course you do, his mind yelled back, this is Harry freaking Styles you idiot! Even his own brain turned against him when it came to this boy with the pretty hair. He didn't know how to get used to the special way Harry differed from all other people but it was there and he really had no choice but to suck it up and deal.
"...fine. Don't laugh at me. I shouldn't care and it's dumb, alright? But I do. I do and it's aggravating." Louis peeled his shirt off, poking his stomach quietly. "I fucking hate my pudge. I hate it."
"It's okay to care about some things, Louis. Not everything has to be... You know, insignificant and meaningless and stuff-"
"I know that," he snapped just as Harry reached out to graze his fingers over the banadage. Harry sighed, puzzled by his actions. He knew a lot of people had body image issues. He was one of those people, he just felt sad about how much the mere thought of their size or weight dragged so many people down. A lot could be blamed on it; the society, the media, parents, peers but all Harry knew was that everyone was beautiful. If he could put his arms around every single person and tell them they looked perfect just the way they were and deserved their own love most of all, he would. Maybe he could do that with Louis.
"May I?" Louis didn't know what he was going to do, he already felt embarrassed and self-conscious. He covered his face and nodded, more to himself than Harry, his eyes flickering shut when Harry lay his head on his laps, nuzzling gently against his abdomen. "Every time you take your shirt off, I'm gonna be thinking about how good you'd make it as a stripper. You don't know how hot you are."
"Dont tell me you're thinking of that day with that Eleanor girl, that was embarrassing as fuck! Bloody stop it, Styles!"
Harry flushed quietly in response, unable to reply. Finally, he could only shrug and say, "don't blame me, blame my brain."
Louis took the chance once Harry had lifted his head and pulled his shirt back down, a brow arched. "Did it really turn you on? You're not just trying to make me feel better or some shit?"
"Told you. You've got a stripper's body, face, abdomen and all so just... Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I guess?" Louis nodded slowly. For some reason, knowing Harry was attracted to him was more of a self esteem boost than it needed to be. A beat passed and then Louis made himself stop thinking entirely, kicking the object of his thoughts in the shin. "Lou! I'm a sensitive man, dammit!"
"Whatever. I've held up my end of the bargain so...? Your turn, mate."
He tried to play dumb but one exasperated groan later and Harry grumbled quietly, rising to his feet. "You know how I'm all tall and everyone else is teeny, like you?"
"...nice play but you're not gonna distract me. Go on?"
"Well, I don't know if you've noticed- you've probably noticed, it's so obvious- I have like a small hunch? My back isn't straight, I just kind of kept bending a bit to interact with people and my body got used to it and... I know I could always fix it if I keep working on it but it's bloody embarrassing knowing I go around like this." It wasn't that Louis never noticed but he never really minded. It came with the pretty hair and the pretty eyes, it was a part of him.
"There's absolutely nothing wrong with your back, Harr."
"Yes, there is. Look at it. Look at me. I'm a freak of nature or something, God, I fucking hate it. I'm the literal Hunchback of Notre Dame, it's ridiculous." Damn. Harry was right when he said beauty ws in the eyes of the beholder. It had never even occurred to Louis that someone could be heavily insecure about their posture.
Louis sighed softly, already regretting it as he pulled up his satchel. There wasn't much in it so he quite easily grabbed his jotter and a pencil, glancing once at Harry before he perched on the sofa. Harry gave up on bothering him when Louis repeatedly turned him away the moment he tried to find out what on earth he was scribbling so he switched on the TV instead, gasping in delight when he saw there was a random F.R.I.E.N.D.S episode on. He couldn't help but stim a little, suppressing it for the most part but to his surprise, Louis' only reaction was a small smile and zero judgemental looks.
By the time Louis was finished, the episode was over and Harry had been glancing curiously at him. He knew he had a way of letting his thoughts go overboard when he wrote down his feelings on paper, when he formed poetry but he also knew that Harry perhaps deserved an overwhelming barrage of pretty words to make him feel better. The boy had given him tea; him. The least he could do was show him some random poetry he wrote inspired by the unique little arch of his back.
Harry wasn't prepared for it. For the absolute overflow of words and feelings, things Louis Tomlinson had made it clear he didn't tend to feel or express.
That back that you think broken has arched forward to look after someone,
That back that you think abnormal has shaken with laughter right on this couch and tears right in my arms, both beautiful, both impossible to look away from
That back has arched back as a cacophony of whimpers and moans rolled off the prince's tongue so how dare you?
How dare you think it anything other than a miracle, as it is a part of a miraculous whole, as it as a part of you, Harry Styles?
Who gave you the right?
The audacity?
To throw insults and knives at it ween that back deserves oiled massages and kisses and bites that leave dark marks across every inch of your fair, pretty skin?
Harry shut the book, inhaling then exhaling. His head was swimming and his heart was pounding so loud he feared Louis could hear it. He knew what Zayn would say. He needed to keep his head out of the clouds, he fell for people too easily and then they just used him. But this was different. This was Louis Tomlinson. He was like... The sunshine. He was the only one in the world at that level and it was one no one else could ever reach. And Harry, Harry had him sitting on his couch, staring expectantly at him after handing him the nicest thing anyone had ever said or written about him.
"Sorry. It's too much, I know. That's the danger of letting my mind wander with a pen or pencil in my hand. I throw more on there than people expect." Harry still looked dazed, not responding and Louis poked his cheek with a nervous chuckle. "You alright, there, Harr?"
"Louis Tomlinson... Can I... kiss you, again?" Louis shrugged, unable to find a reason to say no although he did still want to know Harry's thoughts. Harry placed the book gently on the side like it was some precious artefact and sank into Louis' arms, smiling when they both pulled away. He exhaled and let his gaze wander over Louis' face, finally allowing himself to put his entire body weight on the man.
Louis let out a grunt, about to complain about the abrupt drop when Harry dreamily whispered, "you're amazing" into his hair. And then he was blushing and he was groaning and he was blushing again, lunging at Harry's index finger with his teeth when Harry poked his heated cheek. The boy giggled and let Louis capture his finger, both of them gazing at each other. Did this boy really not know how much he was affecting him, Louis wondered, dissipating a sudden tension that rose between them when he released Harry's appendage.
Harry settled into his chest again, their feet messily looped and he moved his hands to Harry's hair, frowning when a phone call came through right as the lovable giraffe was about to fall asleep. There went the chance to stare at the confusing lad in peace, he thought with a growl, amused as Harry squirmed slightly at the sound and buried his head further into his chest while trying not to put any pressure on his newly tattooed abdomen.
"Liam, what is it?"
"Work. You never came back from-"
"Work?" There was some movement and he looked down, running a hand over Harry's cheek when he stared up at him with an unhappy pout. He really, really should have detached himself because this felt absolutely craz but then again... It was Harry, alright? Fuck. "Let's not talk about this. Don't say anything. But I won't be making it to work, today."
"... Never thought I'd see the day."
"What did I just say about not saying anything-"
"You're absolutely whipped. Ha! Miracles do happen, perhaps Zayn may one day not totally hate me if the Louis Tomlinson that I've known for years has been hanging out willingly with another human being for more than five minutes-"
"Go to hell. Bye." And as if they were linked, the moment the call cut, Harry's phone rang. This time it was Zayn and Harry urged Louis to keep quiet, as if he needed convincing when he knew Zayn was so overprotective of his friend. He just wanted a drama-free night with Harry, was that so much to ask for?
"Hi, Zee!"
"Thought you wanted to get drunk. No sign of you, yet."
"M'staying home, tonight, no drinking for me."
"Huh. I'm guessing this is somehow cos of Louis?"
"Why is that your first assumption? No, Louis didn't tell me anything, I've just... Got better things to do than get drunk right now."
"Yeah, right... Hold on. Is there someone there with you, Harr? Harry...? Harry!" Harry flushed. He wanted to say no because Zayn definitely wasn't thinking holy thoughts when it came to someone spending the night with him. Louis arched a brow when he stopped trying to explain himself and sat up, glaring angrily at the phone.
"He hung up on me! The nerve of that one! Fuck... Why's he mad at me? Haven't even done anything..."
"I'm sure there's a reason. You guys are weirdly close so maybe there's something else getting him all riled up, don't beat yourself up."
"He thinks I'm... with someone."
"Why didn't you just tell him you're not?"
"Well, because you're here?"
"When Zayn says together, he means something deeper than just two guys hanging out and that's certainly not what's going on, here."
"Right. No, yeah, of course! You should maybe go, though. He's probably going to be here soon, ready to kill and-"
"We'll deal with him if or when he shows up." Louis shimmied further down into the bed to prove his point, widening his arms. "M'comfy."
So Harry lay back down. Zayn was definitely going to murder them both before either got a chance to explain but it was fine. Louis made it worth it.
"People are watching, Harry. People are always watching. You're not- you're not supposed to fucking forget that," he whispered harshly to himself. Louis stared, puzzled, at Harry as he mouthed the words repeatedly to himself while rocking back and forth in the dark. What time was it, even? It wasn't until Harry began to slam his palm into his forehead that he decided to reveal he was awake. Once his wrist was grabbed, Harry was forced right back into reality and remembered he wasn't alone as usual.
He could feel the concern radiating off Louis' gaze, a gaze that felt like pure sunshine. He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve anything.
"I embarrassed you, didn't I? Did I? I did. I must have. Back at the parlor... I fucked it up. I kept being too touchy, I even kissed you, I-"
"Well, I don't know, it's been a while and I kind of like to let memories shift over to the back of my mind-"
"No, no, I must have, I must have! This is why. This is why he said to never be myself. People are watching, Harry, they-"
"Stop that! I don't give a shit about people, you mean more than people. Practically everyone else and their opinions are utterly insignificant to me so what is that fucked up thing you keep repeating to yourself?"
"My father. His voice... Every action, every statement, I hear it and I have to push it down to try and be me but it's exhausting being me knowing I would be so much better being what he wanted."
"And what's that? A fucking robot?"
"A gentleman. A proper English man." Louis rolled his eyes and sat up more rigidly, switching on the lamp at his side. Harry's eyes were red, his face flushed as well. How long had he been freaking out, he wondered.
"Jesus, Hazz..."
"Etiquette, manners, be polite, don't slouch- rules, rules, rules. I've tried to drown it out. I used sex, I've used alcohol but I can't... Can't think of anything else to... Louis, I don't know what else to do..."
"You give me his address, love. We'll drive over and I can punch the owner of that stupid voice in the mouth for you." Harry giggled in spite of himself, leaning into Louis as much as he possibly could. He was accepted with open arms and Louis didn't say a thing when he put a little too much pressure on his healing stomach.
"Just... Tell me I'm not an embarrassment. Tell me I don't disgrace you by breathing alone. Because he got angry when it came to how wheezy my voice could be, too, he had me doing treatments every night, he-"
"Harry? Your every breath is a blessing to this godforsaken earth. Damn that bastard." Harry chuckled nervously but didn't disagree with the last statement, even as a part of him told him to defend his father. His laughter became more genuine when Louis made strange noises as he mimed stabbing the man over and over. It was shit humour and considering he had actually stabbed a man, might have been creepy to a lot of people but there came a beam of light, Harry's sad expression thwarted until next time.
"Could we get ice cream? I want ice cream."
"And I'd love to get you ice cream, love. My brave boy. But it's late and you should get some sleep, alright...?" Harry purred and leaned into Louis, dozing off. Louis reminded himself to tell Harry that if he ever wanted to talk about his father more, he would be there. Of course, it would make him want to kill the guy more but there wasn't much to be done about that. Father figures had always been a rough subject for him and the fact that Harry's was a shithead, too got his blood boiling.
Ka-pow, another chappie chap. Tbh I'm almost done writing the book itself. And yeahhh we've got some way to go loves but I'll keep updating, we'll get there 😜
Tpwk💙💚