Chapter 14 Ariella
A fire crackled in the middle of the camp; the women walked to and fro, ignoring me as if I wasn't even there. I preferred that. Especially today. I started bleeding, I knew it. My stomach hurt. It was like someone was stabbing me and, if it wasn't that, it was a painful grip. I tried my hardest not to let anyone know. None of them could know. I couldn't let them know.
The liquid in the pot started to boil and I slowly put the meat and vegetables in. My body groaned in protest as I bent down to pick up the food next to me. When everything was in the pot, I knelt next to the fire as I stirred to stew.
"Well, well, well." The leader sneered as she walked up to me. Her short blond hair danced in the wind, her green clothes clung to her skin, and her sword rested on her waist. "I heard an interesting rumor, girl. Perhaps you can tell me if it's true."
I glanced at her and swallowed nervously.
Did she know? Did she know what is happening?
"You see, someone told me that you were bleeding, again."
I whipped around to look at her, my body tensed in fear. How did she know? How did she always know?
"Come, now. You know what it means." She sniggered as she pulled a dagger out of her sleeve. "Stand up."
"I-I'm sorry." I whispered as I slowly picked myself up from the floor. "I-I'm so sorry."
"Too late." Her arm lifted at the same level as my cheek, a sneer playing on her lips. "Time for your punishment." The knife swiped across my face, blood oozed down my cheek. The leader stepped closer; her fist buried itself in my stomach. My head crashed against the ground as I collapsed, the women's laughter echoing in my head.
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The pain was what woke me.
I was curled up in the bed, under the blankets, but the pain still transferred over. Tears streamed down my face, my broken sobs sounded through the room, their laughter echoing in my ears, the smell of blood filled my nose.
My eyes searched through the darkness, looking for something to help.
Pan was lying next to me. I reached up and grabbed his arm. I pulled him closer and held onto him as I cried. The pain lessened. The tears didn't.
I went back there again. I saw her. I couldn't understand why. Why I was still plagued with the memories.
Someone knocked on the door and squeaked slightly. I buried myself in the blankets, my nose into Pan's back.
"Ariella?" Mother's voice whispered.
"M-mama?" I muttered into Pan's back. A gentle hand rested on my shoulder and I looked up to see my mother's face lit by candle light.
"What happened, hun?" She asked as she stroked my hair. "Did you have a bad dream?"
"A-and my stomach."
"What's wrong with your stomach?"
"It hurts."
"Hmm." She placed the candle on the dresser and knelt next to me. "Let's see if I can find out why, alright?"
"Alright." I shivered slightly as she pulled the blankets back.
"Well, I don't need to look any further." Mother shook her head and then glanced at me. "I'm guessing you didn't know you were going to start bleeding?"
"W-what?" I tensed and looked down. The blankets and night gown were smeared with blood.
"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I'm so sorry." I buried my head into Pan's back. I couldn't believe this happened again. I thought I behaved. I thought I was being a good person.
"Come on, hun." Mother sighed as she slipped her arms around my shoulder. "Let's go get you cleaned up."
"I'm sorry." I whispered again. That was all I could say, all I knew how to say. I didn't mean for it to happen, but it did. It always did.
"It's fine, hun." She patted my cheek before helping me climb out of the bed.
My legs shook as we walked out of the room and into the bathroom. Mother's hands slipped from my shoulder as she made her way towards the tub. Water gushed out shortly after she placed her hand on the faucet. Steam wasted out of the tub but disappeared after a few moments. Mother swished her hand in the water before nodding. "Climb into the tub, hun. I'll be back shortly." She patted my cheek and walked out, the door closing behind her.
The cold air wafted over my body was I slipped the night gown off and I shivered. I hurried to climb into the tub and sighed in relief as the warm water encased my body.
Why was she so calm? Why wasn't she angry?
The questions swirled in my mind and I stared up at the ceiling.
Not only was I bleeding, but I made a huge mess of it as well. I had no idea what wrong doing I did, but I was sorry for it. I wish I did know so I wouldn't do it anymore.
The sound of the door opening interrupted my thoughts and I watched as Mother slipped back inside, with some clothes in her arms and a glass in her hands.
"Good, you've calmed down." Mother smiled.
"I-I'm sorry for making a mess." I whispered.
"It's fine, my dear. I've made plenty growing up." She shook her head slightly and handed me the glass. "Drink this, hun. It'll help with the cramps."
"What are cramps?" I asked.
The liquid was a mucky green with darker green spots to it; barely enough for a mouthful.
"Cramps are what happen when you bleed, my dear." She walked towards the cupboard.
Mother was rummaging through the little cupboard with her back turned to me, so I lifted the glass to my lips and took a sip. The thick liquid oozed its way down my throat, the bitter taste filled my mouth, and the stench made my eyes water. I couldn't even describe how bad the taste and smell was.
I began to gag as the last of the liquid made its way down.
"Are you alright?" Mother turned and looked at me. She giggled slightly and I looked up at her. "It taste and smells horrible, but you'll appreciate it in a little while."
"Mama?"
"Yes?"
"I-I really am sorry." I closed my eyes, tears streaming down eyes. I ducked my head and hid my face with my hair. "I-I thought I behaved this time. I really did."
"What are you talking about?" Mother demanded.
I didn't respond. I didn't want to. I tensed when a hand appeared on my shoulder and I looked over to see Mother kneeling beside me.
"Ariella, you don't think that you bleed because you were bad, do you?" She sighed when I nodded. Her hand slipped under my chin and forced me to look at her. "I'm assuming the troupe told you that?"
I nodded again.
"Ariella, this bleeding is not something that says if you have been good or bad." Mother patted my cheek.
"I-it's not?"
"No. It's normal." Mother switched her weight to her other foot and then tapped my nose. "Every woman you meet has had or do have their monthly. Mrs. Hill went through it, the queen went through it, I went through it and your sisters are going through it. It's perfectly normal."
"Then why did they tell me it was because I was bad?" I sniffled slightly.
"Because they are monsters." Mother pursed her lips. "There's no point in denying it. Whatever their issue was, they took it out on you. Goodness knows how many things they made up to beat you, but that will not happen here. I need you to trust me."
"I do." I smiled, softly. "I just wish I knew why I had that nightmare."
"What was it about?"
"I-I was back with them. I was bleeding and they knew." My eyes clenched shut as the tears started to flow. "They always knew. And then they'd punish me."
"They would beat you." Mother corrected. "There's a difference between punishing and beating, Ariella. What they did was beating. It's wrong. A crime punishable by death. That is what they did."
I nodded.
She was right, of course. I knew that now, everyone said it. But I still said they punished me.
"Give it time, my dear. You'll understand." She stood up and stretched. "If you're ready, my dear?" Mother asked as she held out a towel to me. I grabbed the towel; the soft fabric clenched in my hand, and stood up. I dried myself off as quickly as I could and took the undergarment that Mother handed me. There was some extra white fabric-like thing on the bottom of it and I looked up at Mother in confusion.
"That is, what we call, a napkin. A special one that helps stops us from bleeding through and making a mess." She giggled slightly. "The Herbalists created these a few years ago and they help a lot. There's a sticky like cream on the bottom that wears off after a few hours so you'll have to change it often."
"I will."
"Good." She smiled and handed me a grey dress. "It'll be big on you, but it'll work until we can get yours washed."
I slipped the dress on, the fabric was cool against my skin and I shivered.
"Come on, my dear. Let's get you back to bed." Mother slipped her arm in mine and led me to my bed. "Think you'll be able to sleep now?"
"I will." I slipped my arms around her waist and hugged her. "Thank you." I told her again. How many times could I say those words? When will I ever feel like I said it enough?
"I've already changed the blankets so climb on in." Mother kissed my forehead and walked to the door. "I will see you tomorrow."
I slipped into the blankets; the smell of clean fabric filled my nose. Mother gave me one last smile before closing the door behind her. I rested my head on the pillow, Pan held tightly in my arms and fell asleep.