"My brain is like the Bermuda Triangle. Information goes in and is never found again. Same with my room. Stuff goes in and never comes out again," Lysander said while plopping down across from me at the lunch table.
"Your brain- ah, too bad. Your room- no, it ain't my problem. Sorry, bro." I said.
But really! It isn't my problem.
He sighed. "I hate reading class. Moby D-"
"Language!"
"English?"
Now it was my turn to sigh. "You know what I meant."
"I was about to say Moby Duck!"
I raised my eyebrow. "You sure?"
"One hundred percent. And the name is ridiculous, who names a fish Duck?"
He was the one who named the stinkin' fish Duck. Look who he's blaming.
"Oh, come on! No one cares about a fish named Duck! And the word 'Moby' exists there for a reason. Name it Donkey for all I care."
"'Moby Donkey?' That sounds weird."
This therefore proves my claim of him having a hollow head. The brain is nowhere to be found.
The fact that jellyfish have survived 650 million years gives hope to many people. Wonder who.
If you're wondering why he hates Moby Donkey (I've officially gotten used to the name), it's because we had to read it out loud.
The teacher wanted us to 'act like a class and work together,' even though half of us were just laughing at the other people mispronouncing words.
Lysander was one of them. I think the only words he didn't stutter on were the curse words. Typical Lysander. I couldn't have yelled at the teacher for having us read a book with curse words, so that's why I decided to yell at Lysander instead.
"Who are these strangers?" I asked when three giants sat down at our table. "Are these your bodyguards?"
No one laughed.
Then Lysander started talking to the giants and I thought maybe they weren't his bodyguards because he was talking to them.
Then I heard a part of their conversation. "Who's at our table?" The tall giant said. Well, the tallest giant. They all were tall. By tall I meant tall.
So I guess they were friends. Maybe they became friends due to their rudeness of sitting at other people's tables. Who knows? They all sucked the same to me.
"I'm Sid."
That was a serious ridiculous name for a tall guy. Like Sid the Science Kid? Now that's what you call scary. His yellow face? Terrifying. Don't start with the hair. The purple hair.
"Hi.... Sid." I said. I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable calling someone a cartoon character's name. Oh, well.
"I'm Bob." These names were seriously weird. Maybe they're friends because of their cartoonish names. Other than Lysander. Don't tell me the other one's name is Peppa. If it is, I'll be running for the hills.
"Good afternoon, Bob." I think I heard Sid mutter, "She gave me a 'hi' and Bob got a 'good afternoon.' Way to make a guy feel welcome."
At least Sid speaks fluent sarcasm.
People should stop expecting normal from me. We all know that's not gonna happen.
The last guy said, "By the way, these guys are lying. Their names are not Bob and Sid."
"Hey! You agreed to not tell her! And you agreed that your name is Chris!" Bob argued.
I think I like Chris more than I like both of them (Sid and Bob) combined. Sorry, Sid and Bob, if you're reading this.
At least his name was more regal than Bob or Sid.
Now we know who is more mature in the threesome.
"-continuing, they think you're an alien from the Planet planetarious exiliouluous. They think you have alienitis, a disease of which you will stalk them and eventually lead them to turning into-" 'Chris' paused. "Minions, I think. Minions or bananas. They think you'll stalk them," he paused again, "-stalk you from their names. They think you have trackers to know where they are at all times."
At this point I'm not even surprised. They make me sound like I'm a serial killer. The only killer I am is cereal killer. And ice cream. I promise.
"No, it was monkeys. We'll become monkeys! Imagine eating bananas all day," Sid chipped in.
"No, actually, it was sloths, you idiots." Bob said.
"Remember? We agreed on February 30th!" Bob continued.
If you guys didn't know, unlike Bob, there is no February 30th. This solemnly proves that all of the idiots that hang out with me are brainless. Sadly. Maybe I attract idiots.
"How'd you guys know you'd meet me in February? It's August, and it's not like-" I paused. I mentally grinned evilly and had an idea.
"You two have cupponiconi virus. It causes you to see the future and will lead to your deaths sooner. Fortunately, there is a cure. You are very, very fortunate." Now, even stupid Lysander could tell it wasn't true. He looked amused. Same with Chris, who looked like he was going to burst out laughing, but he if you didn't know better, you'd think he looked like he was constipating. Huge difference, so get your facts straight, people.
"W-w-what is the cure?" Bob asked. Now I was having fun.
I thought for a minute, and said, "Oh, it's actually pretty simple! Just be super, super nice for one whole day. To women especially. Since all you stupid people don't know how to attract girls, I guess it'll be me. I already have your first task ready too. But since Lysander and Chris are very, very nice friends of you two, they will also be very kind to others along with you."
Hahah! In your face, suckers.
"Us?" Chris asked, motioning between him and Lysander.
"Is there another Lysander and Chris at this table? Yes, you dummies! Of course it's you!"
Lysander opened his mouth for an insult. Then closed it, glaring at me.
Serves you right.
"Sorry, Julia, we didn't know." Lysander said.
"I happen to want twenty dollars. Could you give twenty dollars to me?" I asked, stifling my laughter.
Bob and Sid actually believed me. Chris and Lysander were just fuming.
Instead of a 'be super nice' thing, those stupid idiots took it as a 'say yes to whatever Julia says' thing, so they gave twenty bucks.
I said, "In that case, can I get twenty more?"
They each took five more dollars out and handed them to me.
I think I'm done hurting them financially. Moving in the the literally.
Where should I do it?
The two words of doom. Physical Education, PE.
I walk into the room of doom. The gym.
*dramatic music plays*
____________
I couldn't really do anything to them.
In PE we had to do the whisper challenge. But it wasn't really the whisper challenge because the teacher just left us in the gym and told us to play fair. So half the people were just yelling at their partners. The teacher had just provided us with headphones, music, and a gym. Then she left.
There was this guy that asked her why it had to do with PE and she replied, "It helps the lungs."
Yeah, right.
I (sadly) was partnered with Lydia, some girl who was in a lot of my classes and had the audacity to say, "I don't know you, don't think we've ever met," to me, and Lysander, which all of you know is an idiot. I need more insults. The word idiot is becoming old here.
So I was the one yelling at Lysander and he was the one who had to try to figure out what I was trying to say. All three of us have headphones on the whole game, so I couldn't really talk to Lydia either.
My card said "The Best Christmas Pageant."
Oh, boy, this'll be hard.
"THE!" I yelled at him.
Since all the other groups were yelling, he was hearing probably what the other groups were yelling about.
Since you probably don't want to know about all the yelling we did, he ended up hearing, "Just Chest Chicken Pregnant," when the five minutes was up. He acted like the world was ending when I said he got it wrong. Lydia, being unhelpful, just stood behind us the whole time, laughing.
Then the coach pulled us out of the group, leaving Lydia staring at us curiously.
"Don't be surprised. I've just warned you." She said, then turned back to go to wherever she was before.
"Warned us? No you didn't! Warn us about what? Hey, woman, come back!" Lysander called.
"Lysander Spooner and Julia Robins, down to the office. Now." The intercom sputtered. "It's urgent."
__________
The cliffhangers have officially started. I hope you guys enjoyed the longer chapter.
So who wants sneak peeks?
Ah, well, me too. I have no idea what I'm going to write next. But you'll have to wait. Sucks to be you. I can already imagine all the sighs and the sadness in the comments.
This chapter is dedicated to @hoponthemoon.
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