"Don't." Jo quickly said, holding her hand up towards him. "I know what you're gonna say, Dean. It wasn't your fault."
Of course, it was his fault. Lee's death was on him and there was no way anyone could tell him otherwise.
"It was. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Dean apologised, his voice barely a whisper.
He wasn't sure if Jo heard it or not before she suddenly took a step towards him and lifted her hand, resting it on his shoulder.
"You told him to get out of the truck. We both did. It's not your fault. It wasn't on you." She responded, but Dean shook his head.
"No, but I didn't want to do it alone." Dean admitted.
He should've tried harder to get Lee to stay, he should've done more. Now, his best friend was dead and Jo had to raise a baby alone.
"The right thing would've been to send his ass right back to Bobby's instead of bringing him with me to confront John."
Jo smiled at him, "like to have seen you try."
Dean just shook his head, wondering why Jo was even talking to him, let alone trying to make him smile. He got her boyfriend killed. The father of her child is dead because of him... how could she forgive him for that?
"You carry all kinds of crap you don't have to, Dean."
"You should be able to see that I am 90% crap." He responded as he looked back at her. "And we both know it."
"No." Jo quickly argued, shaking her head. "You're not. You deserve better."
"No, you did. You deserved better, Jo."
Jo didn't say anything for a moment and Dean refused to look her as he stared down at Lee's grave.
Seriously, how could she just forgive him for that? He couldn't even forgive himself.
"Jo-"
"It wasn't your fault. Please forgive yourself, Dean." She whispered, but he still refused to look at her.
Cas had said the same thing.
He had asked Dean to forgive himself, but how does someone who's hated himself for so long and blamed the himself for something over 20 years, just move on from that? How could he forgive himself for that? How?
"It's just something that lives in my head, you know? I play it over and over..." Dean trailed off as he stared at the ground.
"Look at me. Look at me. Dean, you didn't kill him. They killed him... and now it's my son." Jo said causing Dean's head to snap back up at her. "John and your cousins started coming around when Lee Jr was about 14. They took him out, eased him in. You know, girls, cars, booze and..."
"So he's been hanging around out there?"
"All the time. He didn't get in any real trouble until your father took him under his wing. And now he's running errands for them and making deliveries. He's a good kid. He's not like them. He's like his dad." Jo explained, her voice breaking at the end and Dean pulled her into a hug.
"I'll deal with it. You still living at Ellen's?" He asked a few seconds later as he pulled away and Jo nodded, confusion forming on her face. "I'll bring him back and make sure they stay away from him."
-
After he left the cemetery, Dean drove straight to his families old property. Despite promising himself that he would never go back.
Lee Jr deserved better than his shitty family. He didn't need to get in the middle of his fathers shit and Lee Webb sure as hell wouldn't want that for his son either.
Dean scanned the area as he pulled up and he shook his head at himself as he forced his body to get out the car.
The place hadn't changed in the slightest.
Maybe things looked a little more worn down than usual. There was more junk scattered around the front, but other than that, it was the same as it's always been.
Dean didn't bother to knock, especially since the front door was open anyway.
Silently he made his way through the house, still knowing exactly where all the squeaky floorboards were under the stained carpet as he walked down the hallway.
"What are you doing here?" A male voice questioned.
Dean turned around to find a teenager walking out one of the bedrooms behind him.
He instantly recognising the kid as the one he met him a few days ago at the local hardware store and it was clear the kid recognised him too.
"Lee, I want you to come with me." Dean said calmly.
"Why the hell would I do that?"
Before Dean had a chance to answer, the backdoor to the house opened behind him and his eyes widen in shock when his father walked through the door.
"Dean." John said, seeming just as surprised as he was.
He took in just how old his father had gotten. The past 20 years clearly not being kind to the old man, but that probably had to do with all the alcohol and drugs he's had over the years.
If Dean was honest, he was shocked the old man was still alive.
"They told me you were back. What a surprise. It's not even my birthday. What line of bullshit is he feeding you, son?" John asked, walking past Dean and over to Lee. "He lives here now, Lee's family now."
"This is no family. It never was." Dean muttered, trying to keep his anger in check as his hands formed fists by his side out of habit.
"Well, not to you, maybe. But you never figured that blood counted for much, did you?" John asked.
"I'll tell you what I do know. There was never an ounce of love in this house-"
"Oh, love. You're a weak piece of shit, Dean. You know that? You always were, you always will be."
"I'm weak?" Dean chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. "You were my father and you treated me like an animal."
"I tried to make a man outta you. But, it was already too late when you started sticking your dick in that Novak boy. Fucking fag. You never appreciated a goddamn thing I gave you either." John spat while Lee stood off to the side glancing between the two of them, not knowing what to do.
"And what did you give me? These?" Dean asked, pulling down the collar of his shirt exposing some of the scars across his chest.
Lee eyes widened in shock, but Dean kept his eyes locked with his fathers.
"You are weak. And you're not worth it. I'm not gonna let you ruin another person's life like you tried to ruin mine. I'm taking the boy, if he'll go." Dean stated, glancing over at Lee. "And there's nothing you can do to stop me, because you're just a scared old man who doesn't want to go back to prison. Don't get in my way." Dean growled, glaring at his father before he walked past him towards Lee.
"It's okay." Dean said gently, motioning towards the front door.
Lee nodded, not looking back at John before he turned around and began walking towards the door and Dean followed him back to the Impala.
"John says you're a bad man.... But, my mother says you're one of the best people on this planet... I trust my mom." Lee spoke up from the passenger seat.
Dean drove out the driveway back towards the Harvelle house and glanced over at the kid.
God, he looked so much like Lee.
"Your mother is a very smart woman."
He turned his attention back to the road in front of him while Lee sat silently beside him.
Within five minutes, he was pulling into the Harvelle driveway, barely parking Impala before the front door to the house flew open.
"Lee!" Jo's voice shouted.
The kid quickly climbed out the car and ran over to his mother, embracing her in a tight hug.
Dean smiled softly before an older woman walked out the house and his eyes widened when he realised it was Jo's mother, Ellen.
He hadn't seen her since they were all sitting in that court room, all those years ago. She was holding Jo while she sobbed retelling the events of when him and Lee had left to go after John.
Dean still remembered the look on Ellen's face. He had been more scared of her than he had been of anything in that courtroom.
Dean sat in the car, as he watched the family reunite before Jo turned towards him and jogged over to the car.
"Thank you so much. I owe you everything." She said, leaning against the open window, but Dean shook his head.
"Was the least I can do. That's a good boy you got there. Lee would be proud."
He nodded towards Lee Jr who was in a deep conversation with Ellen causing Jo to smile proudly at her son.
She turned back towards him, but he was still staring at Ellen and something on his face must have given away his nerves because Jo chuckled softly.
"You still scared of my mother?"
Dean glanced back at Jo and nodded, "I think so."
"She forgave you, you know?"
"Yeah, well I don't." Dean responded, looking anywhere but at Jo as she sighed.
Neither of them said anything for a moment as they both looked back at the kid by the house.
"We've been getting the money. You don't have to send that. You don't owe us anything."
"How'd you know it was me?" He asked, causing Jo to roll her eyes, but he thought it was a valid question.
He'd been sending her family money ever since he got out a prison, but he never had his name or any address details attached to it.
How'd she know?
"Who else would it be? Who else would send cash through the mail?" She questioned, raising her eyebrows at him causing Dean to roll his eyes too, but she had a point.
"Don't be a stranger. You know where we live, come over sometime. Lee would love to hear stories about his father, and I'd love see you again, it's been too long." Jo said sweetly and Dean nodded in agreement.
"I will."
-
He drove back to Bobby's house, not really sure what to do without the Mustang there to work on.
Glancing around the area, he looked back towards the overgrown garden bed and got an idea.
Grabbing the shovel and fresh seeds that Bobby always kept in the garage, he got working on bringing the scrappy garden back to life like he'd done a thousand times before.
After an hour of working, he was absolutely covered in sweat and dirt from head to toe.
He wandered back inside for a break and grabbed a glass of water before walking into Bobby's old office. He grabbed a piece of paper and an envelop before walking back into the main room and grabbing a pen from the bench.
He sat down at the table and began writing out a letter to Cas.
He sat there for a few minutes, staring at the blank paper, unable to put his thoughts into words as he tried to figure out the best way to write what he needed to.
After 20 minutes, he folded the piece of paper, tucking it inside the envelop, writing Cas on the front and leaving it on the wooden table before he went back outside and continued working on the garden.
-
"Castiel!" Kelly's voice shouted.
Cas winced since he was literally standing in the doorway of the kitchen behind her. Watching her frantically go through every draw and cupboard trying to find something.
"Yes?" He asked.
Kelly visibly flinched as she turned around, shocked that he was right there.
"I didn't know you were there, sorry. Do you know where that fancy bottle of wine is? I swear I put it in this cupboard so Claire couldn't find it, but it's not here."
"Didn't you take it to your friends house the other week?" He questioned causing Kelly to stop as she thought about what he just said before her head dropped with a soft chuckle.
"I did. Okay, I'll have to buy another on the way to Michelle's house." She declared, closing the all the cupboards she had opened before she grabbed her handbag and began walking out the kitchen.
"Can I talk to you?" Cas quickly asked, realising that his wife was going out again.
Although, she hadn't bothered to tell him and he hadn't even had a chance to talk to her last night before she left.
"I don't have time for this. What do you need to talk about?" She questioned, glancing up at him as she tried to find her keys in the bottom of handbag.
"Us." He answered truthfully, but Kelly just rolled her eyes.
"Come on, Castiel, I'm 20 minutes late for my girls day with Michelle and the others. I can't do marriage counselling."
She finally found her car keys and began heading towards the front door leaving Cas standing there.
Why can't they just sit down and talk for five damn minutes?
"I've lied to you, Kelly. For a long time I have lied." Cas called out, chasing her out the kitchen as he tried to catch up to her, but for a woman wearing high heels, she was quick. "But, I want to tell you the truth."
That seemed to catch her attention as she stopped by the front door and turned around to face him.
"Okay."
"I saw someone this weekend. Someone I fell in love with a long time ago... I'm still in love with him."
He watched as Kelly's mouth opened and closed a few times before she just shook her head with a chuckle and walked off.
"I didn't know I was going to see him. I didn't expect to, but I'm glad I did because it made me realise how completely lost I have been." Cas tried to explain as he followed his wife out the front door.
"You sound a little crazy."
"I don't expect you to understand. When I lost him, I lost who I was... I lied to you, Kelly. I have lied to you and I have lied to myself and I've tried to make it work. We both have, but I can't do it anymore."
Kelly reached for the driver side door of her car, but stopped and looked back towards him with narrow eyes.
"So what? You want me to stop going out and drinking with my friends? Is that what you want?" She questioned.
"What I want is to stop sleepwalking through my life-"
"Then stop! I mean, just listen to yourself. Get over it! Look, this is my life too. You don't just get to choose."
"Yes, I do and I am done pretending." He snapped, causing Kelly to chuckle in disbelief.
She shook her head, but didn't say anything further before she climbed into her car, slamming the door shut and speeding off down the road.
Cas stood on the front lawn, watching Kelly's car drive off in the distance with a sigh.
That was not how he wanted that conversation to go.
He pulled his phone out his pocket and hovered over Dean's number that he had put in before he left.
Cas hesitated for a moment before clicking the little green call button as he held the phone to his ear. But, it just went straight to voicemail giving him only a few seconds to figure out what to say.
"I was hoping maybe we could talk. A lot of things have changed since I last saw you and well, I just... I want to say 'I love you.' I do, Dean, and I always have... Alright, call me if you have a moment." Cas said into the phone before he hung up and went back inside.
He messaged Gabriel, asking when he'd be finished his shift at the station, but he was working back late.
So, Cas just sat down on the couch and started watching Netflix for the rest of the day before his phone started to ring from the coffee table.
He had never moved so fast in his life as he jumped up from the couch and reached for his phone hoping it was Dean, but frowned when it came up with a bunch of numbers that he didn't recognise.
"Hello?"
"Is this Claire Novak's father?" A female voice questioned causing Cas to frown even more.
"Yes, this is her father. Who are you?" Cas asked.
"My name is Pamela, I'm a nurse at the District Memorial Hospital. Claire was in a car crash and is currently being rushed into emergency surgery. There is something wrong with her heart and the doctors are trying to find out exactly what that problem is as we speak." The woman didn't even finish her sentence before Cas was already out the house, running towards his car.
He may have been driving a little faster than even Gabriel would let him off for. But, that was the furthest thing from his mind at the moment as tried calling Kelly at every red light he got, which was more than he wanted.
Within 10 minutes he pulled up to the hospital, not even bothering to get a proper carpark as he sprinted through the front doors.
"My daughter, Claire Novak, has been bought here, where is she?" He frantically questioned the young woman at the front desk who quickly typed the name into the computer.
"She's still in surgery at the moment, but the nurse will come and get you as soon as possible, just take a seat in the waiting room."
Cas had to bite his tongue to stop himself from yelling at the young woman.
It wasn't her fault, she was just trying to do her job, but Cas wanted to know more.
He sat in the waiting room, tapping his phone against his thigh nervously for the next half an hour, calling Kelly a couple more times, but she never answered. Probably too drunk with her friends to even hear her phone ringing.
"Mr Novak?" A female voice questioned.
Cas quickly looked up to find a woman in nursing scrubs walking towards him and he knew that must be, Pamela.
"How's my daughter?"
"Post-op. We went in, had a look around. She's stable for now." She explained and Cas nodded.
"Okay, what happened?" He asked.
"Her car hit a tree, she was thrown from the vehicle. The blunt trauma from the accident has resulted in serious damage to her heart." Pamela began to explained and Cas blinked at her in shock.
"What does that mean?"
"Castiel!" Kelly's voice suddenly called out.
He turned around to find her stumbling towards him and it was clear that she's had one too many glasses of wine, but now was not the time.
"What happened?" Kelly asked once she reached his side as she looked over at the nurse.
"It means one of the valves of her heart is torn. It's my determination that we can't repair it. She needs a transplant and very soon."
His daughter needed a heart transplant?
"Doctor, we've lost one child already. We cannot lose another." Cas whispered, tears rising in his eyes.
Pamela nodded in understanding before she walked them down the hallway and into Claire's room.
Cas rushed over to the hospital bed, taking in how pale his daughter was as she laid underneath the blankets in a hospital gown.
Kelly was right beside him, her fingers running through Claire's hair as they both stared at their unconscious daughter in disbelief.
This couldn't be happening. Not to Claire. She was too young to go through this, how could this happen?
Neither of them spoke for the next couple of hours as they sat in silence beside Claire's bed, not knowing what to do.
What could they do?