"You see, that's exactly what I was saying!" Flora let out.
"What do you mean?" I said, quietly. I wasn't mad. I knew this was coming, even though I despised the thought of it.
"You're away and you can't come back whenever you want. There's always something better to do." She sighed.
"But you don't understand. I'm headlining this show. This is the best opportunity I've had so far. I know I was supposed to come back this week end. Hell, I even asked for it! But now, I need to do this. There's going to be loads of people there, I could get a record deal, Flora! Please, don't make this harder than it already is."
I had been waiting for that moment my whole life. I wanted to be noticed, I wanted people to come and see me because they wanted to, not because I happened to play where they planned to go anyway. I hadn't expected to feel this way when it finally came. I wasn't supposed to dread announcing it to the ones I cared about. I was supposed to be over the moon.
"Why did I even expect you to come back?" She whispered.
"I promise I'll be back soon, love. We just have to be patient, and patience is a virtue." I smiled at this because she always told me that whenever she had the occasion to.
"I have to go." She suddenly said. The smile left my face.
I didn't have the time to say goodbye that she had already hung up. I hated this. I knew she didn't mean to make me choose between her and my possible career, but it felt like that to me.
I went downstairs, in the actual bar. I wasn't playing tonight, but I needed a bit of distraction. Maybe even a couple of drinks. I could handle it.
"Ed! How are you doing?" Mike asked when he saw me. I didn't know he was coming here, but right now, I could use a friend.
"I've seen better days. You?" I answered flatly and sat beside him at the counter.
He looked at me with that spill it look.
"Well, Flora and I kind of fought. I told her I would see her this week end, and now with that gig, which I can't believe I'm doing, I can't go. She was mad. And the worst is that I knew it was mostly against herself for believing me when I said I cared about her. And this angers me deeply because I care more about her than most things in the world." I let out.
"You know what I can't understand? Why are you so stupid when you're around her?" Mike chuckled. And I swear I felt like hitting my head against the counter several times. I was that frustrated. "Why didn't you ask her to come here?"
"She owns a coffee shop and can't leave it to anybody else, mostly because she doesn't trust anybody enough to do so. It's a family business. And I'm not stupid. I did think about that, but it was no use even asking." I sighed.
He just laughed. Thank you very much, Mike. This was just what I needed.
"I would never have imagined you so head over heels for someone." Mike breathed between fits of laughter.
"I'm not!" I defended myself. "She just helped me through a lot, and is like my only friend back there."
I honestly have thought a lot about it, about why I was craving her touch, or why her voice relaxed me as much as music did. I had found no answer, but I knew that this couldn't be love. I couldn't love. I didn't want to, nor did I need to.
She was a friend. And maybe the fact that I have never got any true friend could explain the weird feelings and cravings I had.
Or maybe this was just an excuse, and I didn't know what was responsible for my behaviour around her.
"Sure. Whatever you say, mate." Mike said calmly.
I didn't want to drink anymore. I just wanted to lay down on my bed, my phone in my hands, contemplating the idea of sending a text or calling Flora.
You could think that, since I lived on a couch at Flora's, the bed I had here was more comfortable. Well, it wasn't really the case. I guess it was because this room felt so unfamiliar and even lonely at night.
Loneliness is a destructive feeling. Basically, it's a fight between you and yourself. You couldn't win. The best you could do was to find a treaty of peace, that got forgotten too often.
It had been two hours since I got back to my room,and I still couldn't decide if I should call her again.
I was afraid I'd say things I wasn't supposed to say. I wasn't mad at her, I just felt angry with myself for disappointing her like that.
And I might be afraid to let that slip out, because I shouldn't care so much about such a little thing. I could go back to Flora next week.
Next thing I knew I was calling. I could hear the harsh ring tones slowly making me nervous.
"What?" She sighed.
I didn't know if she had really meant to pick up. What's sure, is that hearing her being this cold with me made something break inside.
I heard soft whispering, but couldn't make up what they were saying.
"I-I don't know. I just wanted to hear your voice..." I breathed out. Not this voice.
"Right. You heard it? Can I go now? I have stuff to do." She spat.
What have I done?
I heard things moving on the other side of the phone and suddenly a small voice was talking to me.
"Hi Ed! It's Amelia. Flora, I told you to go! And you too!" She ordered. You?
"Wait. It's nine in the evening, what are you doing with Flora?" I asked.
"My parents needed a someone to keep an eye on me because they were going out. But that doesn't matter. There's something wrong here, Ed." She whispered the last part.
"Really? What is it?" I was worried now.
"Since you left, Flora has hardly been smiling. And Ryan, there's something weird with him, sometimes she'd flinch away from him when he gets too close."
Ryan. He was the other one Amelia had told to leave.
"Do you think he's mean with her?" I questioned.
I can't believe I was having this conversation with such a young little girl. She isn't supposed to see these things. But most importantly, this wasn't supposed to happen.
"I don't know Ed." She simply answered.
"Can you see any bruises on her? Can you see tears in her eyes? Or how they get a dark green and the orange around her pupil has almost disappeared?" I admit I was panicking. Suddenly, my gig didn't seem so important.
"I don't know! But Ed, you need to come back here. She... I have to go!" Amelia said quickly and hang up.
I wouldn't find sleep tonight, that was for sure.
***
"No, I'm sorry, I don't think I can make it. Family issue." I justified myself to the manager of the event.
"It isn't too bad, is it?" He asked.
"Hopefully not, but I do have to go check by myself. I'm very sorry to cancel that last minute, but I don't have a choice. Oh, contact Michael Rosenberg, I'm sure he'll be happy to take my place. I have to go!" I replied.
"Thank you. Be safe." He quickly said before I hang up. My train was here.
It wasn't the first time I put someone before my music, and somehow I could only fear that the story might be repeating.
It must have been around 10am when I arrived at the familiar door, the one I had imagined a hundred ways of opening during the night. Clinging on my guitar and making it go in back, I entered the coffee, trying to smile as hard as I could.
The first one to see me, or at least the first one to acknowledge me was Amelia.
"Ed! I missed you!" She half yelled and ran towards me. I hugged her, lifting her so our eyes could meet.
"Thank you for telling me yesterday." I whispered. She nodded and pointed to Flora at the counter.
When I turned around, she was staring at me. The thing that scared me was that I couldn't read her eyes. There were too many feelings in them.
Slowly, I made my way to her, our eyes never losing each other. When I was just a meter away from her, I could she her shake so lightly that it wouldn't have been noticed if I wasn't worried in the first place.
"I thought you couldn't come..." She breathed out, her voice trembling.
"I have reasons to be back." I answered in the same ton.
I noticed how she slightly hesitated when I hugged her, thing she had never done before. I also noticed the way her eyes darkened when I answered. Or even the way she tightened her grip around me.
"Tell me one thing, please." I asked quietly. "Is everything alright?"
"Of course, why would you ask that?" She replied, offended. But I knew she wasn't because there wasn't any trace of orange in her eyes and her face had paled.
"Just a thought. I've been away for quite long, and things could've gone wrong one way or another."
On point, Ryan came in. He wore one of those smiles I couldn't bear. Even less now that he could be the one hurting Flora. Smile which soon faded when he saw me. Perfect.
Looking back at Flora, I saw she had put her mask back on. That broke my heart. Nobody was supposed to pretend to be someone else.
She tried to go to him, but I held her back, my eyes pleading her to stay with me. For a brief second, I thought that she would stay, that I could hold her close to my chest again and make all her doubts disappear. But it was just a thought, just a hope. And hopes are a vicious kind.