A/N: IMPORTANT!! This is branching off from Chapter 10, where Satoko found out about Dabi's full past. His true name. Refer to parts up until this moment. Instead of Dabi following Satoko to her bedroom, he wouldn't in this route.
-------------------
He's going to die anyway... but she doesn't want that. But is she any different?
Every day, she would risk her life. Reckless with her own body like she didn't even care to die either. Satoko has suicidal tendencies. She had struggled with that for many years, but doesn't go through with it. Hearing Dabi talking like that just triggered something to set her off once more.
All Dabi could see was her back as she was heading back to her room. The moonlight hit her shoulder at one point to see that blatantly obvious bullet scar.
He watched as she disappeared from view. He was honestly surprised that she didn't try to leave again. It would make sense for her to with everything that had happened to her.
Thinking like that made him feel a nagging feeling of distress in the back of his mind. What was he doing? How did he get there? How did he end up so pitifully lonely?
A part of him wanted her to stay. She was the only person who tried so hard to get along with him for a reason other than her own survival. He didn't believe that she would stay though.
He couldn't believe that someone as kind as her would want to stick around for long. Her kindness had to have a limit, and that line was probably drawn with someone like Dabi. It would be more kind for her to abandon him. He was a horrible person. Her sticking around willingly would make it seem like she was alright with his actions.
It was as though anything that he touched was destined to burn up in his flames. Nothing good could last for long with him. He could destroy a world of goodness and feel nothing, because that's what he did. His ability to feel guilt was so suppressed within himself that he probably wouldn't be able to identify the feeling if it did happen to appear.
Being neglected as a child took a major toll on his mind. He didn't know how to cope with his emotions other than pushing them down. He couldn't trust that people- especially kind ones- wouldn't leave him. He felt like he had to force people to stay against their will or they would leave as soon as the opportunity presented itself.
His eyes started to burn. A single drop of blood slipped out from underneath one of his burns. If it wasn't for the fact that he didn't know how to unlock his emotions, he would probably be in such agony inside of his mind. He physically couldn't cry anymore, but the only thing that came close was even small.
He could hardly feel anything. Yet Satoko's tears bothered him, of all things.
He didn't understand why she wanted to befriend him. He was probably the absolute worst choice when it came to friends.
Dabi cursed and started to head back to his room. That fear of abandonment was strong in his own mind. His past was in his thoughts.
'No, dad...I can do it too. I can surpass him. See...? Look how strong my flames are already. Look at me.'
All he ever wanted when he was little was to be acknowledged by his father.
'I might be as awesome as Shoto sooner or later! Maybe I'll even be better than All Might someday! Then you've gotta give me some respect, Dad! You'll be glad you created me! I just know it!'
He would do anything. He didn't care if it hurt him. He just wanted Endeavor to be proud of him. Nothing that he did was ever enough. If that wasn't enough to earn love from his own family, how could he expect to earn love from anyone else?
(Love? Why am I thinking of something like that?) He smiled bitterly. (Someone like me isn't capable of love. It's the simple truth.)
He wouldn't suffer for the sake of feelings. He decided that they weren't worth the pain. He would continue to push away all feelings until he became numb. That would allow him to accomplish his goal without any regret.
Satoko was curled up in her bed, trying to muffle her mouth using a pillow.
(Calm down.) Satoko heaved. It was hard not to cry loudly. It was useless. She was starting to tremble from trying to hold back her tears from flooding.
She kept cursing in her mind how she hated how she was feeling like this.
Why? Why did he help her?
Just to use her to assist him with killing his family?
It hurts her so bad. All the memories of him flooded her mind. She can feel his warmth subconsciously and the way he touched her hair.
(Yet he wants to die. Like none of those actions matter.)
She hated this so much. She doesn't want him to die. Why must she care so much?
Why must this man hurt her heart so much?
She couldn't hold back her crying from being silent anymore. It became louder. The anxiety of being left behind was eating her alive.
(No. Stop being so weak, Satoko!! You idiot!!) But that didn't calm her down.
Dabi was the first person she could relate to. He made her feel less alone with her problems. She looked at the bandages that he wrapped around her injuries.
(Why does he act like he cares when he does things like this?!) She started ripping them off to release her aggression. Her tears fell upon her burns, causing it to sting more.
Satoko's door creaked open. There was a tired looking, messy-haired Shigaraki standing in the doorway. "What's going on?"
Satoko snapped out of it. There was her bandages scattered and half ripped in her room. Her injuries was starting to bleed once more. She quickly hid her face in her pillow. "Go away."
It didn't seem to make her crying falter. She hates being seen this way. "Just leave me alone."
He ignored her statement. "You told me not to hurt myself. You don't get to hurt yourself either then. I'll get to first aid kit for you, but you have to take care of the wounds yourself."
His tone sounded irritated to mask what he was really feeling. He would help her if he could. He just didn't want to hurt her.
"'You're important to us, so we have to make sure you're ok. It's not like we actually care about you personally.'" She quoted what he stated earlier. Her glistening eyes looked up at him angrily.
They seemed more hurt more than anything. "You don't care so why even bother? I don't want to!! What's even the point?!"
There was so much pain in her eyes. It hadn't even been that long, but Shigaraki was starting to miss her smile. "I lied. You shouldn't be surprised by that."
"Why should I believe you?" She took a shaky breath. "So you can use me at your will until death takes me? Just stop already. I'm so tired of everything."
Tired of hurting.
Caring.
Living.
She wished she didn't have these complicated feelings anymore.
"You can leave. Dabi will probably want to go after you, but I won't let him." He smiled sadly. He was being oddly sincere. "The reason the league was created was so that people can escape from society and help rewrite it. I want you here to use, but you deserve to have a choice. You're different than the rest of us."
She was at a loss of words. He would be letting her go? It was strangely making her calm down, but not enough yet. The pain in her heart was still there.
"How am I different?" She asked with a stifled sob. "I can't leave. Not when Dabi's quirk is killing him. I hate that I even care. I hate that I can't even leave."
Shigaraki scoffed. "Who cares about Dabi? What has he ever done for you?"
"He..." She told him everything. From moments he held her in a protective manner. When he offered her water and saved her from those scumbags. Everything.
How he called her 'doll'. Yet he seems to contradict himself.
"...Why does he do this to me?" Her hands started to pull her hair. Her head lowered towards her knees. "I don't understand why it hurts me so much. Even you being here, I'm scared you'll just do the same thing."
"...I'm scared too. It's because of that stupid hero society that people like us suffer." He felt the urge to scratch his neck, but he resisted it for Satoko's sake. "Something always has to come along and take away the things that we love. I don't want the league to be taken away. I don't want you to be taken away, especially."
"You're just saying that." Her head hurt. She was really confused and anxious to believe anything at this point. The one part of her skin she broke had blood trickling down it.
It was like she was trying to build walls to protect herself, yet yearning to feel cared about. She doesn't believe she's worth anything.
"Why would I say that if it wasn't true?" He asked. "I gave you the option to leave. I could just kill you too, but I don't want to. I like having you around."
Satoko didn't say anything. Before Shigaraki said anything else, he got the first aid kit for her. He sat it down beside her. "There. Now take care of yourself."
"No." She refused. "It can stay that way." She's just as stubborn as ever. She hopes if she doesn't budge, he can just leave too.
"Just take care of it already," he grumbled. "I'm tired of seeing you hurt."
"Whatever," she scowled. He watched her wrap it up. The action was making her tired. All that crying really made her fatigued. She was trying to speak, but her words trailed off.
Her body wobbled a bit before she fell sideways into a slumber.
That surprised Shigaraki. (Should I stay here until morning?) He looked towards the pile of spare blankets and pillows in the corner of the room. (It wouldn't hurt anything.)
...
The light came from the window, causing Satoko to stir in her sleep. Her closed eyes winced as she moved a little bit. Her body felt so sore. Upon waking up, she noticed something.
(Shigaraki...?)
When she sat up, her movement caused him to wake up too.
(Why did he...?)
He really did stay the whole night? To make sure she was alright? It put a strange feeling in her aching heart. Like she was moved.
Shigaraki sat up. The tired look in his eyes had somehow gotten better overnight. Being in her presence was a comfort itself. He turned his head towards her. "...Good morning?"
He wasn't entirely sure what to say. He had never stayed in someone else's room for a night. It definitely put an awkward feeling between them.
"Why did you stay?" She grumbled awkwardly as she looked away.
She almost asked if he tried anything, but knowing his quirk, she finds that very doubtful. That would have been a dumb question too.
"What did you expect me to do?" He asked. "You were being stubborn and hurting yourself."
"Hurting myself?" She echoed the statement as a question. "I... actually don't remember doing that."
Whenever she has breakdowns, she can't recall what she was doing. It was like a self-hatred was surfacing subconsciously.
Not only that, the pain in her heart for Dabi wouldn't go away. She forced herself to try to suppress the pain. Her hands started to rub her eyes from the burning feeling.
Surprisingly enough, Shigaraki understood that to some extent. His past was blurry to him at times. He even forgot it completely at some point. The memories came back gradually for the most part until he was able to recall everything.
He stood up. "Well, you did. But I forgive you. After all, you're still a member of the league unless you change your mind."
"I never really agreed to be a member." She scoffed. "Dabi pretty much made me stay here. Even if you say I can leave, I won't be able to anyway."
She started to get out of bed as well as she spoke. "As contradictory as this sounds...I guess I do want to stick around though."
Just what happened last night made her realize she cares a bit too much.
...
Waking up was sometimes not a pleasant thing for Dabi. The action in itself wasn't bad or anything. Rather, the realization that his feelings remained the same was what he hated. The numbness that slowly took over his mind didn't fade with sleep. Neither did the subtle irritation and half-suppressed sadness at the situation with Satoko.
He got out of bed, opened the door, and set foot in the hallway. As soon as he turned his head though, he saw it. Satoko and Shigaraki were coming out of Satoko's room.
Within seconds, he was right beside them. He narrowed his eyes. "Shigaraki. Why were you with her?"
Shigaraki glared at him. "Go away."
"We had a sleepover." She bluntly said. She was feeling a bit irritated she spent half the night crying. Not only that, reasoning with him was difficult.
Despite saying that, it made her feel hurt more. Leaving her confused and a little anxious. Why?
"A sleepover?" He repeated angrily. He was still trying to make himself numb. Seeing her with Shigaraki was painful even though he didn't want it to be. He gave Satoko a shove to put more distance between her and Shigaraki. "What's with you two suddenly getting all close?"
(I don't need to feel any remorse. I don't need to feel anything.) He did feel anger though. His anger was mostly directed at Shigaraki, but he lashed out at Satoko instead.
"Hey!" Satoko kept herself steady. It did catch her off guard that he did that. It caused her burns to sting, but she put on a glare. This man that held her protectively in his arms before now pushed her. It almost caused her to hit the wall if she didn't have good reflexes.
Her glare had more sadness in her eyes than anything. She didn't even expect him to do that.
"What the heck is your problem?! Why does it matter to you?!" She yelled in annoyance. The aching in her heart had returned. Her hands were shaking from the adrenaline.
"Stop it." Shigaraki moved so that he was in front of Satoko. "If you don't leave her alone, I'll kill you. She is more useful to us than you ever were anyway. I don't need you anymore."
Those words reminded him of Endeavor. He felt like he was simply being discarded when he was no longer of use. Hearing something like that didn't make him feel any sort of sadness. He was beyond that point. The only thing that he felt was hatred.
"You're weak now that you let yourself have feelings for other people," Dabi said. "You can't kill me because you're stupid enough to care for me. Just like you're stupid enough to care for her."
Shigaraki didn't flinch one bit. "Caring for someone has never stopped me from killing them before."
Satoko's anger and hurt intensified. His words struck her like a dagger to her heart. "So you never really cared for me? Then it shouldn't matter to you what I do with Shigaraki then!"
She stepped forward closely towards him to glare into his eyes better. "Why did this make you push me away from him if you didn't care?? Why?!"
Dabi's eyes had never looked so cold to her as they did in that moment. He appeared to be completely uncaring towards what she was saying. "I did it to hurt you. Because I hate you."
The room starting spinning.
"Hate... me...?"
That made no sense to her. Everything, up to this point, did it mean anything?
"Haha..."
Satoko couldn't help but laugh. It didn't matter. She fell for this man only to prove her first instinct right.
"You're lying." Her eyes kind of glowed in a psychotic manner. It was like he broke a loose screw in her head. It shifted her personality to something colder than he's ever seen her. "Say it."
The memories between them bled into her head. Lies.
All lies.
It can't be true. She felt like her own heart was suffocating.
She backed away from Dabi and went over to Shigaraki. Just to spite Dabi, she made herself go close to Shigaraki.
Still not removing her eyes from Dabi, she wrapped her arms around Shigaraki. She had no feeling. Nothing doing that action.
Just sheer spite to prove a point. Not caring what Shigaraki would think or feel. Just to give pain to Dabi for the heartache he is causing her.
"Then it shouldn't matter what I do with other men, should it? If you hate me so much, right?" Despite her words, her eyes barely had a hint of sadness. "I can hurt you too."
Her touch caught Shigaraki off guard. He immediately knew that she wasn't doing it for him though. Ignoring how much that fact hurt him, he put his arms around her loosely. "DOES it hurt you?"
It did. Dabi's chest felt like it had a weight on it. He wouldn't admit it. "I don't care what she does. It just made me angry that you get to be the one who gets close to her. Someone like you is only worth anything if you can be used by other people. You don't deserve her."
"You don't care what I do? Really?" She moved away from Shigaraki in an attempt to taunt Dabi. Her backing away from Shigaraki caused him to hurt more. "You get mad that I got close to him? Yet you hate me? It makes no sense."
(You were getting close to me too. Why did you do it?)
Her eyes widened with a crazed smile. It looked like her gaze was agonized at the same time.
Suffer.
"Isn't that what you want? For me to go?" She asked. "I guess you won't care now that I just go to Hawks then, right? I'm sure he'd love that."
It felt like there was a string of barbed wire tied around Dabi's throat. Every breath made it more difficult to breathe. (Don't cry. Don't feel anything.)
His mind was screaming in agony. Internally, he felt like he was burning up. His own head was tearing him apart. He was so good at making it seem like the inner turmoil was never present.
Dabi smiled. "Go ahead. You'll only be more heartbroken when I kill him."
"Try to then. It won't matter." Satoko challenged. "The only heartbreak I feel is from you, but it doesn't matter, right?" She started coldly laughing with tears in her eyes. "Who cares, yeah? I hope I'll break yours worse by doing all these things. If you'd apologize, maybe, I'll stop."
Her back turned as she started to walk away to leave.
"Takahashi-"
Shigaraki's voice was cut off. He felt a pain on the side of his head that caused him to stumble a bit. He looked up. The woman standing there was someone who he had never seen before. The woman had blue and black hair with strikingly familiar yellow eyes.
Her feet hit the ground as she did a little jump backwards. A kick was definitely not the best choice of attack in her position, but she executed it extremely well.
She smiled as she turned to look towards Satoko; completely ignoring Shigaraki and Dabi. "Hey, Satoko. Your family is here to bring you back home."
Satoko turned towards the voice of the other girl. The words resonated her to get back into reality.
"What did you say?" She suddenly felt alarmed. "Who are you?!"
"Ah, my daughter's funeral." Before Nozomi could answer, a somewhat familiar voice waltzed into the room. It was an older woman with wavy blonde hair with pink and purple strands. Her eyes looked shallow and lifeless.
"Mom...?" Satoko gave a sharp and pained gasp. "How-?"
The name of her mother is Yua Takahashi.