I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you really want to throw a brick at.
Actually, if it were up to me, I would throw bricks at everyone. But then the world would run out of bricks and we'll have a national brick shortage phase, and believe me when I say this, I don't want it to happen. Even if I get to see the hilarious expression in their face when I throw the brick.
So now, I'm saving the bricks for the people that deserve bricks. Like Annoying Dude. And Lysander. And other people I think that need a brick to make their day. I'm kind, thank you, thank you.
This morning, I got a text message. I'm sure it's been a few hundred years since I got a text that's not from my family. I'm very popular, I know. Not.
Text message says:
Person: Hi
Me: Who are you?
Person: good morning to you as well. it's me
Me: Thanks for the help.
Person: it's Lysander.
He actually knows how to capitalize things. Never knew that, fun fact.
And he can spell! Cool. I'm going to bug him.
Me: Like from A Midsummer's Night Dream? Where's Hermia?
Person: Who's Hermia?
I sigh. He's not Lysander from a Midsummer's Night Dream, then. At least he's the stupid Lysander I know.
Person: I'm probably texting the wrong person. I was looking for Juliet. Sorry.
He actually capitalized EVERYTHING and he had correct punctuation.
I decided to bug him one more bit before breaking the news to the idiot.
Me: Well then aren't you Romeo if you're looking for Juliet?
Person: I don't have to be Romeo. And I think the person I'm looking for is Julianna. She's actually pretty nice.
He deserves all the bricks in the world to be thrown at him.
Me: It's Julia, you dimwit. And 'she' is right here, you idiot.
Person: I'll see you at school then.
I didn't even want to reply.
I was going to summon the holy bricks.
___________
The holy bricks were nowhere to be found, unfortunately.
I actually did a good job avoiding him. Until he found me at lunch and came asking me if I had potato chips.
"I'm not a goddess and I do not summon potato chips!"
"Oh come on! Do you have potato chips?"
"I just said I didn't! Are you deaf?"
"There is no such thing as deaf with potato chips."
"Just write an essay about how amazing potato chips, will you? Let me enjoy my lunch in peace. Thanks."
"Can I ask you a question?" He asked.
"Do I look like I have a choice to not answer it?"
"Why does 'fridge' have a 'd,' but why doesn't 'refrigerator' have one?"
"If I knew the answer, would I be here right now?"
"Probably not."
"Exactly. I'm not a genius, unlike you."
"I'm a genius?"
"Of course not, dummy. See, this is what I was saying. Now, let me eat my lunch in peace."
He just stared at me like I was an alien.
"Look, Dude, I know I'm amazing but you seriously need to stop staring at me like that."
He turned away. Like a robot. Scary, huh?
"Lemme tell you something." He said, like nothing happened.
I stayed silent.
He stared at me, like motioning for me to talk.
"Hello? I'm waiting."
"When you're stressed, eat chocolate, cake, and sweets."
"Why? I thought that was stress eating."
"Well, there's another reason to eat all these things."
"I'm waiting."
"Because 'stressed' spelled backwards is 'desserts.'"
I facepalmed and said, "So you pay attention to spelling when it has nothing to do with school and you don't pay attention to spelling in school?"
"Sounds about right."
His stupidity is growing on me. Have I gotten stupider since he came around?
I walked away, still thinking about stupid Lysander.
This was a perfect time to have a conversation with the imaginary Arianna. I even (mentally) asked her why she was imaginary and she said she was to amazing for the world to see. I told her she was ridiculous.
"Be nice to me and I'll move mountains for you." I said to her after greeting her with a 'hey, sucker.'
"Aww... thanks!"
"Be rude to be and I'll drop those mountains on your face." I finished.
"I don't think I want to be your friend anymore."
"Let's not get to that topic. Yesterday's chores were ridiculous. I had to go find my brother's socks that he hid all over the house." I complained.
"I know, right? How come no one notices when you do your chores but everyone notices when you do do your chores! Ridiculous." She replied.
"Well, to me, cleaning my room isn't half as bad. 69% of the time I'm playing with the things I found. 30% of the time I'm just complaining. 1% of the time I'm actually cleaning."
"Sounds fun." She says lamely.
"Ah, speaking of chores, I'll be running away them, even though my mom said 'be prepared for whatever life throws at me.' Next time life throws something at me, I'm ducking so it hits someone else."
"... I'm not sure it works that way." I murmured skeptically.
"I don't care."
"Me neither. I'm not going to be standing behind you so... just hope it doesn't hit the principal." I said.
Then someone poked me on the shoulder.
I'm getting the bombs out.
I turn around. It was Lysander. I guess I'll just stick with the bricks then. Someone else should get the bomb.
"Can I ask you something?" He asked.
"Aren't you asking me something right now?"
"Why are you answering my question with a question?"
"Why can't you just ask the question? And why can't I answer your question with a question?"
This is a weird conversation I never agreed to. Let's see what his stupid mouth decides to say next. Probably nothing nice.
"Ugh. Can I ask a question now?"
Here we go all over again. Yay.
I sighed (bruh, this guy was taking my breath away. In the bad way. I might die before I even get to skydive. Sucks to be me).
"Yea. Go for it. I have third block in a few minutes so it better be quick."
He stared at me.
"Look, I'm waiting! I know I'm awesome but you don't have to stare at me like that."
"Where are your parents?"
"Gee, so un-stalker-like. Why do you want to know?"
Then I realized that I asked him another question. Oh, well.
"Just because. I'll tell you where my parents are..."
"I didn't want to know where your parents are!"
"Just tell me where yours are? Please?"
Ugh, I have no idea why he wants to know. But I guess so...
"They're gone."
"Aww... I'm sorry." That was the first time I've ever heard him say sorry to anybody. Nice guy.
"Uhh... why are you sorry?"
"Because your parents are gone..."
"They've gone to the cookie store, dummy! Would I be okay if I told you my parents were dead? Heck naw. What do you think?"
"Oh... I thought they were dead."
Nice to see he was so excited to get rid of my parents.
Who knows, maybe he's excited to get rid of me too. I'm ready to get rid of him. No offense.
"If you want a cookie, just ask."
"Can I have a cookie."
"Of course not. My cookies and only my cookies! Mwahahahaha!"
He looked at me oddly.
We silently said goodbye and left for third block.
_________
Hi humans! I hope you liked this chapter.
How was this chapter?
Don't worry, the interesting parts of the book will come very, very soon.
Thanks for reading.
This chapter is dedicated to @WAT3RM3LL
Thanks for voting and commenting on every chapter.
Have a great day!
Somerandomhuman88