I want to tell myself this place will be safe, only because I just need my mind and body to rest. As well with everybody else. I know we all want the same thing. Sanctuary.
The gates began to open, and a man stood there smiling at us. It was a genuine smile, not a disgusting smirk that I've seen on some men.
I turned to the side to look at Carl, but his eyes were some where else. "What is it?" I asked, and he turned back to me. "I thought I saw somebody, but never mind." He said, and looked at me.
We slowly walked in, and the gates closed behind us. We looked all around at this place in amazement. It was weirdly clean, and handled very well.
"Hi, I'm Nicholas. Welcome to Alexandria." He smiled.
I looked at Carl, and he looked at me. We were both studying this guy at the same time.
"I just have one request before we go and explore this place. I'd like for you to drop your weapons into that bin on the side of you." He said, and I already rolled my eyes. Oh brother.
"We have no intentions of using our weapons. We're not putting them down till we know what we are getting ourselves into." Rick said.
"It's nothing personal, but you just came from outside. We don't know you. Therefore we can't trust you just yet." Nicholas said.
"Well, if we had any intention of using our weapons we would've done it by now." Rick told him, and Nicholas's stare hardens.
"There's somebody we would like you all to meet before we go and settle you all in." Nicholas told us all.
"Who?" Abraham asked.
"Deanna, she runs this place. She would want to ask you all a few questions. Harmless." He replied.
••••
"She just wants to ask you a few questions, just answer her honestly Bailey, you'll be fine." Carl told me, with his hand on my cheek.
"Okay, just wait for me outside of the door.. Okay?" I sort of asked him. "I will, don't worry." He told me, and kissed the side of my cheek.
I opened the door, and walked inside. Seeing the famous Deanna standing over by the couch with her very cleaned style and hair. It was astounding.
"Hello, welcome. If you could just take a seat right there while I adjust this camera. Then we can begin."
"Why're you recording this?" I asked her, looking all around at how well kept this place was. I'm still in shock about it. I guess the world can do that to you when you just came from a barn that reeks of horse shit to a place that smells like lavender.
"I do it with everybody that comes in here, just for educational purposes." She said, smiled, and sat down.
"What is your name? Full name?" She asked me, and I just sat there awkwardly.
"Bailey. Bailey Walsh." I said, and she nodded.
"How'd you find yourself with your group?" She asked, and I felt skeptical about her calming niceness when she asked me.
"My dad and Rick our leader, were best friends. We all ended up together, I don't know how but we did."
"Where's your dad?" She asked.
"He's uh. He's dead.." I said, and fumbled with my jeans. I felt so uncomfortable.
"And your mom?" She asked, and I looked back up at her.
"She died. When I was 12. She had cancer." I told her.
"How'd your dad die?"
If I told her Rick killed him, she immediately sense something wrong with Rick when there wasn't. I had to lie, in this case honesty wouldn't be key.
"He got attacked by walkers." I told her, and turned to the side obviously showing i didn't want to be here.
"How about Carl?" She asked, and smiled.
"What about him?" I asked her, sort of hitting a rude tone.
"What's your relationship with him?"
"He's my friend."
"He doesn't just seem like just a friend. Not the way he talked about you." She added and laughed a bit.
"Yeah, well what did he say?" I asked.
"He said that he cares about you a lot, he said you were one of the reasons he agreed to come to Alexandria. You and Judith, his baby sister."
"Yeah I know who Judith is." I told her, wanting to roll my eyes.
"He said you were there with him when he had to kill his mom." She said, and that actually hit home. I just met this lady and she isn't rude or anything. She is just getting very personal.
"Are we done yet?" I asked her, becoming super impatient. I stood up heading to the door.
"Just one more question." She said, and I turned back around at her.
"Could you learn to trust us?" She asked.
"Don't take it personally, I tend to not trust a lot of people, at first." I said, opening the door.
"Aaron tells me you were raped." She said, and I turned around as fast as possible. I shut the door and stormed over to the table across from her.
"You don't know me lady, and neither does Aaron."
"Did the man do that to you?" She adjusted her eyes to the scar on my chest.
"If it's your business or Aaron's, I wasn't raped. I wasn't raped because I killed him before he could violate me. How's that for your educational purposes?" I yelled at her, and slammed the door.
"Bailey what's wrong?" Carl asked, grabbing my arm for me to stop. "Who in the hell does this lady think she is? I just met her and she wants to invade my personal situations." I told him.
"You told her about your mom?" I asked him. "I had to be honest with her, she asked and I told. What harm is that?" He asked.
"We just met this lady and you're just lying it down soft for her. Look I understand you want Judith and I to be safe, but you don't let your guard down like that and just give it all to her Carl."
"You're right you're absolutely right. I'm sorry that I was a tad vulnerable because I just want you and Judith not to feel hungry or scared ever again. How selfish of me." He said.
He was about to walk away, but I stopped in front of him and just hugged onto him. "Bailey-
"Shut up." I told him, and he hugged the small of my back tighter.
"I argue with you because I'm scared."
"I don't mind the arguing, I love when you speak your mind. You're hard headed and stubborn just like me." He smiled.
"That's why I love you." He added.
•••
A woman named Olivia, was basically taking our guns away from us because they "weren't safe" to have inside the walls. I guess it's for the good. I really am trying to give this place a chance.
"They are still your weapons. You can check them out if you are going beyond the walls. This isn't a punishment. It's to ensure safety." She told us.
I set my gun down and she smiled at me. "Thank you." She said, and I cracked a smile as well.
My group and I all just looked at each other. Like what was next?
•••
"Welcome to your new homes." Aaron said, and presented Carl, myself and Rick two extremely nice and also like this whole place, well kept houses.
"Both of them?" Carl asked.
"Both of them." Aaron replied.
"I have to get back to Erik, so I hope you guys feel right at home." Aaron smiled at us all. I didn't give him one, because yeah I was still pissed off that he told Deanna something that clearly wasn't his business.
As Carl and Rick walked inside, Aaron stopped me.
"Is something wrong?" He asked with a smile. "I promised myself I'd give this place a try when I stepped into those gates, but you telling Deanna I was raped, are you serious?" I asked him.
"We have a counselor who is willing to talk things out. I can't imagine-
"You're right, you can't imagine. And I wasn't raped Aaron. I killed him before he could finish taking my pants off." I told him, and went inside.
He looked down, and really did feel bad.
•••
Once we had gotten inside, I looked all around at everything. Of course it'd be clean and pristine just like the rest of this place. It seriously looked like the world hadn't gone to shit in here.
I walked into the kitchen, touching the counter tops and table. Not a spec of dust. They must've came and cleaned it every day even if nobody lived here.
Carl turned on the water, and felt it like it was heaven. I went into the cabinet, grabbed a cup, filled it up, and drank to my hearts content.
Carl smiled at me, and I wiped my face off in slight embarrassment. He smiled, took the cup from me, filled it up again, and drank it too. I smiled back at him, and he went in for a hug.
If the water was making us this happy, imagine what an actual shower would feel like. No, not showering together, take your mind out of the gutter.
•••
I stepped into the shower, feeling the water hit my feet and then my whole body. I longed for this, I longed for this so much. I grabbed the purple bar of soap, almost dropping it out of excitement.
I slapped it onto my shoulders, and rubbed it all over me. I almost broke out a laugh because this was almost not real. The last real shower I had was back at the prison. So you could imagine how dirty and foul smelling I was.
I never thought I would feel the satisfying feeling of washing soap out of my hair, and drying myself off normally. With a towel, and in an actual bathroom. Not some where by a stream.
I walked out into a bedroom that was clearly designed for a girl my age. I made my way over to this huge dresser, pulling it open and finding loads of clothes. I put them to my nose and they smelt like laundry detergent. I could get a high from this.
I pulled out a pair of dark blue jeans, along with a white shirt that sleeves reached to my elbows. And if you were guessing, fresh underwear and a bra that actually fit me. I hit puberty during the apocalypse, so I didn't go into it with an actual bra.
I was trying it on, still in my underwear. Adjusting it to my liking when I see Carl walk into the room, immediately covering his eyes.
"Bailey, I'm sorry!"
"Carl, get out!" I shouted at him, and he backed up into the door falling flat on his butt. "Sorry sorry!" He said again, and walked out.
I was passed the point of furious that I just started to laugh to myself. My friend since diapers just saw me almost in what my daddy would've called it "birthday suit."
I slipped on the rest of my clothes, along with brown riding boots and walked outside.
"Nice going Carl. Now she thinks you're a pervert. Way to not knock, idiot." He was saying to himself. Not even realizing I was there.
"Carl." I said, and he turned around.
"Bailey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to walk in on you. I didn't know if anybody was in there. I just thought I'd take a look around, not at you. At your body. I.. " he fumbled with his words and it was unbelievably funny.
"It's okay, stop." I told him, and smiled.
•••
Rick had decided it was good to play it safe, and we'd all stay in the same house for tonight. I completely agreed.
As I was setting up my pallet to sleep on, I looked around at everybody. Almost forgetting what they all looked like, not covered in dirt.
"What're you reading?" I asked Carl, getting up from the ground. I sat in the chair next to him.
"Just some comic I found upstairs in the attic. I missed these." He said.
"I know." I replied.
"I found this." I told Carl, showing him the third hunger games book I never got to finish.
"Bailey, that's exciting!" He said, and wrapped his arm around my waist. He continued to read. I sort of felt awkward about Carl seeing me nearly naked, but he wasn't acting any different so I shouldn't either.
A knock at the door, made us all stand up and be on guard. Rick went over and slowly opened the door, revealing Deanna.
"Hi Rick, I just -
She stopped and just stared at him.
"Wow." She said referring to his clean face. He looked way different I'll admit that.
"I didn't know if there was anything under there." She laughed, and so did he a bit.
"Look, I don't mean to interrupt. I just wanted to stop by and see how you've all settled in." She said, and looked around at all of us.
"You're staying together. Smart." She smiled.
"Never said we couldn't." Rick replied.
"You said you guys were a family. That's what you said. The one thing that just astounds me about you all is that no matter what background you guys have all come from, you manage to make it with each other."
"I hear that you've given everyone a job." Rick said.
"I have." She smiled.
"You haven't given me one." He said.
"I have. I just haven't told you. Or Michonne yet. I'm working on one for Sasha. I will eventually find one for Mr.Dixon." She smiled.
"Alright." Rick said, cracking a smile.
"Sleep tight you guys." She said and Rick shut the door behind her.
•••
The next morning, we all got dressed and decided to explore the neighborhood of Alexandria.
"Found this for Judith in a closet upstairs. Thought it would be way easier than lugging the chunkster around." I tickled her tummy, as she cooed.
"A stroller, wow. Where was this when we needed it." Carl laughed, and set her inside of it.
"I'll push her." I said, and he held his hands up. "That's all you." He smiled, and let me.
I loved this refreshing feeling of feeling safe. I felt like I didn't need my guard up, keeping an eye on everything. I didn't feel like I was cooking under the sun, without anywhere to hide from it. I looked at carl who was talking about something, but I wasn't paying attention. I was just to busy admiring this place.. And him.
"Aw, what a sweet baby." An older voice said. We turned to the side to see an older couple sitting on their porch.
"Thank you." Carl smiled.
"Bring her over." The older woman said, and we were just a tad hesitant. We did go over, and they just showered her with compliments and love.
"She's so beautiful and healthy looking. How old were you when you had her, sweetheart?" She asked.
"Oh, no I'm not her mother." I said.
"Where's her mother? I'd love to meet her." She asked.
Carl looked down, and the woman caught on.
"She didn't make it." I told the older woman.
"I'm very sorry, young man. You're very mature for your age, and certainly a great brother." She said, and gave Carl's hand a squeeze.
"Thank you." He smiled back.
"And you two young lady. Maturity is something that's lacking now a days. I can certainly see it's been in you two for a while." The woman said.
I was liking this place even more. It's almost as though the world had no affect on these older people. Such a drastic change they went through. From living such a normal life up into I'm guessing their 60's to something completely new. But it's just like that for all of us.
•••
Rick had come over, and wanted to introduce both Carl and i to the kids our age of Alexandria. I guess I was up for it. I hadn't really gotten to know any other kids since this whole thing started. I didn't know Sophia for a long time. Or Lizzie, Mika, or Patrick.
"We're almost always here after school, after homework and everything. Its my favorite place in Alexandria." This new kid Ron, told Carl and I.
"You guys have school?" Carl asked, and looked at me oddly. But not like a "hey this kid is dangerous" but like a "what the hell, school is still a thing?" look.
"Yeah, in a garage. The little kids go in the morning, we go in the afternoon. It works out great."
"The only actual positive thing about this stupid world falling apart. Now it's been taken, just wow." I laughed. So did Carl and Ron.
Ron lead us to a room, and knocked slightly on the door.
"Guys. This is Carl and Bailey. Carl and Bailey, this is Mikey and Enid." Ron said, and we looked at both of them.
Ron was a slightly taller guy with longish hair, and Enid was well a girl. She didn't really even acknowledge Carl and I. Okay?
"Hey guys." Mikey said. "Hi." Enid said to us, as well.
"Hi Mikey and Enid?" I said wondering if I pronounced her name right.
"That's correct." She replied rudely.
Aw hell no.
"How old are you?" I asked her, trying to force a smile so I could seem like she wasn't already pissing me off.
"Why?" She asked, and kept her eyes glued to her journal.
"I'm sorry, was I stepping over some line with that question. Help me understand?" I replied back with the same tone.
"Ooh ooh. Hey I didn't know if this was any of y'all's but I found it and finished reading it." Carl said breaking the awkward tension that had risen from me getting pissed with this girls unnecessary attitude with me.
"Oh yeah. It's good right? That's actually Enid's." Mikey said, and Enid yanked it from his hand.
It's taking a lot from me not to slap the shit out of this girl.
"Hey, we should play some video games. We have what we could find from this old game stop. They are pretty sick, and no scratches." Ron said.
"I mean or we could go over to my house because I have a pool table." Mikey said.
"Yeah, let's not. Your dad's kind of strict." Ron said and I chuckled.
"He's at work, it's cool." Mikey replied and waited for Carl or me to say anything.
They were genuinely sweet guys, but I think all of this is just getting to Carl a bit. Not in a pissed way, I could tell. I was just trying to understand what way.
"Sorry. I guess we come on a little strong. We have a tendency to do that. We could all just hang out, neither of you really don't have to talk if you don't want to. I know it's hard to adjust. It took Enid 3 weeks before she actually said anything." Mikey said.
"Pull it together sport." Enid said. Alright. That done pissed me off.
"Look, Enid. I don't know what your problem is, but you just met us. You have no reason to be rude, and don't you ever talk to him like that again. You haven't got a clue what he's been through." I told her, and she hopped up from the bed to me.
"You think you and him are the only ones that have been through something? The world didn't fall just around you two. It's life, it goes on." Enid replied to me, getting super close to me.
"Enid, you have 2 seconds to back the hell up out of my face." I told her.
"Hey hey. Look I like seeing chick fights, but that's what we have WWE for." Ron said, held the disk in his hand.
I wouldn't take my glare off her, like she wouldn't with me.
"Bailey, enough." Carl whispered in my ear.
"Let's play some video games." Carl said, pulling me away from Enid.
•••
Carl and I had come back from playing video games with Ron and Mikey. I actually really liked them. They were cool. I'd been exhausted for 3 weeks, and I was good and ready to fall asleep whenever I closed my eyes for too long. So that was the end of the day for me.
I liked this place. I did. I liked the people. I like the normality here. It was a live able environment, it wasn't so freaking hostel. I actually ate to my stomach's content, and Carl and Judith are safe.
I had woken up from my sleep, and could see that Carl was already awake.
"What do you think of this place?" Carl asked me.
We both were lying down on the bed in this room i claimed as mine. You know, the room Carl saw me half naked in.
"So far, it's growing on me." I replied.
"Yeah. I like it here. I like the people, but they're weak. I don't want us to get weak too." Carl said, and I turned to the side to look at him.
"I was thinking the same thing. I was hoping I wasn't the only one. And Enid.."
"Bailey, don't start."
"How were you okay with the way she was talking to you?" I asked sitting up.
"I've had practice." He eyeballed me and smirked.
"Oh screw you!" I hit his arm, and he started tickling me.
"This isn't fair. How're you going to start a tickling war when I just woke up?" I laughed, and he made his way on top of me.
He moved a piece of my hair out of my face, leaned down, and I turned my head.
"Carl." I said, he stopped centimeters away from me face, and got off of me.
"I'm sorry. I'm just not ready." I told him, and felt like crap.
I shouldn't feel like crap, what? Because I don't want to have sex with him? I just feel like I owe myself to him for always being there for me and that's not right. We haven't really even talked about it, but we were well aware of what it meant. I wanted Carl, but not in that way. Not just yet.
"I'm going to go and change. You two, you've manage to get that white shirt filthy." He laughed, getting off the bed.
"Oh shut up." I chunked a pillow at him, and he laughed leaving to his room.
I pulled out a pair of army pant colored jeans, along with a black tank top, and my regular black boots I came with.
I never really bothered with my hair because it looked like what it said in this magazine I read back at the prison, "beachy waves." And it looked fine to me. It's not like anybody cares about my hair anyways.
"Carl." I called his name, and he didn't come. "Carl?" I repeated myself. I walked into his room, and he wasn't in there.
I ran all up and down the stairs and checked the entire house, then going outside. "Carl?!" I shouted his name.
"Daryl, have you seen Carl anywhere?" I asked him, and he looked up at me from his crossbow.
"No." He answered in his usual grunge sounding voice.
"Well he was just in the house a minute ago, and now he's gone." I said.
"I don't know where your little boyfriend is, what else do you want?"
"What is your problem Daryl? Ever since we got here you've said close to nothing. You haven't even made an effort to shower."
"I ain't got a problem. I just want to be left the hell alone." He snarled at me, and I just shook my head.
"I don't want to deal with this right now, I have to find Carl." I said going down the steps and into the neighborhoods. I'd been looking all around for him, for about 15 minutes.
•••
"Hey Olivia, have you seen Carl anywhere? Did he go out on a run or something with his dad?" I asked.
"No sweetie, sorry. Although his dad did go out, but not with Carl." She replied.
"Thank you." I said, and continued on searching.
•••
"Ron, hey have you seen Carl anywhere? I can't find him." I said, and he stopped and turned to me.
"Hey Bailey, I saw him just about 10 minutes ago. He said he couldn't talk. He looked like he was in a rush."
"You don't have any idea where he was going?"I asked him.
"Not a clue, maybe a run?"
"No he would've told me."
"I'm sure he's around here some where, but hey you should come and play some video games. I totally want a re-match in black ops."
"Look, I'd love to beat you again and all, but I'm just really scared. When I find Carl, I'll think about it." I laughed and so did he.
"Well, you know what. I'll help you look, how's that?" He asked, and smiled.
"Yeah, sure that's nice of you." I said, and we began walking.
"So, what're you and Carl?" Ron asked.
"Excuse me?" I asked still looking around.
"Are you and Carl like dating or something? Because you two look nothing alike." He chuckled.
"No, we're not dating. He's a really close friend of mine. I've uh, known him since as long as I can remember." I told him.
"Carl is a cool kid, he's really kick ass at gaming too Like you." Ron smiled.
"Yeah I've never really played them before, I just figured X was to shoot, and you push the toggle hard to stab. It's all pretty basic." I told him.
"You don't understand how attractive a girl gamer is." He laughed.
"Oh hush and help me look." I laughed at him.
•••
Ron and I still continued to look. We finally had made it by the front entrance and could see Glenn and Deanna's son Aiden getting all too close in each other's faces.
"Oh shit." I said, and ran over to them.
"You obey my orders out there, I'm not going to have this conversation." Aiden yelled in Glenn's face.
"Oh then we're just as screwed as your last run crew, huh?" Glenn said.
"Say that again." Aiden replied, trying to be all intimidating. What a sack of shit.
"Aiden back off, now." Tara told him, and I ran and stood right in front of the drama. I just kept shaking my head at him. Like who does this idiot think he's impressing?
Aiden shoved Glenn by his chest, and Glenn was taking these shoves very maturely. I definitely would've lost control and knock the shit out of Aiden if I was Glenn.
"Stop putting your hands on him!" I said getting so agitated and wanted to charge forward, but Tara held me back.
"Nobody is impressed, man. Just walk away." Glenn kept his cool, and I realized Maggie was standing right next to us too.
"Hey hey, what's going on here?" Deanna came over, and Aiden says "This guys has a problem with the way we do things. Why would you let these people in?" Aiden asked her.
"Because we actually know what we are doing." Glenn said, and with that Aiden turned around swinging at him, but missed. Glenn followed through with a slug to his face, knocking him directly onto his eyes. The other guy Nicholas tried jumping in, but Daryl immediately shut him down with a football tackle to the ground.
Reasons you don't fuck with us. I mean really.
Aiden jumped up ready to attempt to hit Glenn, but Michonne got in his face. "You wanna get knocked on your ass again?" She asked, and he turned to the side. Good choice.
Rick had come out of no where and tried pulling daryl off of Nicholas. "Hey, Hey, Hey, not here not now!"
I turned to my side to see that Carl was here. I walked over to him, and he took his eyes off of what was going on and put them on me.
"Where have you been? I was looking all around town for 20 minutes, trying to find you." I told him. He turned to the side, and I looked over to see what he was looking at. Enid.
"Were you off with her?" I asked calmly.
"What?" He asked, putting his eyes back onto me.
"Were you off with Enid?" I asked, not giving a shit if she heard or not. She knows she's not my favorite.
"No, no I wasn't off with her. I was with my dad, Bailey. Just chill out." He told me, squeezing my forearm. I don't know what was hurting me. His grip on my arm, or the fact he just lied to my face.
"Carl, let go. You're hurting my arm." I told him, and yanked it from him. It was actually stinging now. What the hell.
"What's wrong with you?" I said, and began walking away.
•••
(Author's note, play the music in the section above the chapter for this next part. It's called "Photograph" by The one and only Ed Sheeran. :) )
I don't understand what I even did wrong? I asked him a question because I had no actual clue where Carl was. He said he was going to change his clothes and then poof, he's no where to be found. I don't see how I was wrong in asking anything.
Carl also lied to my face. I asked Olivia if he was out with his dad, and she told me No. I want to believe this a valid reason that he was lying to me, but the way he looked at Enid. I didn't see this valid whatsoever.
I kept a flashlight on in my room, instead of the actual light. So I could finish the rest of this book. I hadn't gotten to finish the last couple of chapters that I needed, and I was in the mood to now.
Carl walked into my room, and I obviously could see that. I just ignored him. "Bailey." Carl said. I looked up at him and then back down at my book.
"I didn't mean to scare you, you're right I should've told you I was going out with my dad." He said, and his lying was striking me in the stomach again.
"You're such a liar." I mumbled and let a little laugh out.
"Excuse me?" He asked me.
"I said that you are a liar." I got up from the bed and chunked the book on the floor, along with the flashlight.
"How am I a liar?" He said, trying to keep calm.
"You were not out with your dad, I asked Olivia and she said that Rick went out by himself. So try a different answer, dammit." I said, and Carl was getting all up in the personal space. But really what is personal space with us?
"What do you have to say now, huh? I caught you. I don't understand why you'd lie to me? If you weren't doing anything wrong, just tell me the truth and I can let this go." I told him, and he kept his glare on me. Just not saying anything.
I laughed slightly and shook my head. I tried walking passed him, but he grabbed me by my arms, shoved me back against the wall, and raised his hand.
He looked at me like he was crazy with such anger in his eyes. I gulped softly, and he squeezed his hand on my arm tighter and tighter. I just wanted this to end. I stepped over the line, I know I did. I knew for a fact, he was about to slap me or throw me down to the ground. I could see it in his eyes.
"Are you going to hit me like Ed hit Carol?" I asked him. And his eyes turned back to the normal blue I know. Not this crazy deranged one I'd just witnessed.
"Please don't." I said, with my lips quivering and being on the verge of tears. His eyes almost started to water.
He let go of me, and I rubbed my arms.
I sat down on the bed in disbelief about what happened. I kept my eyes locked to the ground, and not anywhere on him.
"Bailey I, I don't even know what I was doing. I, I'm so sorry." He looked down at the ground, and stood there like a lost child.
"You know how every Tuesday, My daddy and Rick would go down the street to that one bar?" I asked him, trying to not cry.
"Yeah?" He said, and tried to understand where I was going with this.
"He'd come home, so out of his mind drunk. If he found one thing wrong with the house he'd beat my mom." I said, now with my eyes really threatening to pour out tears.
"She'd scream and cry, and tell him sorry and that'd she's clean whatever it was up. But that wasn't good enough for him. He'd beat her and only give her bruises in places nobody could see. She'd lay there after her beating, crying endless tears and pray to God she'd get away from him." I was now actually water falling tears.
"Then a year later she got cancer." I said. Carl pulled my hand up gently and wrapped his arms around me. "Bailey, I'm so sorry. I am so sorry." He rubbed the back of my head, and was now actually in tears with me.
"I won't ever touch you like that again. I won't ever do that. I promise. We aren't like that. I would never make you go through that." He said, and still rubbed the back of my head.
"He knew Ed was hitting Carol, he refused to even acknowledge it at first because he knew he did the same exact thing to my mom. He knew that had she still been here, he would've treated her differently. It finally hit him when he saw Ed actually hit Carol, and he lost it."
"Why didn't you ever tell me this?" He asked, still letting tears fall out of his eyes.
"I didn't tell anybody. My dad said I would be in a lot of trouble if I did. I didn't want him to hit me too. I haven't told anybody till this day." I was trying to catch my breath from all this crying.
"I'm not Shane, I'm not Ed. I would never, ever put my hands on you like that again." Carl told me, and kissed my cheek gently.
"I love you Bailey." He said, and I replied "I love you too, Carl."
When Carl finally put his hands on me, and was about to slap me senseless. I lost it. I was feeling that vulnerability both my mom and Carol felt. I was about to experience something way worse that words, physically. I was in denial for a while that he would actually touch me like that, but it happened. I know I shouldn't even give him the benefit of the doubt, and go back to him. But I'm stupid, stupidly in love with him. He's not perfect, but neither am I. I couldn't penalize him for that rush moment. He said he wouldn't do it again, and I trust him. I just hoped that he was telling the truth, and I wasn't trusting him for all the wrong reasons.