Liar, liar, liar
I did everything you pleased
But I had to be deceived
You built a home without me
You're a liar, liar, liar
I was crawling at your feet
Now you'rе falling on your knees
Begging mercy pleasе
"Liar": Davina Michelle
Never ever think about challenging the universe. Don't ever say "What else?" because it will answer right away with a "Challenge accepted!".
It was finally Wednesday.
I haven't answered Sarah's calls even when she called me last night after what happened on Sunday.
I felt bad for not answering her thinking that maybe something might have happened but something told me she was just fine. Perfectly fine and she only needed me to be her taxi again.
I arrived early at the bakery and picked up the cake. I ordered one on Monday to have something to celebrate with my dad. I bought his favorite.
My dad loved carrot cake and that's what I ordered. A "welcome back" message was written on it. I smiled looking at it.
I searched on my phone for the address and drove there. According to the GPS it was about two hours away.
I was excited. For the first time in a while, I felt nervous but happy.
Last week when I talked to him he said he was finally happy and hopeful for a new start.
He did sound like he was. I couldn't stop myself from smiling. My dad was finally back. My rock was finally back.
So I planned this whole surprise for him. I hope he likes seeing me...
I now stand in front of the building. My palms are sweating. What if he doesn't remember me? What if he's not happy to see me?
I take a few deep breaths and decide to get inside.
"Good morning!" Excitement is noticeable in my voice as I greet the receptionist.
"Good morning ma'am, what can I do for you?" She asked politely.
"My father is getting discharged today so I wanted to surprise him but I don't know the exact hour. His name is Derek Willson."
She nodded and began typing on the keyboard looking for his name.
"Ma'am I'm afraid there is no one under that name registered here. Did you get the facility correct?" She asked with a smile.
"Is this, Wesborn GreenHouse?" I was confused, maybe she didn't check it well or I got the name wrong. It couldn't be though. My dad mentioned this place several times.
"It is ma'am, let me check again!" She smiled and typed the name again. "Still nothing, he's never been registered here"
I thanked her and left. There was a strange feeling that was making me feel uneasy.
But it couldn't be. He said many times that he was here. Being taken care of. Being happy.
Then something occurred to me.
I turned around and went back inside. The reception desk was into sight.
I grabbed my phone and dialed the number he's been calling me from.
Please ring, please ring, please ring.
"Hello?"
I froze and my heart sank.
"Hello... Is this Derek's phone?" My vision was getting blurry and a lump was forming in my throat.
"Yes, let me get him," Said the female voice.
After a few seconds of silence, he answered.
"I'm Derek, who's asking?"
He didn't save my number?
Tears were rolling down my cheeks now and I was gulping hard trying to not lose it.
"It's me Katherine," I answered.
"Pumpkin! I wasn't expecting your call, sorry the nurse answered for me"
The nurse? What nurse?
"Dad... did you lie to me?" My voice cracked.
"Pumpkin I can explain. Look, I really needed the money. I finally met the love of my life and she's struggling with money and I didn't find a job. I swear I didn't use it on anything else but for survival"
"For how long?" I closed my eyes as my body was feeling the anger about to take over.
"Since we began to talk. I never went into rehab." That was the cherry on top. The needle that busted the balloon. The bullet that pierced my heart and killed me.
I hung up and got out of the place. I embarrassed myself enough for the day.
Tears were rolling down my cheeks and I didn't care about the multiple stares I was getting.
He lied. He lied all these years. I sacrificed myself to make him better. To get him treated.
He was never into a rehab place. I was his personal bank account. The one that monthly gave him money so that he could spend it on his new "love".
Ironic isn't it? That you run away from "love" to look outside for that same "love".
Apparently, mine wasn't enough. He only needed my money.
I tried to recall our first call four years ago. I don't remember most of the words he spoke, only that he apologized. Did he mean it though?
I get in the car and lean my forehead against the steering wheel.
I glance down at the cake I bought and my chest contracted. I burst into an ugly sob and cry like I haven't done in a while.
I was soon breathing heavily and felt like I needed air. The car felt claustrophobic. I got out and placed a hand over my chest as if that would ease the pain. It didn't though. Why can't I breathe? Am I having a panic attack?
I took deep breaths and eventually after what felt like forever the pain ceased a bit and I could breathe better.
Realization hit me hard.
I had no one. There's no one to care about me...
Was I getting punished? Is the universe punishing me for something I did?
That's because you never say no. You're giving too much and people have taken advantage of you. Including your father. The voice in the back of my head reminded me.
It was probably right.
I should have said no the first time he asked for money.
I should have said enough the moment my mom began body shaming me.
I should have said no when my sister began using me as her personal driver.
I should have said no and yet because I loved them I said yes without a second thought.
Look where this love has got me.
Is this how love is supposed to be?
Me being a punching bag and the world the one that does the punching?
If this is love, then I don't want it.
I don't really remember my trip back "home", the motel. My vision was blurry the whole time and I felt even worse knowing that I was once again driving when I shouldn't. It was once again dangerous.
I don't remember either how I managed to go to work on Thursday. I only know I looked like crap.
When I got into the tea shop Greta gasped. "OMG, sweetie, what happened to you?"
"I'm just tired," I said without even trying to fake a smile. It wasn't a lie. I was tired. I barely slept last night.
I must have looked terrible because she kept asking me if I needed anything every hour or so.
I did need someone but there was no one.
I had some scary thoughts last night. Thoughts that never crossed my mind before.
And it scared me. It freaked me out.
"Greta, I'm leaving!" I told Greta. My shift was over for the day.
I left the shop in a hurry, not excited to get to the motel but excited to eat. I was hungry and because I had to watch my portions due to money, eating has become a luxury these weeks.
My phone vibrated and a message popped up.
Zane: across the street
Why do I still have his number? I don't even know that myself.
Surprised by the message I immediately looked across the street and he was there. Leaning against his black car. A hand on his jeans pocket and one waving at me with his phone in hand.
What was he doing here?
I debated for a second if going to him was a good idea. Probably not but my stupid feet moved on their own.
When I was about a foot distance from him I stopped. He kept his eyes on me the whole time, studying me but not really showing any emotion.
"Hey" He greeted, there was no excitement in his voice
"Hi" I replied curtly.
"How have you been?" He asked while rubbing the back of his head. Was he nervous? Probably not.
"Good. You?" My answers were short. I was not having it. I could not fake my mood right now. I was broken and I could not fake a smile.
He sighed and then said, "Look, Katherine, I wanted to apologize for the way I spoke to you the other day." He looked directly into my eyes as if he was trying to let me know that he really felt bad.
"You don't have to apologize for anything Zane, I already said that I don't ask questions." And I meant it. He didn't do anything wrong. I am the one at fault.
"But I do. The way I spoke to you was not right and I want to explain why even though there is no excuse for that."
"But why now Zane? I think you had quite a few days to do that even though I repeat, there's no need. It doesn't matter." I broke eye contact and looked at my worn-out converse.
"Let me treat you to dinner and I'll explain it to you." I looked back at him and his look was expectant, hopeful.
"I'm not sure that's a good idea," I confessed.
"Let me prove that it is. Let me tell you the truth and then you can decide if you want to accept me or never speak to me again."
I just nodded. It's free food after all and I'm hungry.
It's just for the food, right?