𝑺𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒖𝒆 𝒑𝒖𝒕𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂 𝒔𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒐𝒏, 𝒐𝒓 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒐𝒅?
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"For the past months, I tried. Because I know that you're mad and you want to get rid of me." She looked at Cate once more, eyes digging and full of vulnerability, "Cate, you know I don't want to be a loser. You know I hate losing. But in the game of unloving you, this - I know, I cannot win."
Sandra took a leap of faith. And even if her eyes were streaming so much tears that she barely could see and breathe, she stood there, in front of Cate - in front of the woman she loved dearly. She waited for her to speak, waited to know her sentiments. Her knees wanted to collapse, but in her spot, she waited for her. Even if the inner voice of her told her to just walk away, she stood on her spot. It was a shameful scene - crying in front of her, subtly begging her to love her again.
"In almost of always, you only see me in afters." And at last, the blonde spoke, "You said you love me, but you still cheated on me." The blonde's eyes started pushing out tears, and her voice sounded weak, the words were harsh and it stabbed like the sharpest knife, she cheated and technically, it was true. "Even if I was drunk, no matter how many times I've been hit on, I never and would ever do what you did. You still lied. You kept it from me for so long, and if I didn't catch you, I don't think you would tell it to me. I could have done something to protect you, but you did that to yourself! You fucking did that to yourself, Sandra!" She screamed at her and it made Sandra flinch. Her voice rose up and her tears were falling freely like a damn waterfall.
"I tried to--"
"No, you fucking didn't!" She cut her off as she took a move towards her and Sandra flinched once more, and when they stood face to face, Cate bowed her head and sobbed, "You didn't try because if you did, I wouldn't be here."
"I'm sorry."
Cate looked at her. The pain and anger were transparent on her face. Her lips were trembling. Her ears were red and her eyes were holding back tears, trying so hard to not break down. Yet, as she watched her, Cate took a move. She wiped her tears and she exhaled, hinting so much finality. She never opened her mouth again. She just looked at Sandra before she shook her head and started walking away.
"Cate! Let's talk, please... Cate!" With her heart already bits of pieces on the floor, she ran towards the blonde, held her hand and made her stop, "Don't go..." She uttered, her voice breaking down, but she didn't care.
Cate never turned back at her. She just stopped on her place with Sandra behind her holding her hand. Sandra wanted to turn her around and look into her eyes, but she was scared. She was too scared to see the pain inside the blonde's eyes.
"I do not want to see you." Cate mumbled softly.
"So that's it? We're totally done?" Sandra asked and went in front of the blonde who was already hanging her head down, "Please. I can correct my mistakes. Just don't do this... please?" Sandra started sobbing, "You and me, forever right? Baby, please... let's work it out." She held Cate's hand, but the blonde withdrew her hand, "...forever, we are. Remember?"
Cate, in her weakest version stared at her, face already full of tears, "We found forever in the longest time. Five years, Sandra. Five fucking years and you ruined it. You fucking ruined it."
Cate looked at her once more, before she started walking back to her door again. Sandra called her twice; with her voice helpless, she called and called, but the blonde never looked back. And when the brunette watched Cate opening her suite's door and going back inside, it was when she collapsed on the hotel's hallway. It was hard. It was hard to comprehend things, so hard for her to breathe, more so, it was hard to accept that Cate left her there.
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The sheets of her primrose yellow journal were filled with semicolons, apostrophe and dashes - but a period, there wasn't. Sandra grew up loving the golden blaze of sunsets; the end of the day, the setting of the sun had always been her holy grail - for her, sunsets were endings and those were comely masterpieces. She loved endings. She was always looking forward to such things - galvanize to know the end of the New York Time best selling novels that were on her bedside table. She was always looking forward to a year ender at the last night of december, award's night - but the end of them? The end of Sandra and Cate? It was something that she did not look forward to; did not want it to happen, but it was happening.
But no matter how hard she tried to continue - the stars, the comets and all the celestials did not align for them. Instead of them glowing together, they were bursting into particles - as tiny as atoms until they were turning into mere dusts and die into the forgotten grave of hollowness. So now, she would take a period. She would erase all the hanging punctuations and she would use a period in all of the belles lettres that she was keeping inside her heart. In that way, she could now tell that they could stop - that 'their story' could rest, finally.
Her eyes had grown weary for taxing out so much tears. Her mind told her that she should go back to New York, because what the fuck was she still doing there? But no, she opted to stay. Sandra looked at the necklace Cate had gifted her on her birthday. Engraved on it were the words I'm yours, forever, hell it was a stupid phrase now. Sometimes, forever only took years. Forever was a joke. And so she stood there on the shore, breezing with the cold midnight wind. She had her feet naked on the sand and a warm blanket was draped around her body. Her journal was down on the sand, along with the love letters Cate used to give her on special occasions. The necklace was caged in between her fingers, and even if her heart screamed no, Sandra took a step into the water. Her feet froze due to the coldness, but she never stopped walking, not until the water hung on her hips and she was wet halfway down her body. She closed her eyes and in a blink of an eye, the necklace was already down on the water, ready to be forgotten. Sandra wanted to stand there for quite a few more minutes, but the situation wasn't giving in. She turned her head back when she heard footsteps coming and when she did, the first view that greeted her eyes was Rooney with a sweet smile on her lips and a dozen love letters that Cate gave to Sandra was already on her hands.
"You don't have the permission to look at that." Sandra hissed as she came back to the shore, she tried to snatch it away, but Rooney was quick to pull it away from her reach.
With the letters on Rooney's hand, Rooney smiled sweetly at her. The young woman smirked before she perused over the letters acting as if the owner wasn't in front.
"I told you, you don't have my permission to look at those!" Sandy commented, snatching away the pile of letters on Rooney's hand.
The young woman laughed. She held her hands up in the air as if surrendering. Then came another laugh with a hint of mockery. It took a few seconds before the environment went still, and Sandra broke at her again.
"What are you up to?" The brunette's voice was bold.
"Nothing." Rooney shrugged, "I just want to hear something." She dared to look at Sandra in the eyes, hoping to ignite a fire.
"What?"
"You forgot to thank me."
A ball of confusion washed through Sandra, "And for what?"
"Well..." Rooney looked down and kicked a few peebles before she looked up at met Sandra's eyes again, "You won't know Cate is here if I didn't call."
"You were the mystery caller?"
Rooney smiled, "That I am."
The look plasteted on Rooney's face was a fake facade of friendliness. Deep inside, a cape of hostility was hanging on her neck. Obviously, she wanted to ignite a fire; start a fight. Sandra felt the whole place heated and even if half her body was soaking wet, she didn't feel it at all. She was too engrossed with the young woman in front of her. Too focused to know what game would they be playing over.
"What's your gain on this?" Sandra asked.
"Nothing." Rooney answed, taking steps as she reached Sandra's space, almost invading it, "... just the satisfaction of seeing the pain flashing through your eyes. Just the pleasure of seeing the tears streaming down your face. To know that you are hurt pleasures me." She ran her finger on Sandra's cheek, "the pleasure feels as if Cate is railing me. Her fingers filling me up. It feels like she's bedding me with her lips on my neck and her long, sensual and sinful fingers inside me." she stared at her eyes, "It's fantastic."
Sandra slapped her finger away from her face and out of reflex, Rooney held her finger and pouted. Acted as if she was hurt. Sandra started getting her things that were on the sand, and Rooney stood there, looking at her devilishly.
"Look Sandra, if you think you and Cate will be back again, then you are nothing, but a hollywood starlet foolishly in love with someone she cannot have anymore." Rooney spoke, "Cate is mine and you, since you already know that we are back together, you back off."
It fueled the fire on Sandra's bone and prickled her skin way too much, but surprisingly, it felt nice. She was challenged. Rooney wanted a game. The eagerness and the mockery on Rooney's gaze and playful smiles; she was enjoying Sandra's pain and misery. She wouldn't get to get away from it. The price of being happy out of somebody's misery was too cruel. She had to pay.
Sandra smiled at her, "Honey, you're too beautiful..." she started taking a few steps towards Rooney and when she stood two inches apart from her, she spoke again, "Too beautiful to have a mind as narrow and as shallow as the dimples adorning your cheek." She took a move, taking the full view of Rooney's eyes, "I got played already and it didn't taste nice at all. I despised getting played. Clearly, you are in for a game and clearly, this time, I won't be letting anyone rule the game." She paused and smiled at her sweetly as she could, but the bile on her throat was too bitter and Rooney had to taste it, "Yes, Cate bedded you. Railed you up, but honey, she did those things for me too. Don't you think it's all a routine? But we are so different because Cate went down on one knee for me. Had a ring for me. Asked me to marry her. All of that, she did none for you. Cate didn't ask you to marry her. In that domain, I think we can all see who is ruling this game."
"What are you trying to tell me?" Rooney snapped, eyes already glaring with anger and Sandra almost laugh at the sight of her ears turning red and her hands balled into fists.
"I'm just telling you, I don't like losing. You are not Cate's wife at all. I believe that you are just someone from her past and she's playing you too. And while you enjoyed getting railed by her, while her fingers are up inside you and her lips on your neck, I am sure her mind was thinking she was railing me. I pity you."
And with one final smile, Sandra took her bye leaving Rooney mad and dumbfounded on the shore silently cursing Sandra's name.
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