A/N: Hi all! This was a request where Hange is nervous and talks a lot while reader gives birth. I gotta admit, I know very little about giving birth so the details might be inaccurate!
Hange paced the hospital room nervously, fidgeting with their hands. They were still in their pajamas, and their hair fell to their shoulders, as they hadn't been able to throw it back into a ponytail. Heck, they had even forgotten their glasses. Their wife had wakened them at 2 in the morning, claiming that she was about to go into labor. Since then, they had been a wreck. An excited but nervous wreck.
"Hange, take a seat before you wear a hole in the ground," (Y/N) huffed as she breathed heavily. She was sweaty and in pain and seeing Hange nervous made it worse.
"The monitor said that the contractions are coming closer together, should I call the obstetrician?" Hange asked, adjusting their glasses. They peered at the monitor, pretending like they understood the information present. They were a scientist. Data and numbers should be their thing. But the weird squiggly line had them pretty lost.
"Uh-huh," (Y/N) groaned, leaning back into the bed. "We're not doing this again, Hange. Why couldn't we have adopted, like we did with Sasha? What on earth possessed me to want to carry—"
"Shh," Hange said soothingly, gripping one of her hands. "It's alright, you're doing great, love! Just push!"
"I can't push yet, stupid!" (Y/N) smacked Hange's head. "I need the doctor here with me!"
"Oh, oh, then just breath!" Hange corrected themselves quickly.
A few minutes later, the doctor entered the room to assist with the labor and Hange grew even more anxious. They sat at the foot of the bed, their legs bouncing up and down. Why were they so nervous? This had happened before. They already had a kid. Everything would be fine. Just fine.
"Do you think we can name this one Bean?" Hange asked, gazing at the floor as they focused on their thoughts. "Because we have a Sasha and an Udo. You named them both, so I think it's only fair I name this one."
"We are not...naming...our child...Bean!" (Y/N) tried yelling as she focused on the doctor's orders. She'd told Hange a million times that Bean was not an adequate name for a child.
"Okay, fine. Maybe not Bean. But what about Sage. Like sage green. I like the color sage green. It's a good color. The color of frogs...not that I'm saying our baby is going to look like a frog. I hope it looks like you. You don't look like a frog though," Hange rambled, their words rushing together and not making sense. "Though you would be a cute frog. The cutest of frogs!"
The doctor looked at Hange quizzically before returning to see how far along the delivery was.
"Hange, what the hell are you talking about?" (Y/N) said through gritted teeth. She was having trouble focusing on Hange's words, as she was in immense pain. But she had to admit, Hange's amusing banter had distracted her for a few seconds.
"Frogs! I'm talking about frogs. The little creatures that ribbit and hop around? Maybe we should have gotten a pet cat. But cats shed. But then again so do kids. Do you think we're ready for three kids? Oh, shoot I didn't take leave off of my job. Are you taking maternity leave?"
"What. Does. It. Look. Like," (Y/N) glared. Sometimes she was amazed at how Hange could be so oblivious during situations like these. They were normally a genius. The number of discoveries they made was amazing! But sometimes...sometimes they were the most naïve, innocent-minded person that (Y/N) knew.
"I wonder if Sasha and Udo are ready for a new sibling," Hange pondered. "What if Udo hates the baby and tries to hit it? What if Sasha tries to donate the baby like she tried with Udo. Did we even prepare them? Oh, god. What if they throw tantrums? (Y/N) are you sure you want to have this baby now, can't you hold it in? We're not ready!"
"Shut up, Hange!" (Y/N) yelled as another contraction rolled in.
Hange immediately closed their mouth, looking at their wife wide-eyed. "Sorry! I was getting ahead of myself!"
"It's okay," (Y/N) wheezed out, squeezing her eyes shut. She held out her hand, reaching for Hange's. They quickly slipped their hand in her grasp, squeezing her fingers lightly.
"You're doing great, love," Hange whispered, gazing down at their beautiful wife. They winced as (Y/N) crushed their fingers in response. Oh, they were definitely going to lose all sense of feeling in their hand. But that was alright.
"Hange," (Y/N) said, her voice coming out strained. "Think of a name quick, will ya? The baby is going to be here in less than a minute!"
"Oh, oh, oh," Hange panicked, searching their brain for a good name that they could name their third child. They were blanking completely, unable to find something suitable. But their thoughts didn't linger on that for much longer, as a baby's cry filled the room. Hange felt their breath stopping as they stared at the tiny wriggling creature that the doctor had held in her arms.
"Congratulations!" The doctor smiled. "You have a healthy baby boy!"
"Woah," they breathed. They hadn't actually witnessed childbirth before, as their previous two kids had been adopted.
After getting the baby cleaned up and wrapping him in a soft white blanket, the nurses handed the squirming infant to Hange, placing him directly in their arms. Hange awkwardly held their son in their arms, forgetting how to hold a newborn.
"Hi!" They cooed. "Welcome to the world, tiny human number three!"
"Think of a name yet?" (Y/N) smiled softly, looking at her spouse and her son.
Hange sat there, staring at the baby in their arms, and thought for a while. They put a lot of thought into their decision and looked up at (Y/N) solemnly.
"Let's name him Bob."
(Y/N) stared at Hange, incredulous. "We're not naming him Bob!"