Harry's POV
For the last four days Mitch and I kept going between the studio and our friends. I couldn't really do much in the studio since my tongue was still healing, which felt incredibly stupid and embarrassing thinking back on the incident now. We took a day off after the whole shrooms night, all of us just chilling at home with no special activities. To say that it was well needed was an understatement. Not that I was in any pain really, but it was still well needed. For everyone, not only for me.
We still got to do both Sarah's and Adam's activities. Sarah brought us to a cat café, and Adam finished off the trip with a full day on the beach with a course in surfing and just overall fun. Both of their activities definitely were appreciated and the concept of arranging an activity each was without a doubt successful.
Before they all went home, one thing had to be done before they left. Our days in Malibu couldn't be complete before I had seen it. I had to see Bianca drive her dream car. And when I did, just... Wow. The happiness and joy in her eyes was unmatched. Maybe the only thing that stood a chance at matching it was the happiness it brought me watching her being her happiest. But nothing could ever compare to that sight, and tearing my eyes off it had been impossible.
Each morning and each night she had checked in on me, asking how I was feeling and how the healing was going. So when I dropped all of them off at the airport except Mitch who stayed, the house felt bigger when we returned. The emptiness hanging so heavy, making it even clearer to both of us how quickly you could miss someone. An hour later when I laid in bed ready to sleep, it felt even more empty when I missed my daily question. If she would've asked what I was feeling now, I would've said homesick.
However, the next morning, I woke up feeling a bit better by the happy surprise I met on my phone. I guess they must've had wifi on the plane, because when I saw that I had gotten a message from Bianca on instagram to go check my email, I had never been so quick and excited to open my inbox.
"Masterpiece in the making" was the title of the email and after a short warm smile, I opened it.
Good morning Honey! How are you feeling today? Hope it's a little bit better and that Mitch gives you many, many hugs and kisses so you feel better. Sure he has to find another outlet for his love now that Sarah's not with him haha
Anyway, I went through all of the pictures when I just now uploaded them to my laptop. Thought you might like to have these, it could be fun to look back on the behind the scenes when the album is done?
- Bee
I saw the attachment, and by the text I guessed it was a file with all of the photos she and we ourselves had snapped of us. Wasting no time, I clicked it.
All of the pictures were amazing, and there were a lot of them. Not that I didn't expect it, I had already seen a few of the ones she took in Italy. I laughed both when I saw the picture of Mitch kissing my cheek in the studio of the house, and then when I saw a picture Bianca had taken moments before I jumped out the window, still happily singing in my high state while jumping on top of the coffee table. Such a big warmness spread in my chest, cherishing every single moment captured in these photos as I now looked at them. Warmness in the form of happiness.
It was the best way to wake up, or at least as good as it could get at this moment.
The remaining days were purely work, work, work. We spent most of our days in Shangria La, surrounding us with producers, music engineers and all kinds of people. It was first now that I could properly contribute with my singing, a week or so after the accident. Other than that, I had one other meeting that Jeff had to remind me of the same morning as it was scheduled. Thankfully, it wasn't a formal meeting so I kept my cozy morning outfit on as I jumped on the Teams call through my laptop. It never was formal with him, although I for sure knew he would comment on my clothes. Then if he didn't- would he really be fit for his job?
As I sat down by the kitchen island, knowing that Mitch was enjoying his beauty sleep upstairs, the call went through.
"Hi there Sue!" The platinum blonde, happy friend and stylist waved on the other end. In contrast to me, he looked great with his colourful sweater in different shades of blue and purple, his nails matching perfectly in a shimmery silver. More than that I couldn't see with the camera cutting him off.
"Hi Harry!" I waved back with my extra deep and raspy morning voice, enjoying saying my own name far too much. I just couldn't help it. It was too funny not to.
"So, how excited are we!?" He asked in excitement himself. Now, I felt bad that I had forgotten about it and this meeting. This wasn't something you should forget. I had just had so much other stuff on my mind. He was right, I should be more excited. Seeing him being so thrilled definitely helped with that. I didn't get a chance to respond before he quickly continued just as thrilled, "Your first Met gala, and you're not only attending, but you're co-hosting?"
"Thanks for reminding me." I chuckled out nervously and lightheartedly, flipping the tip of my nose. Lambert laughed back in return, clearly seeing that it was a mixture of excitement and nerves on my part. He settled with that as an answer, moving on to the actual topic of this meeting.
"Okay now, the looks- because we need two. And you will definitely not be wearing that." There it was. That comment I was just waiting for. He nodded his head towards me as he said it, gesturing at how I had the hood of my hoodie up and tightly tied under my chin, not serving me my best look. I laughed at his obvious ways, but at least pushed down my hood, letting my untamed morning curls go all over the place.
Lambert then continued his rambling, "So we have Alessandro on it, and that will just be perfect with the theme being camp. We're gonna have to make some mood boards, so send over pieces that you feel inspired by."
I took a moment to think, figuring out if there was an immediate thing that I wanted to incorporate. But since I hadn't spent a single thought on it until now, it was hard to come up with something this second. My silence clearly communicated that to Lambert.
"Whenever you come up with something- whatever it is, send it over. You yourself can also always look at Gucci's collections, but otherwise I will just show you a few ideas to you just to test it out. Alright?" He proposed kindly, doing his job perfectly with guiding me creatively. After years and years of collaboration, we knew each other well enough. In fact, I would've trusted him to do this full process without me by now. It was just funnier to have a say in it, and I loved that Lambert completely encouraged that.
I just nodded in response and he was quick to share his screen. We probably spent a good half hour just going over a few of his ideas, all from fabric, to eras, to colours, to the message we wanted the outfit to represent.
When our meeting was coming to an end, I did feel a lot more excited than I had before. Now I actually looked forward to it, and to continue spinning on my ideas from all of Lamberts. Knowing that Jeff would book a follow-up meeting with Lambert for me whenever it fitted my schedule and that in between that and now we would simply just brainstorm our ideas over text, I knew that the ideas would only get better and better. Even so when Alessandro would come with his own input.
As we started saying our goodbyes, one idea of my own rushed to mind.
"Wait-"I quickly stopped him from leaving the meeting, and Lambert leaned back again on his chair, following my instruction with curiosity.
"I just have one thing, one must..." I started out slowly, which definitely caught his interest. That subject led to at least another fifteen minutes of chatting as we went over it.
Since Mitch and I were both in desperate need of filling up the void of our friends, we had invited the people from the studio to join us for dinner at our place. The only two who we had managed to trick were Tom- who always was up for a good time with his spontaneous nature, and Greg Kurstin- producer, musician and songwriter.
As the pizza boxes laid empty in front of us, all of us spread around on the sofas to fall into a food coma.
"We should probably get going..." Tom said, burping shamelessly as an ending to his words. I shook my head in disbelief at the ground with a smile before I looked up to answer.
"You don't have to, we have spare rooms. And besides, I'm sure Mitch craves a cuddle partner now that Sarah left. The pillow just won't do." I teased, trying not to ruin it by laughing at my own joke.
"Mhm, exactly." Mitch sarcastically answered through his low tone as he took a sip of his coke, not even bothering to roll his eyes. I couldn't hold my amusement in, so I snickered at his response.
"Hey, you there. You're not the one to talk and tease." Tom jumped in, gesturing at me with a pointed finger. Offended and taken aback, I immediately stopped laughing to furrow my brows instead at him. Leaving the rest of them to snicker without me, "You've cuddled with that pillow way longer, wishing it was somebody else." He continued with a devilishly pleased smirk.
My choices were between acting insulted, or I could just go along with it. I decided on the latter, gluing on a smirk of my own.
"You want to be my pillow tonight Tom?" I winked at him, and I could hear Greg snort out a laugh, fighting to not let his sip of coke go flying all over the place. Tom just shook his head at me and my typical silly and childish humour.
"Well, wine then?" I proposed, taking their lack of answer as an answer to them staying. Tom and Greg exchanged looks before nodding. Mitch was quicker than me to stand up, him being closer to the kitchen.
We continued our chatting, but it didn't take long until Mitch stole our attention with him clearing his voice from the kitchen. All three of us looked to our side in his direction.
"Or...?" He held up a familiar plastic bag with leftovers.
All three of us looked back at each other before Greg switched to look at Tom with worried eyes that he reciprocated, before the both of them looked back at me.
"It just healed?" Tom questioned and I quickly waved his nonsense off.
"Live a little!" I tossed the pillow in my lap at Tom as I stood up to go and help Mitch with the tea, dancing ridiculously as I did. Making the two of them laugh at me behind my back, only seeing Mitch's face that was so fed up with my foolery.
An hour later we were back on the sofas, but our minds were somewhere else.
"Bianca was right, you do understand the psychedelic genre better after trying shrooms." Mitch spoke through his drowsiness, lazily jamming on the guitar.
"She said that?" I asked, almost surprised before I answered myself as the words settled, "Of course she said that." I chuckled with a hint of pride and amusement, making myself giggle more and more as I thought about it. That was her, in a nutshell, and I adored it so foolishly.
I noticed now that the guitar Mitch was playing had moved over to Gre, turning into just what Mitch had said- psychedelic.
"Wow..." I closed my eyes and listened to it, leaning my head back on the sofa.
"That's lush." Tom spoke in the same tone as I, followed up with an agreeingly hum from Greg right next to him at his own tune.
Without a second thought, I pushed myself up from the sofa, with the most genius idea in mind. I was passing the corner of the living room, heading for the stairs in the hallway when I realised that nobody was following me. I stopped in my tracks, waited, then turned back around.
"Hello? Are you coming? C'mon." I waved at them as I peeked my head around the corner. It took all of them out of their haze, and as soon as I saw them move from their spots I was on my way again.
Within minutes we were all down in the studio, but Mitch being too damn out of it to even try and focus on creating music.
Overly eager, I gestured for Greg to start playing again as I swung around on the stool I had sat on.
"You better stop, or you're going to fall over and lose a tooth this time." Tom stopped my spinning, making all of us giggle, but mostly me.
Greg started playing again and I closed my eyes to the guitar. Just like last time, my high mind cooked up the same imagery, and I smiled.
"Sunflower." I hummed low to myself. And as I realised what I had done, I continued.
Sunflower, my eyes want you more than a melody
It was perfect because the tune was in Bb Lydian, also known as the brightest - or sunniest if you want - mode. The madrigalism working just perfectly. I also loved the lyric, not only because it referred back to Watermelon Sugar and my description of her moans as a song in a heated moment on that birthday party, but for the fact that I had come so far since then. I wanted her more than that, I wanted more than just that heated moment, I wanted more than a melody.
Let me inside, wish I could get to know you
I confessed my yearning for transparency, trust, and open communication, Again, bringing back themes from another song- it being golden. Themes that we lacked, or just always had failed in our long history of back and forth.
"You play." A high Greg interrupted my flow, handing over the guitar to Tom while he stood up. He then returned with a bass in his lap, sitting down next to a Mitch who just silently observed all of us.
Tom tried to mimic what Greg had just done, coming close enough to it. Going back to where we last ended, in more ways than one.
Sunflowers sometimes keep it sweet in your memory
I was just tongue-tied
I thought back to mine and Bianca's break. A result of me not finding the right words to say in return - again lacking proper communication. Then, a result of me not finding the right words to say when I realised my mistake when Max was the one who gave me a shot of getting to know Bianca better. In the meanwhile, I reminisced on the sweet memories.
Greg now jumped in with the bass, trying to find a sound that fitted. With the shrooms he was on, he had no problem with experimenting outside of the box, and I loved it- we all loved it. Even Mitch smiled although he had closed his eyes, leaning back on the sofa.
Tom and Greg transitioned into a pre-chorus and I swayed my head side to side with the melody. So I simply continued on the same trail as the previous lyric without taking a break. Making the next two lines able to interpret in two ways. One, from the feeling I felt back then when I realised that I did in fact miss her. Even though some nasty experiences led to our fall out, I did still miss her and I tried my hardest to keep that to myself. Or two, how I felt now despite the mess up in Italy that I knew still weighed heavy on her.
I don't wanna make you feel bad
But I've been trying hard not to talk to you
Greg on the bass met my lyric with an incredible counter-melody bassline that in a very clever subversion makes it seem like it's having its own conversation with my vocals. Making it go back and forth in the smoothest way.
Sunflower
It was so obvious and clear to me that that was just what she was. It had begun with that poem, under the shades from the sun, but all I still saw when I looked up from the lap I laid in, listening to the words read aloud, was the sun behind those pages. I remember her description of her grandmother "She always made me feel so loved and was the warmest person I've ever known" before she herself described her grandmother as the sun. It left me thinking that that was exactly who she was to me, and how it reminded me of the poem called "sunflowers", every word of it fitting perfectly.
What I didn't think of back then, which with Bianca's own words was the perfect example of it, was how we both cherish and celebrate sunflowers in their lives and when they are gone. I didn't understand it, because I had the sun shine bright in my face at that moment, but she knew the other side to it when she talked about her grandmother. I first experienced that when we drifted apart, when I watched her from afar as she bloomed in this new life she had created. What was left was seeds, with hope for a better future. Hopefulness that we could start again. A rebirth.
Another melody change came in after a few words were exchanged between Tom and Greg. I stayed silent as they found their groove again, before I added on the vocals to the chorus. A smile grew on my face, because I knew exactly what memory I would draw from for this part of the song.
I couldn't want you any more
Kiss in the kitchen like it's a dance floor
Once again, Greg was killing the bass as he delivered a swung rhythm that I best could describe as a faux waltz-time feel, matching perfectly with the lyric and playing on the word "dance floor".
I couldn't want you any more, tonight
I repeated, but a sudden and unexpected contributor added on to it.
"Tonight, tonight, tonight" Mitch sang, dragging out the words in a yawn. And weirdly enough, it worked. To the realisation, I giggled hysterically for a good while before making Tom and Greg go back, just so we could repeat it in the same kind of big and echoing dragging out effect that a yawn had before continuing agan.
"Bah bah bah bah." Greg mimicked the sound of a drum as they played into the next part. To the sound of Tom's high giggles, I began the second verse.
Wondering, headshake
Tired eyes are the death of me
Mouthful of toothpaste before I got to know you
This memory was so old that I questioned if it ever happened. It was the first time I got a glimpse of Bianca, the real her. In that moment, it was the first then that I realised she was special. Already back in the studio she had caught my interest, but this moment was different. When she looked up at me with heavy eyelids, trying to squint against the brightness of Grimmy's bathroom lights as I brushed her teeth for her, that was the first time I could feel the effect of everlasting glow and warmness. Already back then, I only wanted to stay in that warmth, even if I didn't know a thing about her yet.
I've got your face hung up high in the gallery
But as I got to know her, I admired her, valuing her so highly, always looking up to her. Just like the sun.
The line was also yet another nudge to Cherry and connection to that with art gallery reference. Maybe he took her around his parent's gallery to show her the finest pieces of art, but to me... She was the finest piece of art. And from my gallery, I could admire and study her just like she deserved to be.
I love this shade, sunflower, sunflower
I sang more happily, really feeling it in my chest. Emphasising just how perfect she was to me, just the way she was. And with my euphoric outburst, I saw Tom get into it. Clearly Greg did too since he held up his hand at me, gesturing for me to stop singing, and rightfully so. Because what was missing in there was a guitar solo.
After a good moment, Greg held up the same hand to Tom and then gestured for me to jump in. With the unexpected request for me to sing, I went back to an earlier thought about how you could cherish sunflowers even after they are gone, speaking it out into existence.
Your flowers just died, plant new seeds in the melody
Let me inside, I wanna get to know you
Even if the lyrics came a bit hasty, they worked perfectly. A bit abstract, sure. Then again, we were trying to make music high on shrooms. It was a given that the lyrics would be abstract. To me, they were clear. It had everything to do with how I realised that my sunflower was gone, and how I kept on rooting my hope for a rebirth in a melody she was singing for someone else. However, the abstract level of lyrics was also what was fun about making music, at least for me.
And fun we surely had as we jammed out in the studio trying to make it. The pre-chorus came back around, me only changing the second line to "But I've been trying hard not to act a fool" to show that I knew I acted foolishly the first time around, and now I was trying my best not to. The ambiguity was strong in this line. As if to say that I knew I should not want her now, but deep down, if an opportunity presented itself, I would ponder upon it in a heartbeat.
The song actually started to feel and become a song now, a common thread presenting itself in the middle of the groovy and experimental sound as they came back with the sound of the chorus. It was a marvelous instrumental showcase, so vibrant and lush. Chock-full of word painting, madrigalism, groove and psychedelic sounds, just like Mitch said- or more so quoted. Once again, the original inspiration coming from Bianca.
I sang the first part of the chorus, but then extended it as Greg took it one more way around after hitting those imaginary drums again, making the second go even more trippy.
Kids in the kitchen listen to dancehall
I added and changed this time around, using a phrase that Bianca herself had used when the two of us had reminisced back to our first L.A trip together, feeling like we were only kids back then. And in that moment in the kitchen under a Canyon Moon, we acted like kids too, so carefree in our joy while the dancehall played loud throughout the house.
For the bridge and the outro, I combined all of the other lyrics, but combining it to fit the present time and my feelings now. Hoping to highlight the tricky situation I was in now when my odds didn't seem that great.
Time is sometimes what you need to find your words, and time also is the one to present an opportunity to say it. But so far, time has not been on our side. However, even though time has passed, it still never managed to take away the feelings of a euphoric crush or even love from me. Although it usually fades away with time. I guess that had to mean something in the long run. It has to mean something.
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This was sort of a filler chapter, therefore also shorter. And the album is coming together quite nicely, which we love to see.
I hope you liked this update! (once again didn't have time to read it through, sorry)
Take care /R