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Putting the car into park i glanced down at my phone, I had 15 minutes till my appointment was due and i was a bunch of nerves. The idea of finding out sealed my future and i was so scared i couldn't sleep the night before. Tyler had noticed and commented on it this morning reassuring me of what i already knew. I was slacking and getting a lecture in the morning didn't help my confidence. He had noticed I wasn't in the right state that morning but for whatever reason he didn't ask nor comment.
Stepping out into the humid sticky air i made my way shiftily toward the building; keeping my head down and fixing the hat and sunglasses i wore to shield my identity. I was still in my work out clothes from this morning; capris pants, a sports bra with a sweater over it. I had tucked all my hair into the cap and driven aimlessly for a few minutes to make sure no one was following me before I taken the drive to the clinic.
Entering the building, i took the stairs avoiding all contact with anyone. It only took one picture, one tweet, one Facebook post and the paparazzi would be surrounding this place trying to get the next story they could twist and exploit.
Taking the steps two at i time i ran up the steps- a smile forming on my face at how similar and easy it was for me to get up onto the 17 floor. If it wasn't for Tyler and his crazy technique of me running up 47 floor every morning i wouldn't be able to do this.
Pulling the door open i stepped onto the floor and walked toward the office taking my hat and sunglasses off simultaneously, reaching the door i shook out my hair trying to fix the hat hair i achieved.
"Ms. Moxen welcome, please take a seat the doctor will be with you shorty." Nodding I moved toward the seats picking up a magazine on the way- Shutting my eyes I leaned my head against the wall my heart beating at quick pace. When i had received the call it had worried me not because they called me in I knew they would, they told me they would once the results from my test came in. But it was Dr. Freemen who had called me personally off her private line that worried me.
I didn't have anyone to call, no one to talk to; Tammy didn't approve of my idea of going through this she wanted to me wait find someone do it the 'normal' way. And no matter how many times we had the argument we never saw eye to eye on this situation.
I grew up alone no family, hardly any friends and especially no parents. I still had my foster parents but after Vince there was no way I could call them; it had been years since we last spoken and it wouldn't be right if i just called and cried my sorrow.
I dialed her number before I even realized I did, i didn't think she would remember she was drunk after all during the conversation but she was the only one other then Tammy that I knew I was going to do this. Even in her intoxicated state she was so happy so excited for me and even though I hardly knew her I still called.
"Clover! Darling!" She sounded so happy, excited to hear from me. "How are you love?"
The amount of endearments she uses warmed my heart, made me feel connected.
Although she seemed so kind I couldn't answer her, i realized how stupid it was for me to unload my problems to her and prepared myself to hang up.
"Clover.." The sob I was holding ripped through me before I could i stop it, I haven't even said a word and here I was crying.
I hadn't realized she hung up on me until i heard the dial tone and i pulled my phone away from my ear, wiping the tears feeling stupid for calling her in the first place.
Twenty minutes later I was able to gather myself and started to feel better, soothing out my dress I sat down on my coach drinking some warm tea when I heard the doorbell go off.
I frowned glancing at the clock I wasn't expecting anyone so who was at my door?
Setting the cup down i walked toward it, I froze mid stride my head snapping up toward the door when I heard the familiar sound of her voice.
"Clover honey! Let me in"
And I did, opening the door I gave her a weak smile and before I knew it she Claire pulled me into a hug.
We sat and talked for hours, she listened to me cry and vent and held me through the whole time. She reassured me everything would be ok and helped me moved past the fear that I might be receiving bad news.
"Ms. Moxen?" Opening my eyes I looked over at the receptionist she gave me smile and motioned toward the office door. "Dr. Freemen would see you now"
Thanking her I walked toward the door opening it and making my way in I gave her a wave and she returned it with a warm smile.
"Ms.Moxen please take a seat" Nodding my reply i took the seat in front of her, already having a sick feeling come over me. What was it about fertility clinics and looking so dull? Personally if I was going to find out why i couldn't have a child or going through the process of trying to have a child. I would love to feel more connected, she could at least paint the walls; the stock white colour was horrible and bland and the only thing she had hung on her walls were her various degrees. Sure that matters but I would love to see pictures of the babies she helped bring into this world, it would sure make people feel more comfortable and at ease.
"Now Ms. Moxen-"
"Clover" I replied cutting her off. "Please call me Clover"
Last name bases was way to formal and it wasn't something i preferred.
She smiled over at me, setting down my files and crossing her hands together.
"Clover thank you for being here today as you can see I do have the results from your testing with me." She put her hands over the files and I nodded my head in acknowledgement.
The feeling in my stomach getting worse thinking about the reason she called me. It had to be normal right? she was probably just calling me in to tell me about my results. That's normal i'm sure everything is going to be fine.
"I am sorry they you had to get transferred over to me from Dr. Fredriksson, he has a medical emergency with a close family member and will be gone for a few months."
Dr. Fredriksson was nice but he was a traditional man although he acted like he was supportive and thought what i was doing was a good thing but i could see it in his eyes how he truly felt. And that made this whole process so much harder, lucky for me Dr. Freemen was completely supportive the moment i was transferred to her she personally called me and we clicked. She is so understanding so nurturing and that's the type of doctor you want.
"That's alright I just hope everything with him is ok"
"From when i spoken to him things are getting better"
"I'm glad to hear" I just hope he doesn't come back anytime soon because if he does i'm most definitely not going back to him.
"Clover let's talk about where we are in the process. We have done complete history and physical examination and we screened for a number of infectious diseases the last time you were her" "and finally we did the basic work-up to confirm that there are no fertility issues"
I nodded, my stomach in knots as i waited for my results.
She leaned forward and smiled but i could see the weary in her eyes and my stomach dropped.
"Clover..."
And that moment she said my name I knew something was wrong.
"How long have you've been on birth control?"
I thought about it for a moment trying to remember. God I was put on that ages ago.
"I think when i first got my period, i had really bad cramps so my doctor recommended it"
"And when was your first period?"
"When I was 12"
She nodded her head almost if it made sense she opened up my file and shifted through a few pages.
"Your physical examination and disease check came back okay, but Clover" Her eyes met mine and she gave me small smile. "Your fertility levels are substantially low. And it could be the reason that you've been on birth control almost 20 years. You do turn 32 this year correct?"
I nodded my head afraid if i spoke i would break down.
"Your fertility levels are low for an average woman your age-"
And that's those words broke me, tears that were pooling at my eyes spilled from my cheeks as i let out a cry.
This is was my last option, i tried adoption but no adoption clinic would allow a single parent and if any did the process and the wait to get a child would take years. I considered fostering but there is no way i can just take care of a child for a short period of time and then for them to be taken away from me. This was the only thing i had hopes for and it seemed even that was getting taken from me.
"Clover, don't cry this is normal there multiple woman who come into here with the same problem"
I looked up at her, wiping the tears from my eyes.
"Really?"
"Really dear." She gave me a warm smile and a gentle squeeze the look in her eye gave me the reassurance i needed.
"Your levels are off an 40 year old but don't fret theres something we can do. You will need to get off birth control and we can start you on fertility treatments after 2 months. It would be consecutive for a few months everyday before we test your levels again, then from there we will go on."
I didn't want to ask her this question but i knew if i didn't it would haunt me.
"What if even with the treatments my levels don't go up?"
Taking both hands in hers she shook her head.
"Don't worry about that if that is a possibility we will cross that bridge when we get there."
"Ok"
"You will be very hormonal during the next few months Clover, so warn anyone around you"
I nodded my head not being able to talk, my throat was to dry and i could feel another load of tears ready to spill out.
"This will be a process Clover and it'll take a couple months are you ok with that?"
"I'm doing a training for a marathon which won't be for another 6 months so i was planning on going through the insemination once i was done with that."
"So then this is at the right time."
"Yeah" I said smiling trough my tears, hope and happiness filling me again "I guess so"
----
I was now sitting on the coach nursing a glass of wine while i toned Tammy out as she rambled on about god knows what. I showed up at her house after the appointment because she insisted i do but my mind wasn't in it.
The fear of me losing the one thing i want was more then i can handle and i need to be careful. She told me not to push myself while i was undergoing the treatment even though i don't start for another 2 months. I'm going to have to talk to Tyler about it. A shiver ran through me as I thought about that conversation, he sure wasn't going to be happy.
"Clover...!"
It didn't make sense to me, so his father and him didn't have a good relationship but why the hate towards kids? He's hating on kids just like how his father hated kids...I wonder if he realizes he might be a lot like his father.
"Clover?"
And then there was what he said about me; how i got my fame? What's the supposed to mean? And the fact that the jerk wouldn't even tell me what he meant!
"Clover!" With a shake my eyes connected to hers.
"Were you listening to me?"
"Cleary not." I replied with a grin.
Hands on her hip she glared at me.
"You got to be freaking kidding me! I'm over hearing pouring my damn heart out and your over there not even listening to me?!" The screeching of her voice was driving me insane, the last fews days she had been driving me insane!
"Tammy so you slept with Howden it's no big deal!"
She froze the glass she was bringing to her lips stopping half way.
"That's not what i was talking about! How did you know about that?"
Shit.
Clearly i should have kept my mouth shut. Howden's going to kill me if he finds out i spilled to her!
Improvising I smiled.
"You have been snappy and bitchy these past fews days and it started after that date with Howden, don't you think i didn't notice! At first i thought you got your period but then i remembered you got that earlier in the month so i put two and two together. You had to have slept with him"
"Oh my god! Was I that obvious?"
I stared at her for a moment her response catching me off guard. She actually bought it?
"Most people are super happy after a night of romp but only your would be super angry, i'm guessing it was because it's with the person you secretly love."
"I don't love him"
"Right"
"Anyway! I don't want to talk about this so we aren't why don't you tell me about the appointment."
So quick to change the topic, clearly i was spot on in my accusation.
"I would but i'm late"
The appointment was something i didn't want to talk about, especially with Tammy who didn't think it was a good idea anyway.
All she would say is maybe it's a sign i do it the naturally way but unlike her i don't have someone to experience having a child with. I tried the dating scene once Vince left me but it was hard and i didn't really click with anyone in that way i wanted to. There has to be a spark, physical or personality wise and if there isn't then everyone is just wasting there time. Tammy doesn't seem to understand that, she feels people get the spark once the get to know each other. But I disagree i think it should be there before getting to involved.
Setting the glass on her table i stood up and started walking toward the door.
"Late? For what? It's Tuesday your done your session from today morning at Tyler's your had your appointment and as your personal agent i know you have no other requirements for the day."
"Yes no more business requirements but this one is personal"
"Personal? Is Tony still here?"
"No? He left the other day."
"Then...?"
"Then? Tammy I can have other things planned you know!"
"Ok like what? What's so important that you have to leave right now and will make you late? You can't say shopping because malls are open till 9pm. So tell me Clover!"
Rolling my eyes i turned to face her.
"I'm going back over to Tyler's"
She stood there giving me the most dramatic pose arms crossed eyebrows raised.
"And why?"
"Because his nieces are coming soon the exact date i don't know and i'm going over to train him on Disney movies. The princess ones more so then the others."
"Your spending a lot of time with your trainer" Her eyes were narrowed in accusation.
"I'm just helping him out"
"Why? Is he your friend?"
"No"
"Your boyfriend?"
"No"
"Your lover?"
"God no!'
"Then why help him Clover?"
"Because he is a person in need."
"Your spending a lot of time with a person who is only supposed to be your trainer."
My phone rang glancing at the caller I smiled before picking up filling her in on the details of my appointment while walking out of Tammy's house.
-----
Ringing his doorbell I stood there, this was so weird being at his house other then being there to train. It felt so personal, even though it shouldn't I'm only here to help his poor nieces. Those poor girls are going to be stuck with an uncle that knows nothing if i don't help him.
"You actually came" He replied shock clearly evident on his face after he opened the door.
"I told you i would and i brought the movies!" I held up the bag filled with all the Disney movies and snacks i brought along.
He moved from the doorway and i walked in handed him the bag.
"Pick one and we'll get started."
"These aren't even opened"
"Yeah i bought brand new copies for you so that you can keep them and use them in desperate situations."
"Let's go with Mulan you said she was your favorite"
I stopped half turning toward him a smile forming on my face. He remembered?
"Yeah although she technically isn't a princess her movie is kick ass!"
He flipped over the disk looking over the movie before our eyes connected.
"Alright but we have to make a deal"
I raised an eyebrow and turned to fully face him, kicking my feet up on the coach.
"If we are going to sit here and watch all these movies once were done we have to watch one of my choosing."
Smiling I nodded holding out my hand.
"You have a deal Mr.Brantford."
---
5 princess movies later we were done for the day.
"That was the longest day of my life"
I grinned.
"It's a good thing we started early"
"5 movies...5 movies with singing and dancing! With unrealistic ploys about finding love."
"And were not done yet."
"Seriously?" He groaned.
"This is your fault for not being more involved, there is a lot more!"
"How many more?"
I grinned loving the way he was not enjoying this but was willing to go through with this for those 3 little girls.
He can deny it all he wants but he cared for those girls, more then he let on, before i could answer he stood up.
Shaking his head making his way over to the movie collection he had.
"Anyway my turn"
"Right go ahead" I totally forgot we were going to watch a movie of his choosing after.
"It's been on my shelf a while and i haven't gotten a chance to watch it. Finally I do"
"What movie is it?"
"Chucky"
I froze our eyes connecting as he waved the movie around before opening it and making his way toward the DVD player.
"Chucky...? As in that horror movie about the doll? The doll that kills people?
"Yeah. That's not a problem is it?" He questioned eyebrow raised a smirk on his pretty little face.
He was taunting me and there was no way he was going to win.
"No"
"Good"
After popping in the DVD he leaned over the coach and handed me a blanket.
"Should have offered you one from the beginning"
Not replying i took it and through it over me, setting aside the bowl of popcorn I had been munching on.
Shutting my eyes I took a deep breathe preparing myself so i hated horror movies but I could watch it but horror movies about killer dolls? No thank you.
Almost as if he could sense my nerves he turned to face me, the smirk still on his face.
"Your sure about this?"
Without turning away from the Tv I nodded.
It was now or never.
Before he could push play I reached for his hand and stopped him.
"Wait" He paused eyes glancing over at me.
"Having second thoughts?"
Did I want to talk about this now? Did i want to bring up the topic and let him know what was happening in 2 months.
No. No yet after the movie. That way i could leave right after and not deal with the awkwardness i knew would soon follow after.
I shook my head.
"Just play the movie"
An hour in I was miserable, and i had to force myself to keep staring at the screen. Damn you Tyler damn you!
Biting my tongue i held in a screen as he popped up with knife in hand ready to kill her.
The music, sounds, the creepy setting was all leading up to him popping out but it still caught me off guard. I was trembling in fear and anticipation as i waited for the next scene feeling jumpy and paranoid.
I could see Tyler from the corner of my eye enjoying my misery, he kept covering his mouth with his hand and I knew he didn't want me to see him laugh.
Narrowing my eyes at him I turned to glare at him, "This isn't funny"
"I know" He replied eyes not leaving the TV but i could see the mischief and the smile he was holding back.
"I'm not scared you know. It's just startling" I was trying to convince myself more then him because i knew tonight I wouldn't be getting any sleep.
He laughed and shook his head. "Right your not scared at all."
This stupid little red head doll with scars on his face wearing an ugly pair of overalls was going to give me nightmares! Why did I agree to this?
I let out a scream when he popped out, the sound almost deafening and i could hear the chuckle of Tyler next to me. I had never see him laugh, or smile and if I wasn't so mad at him right now I might have taken the moment to get a proper look at it.
"Your sure act all big and tough but here you are trembling in fear."
"I am not scared!" I replied defending myself but we both knew I was lying.
After a few minutes of silence his voice rang out.
"Oh god look!" His voice loud and startling as he pointed out his window and I let out a scream before looking in the direction.
"What?! What is it?"
He grinned and i narrowed my eyes "Right your definitely not scared."
"Shut up!" I replied smacking him. We had gotten closer from the start of the movie and i was now practical on top of him, burning my face in his shoulder I looked down not wanting to see the rest of the movie.
To my surprise he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer shifting his body so i fit comfortably against his side after what felt like a century the movie was done a half hour later and Tyler reached over and shut the TV off.
I didn't make any attempts to move and he neither did he, instead he brushed the hair away from my face and titled my face up. The playfulness we shared before gone and replaced with something else. I could see it in his eyes, the desire and i could tell he was moments away from kissing me. Being embraced brought back the heat i always felt whenever i was in his arms and before i leaned forward and connected our lips I shifted away, leaving his warm embrace and moving back to my spot on the couch.
Now that the movie was down i needed to talk to him and not knowing how he would react being close to him wasn't an option.
He didn't say anything as he watched me shift away.
"We need to talk about something it's important." Brushing the hair away from my face i turned my body and faced him, crossing my feet under me.
This day has been amazing, we actually spent time together without fighting and it was a wonder.
"Okay."
Taking a deep breathe before I started, running my fingers through my hair I got ready to tell him.
"Tyler in two months...Our training sessions might need to get toned down a little."
He didn't comment just watched me waiting or me to continue.
"I'm-I'm going to be going through...Fertility treatments"
I saw the confusion fill his eyes. "What?"
"I just wanted to let you know it's important and I needed you to know as my trainer."
I kept telling myself that was the reason I told him he was my trainer he need to know. I kept reassuring myself there was no other reason, but deep inside I knew...I knew there was more.
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"The treatments. Why?"
"If your going to ask me personal questions. I'm going to ask you them back as my trainer I only needed to tell you i'm doing them not why."
I was expecting him to back off drop the subject but my eyes widened in shock at his next words.
"Fine 5 questions...Go"
~~~~~~~
I was going to post this tomorrow but I decided against it.
2 weeks update! I am very proud of myself!
Seriously guys the votes and comments seriously insipre me to write and as you can see my chapers are long and it does take me some time to work on it.
So thank you for your ongoing support! <3
The more you guys vote I know people are reading so I write.
The next chapter will be a mix of both Clover's and Tyler's POV's.
I was going to do it this chapter but i needed it to be in Clover's view so everyone knew what was going on with her.
Thanks loves <3