It couldn't get worse. Goshiki sat down on a bench as he stared at the sky.
The day was crap, to say the least. Anything and everything going wrong, not like that was unusual. Nobody cared, truly cared. They thought they did but in reality, they didn't. And he knew it. He has been cast aside since the day he was born. Not knowing the undying love of parents who stopped loving him when he was 6. Not knowing the warmth of a family, or the comfort in a true conversation.
The sky was dark and it grew heavy with rain. It let out a shout in the form of thunder and a scream in the form of lighting. The rain came down fast and Goshiki just looked up. He let the water drop onto his face.
After a few minutes, he was soaked to the bone, he didn't care. Why should he when nobody cares about him, he won't be missed, truly missed.
He doesn't like thinking this way but has become accustomed to it. It was an inevitable truth that was undeniable. He pushed it aside for years before it set in his brain.
Everything clicked when on his ninth birthday his parents left the country. There was a present and a note. The present was for him and the note was of his responsibilities. No one cared that he was alone. 'Rely on the neighbors, they know' the note said. But what to do when the neighbor's kids hate you and spout lie after lie to their parents, only leaving a bigger hole in your chest.
When he got into Shiratorizawa he changed himself. Before he was painfully shy, stammered, didn't talk loud or much at all, scared of authority, timid, and unloveable. He would be the opposite, loud, outgoing, bright, confident, and loveable.
But nothing changed.
Why did nothing change? He was good, he never hurt anyone. Stop why? Why him? Why was it always him that was cast aside? Brushed off? Abandoned? Alone? Why? Why?! WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY? WHY WAS HE LEFT? WHY WAS HE SO UNLOVED? He did it all right, right? He spoke respectfully. Never faltering, never yelling in anger, or getting angry at all. So why?
Why was he... alone?
Because he was simply empty.
There was nothing to love. He was so unloveable that he drove people to hate him. He was so disgusted with how alone he was, how sad, how angry, how unnoticed. He did it all right! He swears he did. He is so angry he could scream but he can't because that would make it worse. He wants to jump and fall for eternity. Give him some feeling other than the harsh echoes of emptiness and loneliness in his heart.
He got up from his lone bench in the empty park and walked. Where? That didn't matter. Anything to make him fall asleep faster. He walked until he came upon a convenience store.
He looked up at the sign and walked in. He didn't know why he was there, maybe the warmth of the half-asleep person at the counter. Sharing a common emptiness? Someone to fill the void for a moment? Doesn't matter.
He walked around the door once before leaving. Having no reason to be there.
Out into the rain again.
He pulled his phone out of his bag which was waterproof. Looked up Shiratorizawa and headed in that direction. The entire walk there felt like he was dragging his body as dead weight to his dorm. He walked past the empty park and the lonely bench.
He might as well give in to the weight of sleep.
He walked over to give the bench some of his warmth and company. Sharing the warmth that the bench couldn't give him. He laid down, his body is made of lead while his heart is made of glass and a mask made of porcelain.
As he lay there, cold tears ran down his face. His mask broke into millions of pieces and no one was there to save him, to put him back together, even though he saved so many others. He put them back together while he was left with bloody hands. He put them back together with all the right pieces and kept the wrong ones with him, but no one ever took the wrong pieces to the trash.
Finally, after many hours of walking, he fell asleep. Cold, empty, and alone.
Date Tech walked through the park. It was late, too late. Around two in the morning. A team get-together that lasted too long but was still so much fun.
As they walked through the park in their uniforms they noticed a sleeping Goshiki on the bench. They all walked over and stopped when they arrived at him.
Goshiki laid there, in his uniform and he was soaked to the bone. He was on his side, facing away from the bench. His arms were hanging off the bench, and his lips were pale, maybe light blue. He almost looked dead, the only sign of life was his breathing. His bag lay zipped up and underneath the bench.
"What should we do? We can't leave him, he'll die for sure!" -Moniwa whisper shouted
"Someone will have to take him for the night." -Futakuchi
"I'll do it! Being the responsible senpai and all that!" -Kamasaki said too loudly for the situation
"No, I'll do it. I live closest and he knows me so he won't be terrified when he wakes up." -Kogane
Kogane bent down and slipped his arms under Goshiki's knees and back. He picked him up princess style. With that act, the conversation seemed to be over. Moniwa helped slip Goshiki's bag onto Kogane's shoulder.
Goshiki looked so relaxed and stunning for someone who was nearly freezing to death.
The arm farther from Kogane hung low to the ground and both of his hands were slightly curled because of how relaxed they were. His other arm laid gently against his chest. His head hung back and limp as his hair fell straight down but slightly clinging to his head still. His lips were pale and a little blue but also slightly parted as he gently breathed in and out. His legs were completely relaxed and long. The way his clothes clung tightly to his body revealed his muscles and curves.
The most beautiful part was how relaxed he looked. Kogane noticed that Goshiki always looked sad or tense whenever anyone was close. But you could only tell by looking at his eyes alone, if you looked at something else at the same time you would be fooled. If you took anything else into account other than the look in his eyes, you were fooled.
Kogane couldn't help but not say anything.
Kogane and Goshiki talked quite a lot but it always felt fake and stressful on Goshiki's end but also, natural and practiced. They still talked and exchanged numbers but it felt different. Kogane had a feeling in his stomach that something is wrong and that he can help. He also had the pit falling of love and ache in his heart as well.
This whole observation lasted a single moment.
Kogane looked at Goshiki's face for a moment before saying his goodbyes and running to his home. He ran as fast and as gently as he could, not wanting to wake this unearthly being from its sleep.
His parents weren't home so the late arrival was unnoticed.
He carried Goshiki up to the bathroom where he set the other down on the ground. Kogane grabbed replacement clothes and undressed Goshiki and himself to their boxers.
The water was warm but not too warm. It almost overflowed the bathtub as they got in. Kogane has Goshiki in his arms as the other still lay asleep. Goshiki's head resting on his chest.
After the bath Kogane got Goshiki changed first. Goshiki got a pair of clean boxers that he had yet to open from the package. He also got a pair of sweat pants and a hoodie. Kogane wore sweatpants and a plain shirt.
Kogane set Goshiki in the bed and went to brush his teeth, plugged in his and Goshiki's phone, and put Goshiki's clothes to hang dry overnight. If they weren't dry in the morning, they could throw them into the dryer for a few minutes.
When he came back he settled in next to Goshiki. He wrapped his arms around the shorter man and pulled his face into his chest. Goshiki reached his hands and gasped at Kogane's shirt. He also nuzzled into him which made the taller blush.
Kogane finally fell asleep.
When Goshiki woke up he noticed that he wasn't on a bench but in a room and a bed. He looked around the room and saw his phone as well as Kogane's phone, he immediately recognized it. He felt warm and safe in the sense of his friend. He pulled back gently and watched Kogane's relaxed face as he gently breathed in and out.
Kogane opened his eyes and their eyes met.
Kogane leaned forward and kissed Goshiki.
It was wonderful. Goshiki blushed a little and kissed back. He wrapped his arms around the taller's neck as he pulled back.
"Thank you, but how did I get here?" -Goshiki
"You were asleep on a bench and soaked to the bone. Couldn't leave you out so I took you home." -Kogane
"Thank you, but I should go to the dorms."
Goshiki started to get up before Kogane pulled him back down.
"It's still raining and I want to check up on you."
"It's not that bad. Now, I have to go."
"What's wrong Goshiki?"
"I have to go."
Goshiki kept trying to get up but Kogane pulled him down.
"What's wrong?! You can't hide it right now! You could've died! Just tell me what is going on in your head."
The mask was broken. It lay shattered on the ground. A ten-year-old Goshiki stood over it in an empty plane of darkness and despair.
When had it gotten so bad? The moment he spent his first birthday alone? When he asked his neighbors for help with food and they did the bare minimum? When their children would call him names and he had no one to run or cry to? No, none of these.
It started the moment he was born. It got so bad when he realized at the tender age of nine when he realized life was cruel, horrible, and unfair. When he expected a letter of goodbyes but was given a list of responsibilities.
"I-I'm tired. I'm tired and lonely and empty and unloveable. Nobody cares and I don't want to be here anymore."
Kogane paused and then spoke softly as he wrapped his arms around Goshiki in a firm but gentle hug.
"I love you. I'll keep you company when you get lonely. I'll fill the void of emptiness. I'll watch over you while you sleep. I'll care about you. I'll love you. It's too bad I already do all those things. I care, I love, I keep you company, and I fill the void. If you need me, call me. I truly do love you."
"No. You're lying. You'll leave me alone like everyone else. I can't be alone again. You can't show me the warmth and the light then leave me alone again. I won't let you have the chance. I'd rather stay alone and empty than know what it is like to be happy."
Goshiki tries squirming out of Kogane's grip but he is too strong.
"I'll never eat you go back to the cold and the dark. I'll always be there. I'll never let you go. I'll never let you cry tears of sadness or tears of pain. Why? Because I love you."
Goshiki began to cry. He was so emotionally and physically exhausted. He gave in and relaxed against Kogane.
Goshiki realized that Kogane was always there. He didn't even know how but the conversations they had and the memories they shared filled up the emptiness.
That scared him even more.
Kogane would leave and he would be alone again. It was the way his world worked. But Kogane looked so sincere and so genuine. He looked like he truly cared.