⚠︎︎TRIGGER WARNING⚠︎︎
⚠︎︎Depression, mention of self-harm/self-destruction, and angst.⚠︎︎
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Time is a strange concept... Often, when you want it to go slow it goes fast, and when you want it to go fast it goes very, very slowly.
How time worked in witness protection was even stranger, because it tended to waver all the time, one month would feel like an eternity, another month felt like only a week long.
You could argue that the reason for time going by at odd paces was to do with your mental state.
The first month went very slow for both you and Spencer. You both missed the team greatly, you hated how you no longer went by your normal names, and you always had to refer to each other by Thomas Milton, and Sierra Milton, even when you were in the house!
By the second month, you felt you were beginning to get used to it. Witsec provided you both with money, so neither of you had to work. And of course, you found hobbies to interest you.
In fact, you managed to keep yourselves busy all the way up to the fourth month, that's when things started to get strenuous again.
Both you and Spencer pretended to be ok, but truth be told, you were as bored as anything. The hobbies you had discovered no longer interested you, and that 'we can get through this,' kind of attitude began to diminish.
It put a huge strain on your marriage, which was not a good sign especially 4 months after the wedding.
But hey, they do say the first year of marriage is always the hardest.
You and Spencer just no longer seemed to communicate with each other like you used to... Actually, let me rephrase that-- You and Spencer no longer seemed to communicate.
He'd get up for the day, he'd go downstairs, read a book or two, try to solve the hardest math equation in the world, fail at solving the hardest math equation in the world, then he'd make you both food, and continuing doing whatever the hell he'd do.
Life was different for you, unlike Spencer, you weren't good at using distractions and hobbies to challenge your mind to help fight your depression.
Instead, you would get out of bed around 1 or 2 pm each day, you'd eat the food Spencer left out for you, then you'd try using exercise as an escape.
Your therapist did say exercising can really help someone struggling with mental illness.
Although, I doubt she meant working out for 5 hours straight with little to no breaks... It wasn't uncommon for Spencer to find you passed out on the floor from exhaustion.
He'd look after you, but as I said, neither of you seemed to talk.
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"You can't keep doing this to yourself" was the first thing Spencer had said to you in a month.
"I'm not doing anything bad" you mumbled as he massaged the shampoo into your hair.
"Y/n you realize doing too much of certain things counts as self-harm right? Like drinking too much alcohol counts self-harm or self-destruction and it's the same as doing too much exercise... You're hurting yourself." Spencer explained.
"I'm just trying to stay fit" you murmured shutting your eyes as Spencer washed the product out your hair.
"You're using it to pass the time... And it's not healthy, how many times have you passed out this week?" Spencer questioned, you didn't answer.
"I know we haven't really been talking, and I-I don't completely know why because we didn't get in an argument or anything, but we should start talking again... Because not talking isn't doing either of us any good."
"You stopped talking first... I just thought you were getting bored of me... So, I stopped talking to, in the hope that I could have you for just a little bit longer." You whispered feeling a tear roll down your cheek.
"Wait... Did you think I was getting bored of you?" Spencer questioned.
"Everyone leaves in the end" you sighed tiredly.
"I hoped you wouldn't, but I was beginning to think you might."
"I... Y/n-" Spencer began.
"My name's sierra now" you commented cutting across him.
"I don't care" Spencer sighed.
"I'm not talking to Sierra right now, I'm talking to my real wife Y/n.."
"I would never leave you Y/n" Spencer whispered putting down the showerhead and shuffling round the bath to face you.
"I don't know why I stopped talking, but it wasn't because I was getting bored, and I definitely wasn't thinking of leaving you."
"Then promise me, you'll never stop talking to me again" you mumbled pushing yourself up.
"I promise" Spencer murmured leaning in and pressing his lips against yours.
Carrying you into the bedroom, Spencer dried your hair then tucked you into bed. After that, he climbed into bed next to you, and cuddled you for the first time in an entire month!
"I miss the team" you mumbled rolling over and burying your face in his chest.
"I don't want to continue life properly if they're not in it with me."
"I know what you mean... I thought, maybe at this point in our marriage, we might've been considering having kids... But I don't want to do that if they're not gonna be with us too... Does that sound wrong?" Spencer asked stroking the back of your head.
"I get it... They're our family... And I screwed it up" Your voice broke as tears flooded down your cheeks.
"Us being in here isn't your fault," Spencer assured you, tightening his grip around your petite body.
"I should've killed her when I had the chance... If I see them again, I swear I kill them both without hesitation" You mumbled villainously.
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"Hey wake up" Spencer whispered nudging you.
"Ugh, what time is it?" You questioned squinting at the bright light that streamed through the windows.
"10 am... I thought about waking you up earlier, but then I had a feeling you'd be mad if the time didn't say double digits" Spencer mentioned pushing a piece of hair out your face.
"10 is too early" you groaned grumpily.
"You realize we used to have to get up for work at 7 each day right?"Spencer asked raising his brows at you.
"I was a happier person back then" you sighed.
"Besides what's the point of being awake if we're just gonna spend another day doing shit all."
"That's the thing, today, we're gonna do something fun!" Spencer exclaimed.
"Yeah? What?"
"I don't know, it's up to you? Anything you want?" Spencer smiled adorably.
"I... I want to sleep" you replied closing your eyes again, rolling over and pulling the bed covers over your head.
"Anything but sleeping" Spencer chuckled pulling the duvet off you.
"I want to nap them" you challenged keeping your eyes firmly shut.
"Nothing, that involves closing your eyes" Spencer sighed.
"But I have to blink?" You questioned like a smart ass.
"Nothing that involves closing your eyes for more than a second" Spencer reiterated elaborating more on his previous answer.
"Ugh" you groaned rolling out of bed and onto the floor.
"Are you ok?" Spencer asked peeking over the edge of the bed.
"I needed to wake myself up" you mumbled sitting up.
"Oh... I made breakfast downstairs" Spencer mentioned walking over to you and pulling you onto your feet.
To Spencer's credit, he was really trying to make you feel ok, I think part of why he wasn't doing so good was because you weren't.
Making you feel happy made him feel happy. It's as easy as that.
After you ate, you tried to come up with something to do, you were still a little salty about being woken up so early, despite Spencers' efforts to make you feel special. So, you opened your makeup drawer and pulled out all your nail varnish.
"Uh oh" Spencer mumbled as you set the small bottles onto the table.
"You're gonna be my wonderful client today" you giggled pulling Spencer's hand towards you.
"What color are you gonna paint them?" Spencer questioned nervously.
"Rainbow... Because you give me rainbow vibes." You commented happily.
"Do I?" Spencer frowned.
"Nope but like me, you're a proud member of the LGBTQ+ community even if we're both in a heterosexual relationship, I think it's important to remind the world of who we are," you explained making up the explanation on the spot.
"Right... ok" Spencer chuckled.
"You're gonna look so pretty" You giggled opening the yellow pot of polish first.
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Spencer's nails finished drying just before lunch, which was good eating-wise, because he wasn't going to smudge them, however, it did mean you were going to have to find something else to do for the afternoon.
Then you remembered how you needed new clothes so you decided to go shopping with Spencer.
The only problem with going out was that you had to have a US marshal following you at all times, while another marshal guarded your house in case of any intruders.
While shopping you picked up fresh lacy underwear, gave Spencer a fashion show in the changing rooms as you tried on various outfits, and bought him some new vests and shoes.
"Did you have fun today?" Spencer asked as you linked your arm under his.
"Yeah" you smiled.
The mall wasn't far from home, so there wasn't much point in driving all that way, instead, you decided to walk it.
And everything seemed fine at first, until you opened your front door, and found your US marshal dead on the floor with a single bullet hole in his head.
"Oh my god," You gasped clinging tightly to Spencer's arm.
"I'm calling Hotch" Spencer mumbled as you both backed away from the house. Pulling out his phone, Spencer dialed Hotch's number and waited for him to answer.
"Aaron Hotchner speaking."
"Hotch it's Reid"
"Reid, you're not meant to be calling us!" Hotch scolded.
"Our protection has been murdered. We went out shopping and found him dead on our kitchen floor"
"Where are you?"
"Michigan, Y/n's texting Garcia the address right now."
"We'll be there. In the meantime, we'll send the police over to you. Are you armed?"
"Yeah, we'll call our other marshal too"
"Good, stay safe, we'll see you as soon as we can."
"Ok, bye Hotch"
I think you had hoped that the next time you saw the team, your parents would be dead, but I guess you were wrong.
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A/n: Currently feeling able to update this story more often, which was very needed. I hope you like this chapter.