Chapter Seventeen
I sank into the covers of my bed, a mug of hot chocolate in my hands. I just silently watched the steam pig up from the slowly swirling liquid, waiting or it to cool. My thoughts occupied me as I laid there, blank-faced and silent- something I rarely was.
Ever since I ran off from him, about an hour ago now, I've been thinking. Over-analyzing whatever we had, whatever I wanted. It never could have worked. Putting what Dumbledore had said before aside, I realized what I didn't want to before: Snape and I were never meant to be.
He was everything I shouldn't have, everything that was bad for me. Not only was he my Professor, and even after school was out anything being admitted would only cause rumors and pain, but he was a cruel-hearted man. A coward. Sure, he had his good moments, but he would never change. Even when I was there before him, utterly submissive, he didn't want to care for me at all. If he can't even fight for me, he wasn't worth my time.
I couldn't help by wander, though: why her into this mess at all in the first place? I mean, really? Why allow yourself to get mixed up in this? If I was never more than a foolish child to him, why kiss me the way he had?
Nevertheless, I knew all these queries were simply just my subconscious not wanting to let go. Truth be told, I still had feelings for the man. That may never really change.
A knock sounded at my door, and I called for the visitor to enter. Tonks strode in, closing the door behind her. "Oie, how's the hot coco?" She asked, flopping down onto her bed.
I nodded in approval. "Not bad. Send my regards to the house elf. " I replied, finally daring another sip. Still piping hot, but not enough to really scald my tongue.
She sighed. "Are you sure everything is okay? I mean, you looked pretty upset before, and its my duty-"
"To keep an eye out for me." I tilted my head knowingly at her, setting my mouth into a half-smirk. "I know. And really, there's nothing wrong. I've just been stressing about ca thing up, after being gone when I was. So much work- and they say the last year is the easiest." I huffed. Not a lie. Man, I love it when I do that.
She looked back forward, pursing her lips. "You know, I e seen that look before." She pointed out.
I raised an eyebrow at her. "Oh?" I chimed.
The purple-haired girl nodded surely. "Oh, yes. On my own mug, even. You're having boy troubles."
I restrained myself from making some gesture that would give me away, such as biting my lip or pressing them together. Instead, I just snorted. "Right. The only boy trouble I'm having is choosing which ones not to set a firecracker on." I mumbled, taking a nervous sip from my drink.
Tonks sighed, as if having expected he truth. "If you don't wanna tell, I won't make you. However, I dot expect to be left out in the dark forever. You'll tell me eventually." She murmured, half-crestfallen.
I felt a bit guilty for not telling her- after all, Im sure she wouldn't rat me out. But this was a secret I kept near and dear, very close to my chest. I didn't want anyone else to know. Even Dumbledore was stretching it, and he found out on his own wit. Tonks would just have to wait.
I was still justifying my fibbing when Tonks rose with a jolt. I gave her a partially startled look. "Blimey. I'd almost forgotten to visit Remus." Tonks gave me a suggestive side-glance. "You don't mind if Im gone for half an hour or so, right?" She added.
I smirked fully now. "Oh boy, look at the time," I mock yawned. "Better get some shut-eye. Actually, I may not open my eyes for hours." I flitted, shrugging.
Tonks grinned, and I plopped my face forward, I he's from the rim of my mug, closing my eyes. After a few painfully fake snores, the door opened and closed. I opened one eye and peeked up. Tonks, obviously, was nowhere to be seen. I smiled toothily. We were so similar, it was funny. My first real girl friend. It was nice, actually, being close to someone of the same gender. I was always one of the boys, but at heart, I liked the female companionship a lot, too.
Taking another swig, I set the mug down on my bedside table and pulled out a box of chocolate frogs. I held the this he by its foot as I examined the card. I snorted at the sight of it. "Helga Hufflepuff- what rotten luck. That's my third of her." Grunting, I tossed the card to the opposite side of the room with a flick of my wrist, and bit into the enchanted treat. It was a chocolate kind of day.
I was shocked when there was yet another knock at the door. Furrowing my brow, I rose from the bed, setting the half-eaten sweet on the wrapper by my mug. "Forget some sexy lingerie, To-"
I stopped mid-sentance when I swung open the door. It wasn't Tonks. It was Severus Snape.