"You are a torrential downpour of all my forbidden longings."
************
Nikolas's POV
"Where are you going?" Ronald asked, coming into my way and stopping me.
My eyebrow raised at his audacity, "Did you hit your head or something?" I asked, trying to shake him back to himself, "Did you forget who I am?"
He shook his head, totally not bothered, "If you want me to trust you on my mother's case, then you need to include me in everything."
I scoffed, "Trust me?" Oh, he wants to die alright.
I took a threatening step forward, "I am the one who can't trust you now," I grated out, clenching my jaw, "So stick to your limit or I will have to change my mind and actually kill you."
Be it her brother or not, I don't care. I hate it when someone gets in my way, and he is interfering in my shit right now. I don't like it.
My shoulder harshly brushed his as I moved past him, almost knocking him down but being the little bitch he is, he didn't get the least threatened and instead, walked by my side and followed me to my destination.
I rolled my eyes and resisted the urge to slam the gun against his head and knock him down temporarily, "If you don't quit this, I will do something you won't like," I warned him, ever so seriously, as I made my way toward the room I just found out Julia is staying in.
He didn't react to my words one bit and kept walking. I let out an annoyed breath; where the hell does he get the confidence? Does he really think that I won't just shoot him?
I paused by the room's door and knocked, trying to ignore Ronald for the moment. Footsteps got near before she opened the room's door. Her eyes fell on me and she let out a low sigh, totally not satisfied, "You really didn't waste a second, did you?"
I shook my head. The moment I saw Mia in my room, I knew Julia must be here as well. So, no need to waste any time when I can finally get the information I need.
She looked right and left of the hallway, checking for unwanted eyes and ears, something she must've learned to always do after living with the likes of Joseph. She took a step backward, an invitation for me to get in, and Ronald, being the persistent shit he is, followed me.
She closed the door behind us, her wary gaze drifting to Ronald before she looked at me, "You trust him?" She asked, suspiciously, and totally unaware of who he is.
I couldn't fight the smile that crawled up my lips. Ronald's eyes were on me, he shook his head, asking me to shut up. I only looked at her and nodded, "He is your nephew."
"What the fuck is the matter with you?" Ronald hissed, taking a bewildered step forward at how simply I exposed his real identity.
My eyebrow raised, "I warned you."
Julia's eyes widened and she turned to him, her gaze on his face, taking into his features and she brought a hand to her mouth, "Ro...Ronald? Is that you?" She said, hesitantly before she took a step closer to him, trying to make sense of him and his presence.
He took a step backward, "Look lady, I don't know you, and you don't know me, no need to make this a reunion," He said, being brutally honest.
"Oh my god, last time I saw you, you were barely five years old," She said, tears gathering in her eyes at the memory, "You and your sister," She sucked into a deep breath, "Natalie, Where is she? Is she okay?"
The mention of Natalie had Ronald's eyes dimming down, his gaze flickering to the ground, and the shame pressing over his shoulder. I rushed a hand over my jaw, containing my anger. At least he is aware that what he did was wrong.
"I tried to look for you both after the...accident, but I couldn't," Julia added, genuine emotions gathering in her eyes, "I couldn't do anything," She shook her head helplessly, "Or else Joseph would've gotten suspicious."
She inched closer to him, her eyes still in shock, trying to believe that this is real, "I knew then that Isaac must've kept his promise and kept you safe."
My eyebrows pulled closer at her words, "What promise?" I asked, grabbing her attention back to me, "Why would my father even do that?"
She turned to me, her gaze still distrustful and I really don't blame her for that, "Tell me why do you want to know about my sister, be honest Nikolas, because it's not very easy to trust the likes of you," She said, not shying away, "By just talking about this, I am putting my life at risk, I need to know it's worth it."
I hefted out a breath, "I told you, I am trying to avenge your sister's death, and at the same time, this feels like a very good way for me to break Isaac down, I need that."
She shook her head, "Isaac didn't hurt us," She said, "It's the opposite, he helped us," She turned to Ronald, "He helped her."
I scoffed, "I can assure you, my father is not a good man," I stressed out, a bit taken aback by the fact someone was defending Isaac.
She nodded, "Neither are you," She simply stated. I guess being totally straightforward is a common trait in this family.
I shook my head, "No, I am not, but this isn't our subject now, is it," I said, "You hate Joesph, it's beyond obvious from how much you are scared of him," Even his daughter looked terrified, "So, our deal is this, you give me the information I need, I make sure Joseph is no longer an issue."
"We," Ronald stressed out, picking up on my choice of words, "We will make sure of that," He added, raising an unsatisfied eyebrow and reminding me of his words the day before. He wants to be the one to kill Joseph. Well, if he stops interfering in my shit and interrupting me, I would grant him that, but if he continues to be a little shit like this, I might have to get rid of him before I deal with Joseph.
Julia looked between the two of us, lost at what choice she needs to take before she finally nodded her head, making up her mind, "What do you want to know?"
"Everything, from the beginning."
She pulled into a deep breath and sat down on one of the chairs, "Like I told you, before all of this, one from your father's family was meant to take one from ours, it didn't matter who exactly," She scoffed, "It's how it always works around here, isn't it?"
She carried on while Ronald and I listened, me for my reasons and he for his, "The two families worked together a lot, so we saw them on so many occasions, and well, Maria and Isaac were the ones that clicked, I mean Maria always had that bubbly-full-of-life personality that no one could resist," A small smile lifted her lips as she talked about her sister and I turned to Ronald, who looked ready to bolt away at the discussion going on but he stood still, fighting his emotions and he listened.
"They were more like friends actually, at that time, nothing was certain yet about who would marry who," She said, "Although that's not how your father saw it, he was developing feelings for her but Maria was already in love with someone else," She looked at Ronald and he nodded, understanding as he said, "My father."
Julia nodded, "He wasn't part of this, he was just a normal man Maria met when we snuck out one time and things just accelerated from there with them," Her voice tightened at the memory, "Till Joseph caught her one time and that's when the whole marriage was arranged as fast as possible to prevent her from doing anything."
Ronald rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, his fingers digging into his skin, unable to bear the mention of Joseph, his mother, and everything that led to her death, "Maria trusted your father, she saw him as her friend and she told him everything back then, she even asked for his help, and the fucked up part is," Julia said, still in disbelief of something that happened all these years ago, "He actually helped her. He helped break off the whole marriage, he helped her escape here without Joseph noticing."
Her words made no sense or whatsoever. We can't be talking about the same Isaac, the one that abused my mother all the time, the one that kept me with Frank all that time when he could've easily just saved me. He isn't one and the same.
"Why, just why would he help her?" I asked, unable to hide the frustration in my tone.
She shrugged, "He loved her."
I shook my head, "That's not possible," I refused to believe in that.
She nodded, "I thought the same, but his actions proved that right, there is no other explanation," She added, "He helped her escape the country, he helped her settle down in a small town in the US, he gave her a fresh start there," This is unbelievable, "He helped her be with the man she actually loved."
I shook my head, "There must've been another twisted motive behind it, my father isn't that type of man, he wouldn't help someone just for the heck of it."
"No, Nikolas, there was no motive, you know why," She carried on, "He made sure she was safe, and Joseph was never able to find her," Julia added, "It was just through him that I was able to see her without anyone suspecting a thing. He always kept in touch and promised if she ever needed him, he'll be there for her."
"I don't believe that," I said, the whole story settling like a rock over my chest.
"Why?"
"Because..." Because if he could be normal, if who could love this much, why wasn't he like that with us? Why the only face I saw from him was the hateful sadistic one?
Julia seemed to understand the battle I was having inside because she said, "Yes, Isaac is a terrible man, but every man in this world of ours is terrible Nikolas, including yourself, but tell me, if you were to love someone, a real love, wouldn't you do the same?"
The muscles of my jaw tightened, "Carry on," I said, refusing to answer her.
"Anyway, it was all okay, Maria got married, she had kids," She turned to Ronald, "And Joseph didn't know a thing about them," She added, turning to me, "Everything was okay, till somehow Joseph found her, I never understood how, I still don't...I don't how or who, but he got information of where she was staying and he went crazy."
"I knew and immediately called her, warned her," Julia added, her gaze drifting down to her lap, "We called Isaac, he was the only one who could help her back then," She looked up again, meeting my puzzled gaze, "He was true to his words and he rushed for her help right away."
"How did he let her die, then?" I asked, "If you really believe in what you just said, why did he let her die?"
"I don't think he was able to," Julia said, her belief in my father had me suspecting the chances of trusting her, "I am pretty sure he would've saved her if he had the chance to."
"He couldn't," Ronald interrupted, his eyes lost somewhere down the memory lane, "He stopped me from revealing myself to Joseph," His jaw tightened, blaming himself in a way, "He couldn't save her and stop me at the same time."
Julia nodded, "Because Maria asked him for one thing only, in case anything happens to her, that he would make sure her kids were safe, far away from Joseph and his cruelty," She said, every word coming from her feeding the anger bristling under my skin, "And he actually did that. Joseph still has no idea that either you or your sister exist."
It was too fucking much to take in and I didn't want to hear more about my father's good deeds at the moment. Instead of asking for more, I just walked away, the anger traveling through my veins unstoppable, unbearable as I slammed the door and stormed off.
I needed a release, someone to let my anger on, something to rid me of this rage because it didn't make any sense. I wanted him to be the same rotten person he was with me. I thought he was like that with everyone else, at least then, I knew that the problem was him, it's who he is, that the abnormality originated from him only.
At least then, I can blame just him.
But this only proves one thing. He isn't the abnormal one. He is capable of being a normal human, of loving and caring, of saving others...but he just couldn't be that for me. He couldn't care enough to save me from Frank.
It wasn't jealousy now, no, it was this feeling that I haven't felt in so long. It's was what he always made me feel. Weak. Crazy. Abnormal. He always blamed me, my fault it was that he couldn't see me as his own flesh and blood. He said it every day after I came out of the asylum, calling me crazy, blaming me for not being strong enough to handle what Frank did. Blaming me for breaking down, for being unstable.
I reached the underground floor, I shrugged my jacket, throwing it away before I got into the ring, the anger pushed and I was twitching, aching to release this aggression. My fingers itching to do the only good thing they can, destroy. I saw red and started my assaults over the bag, with one brutal punch after another.
I wished it was human flesh being ruined under my attacks, I craved the sight of blood, the red crimson to cover my skin and bring me an ounce of satisfaction, but the only blood I got was the one seeping through my knuckles due to my raw attacks.
Sweat drenched my forehead and I didn't stop, the anxiety pushed at my fists, reminding me of every fucked up thing I wasn't ready to feel. For a second only, I let my eyelids down, but inside, it was dark, so dark...darkness I am starting to hate, darkness I wish to be free from. Urges and needs screamed through my veins, begging for some light.
My eyelids glided open and the last punch I threw sent the punching bag tumbling down to the floor, breaking down from its hanger and scattering into the ground. A mess. A total utter mess. Just like me.
I paused for a second, searching for my lost strangled breath. The wide range of emotions accumulating over my chest too complicated for me to make sense of. The anger slowly fading away and filling me back with that raw wrenching ache.
I unbuttoned the first few buttons of my shirt before I sat down, giving up to the gravity that was pulling me further under with every passing day. I rushed a hand through my hair and thought, carefully thought; even if I killed him, what happens next?
Will I ever be able to carry on with this life? How can I when these memories won't let me be? How can I when this guilt is prominent and imprinted over my insides forever?
On so many occasions, I wish I didn't make it through that day. If only they didn't save me. Dying was easy, it would've been easy. Living is much harder. And, I keep wondering;
How could the monster in me ever be worthy of anything...of anyone?
I used to like him, I used to see this monster as a strength...I don't anymore. He is only a reminder of where I come from, of my mistakes. It's hard to accept that he's a part of me still. It's hard to live with him in the same shoes. It's hard to be both good and bad. Both black and white.
Footsteps echoed in the room and snapped me out of my thoughts, it had me lifting my head up. My eyes fell on Ronald's careful gaze as he strode forward. He didn't say a thing, almost like he could sense all the negative energy radiating off me.
He paused to a stop right beside me, "Okay, so instead of fighting on everything, we need to work by each other's side," He started, his tone guarded, trying to make a deal, "You help me take Joseph down, and I help you with Isaac, because it feels that the two are connected," He added, "If we released them on each other, they'll make enough chaos for us to do what we want."
"But for this to work, I need to trust you and you need to trust me," He pulled into a deep breath, "I am willing to take the risk and trust you, can you do the same?"
I shook my head, "I can barely trust myself, don't expect me to ever trust you," I got up to my feet, "And I definitely don't need your help," I said before turning around, dismissing him.
"You see this, this attitude is why you are still alone!" He stressed out, frustrated at my immediate refusal.
My jaw ticked as I leaned down and picked up my jacket, I was drained now, or else I would shut him up, "I am offering to help, you can just accept it, you don't need to be a jerk about everything!" He shot out in anger, still not backing away.
I turned around, facing him, "Isaac helped your mother apparently," I pointed out, raising an eyebrow, "Why would you help me destroy him?"
He shook his head, "I don't care, maybe he helped one life, but he ruined hell a lot, this won't be his free pass," He said, seriously, "If the likes of Joseph and Isaac stayed alive, a lot of people will meet the same fate as my mother," And the likes of me, "Like I said before, the roots you all come from is tainted, and we can start picking them up, one by one."
At my silence, he sighed. Sensing that I was not convinced still, he carried on, "True that I got into this for one purpose only, to kill Joseph, but that doesn't mean that along the way I didn't make friends that I care about, whether it Alex or Roman, and I refuse to sit and let Isaac hurt them or their families, not when I could do something about it."
He took a step forward and I really liked that about him, his determination and desire, his will to fight, I could use some of that. He extended his hand forward, "So, are we on the same team?" He asked.
Eyeing his hand for a full second, I brought mine forward, my fingers wrapping over his, a bit harsher than intended, "We are," I said, tightening my grip and he winced slightly.
He shot me a glare and forcefully retreated his hand back, "Will you ever tell me why you are doing this?" He asked, most probably addressing my interest in his mother's case.
I shook my head, "No, I won't."
His eyes narrowed in suspicion and I found myself asking, "When this is over, what do you plan on doing?"
"What do you mean?"
"Let say you kill Joseph, what happens after?" I asked, because I didn't know the answer to that myself, "Do you go back, or do you stay?"
He shook his head, "Of course stay, there is nowhere for me to go back to."
"What about your sister? Your father?"
"I can't go back there, they won't accept the person I became," He said, his eyes drifting away from me, thinking it through, "God, Nate must hate me now," He mumbled, lowly, as if to himself and I wanted to tell him, yeah she does, but held myself back, "Part of why I did this, is to keep them away from it. If I can get rid of Joseph, then I will make sure he never goes back and hurt either of them."
"I will do anything to keep them, especially my sister, out of this world," He stressed out, "Me going back to them would be like bringing this danger into her life, and I can't do that," He shook his head, his intentions behind leaving her somehow justifiable, "If by this I can make sure she has a normal safe life, then I will keep doing this forever," He added, totally oblivious that I already know her and well, placed her life in danger more than once.
Hold on, this makes me think, if Isaac knows who Ronald is, then he definitely knows who Natalie is, which means, he was never going to hurt her, was he?
****************
Emma's POV
"Look what I bought, look," I said, excitedly as I emptied the bag's content all over the bed.
Roman's eyebrows pulled closer as he inched closer, "What is that?"
"It is a sock," I said as I picked up one of them and showed him, "Can you believe they come out this little," I added in astonishment, still in disbelief of the fact. Nikolas sent me to check on a lead, and it just happened to be beside a baby clothes shop. I saw the sock from outside and I was a gone case.
I couldn't resist. Look how small.
Roman picked one, just as amazed as me, "Jesus, my finger can barely fit in this."
I smiled and nodded, "I know, I know, imagine how little his feet have to be to fit in this," I rampaged through them all, I got all types and colors, never thought I'd be this much excited for a sock.
"You know that first maybe we should get the clothes, then the socks later," Roman commented, addressing the huge pile of socks over the bed.
I shrugged, "I think so, but I mean," I picked another sock and showed it to him, pouting and mimicking a baby voice, "It'sh a shock, look how pwetty."
He laughed at my words and tone, genuinely laughed. I don't think I remember the last time I saw him actually laughing since we got married. I stared at how his head tilted backward just a fraction, how his eyes almost closed, how the sound was warm and heartfelt...and something in my chest moved.
I gulped, what the fuck? It was only yesterday that I pointed a gun at him and pulled the trigger. What the hell is the matter with these damn hormones? I'd prefer throwing up over this bullshit.
He sat down beside me on the bed, his hand moved over the pile of socks before he looked back at me, and his eyebrow raised, "I don't think I ever saw you this much excited for anything that didn't include knives and guns."
"Oh my god, you reminded me, look," I went through the socks and pulled my favorite one and showed him, "Look this one has little guns sewed at the side, and this has knives, isn't this the cutest thing ever?"
He shook his head in pure terror as he took the sock from me and eyed it, "I can't believe they actually do that."
I chuckled and started to arrange them according to colors. Feeling his eyes still on me, I paused in my task and looked up at him, "What?" I asked.
He just shook his head, a very small smile crawled up his lips, "It just feels different to see you like this."
I decided not to think about his words, or what he meant, or whatever that look in his eyes is. I cleared my throat and looked around the room, "Where will we put his clothes?" I asked.
"Well, we gonna have to make a room special for him," He said and that had my heart sinking down, "Is he not going to stay here with us?"
He nodded, "In the beginning, I guess he or she will have to stay beside us, we can get a crib here or something but I think he should also have a separate room, right?" He shook his head, the confusion tightening his brows, "To be honest, you are asking the wrong person, the things I know are just from when Lilly was here, I don't know that much."
I sighed, there is hell a lot for us to learn.
I looked down at my stomach, still in disbelief of the fact that there is a life in there, "We really have no idea what we're doing," I mumbled.
"I think we'll learn along the way," He shrugged, "No one is born knowing all of this."
I nodded, "That is true."
"Which reminds me, you didn't go to a doctor yet, did you?" He asked and I shook my head, "I just took the test and then made a blood one to be sure, that's all."
He nodded, "We should go for a check-up as soon as possible then," He said, "Are you available tomorrow?"
I nodded and he immediately pulled his phone, "Okay, I can take an appointment-" My hand shot to his wrist, pausing his movement as I said, "Just be careful, make sure no one will know."
He nodded, sensing my panic and he placed his other hand over mine, the gesture aiming to soothe my worry, "Yeah, don't worry, I will take care of it."
I gulped down, still distressed. I know we can't hide this forever, but we have to for as long as we can, or else...
I shook the thought away and gathered the socks in my arms before I headed toward the closet. I went through the drawers, searching for an empty one but found none, "Roman, I am removing your ties and placing the socks in their place," I screamed for him to hear as I sat down on the floor and started my mission.
I heard his footsteps near me before he said, "Wow, I was replaced ever so easily, huh?"
I chuckled and nodded as I arranged the socks in the drawer and threw his ties over the ground. He joined me on the floor and took his ties away, complaining under his breath still. He sighed and tilted his head, looking at my stomach as he remarked, "You better be cute."
That had me smiling again and involuntary my hand went there, "When can we know if it's a girl or a boy?" I asked, curious. I want to be able to imagine what the hell is going on inside of me.
"I think after like three months, or something like that, I am not sure," He said, trying to remember.
I let out a disappointed sigh. That's too much.
"What do you think it is?" I asked, for some reason today I am feeling more positive about the idea of me having a baby. To be honest, I am even a bit excited and thrilled at the thought. I think after how he reassured me yesterday that I won't be alone in this, it's just then that I started to see it as something I can do.
I needed him and he better not disappoint me. He won't like my reaction if so.
"I don't know," Roman answered, "Although, I'd prefer if it's a boy."
"Why?" A girl would be cool too, I guess.
He turned to me and ever so honestly said, "I don't think I want another you in my life."
The fucker. I gaped at him, "Why do I feel like this is an insult?"
He nodded, "It is."
I shot him a glare and pushed at his arm, aiming to hurt him, "And I don't want another you in my life," Although, imagine a baby him, so cute with those dark green eyes, and that hair and that nose, and that mouth...oh my dear god, what the fuck is the matter with me?
Today's hormones are making me like Roman, this is not acceptable. There should be a cure for this, anything to make me feel like myself again, ugh.
The annoyance pushed me up to my feet, "Where are you going?" He asked.
"I need to go and kill someone, or punch something," I said, groaning in frustration.
*************
One day later...
I stood still by the clinic's door, my eyes suspiciously going around and behind me, making sure no one followed us or is watching. You can never be too careful when it comes to my father.
Roman's hand curled over mine, shaking me out of my haze, and tugged me alongside as he walked inside the doctor's office. Flustered, I shot a harsh glare to his back. He must thank the doctor's presence or else I would've knocked him down for what he just did.
The doctor flashed me a smile, "Welcome, Mrs. Viarchi," She said, ever so sweetly and I knew in a situation like this, I need to pull the fake sweet angelic me, who is happily married to the love of her life and impatiently expecting his child. Barf.
I flashed her the same sweet smile and answered every question she asked. Getting everything she needs, she got up to her feet, "Okay now, we can make an ultrasound."
Roman stood up before me, "Emma, come on," He said, his tone not helping my anxious nerves. What if something is wrong? Things could be wrong, right? But, you know, it's still not even a baby yet, I shouldn't be worried...yeah, yeah, no reason to worry.
The doctor ushered me to lay down and I did so, she told me to pull my shirt up, "This will feel a bit cold," She said as she placed some jelly-like material over my stomach, before she placed the probe to my stomach and started to move it.
My heart sped so fast, I could easily hear it in my ears and my fingers curled into a fist, trying to keep myself all calm and composed. I can do anything, I can kill, I can attack and get attacked. I am used to that. But this...I am not used to this. This is odd, and outside my area of comfort.
I felt fingers reach for my hand before they wrapped mine whole. I turned around, my eyes on Roman, questioning his kind gesture, but his eyes weren't on me, they were on the small screen, "Okay, everything looks good, like we mentioned before, you are on your sixth week now," The doctor said, grabbing my attention back to her. She pressed some buttons, "Oh, and right here..." She pointed at something and smiled ever so brightly, "Is your baby."
"Where?" I asked with furrowed eyebrows, the screen was pitch black, "I can't see it."
She pointed at the same place again, "Right here."
What the fuck is she pointing at? Is she blind?
"There is nothing!" I exclaimed, losing my patience.
Roman's hand tightened over mine, guarding me in place because I was one second away from beating this woman up, "Emma, honey," he said, smiling ever so fake, "Do you see that small little thing over there," He showed where exactly on the screen and I nodded, "Yeah, I see that."
"Well, that's it," He said.
"Ahhh," I exclaimed in realization, "Wow, that is so damn tiny."
So, that small little bean was causing me to throw up every damn morning, and making a mess from my hormones...well, well, it's you against me, Mr. little bean, we'll see who will win in the end. We'll see.
The doctor chuckled at my late observation and the urge to hit her only intensified but all of that faded into thin air when a voice echoed from the device. Air caught in my throat, "What is that?" I asked, breathless.
"It's the baby's heartbeat," She said and something seemed to happen in my inside, it felt warm, so warm at the rhythmic thump-thump I was hearing.
Oh, fuck.
"It has a heartbeat," I mumbled, my voice so low, unable to grasp the idea yet. I looked from the screen and back at my stomach, then back at there again...how is this possible? There is a human in there, so little, so tiny, and with a heart, a heart that's beating.
A heart that should always beat.
"I will leave you two for a bit," The doctor said, giving us privacy as she went to the other side of her clinic.
Roman took the paper towel and wiped the gel from over my stomach. I pulled my upper body and fixed my shirt, my eyes still on the little screen that held something beyond my imagination.
This is real. This is actually happening. It's going to happen.
That both thrilled me and tightened my chest with immense fear. The need to protect this life felt too strong, it was almost crazy. I don't even know him, why do I want to protect him? He is a small little bean, that's all.
Fuck, I always thrived to protect myself only, that's all I know. But now, I need to think of this life as well, of how to take care of it, how to shield it far away from all this danger. How can I ever do that? Am I even capable of that?
"Emma," Roman said, his voice soft as he read all of my dark thoughts. His hand rested over my cheek as he tried to shake me back to him. My eyes lifted up to him to notice the same thoughts and feelings surging up in his uncertain gaze.
He is scared too. Deep down, he is just as terrified as me.
We both are no way near ready for this.
"I know we never planned this and if it was a choice, I don't think we would've ever taken it," He started and I nodded, "But like I said before, you are not in this alone, I would never let you deal with any part of this all on your own, this is my child, as much as it yours and we will both take care of him, we will protect him, at all costs, I promise."
My inside trembled at his words and commitment to help me with this. It looked like he actually wants to do it, not just because I threatened to kill him if he doesn't. I didn't say anything back, I acted on instincts instead and my fingers wrapped over his collar, harshly pulling him down to me and my lips crashed against his.
I released all of my fears and doubts into the kiss, needing the intimate contact, and needing the reassurance. He didn't fight it, and his mouth sought mine with the same need, deepening the kiss and taking as if tasting the last of me.
He pulled back for a second but I caught his lips again, sucking down at his bottom lip, and his fingers twisted around my hair, the desperation pouring from our touches and both of us careless of the doctor's presence just on the other side.
We knew we had to pause there or else another baby will be made in here. We don't need that now. Roman's eyes held mine for a long second, and my head spun, my pulse sped. My sense was on overload...overwhelmed because it never, it never felt like this. Intimate. Emotional.
I swallowed hard, and tried to calm down my strained nerves, what the hell was happening to me?
"We are in this together," I mumbled.
He nodded, genuinely believing in this, "We are."
A small heartfelt smile lifted the side of my lips, "This is gonna be the most messed up kid ever."
He mirrored my smile and nodded, "Oh, he will be the best there is."
My head tilted to the side as I took him in. To be honest, I wouldn't exactly mind if the baby was like him in a lot of things.
Yeah, yeah, like he said, he will be the best there is.
**************
Two weeks later...
Nikolas's POV
"We can't wait for more," Joseph said, "The engagement needs to be done soon, what's the point of waiting, the kids met each other, they stayed together, it's safe to say that they know each other very well by now."
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. I think the last time I saw or talked with Mia was when I found her in my room two weeks ago, and here he thinks we are in love already.
"As you know Joseph, I have some work in the US, we gonna need to postpone it after," Isaac said and disappointment flashed all over Joseph's face. The more we wait, the more he feels like he is losing time away from the throne.
"I have an idea," Joseph said, his eyes lightening up, "Why not make it in the US then, actually this seems more logical," He carried on, excited, "You can finish your work, we will be far away from here and all the chaos that comes when we throw an engagement or a marriage, there will always be those who will crash and ruin it," He clarified, adding reasons to support his persistent decision to have the engagement soon, "We'll make it a low profile one, just close family and avoid any trouble."
Isaac shrugged, like he could care less, "I don't mind," He turned to me, his teasing sadistic gaze taunted me as he asked, "What do you say, son," He asked, "You already like it there so much, I doubt you'll say no."
I clenched my jaw and forced myself to keep the same calm cold posture, "I don't care," I said, looking at Joseph, "The place doesn't really matter, right?"
He nodded but Isaac seemed rather occupied with whatever was going on over his phone.
"Yes, exactly, I will tell Margret about this, we can get everything ready and get on a plane tomorrow, what do you say, Isaac?"
He nodded, "Yeah, sounds good," He mumbled in disinterest as he got up to his feet, all of his attention on his phone's screen and lines etched his forehead, "I have to go," He said, dismissing whatever Joseph was about to say.
My eyes narrowed at his back as he urgently walked away and left the house. I immediately pulled my phone out and texted Ronald, 'Isaac just left, follow him.'
His reply came back almost immediately, 'On it.'
**************
Ronald's POV
I waited in the car for more than an hour, I parked as far as I can from the house Isaac went into. It was near impossible to track him down, his driver was an expert, taking turns left and right, going in between cars, all his moves fast and calculated to avoid any followers.
But, this wasn't my first time. I kept my distance and stayed discrete. I intentionally let them gain speed on me, but in the end, I found out where the car paused to a stop and saw as Isaac left it and walked inside, rather in hurry.
I looked at my watch and let out a bored sigh, it's almost an hour and a half and he didn't get out yet. My gaze drifted around the neighborhood, making sense of my surroundings and trying to guess what could possibly be inside the house.
Just on cue, Isaac stepped outside the main door. I straightened myself in my seat and tried to adjust my eyesight to notice what was going on from a distance as far as this. He was talking with someone but I couldn't make out his features. They stood there for a couple of seconds before Isaac turned around, his driver opened the door and he got in before the car took off.
Whoever he was talking to, stood there by the entrance, his gaze drifting around and I ducked down immediately, scared that he would notice my presence. The neighborhood was weirdly silent, with no one in sight, no noises and if I were to be seen, it would be suspicious.
Carefully, I looked back at the house to see him walking inside before he closed the door behind him. I let out a low sigh before I got down the car and made my way toward the other side of the street and beside the house. I kept my senses on high alert, looking left and right and making sure no one else was around.
Heading for the backyard's fence, I snuck a look inside and no one seemed to be guarding the back entrance. My eyes took notice of the wires going in between the rails, my jaw ticked as I realized that there is a security alarm that would probably take off if I dared to step in.
I looked around, searching for another way to get inside. There was a tree on the side, all tall and high, almost reaching the second floor of the house. I groaned and cursed Nikolas under my breath multiple times because apparently I am gonna have to dig into my ninja skills now to be able to get into the damn place.
Almost seven minutes later, of me trying to be silent and discrete, I was finally able to climb all the way up, and get rid of the damn cat that attacked me when I accidentally stepped on its tail, "Fucking Nikolas," I groaned again, the things I am putting myself through for him.
The distance between the tree and the window wasn't as little as I expected. Fuck. I am gonna have to jump. This could end in two ways; one, I will make a noise and get killed by whoever is guarding the house. Two, I will fall head straight into the ground and die. Great.
Hanging into the branch, I did the calculations in my mind and took the risk. Go big or go home, right? I took the leap and god must've been on my side because my feet landed right on the window's outside rails and I instantly grabbed into the nearest thing to steady myself.
Letting out a relieved sigh, I looked around and underneath me, hoping the noises I made weren't suspicious enough. I crouched down and held the end of the half-opened window and carefully pulled it up, silently opening it all the way before I hopped inside.
I stood straight and wiped the leaves and dirt that's still sticking to my clothes. The second I let my gaze drift from myself and around me, I froze. The room was some kid's room. My eyes went from the desk with many comic books and different types of action figures to the wall beside the closet where big posters of those comics superheroes were hanging and lastly, my eyes fell on the bed. On the kid laying over there, eyes closed and fast asleep.
My eyes grew wider, what the hell? On silent footsteps, I inched closer toward his unconscious body, trying to make out his features. His skin was white, a pale white, almost as if he was sick. His hand resting under his cheek, his eyes closed and the muscles of his face all relaxed and peaceful. His hair a mess of light brown behind but on the top, up his forehead it was all smoothed back, almost wet, like he was sweating or something.
My eyes fell on the nightstand beside him, there were many medicine bottles and pills. Yeah, the kid didn't look well. He is sick, but who is he? And what the hell is his relation to Isaac?
He can't be his own child. The boy looked around seven years old, maybe eight even, give or take.
My eyes fell back on the nightstand, more specifically on the framed picture over it. It was the same kid, but his much younger self. My eyebrows pulled together as I reached for the frame and took the picture into my hand to have a closer look. My mind got short-circuited, my nerves failing to process the image the right way. The kid looked familiar, too familiar it was insane.
His eyes were of a light brown, almost hazel and if it wasn't for them, it would've been like I was staring at my picture when I was young.
"Who are you?"
My eyes grew wide and my head whipped in the kid's direction, his eyes were half opened as he took notice of my presence. Under his eyes was red and they looked dimmed and so tired. He pulled his upper body up, his confused gaze drifting from me to the door and then back to me.
I gulped down, and puzzlement cut lines all over my forehead as I tried to understand. The theories clicking through my head almost unbelievable. He rubbed his fist over his eye, kicking himself out of his sleep, "Did..." A cough interrupted his words and he placed his hand to his mouth, his eyebrows pulled closer, "Did dad send you?"
Dad?
Does he call Isaac his dad?
Fuck, who is he? He can't be what I think he is...he just can't.
The doctor said it. I remember his exact words; Both she and the baby didn't make it.
But, Isaac was there. He was there. He could've done anything.
When I kept silent, unable to process this or form words, the kid's eyes grew a bit wide, "You're here to hurt me, aren't you?" He said, a flicker of fear took over his eyes and he looked at the door, ready to scream for the guard, "Alasto-"
I placed my hand over his mouth, stopping him from exposing me and I shook my head, "No, no, I am not gonna hurt you," I said, hoping he would believe me, "I promise, I won't hurt you, but please, you can't let them know I am here, I am not gonna hurt you," I assured him again but he still looked terrified as he stared back at me, "I will remove my hand, but please don't scream," I said as I slowly retreated my hand back, "I just want to know who you are, that' all."
I pulled my hand back and he didn't say a thing, probably still scared I would do something, his back plastered against the wall, as if to run away from me, "What's your name?" I asked.
I knew what she was gonna name him. If Isaac knew as well, he would've given him the same name.
"Why do you want to know?" He asked.
I gulped down and shot for another question, "Do you know who your mother is?"
He nodded.
"Where is she?" I asked.
His throat bobbed, "She is gone."
My heart clenched so tight in my chest, "I will show you something," I mumbled as I reached for my wallet and opened it. I inched it closer to him and showed him the picture in there. His eyes fell down on it and they grew wide. His eyes shot up to me and he said, gasping, "That's my mom."
A shuddered breath burned as I drew it in, my lungs pressing against my ribs, "That's my mother as well."
He blinked, confused and lost. The realization jackhammered my heart into a frenzy and I slowly brought my hand up. It rested over his cheek, feeling him, making sure he was real and not a figment of my imagination. An unknown emotion welled thick, urgent at the base of my throat, fighting for a release.
"I can't believe this," I mumbled, his face only took me back to those years ago, where she laid on the ground, bleeding to her death, pregnant, on her very last few weeks, and I thought he was gone alongside her, "Nathan?"
His eyes grew wide, "You know my name," He said and every unspent emotion clashed with the anger, the grief, all fighting, and struggling to break free.
He gave him the same name she wanted.
"Yes, I know," I mumbled, a storm of emotions welled up in my eyes, "You are my brother."
He inched closer to me, his little brain trying to understand all of this. He looked so confused, so lost, so innocent, "You're crying," He mumbled sadly as his little hand came to my cheek, where those unbearable emotions broke free.
I didn't think as I brought my arms and wrapped them around him, pulling him closer to me. My hand tightened over the back of his neck and I pressed my eyes shut, trying to let the twisted truth sink in.
This is what Isaac was hiding. He was hiding him away from everyone. Away from Joseph. Away from Nikolas.
I pulled back a fraction, and my hand rested over his shoulder, "You can't tell anyone I came here," I said, hoping he'd listen to me or else it will ruin everything. I need to play this one smart, without Isaac or Nikolas knowing or noticing a thing. One wants him and the other will use him against Isaac...I can't let that happen.
I pushed the strands that fell over his forehead away, "No one will know about you," I gave him a promise, "No one, especially Nikolas," He would hurt him, he wouldn't care, why would he?
Just like I desperately want Joseph's death. Nikolas wants Isaac's downfall. He'd do anything. But no, I won't let him lay a finger on him.
I pulled away and Nathan's hand tugged at my arm, stopping me, "You're leaving?"
I nodded, "But I will find a way to come back, okay?"
He was safe all this time, away from everyone's eyes. I won't ruin that now.
He nodded, "Okay," He said, a bit hopeful, "What's...what's your name?"
I smiled, "It's Ronald."
"You won't tell anyone, right?"
He returned my smile and nodded. He extended his hand forward, "Yes, this will be our secret."
That had my smile widening and I placed my hand in his small little one, "Yeah, it will be our secret."
*************
Nikolas's POV
"What do you mean?" I asked again in disbelief, "He left in a hurry, something was wrong, it can't be just this."
Ronald shrugged, "Like I said, he just met with some of the guys, probably talked about the business, nothing looked suspicious."
"You're sure?" I asked again, something just didn't add up, "You were there all the time?"
He nodded, "Yeah, nothing happened, maybe someone was making trouble, that's why he seemed distressed," He clarified and I clenched my jaw, I was almost certain something out of the ordinary was happening when Isaac stormed off like that.
I let out a low sigh, "Okay, whatever," He is bound to slip some other time, and I am not giving up anytime soon, "We need to leave for the US in a bit, Isaac and Joseph are going there tomorrow, so Emma and I decided to head there first, maybe we can figure out what so urgent that he wants to do in there."
"I guess that includes me as well?"
I nodded, "Of course," I said as a matter of fact and his throat bobbed, totally hating the idea.
"Joseph is gonna be there as well," I clarified, "Isn't he all you care about at the moment?"
He nodded, "Yeah, yeah, of course," He mumbled, but his body language speaking a whole different story as he turned around and walked away. My eyes narrowed at his back in suspicion, he is making the whole idea of trusting him near impossible.
************
"You told Alex we are coming?" Emma asked as she settled into one of the seats.
I nodded and she chuckled, "God, you two are like lovers, you talk more than Roman and I do."
I shot her a glare, "I totally agree," Roman said as he headed for the seat beside Emma.
"Yeah, you have no idea," Emma added, her tone teasing, "You didn't see him when Alex was shot, oh god, he was a mess."
I pressed a palm to my forehead and pushed out a long breath out of my lungs, "So, I see you two are not fighting anymore, that's an improvement," I commented, addressing their arguments when we were coming back here just three weeks ago.
True, three weeks have passed, yet it feels like it was yesterday. I learned hell a lot in these weeks, yet still, I feel like I am missing one thing still. The holy grail, the catalyst to help me carry on with my plan.
"Oh no, no, we are always fighting, don't worry," Roman answered, casually shrugging, "We just have on and off days, and today happens to be our off one."
Emma nodded agreeing before she raised her hand up and high-fived Roman, "Exactly."
"You two are so weird," I mumbled, having enough of them already.
To add to my misery, Mia got into the jet and headed for the seat across mine. Her father's orders again to go before him and settle down. God, I can't wait for this fiasco to be over. I don't know for how long I can take it without exploding and accidentally killing someone.
The good thing is that Mia knew her limits. She is keeping her distance away from me. She won't initiate a conversation nor look my way, which is exactly what I needed till I can get rid of her and her father.
The jet took off and I kept thinking, analyzing in my head every information I knew about Isaac, trying to read in between the lines, and figure out that one missing piece.
Halfway through and my gaze went to Mia, she had her eyes on the small window, looking at the sky and the land we passed over in pure astonishment, like a little kid trying to figure out the magic behind a flying plane.
Sensing my gaze, she turned her head and her eyes fell on me. Her throat bobbed and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat, before she mumbled, explaining herself, "It's just my first time on a plane."
Well, I didn't ask.
I nodded, ignoring her as my gaze drifted to the side to see Ronald looking at her with a very bored expression. He rolled his eyes and turned his head away, totally not interested. He really hates all those in his mother's family. I mean she is his cousin. Julia is his aunt, but he could care less.
Still, something about him felt off since the morning, only intriguing me. He better not be hiding anything, because I would figure it out eventually and my reaction won't be too pleasant if he is lying.
*************
"Roman is gonna go see Cara, are you also going to see Alex?" Emma asked and I looked at my watch, checking the time. I shook my head, "Not now."
"You take Mia and go to my place, I have few things to take care of," I said and she nodded, without questioning before she headed with Mia toward one of the cars.
Ronald's gaze flickered from them then back to me, "Where are you going?"
Patience, Nikolas. Patience.
"Are we married?" I asked, "Do you really need to know every damn thing about me?"
He is even more annoying than his sister.
He hefted out a breath, "Jesus, I am just asking, in case you need help in something."
"I don't," I shot out, fed up with his shit, "Go with them and stop being so damn clingy."
He pushed his hand in the air, frustrated as he walked away, "Okay, okay, don't shout."
I facepalmed, "Unbelievable," I mumbled before I got into the empty car. Checking the time one more time. It signaled six pm. I knew it was late, but I tried my luck and drove toward my destination.
Reaching the building, I stepped inside and into the elevator, heading for her office. I doubted if she'd be here still. She used to stay this late for our late sessions only, but I don't know why, something tells me I might find her.
I exited the elevator and right then I was proven right, the door to her office was left ajar, and light seeped through. A flicker of excitement sparked in my chest and I inched closer, standing by the door as my eyes went inside, searching for her.
She was sitting behind her desk, her elbow pressed against the wooden surface and her cheek resting over her palm, her eyes focused on the notebook ahead of her as she went on writing something. Her glasses were placed away and her hair wasn't up in a bun, it was falling all over her shoulders, a hot mess with a bit of wave at its ends.
Her chest moved as she breathed out a low sigh, her lips parting, letting that breath go and involuntary, my pulse sped and a small smile pulled up one corner of my lips. I wanted to go inside, but at the same time, I didn't want to disturb her.
She moved, closing her notebook, and she looked at her watch, checking the time. A low breath left her mouth and her shoulders slumped down the slightest, before she got to her feet and started to gather her things, ready to leave.
I took that as my cue and I knocked on the door, not wanting to scare her by barging in. I pressed my palm over it, letting it slide all the way in before I took a step inside. Her eyes flickered from the task in her hand to my face, and she froze there for a second.
"Nikolas," She said, almost breathlessly, her eyes growing a bit wide before she circled her way around her desk, getting closer to me.
"Oh my god, you're here," She said, almost not believing it and all I felt after were her arms wrap around my back, hugging me, out of the blue. My eyebrows pulled closer and I tensed a bit, totally not expecting that.
It took me a second or two to shake myself in but right then, she pulled back a fraction, facing me. A big smile formed over her lips as she stared at my face, her eyes all blue and bright, with a bit of a twinkle in them, "I just realized how I threw myself into your arms," She let out a low chuckle but she didn't back away from me just yet.
Her words had me smiling, "It's just I was thinking about you and...and here you are," She shook her head, "It's crazy."
Her gaze caressed my face ever so tenderly and she bit at her lower lip, "You're here," She said again, convincing herself.
I nodded, "But it's just temporary."
She shook her head, not caring, "Still, I missed you," She said, without thinking and it took her a second to realize what she just muttered because her throat bobbed nervously, "I mean, I know you didn't leave that long ago, but still, it's almost a month in a few days," Her eyes grew a bit wide, "Not that I was counting or anything," She carried on, doing that cute rambling of hers, "I wasn't of course, but it felt like somehow of a long time, and yeah, I know, it's not like we were dating or something, I mean you assured me that we won't stand a chance even if you came back and I get it, you were totally respectful and right in a way, but-"
"I missed you too," I said, interrupting her and pausing her nonsense ramble of words.
She cracked a big wide smile, "You missed me?"
I nodded, "Just a little."
She chuckled, all soft and innocent, reminding me of why I liked her in the first place. That light in her eyes, that tenderness in her smile. Everything about her was delicate and soft...it was beyond impossible to resist, or steer away from.
She bit at her lower lip, trying to hold back her excitement, "I will hug you again," She said, raising her eyebrow, "So, if you regret coming here and me jumping on you, it's already too late, you can't escape!"
I didn't wait for her to do it, my hand pressed over her lower back, pulling her little body to mine, and her arms instinctively wrapped around my neck, tighter than before, savoring the moment. I felt that weird sense of calmness as I wrapped my other hand around her back, my hand lost in the mess of her hair and I let my eyelids drop down for a second.
Her scent silenced the voices in my head and her sweet touch tamed the monster down. It tied him up in a corner, far away and everything was silent. Calm.
"Did you really miss me?" She asked teasingly as her arms slowly untangled from around my neck, not ready to let go just yet.
"Or did no one annoy back there?" She added, raising a playful eyebrow.
I scoffed, "Oh, they annoyed me alright," Including your very own brother.
"But?" She said.
"But, they weren't as cute as you, so-"
Her mouth opened up in shock, "Oh my god, you just called me cute!"
I winced, "I take it back."
She shook her head, liking this way too much, "Nope, never, Mr. grumpy pants called me cute, I must be special."
Oh that, she was.
Very special. She steadies me and stirs me, all at once.
Both her past and mine are entangled in a very complicated way. I am still trying to understand that. In spite of it, the present still made us cross paths, and the future, well, that will always be uncertain.
************************************
Oh damn, I missed writing this book.
So, now with the info you have in Blue Ribbon and the ones in here, you must figure out a lot of things.
Anyways, now that they are temporarily back, (In the next couple of chapters) things will happen. Things you were waiting for and things you weren't xD
Things that aren't so pretty. Things that would make you mad...
So, whatcha ya think? xD
Also, Perfictionist_girl did more aesthetics for our grumpy baby.
I MEAN, I GET WHY YOU ALL LOVED HIM. DAMN.
Anyways, see you next chapter.
Love ya all!