HELLO BEAUTIFUL SOULS ❤️
I'm here to tell you that there are only three more chapters left so, get ready.
Besides, I hope this chapter will clarify everything for you, why Louis acts the way he acts, and why he was so reluctant about London.
Hope you like it 💗
Mag 🦋
𝑴𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒔
[ 12 Song references ]
So today was a big day. Not only because it was the last day before the Fashion Week started and all London was ready for the event, but also because today Louis was going to land here and we will be together again.
Just eleven more hours.
My love, my heart was breathing for him.
For that moment in time when we could finally hug each other again. I was really anxious and I had everything planned for when he arrived.
But first I needed to do a few things.
I sent him a good morning text and I quickly got out of bed. I dressed up as fancy as I could because if I was going to be out the whole day, the least I could do was to be presentable for my coworkers and to go pick up my boyfriend at the airport.
I smiled at myself in the mirror with my final decision.
I was looking good.
I called my mum on the way out, she wanted to come over tonight to meet Louis in person, and hopefully she would prepare dinner.
I hadn’t told Louis he would meet my mother today, but I just didn’t want him to get nervous before arriving here, so I was waiting until he landed.
She confirmed to me that she was coming to London in a few hours and that she would stay in a hotel for the night so she could drive back to Holmes Chapel in the morning.
I mentally thanked her that she wasn’t staying in my place like most of the times she comes to visit me, because I kinda wanted to be alone with Louis for the night.
So it was a relief.
After my mum hung up, I gave a call to the real estate agency to get an update on the selling of my house, they said that a couple of people were interested and that they would come to see it during the week.
I sighed in content.
Everything was on track.
I got to the London Fashion Week venue early, even though it was sunday, to watch everything taking form, the last rehearsal of some of my clients, some very well known fashion designers on the backstage organizing their clothes for the models, the make up artists already setting all their instruments and make ups down on the dressings rooms to practice one last time the whole look of the models and invited singers.
Some really important people making soundproofs on the stage were here as well, and mostly a lot of producers running from one place to another, getting everything settled.
Once he saw me entering the dressing rooms, Jonah ran towards me with his makeup and hairstyle already done, and half of his clothes on.
“Oh my god Harry! Thank god you’re here. Have you seen how big this is? I can’t believe I’m here.”
“Yeah, this event is amazing, go back to get ready, I’ll be around if you need me.”
“Oh, please. Come with me, I want you to talk to Daniel, so you can convince him to hire me for his brand.”
“I’m sure that if Daniel Fletcher likes how you look and how you walk he’ll hire you again, no need for me to talk to him.”
“C’mon Haz.”
“Don’t call me Haz, please.”
“Ok, Did you get up with your left foot today?”
“No, I’m perfectly fine.” - I smiled. - ”I’ll go check on my other clients, excuse me.” - I said to get rid of Jonah.
I was in a really good mood to let him ruin it.
So, I walked away from him to look for my other clients around the backstage dressing rooms.
I didn’t do much other than just walk around and make sure that my clients had everything they needed. I bumped into some old friends from the industry and I excitedly told them that I was moving to New York in a month. Most of them seemed happy for me, others just showed envy, but that's how it is.
I looked down at my phone to see if Louis had replied to my message, knowing that he was probably heading to the airport already.
Just by thinking of him I felt a shiver down my spine.
I wanted to be with him, I wanted to feel his love again, I wanted to lay beside him, I just couldn’t hide it, and it showed in my smile and the butterflies in my stomach.
I didn’t see any reply to my message and that discouraged me for a bit, but then I saw the time.
Nine more hours to have him here.
I felt a smile forming on my face, my heart beating harder, time escaping me.
And just like that, as if I had invoked him, a message popped up on my screen.
Lou.
I rushed to open it, feeling happy to know he was on his way.
“Harry, I’m sorry, I can’t go. I’ll pay you for the tickets. I just can't get on that plane.”
My breathing stopped. He can't come?
I tried to call him several times after reading, but he didn't reply to any of them.
I ran away from the venue and quickly got inside my car for more privacy.
I wanted to scream out my lungs. I wanted to talk to him, to have answers. And just like that the tears started to stream down my face, making it harder for me to think clearly.
I was so damn excited about seeing him, and now he is not coming?
With my trembling hands I picked up my phone again, trying over and over to communicate with him.
I texted multiple times as well, but still I didn't get any answers.
I hit the steering wheel several times, letting out all of my anger and my sadness.
I felt so helpless, so lost.
My eyes already glossed with tears, but I wanted to cry even harder.
But I only could sit there and stare at my hands, my fucking hands that reminded me of him.
_______
After a while, I went back to my house and closed the door behind me, throwing the keys aside, not caring about anything else than my selfish self and my angst heart.
I didn't want to be seen, I didn't want to be heard, I didn't want to be without him.
Two hours had passed without a reply.
I felt like someone had taken my heart, ripped it out of my chest and stomped on it.
It hurt, it burnt, it stung.
It pinched and pulled, it split in two.
I felt like I was breaking inside.
Why doesn't he reply?
I shut the door of my bedroom, I turned the lights off and let myself collapse on the mattress.
Nothing else but my sobs echoing in the room.
I don't know when, but I cried myself to sleep. I only woke up with a loud knock on my front door.
I turned to the side and picked up my phone, it was almost six pm.
And still no reply from Louis.
I stood up and opened my front door with my tired eyes from crying.
My mother was there with a food container in hand and a worried look on her face.
"Harry, are you okay?"
"No." - I sobbed
"What happened?"
I let her walk inside and I went straight to the couch. I fell on my back and covered my swollen eyes with my arm.
"I swear, if I could only turn back time, I would have never left him." - I confessed.
"He didn't come?"
"No."
"Why?"
"I don't know!" - I cried out.
She walked towards me and curled up by my side, caressing my hair.
I hugged her closer and buried my face on her chest like I used to do when I was a child.
But I couldn't find comfort even though I tried.
I felt like I was standing close to the edge, feeling myself fall.
I inhaled the perfume of her clothes, but she wasn't nearly as calming as Louis' scent. I wanted that nicotine smell combined with coffee and fresh morning air, I yearned for it.
Louis.
Everything came back to me, hitting me where it hurt. All the flashing lights in my mind, going back to the time where we could just be us.
In New York. With him.
Where my home was.
"Harry honey…" - My mother trailed.
"What?"
"I think your phone is ringing."
I looked up and I heard the incoming call ringtone coming from my room.
I quickly stood up and ran towards the bedroom, finding my phone on the nightstand where I had left it showing three missed calls from Louis on the screen.
And a single message.
'I can't find the words to say how sorry I am. Please don't leave me today, just let me explain.'
________
𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝔻𝕠 𝔹𝕣𝕠𝕜𝕖𝕟 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕤 𝔾𝕠?
[ 6 Song references ]
I got down from the cab in front of the airport entrance and looked down at the suitcase in my hand.
And in that second I knew I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go back to England. Not now, not ever.
When I stepped on New York for the first time, six years ago, I promised myself to never go back. My new life was here, no looking back to my previous life.
I knew that if I ever returned everything would remind me of my dark days, every street, every shop, every rainy day. I just couldn't do it. Not even for Harry.
I couldn't do that to myself.
Just with the mere thought of it, shadows came with the pain that I had been running from for six years.
I sighed and turned around, getting in the cab again and telling the driver to get me back home.
I texted Harry in between tears and turned off the phone. I couldn't handle him right now. Everything was coming back to my mind and it was tearing me apart.
I threw the suitcase on the floor the second I arrived home. I went to look at myself in the bathroom mirror and all I could see was that same Louis from six years ago.
That same Louis who thought his life was shit, who thought he would never do anything good with his time on earth, who thought he wasn't worthy, who thought he would die, and who never ever thought he would find love.
Love was something he never heard enough.
And he surely never had it.
So right now, he didn't know how to handle it.
It was all too much.
Of course I needed to explain to Harry eventually, but I wasn't ready. I never wanted anyone to find out, it was something that was buried deep inside my mind and that I thought it was never going to be alive again.
Harry, in the short time he was here, made me feel normal. He made me feel like I was part of society. He made me feel worthy.
And now I ruined it.
Right now in between all of my mistakes, there’s only one standing up from the list of the things I’ve done in my life.
And it was ruining him.
My beautiful Harry.
Him was something I really never thought I would have.
My mind was running in circles with him and me. So, I washed my face and decided I needed to clear my head before doing something I would regret.
I grabbed my phone, wallet and pack of cigarettes, and walked the hell out of my house.
After a long walk and three cigarettes in a row, I sat down on the grass of the park, under the same tree where Harry and I sat the first night I took him out.
It took me some time to figure out how to tell Harry the truth. But I knew I just couldn't keep it away from him anymore.
He deserves to know.
So I turned on my phone again and finally called him.
Once, twice and thrice. But no answer.
That's it, he hates me.
I sent a message and waited for the best.
I just needed a chance to explain.
I sighed and dropped my head back against the tree.
You're so stupid, Louis.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to fight the urge to light a fourth cigarette.
That's when it happened, my phone started to vibrate, showing a picture of Harry on the screen.
I quickly sat up and wiped my eyes, trying to look a bit more presentable.
But I was surely not prepared to see him like that.
Red eyes, wet eyelashes, swollen cheeks, parted lips, everything indicating that he was crying.
And that it was my fault.
"Lou…"
"Harry, I'm sorry."
"What happened? Why didn't you reply to any of my calls? Why aren't you here?" - He sobbed.
"I know I have to explain. Just know that it has nothing to do with you. I'm so sorry. I just can't go back there. I can't go to England again." - I said, already feeling the tears on my cheeks once again.
"Why?" - He gasped.
"Because I can't. Because I came here to escape from there. I hate it."
Harry sobbed and frowned on the other side of the screen.
"What do you mean?"
"I… Harry, what I'm about to tell you is something that I never told anyone. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I just couldn't."
"Tell me."
I took a deep breath trying to calm myself down while staring at his glossed eyes full of tears.
I sighed slowly and closed my eyes.
"My family died when I was a kid, and I was left alone to live in the streets."
"Lou…"
"Let me finish." - I said and opened my eyes again. - "I survived for a bit by asking people for money and food, but as I grew older I learnt to steal, so I started stealing food to have something to eat. Eventually it became more than just food, because I needed money for clothes and other things." - I closed my eyes again and sobbed. - "When I was eighteen I got caught and they sent me to jail for stealing money from a store."
"Louis… look at me." - Harry sobbed.
"I can't. It's embarrassing and I hate myself for everything I did." - I swallowed. - "When I finally got out of jail, with the amount of money I made by working inside the prison, I bought a ticket to the first plane that was taking off, a one way ticket to never return. I didn't want to go back to the streets, and I needed a new start. Everything in London reminded me of all the things I've lost and I couldn't handle it. That's how I ended up here, I saved some money and started my business as if nothing had happened. New York was my salvation Harry. I just needed to pretend I was a normal guy, that's all I wanted. I promised myself to never step on London again, I promised myself to get through it, to earn my money, to buy my own place. And it took me six years. At first I was sleeping in my coffee shop because money was not enough to rent an apartment, but I made it eventually, and I got to buy my house, my motorcycle, and I thought it was it. I was happy with all I had achieved, with my fresh new life away from the streets. But then you came and you showed me I was missing something."
"Louis…" - Harry sobbed even louder.
"I'm awful, I know. You shouldn't be with me. I don't know if you can be with me after this. Or even if you will ever love me again. But it was wonderful to have you even if it was for a short period of time."
"Louis, I think I love you even more if possible right now. Look at me, open your eyes."
I froze at his words and held my breath, slowly opening my eyes.
"Lou, thanks for telling me."
I cleaned up a few years that were running down my cheeks before they ended up wetting my shirt.
"Aren't you mad?"
"Why would I be mad?" - He giggled in between tears. - "I thought that you were going to dump me, I was shattered. But now that you told me this, god Louis, I love you. I understand why you didn't tell me sooner, it's okay." - He smiled.
"You don't want to break up with me?"
"Nope." - He laughed. - "I don't care what you did in the past, I fell for this Louis, present Louis. The guy who made it through all the shit that was put in his way, and the guy who is caring, loving, hard worker, nice with everyone, funny, good looking..."
"Okay, I get it, Romeo." - I said, cutting him off with a giggle.
Harry laughed.
"You don't have to come to England. I will start to pack today and I'll be there with you before you notice."
"Are you really sure about this?"
"Of course, you're my Juliet."
"You did not just call me Juliet."
"I think I just did."
I laughed loudly and shook my head.
"You're unbelievable." - I said and he rolled his eyes.
"Is really hard to be away from you, you know?"
"I know." - I smiled softly. - "I'll think of something for us to do when you get back."
"Like a date?" - He smirked.
"Yeah, like a date."