"Why do you do this to me?" Her voice trembled more. "Why touch me like this like you want to comfort me and then go saying stuff like that?!"
Her face turned away from him, feeling scared from the feeling moist feeling from her eyes. She couldn't suppress that feeling anymore. He couldn't see her face, but he can see her shoulders trembling. She definitely was crying.
Stop it. Just stop it.
The memory came of her father punishing her more for every time she had shed a tear or two. It made her internally believe that crying was a weakness.
It started to head towards another emotional breakdown.
"Dabi, you idiot," said a scratchy voice from the doorway. "What did you do this time?"
Dabi looked towards the doorway to see Shigaraki. He looked rather annoyed. "I helped her get away from her crazy family is what I did. Now get her some ice or something. She has a bump on her head."
After a few minutes, Shigaraki appeared again with an ice pack. He shoved Dabi out of the way. "Will you stop that?" Dabi growled. He tried to push his way back into his spot, but Shigaraki held out his hand threateningly.
"I'll decay you if you don't let me sit where I want."
The two glared at each other for a few seconds before Dabi sighed and stood up. Shigaraki chuckled in satisfaction.
Shigaraki placed the ice pack onto the table beside Satoko. "You're going to have to hold it on yourself."
Satoko didn't budged. Her hands was gripping against her face to get herself to stop crying. Some of her blood from her hands smeared against her face. She didn't turn around to face him.
"I don't need it. Leave me alone." She sniffled while taking a heavy breath in. This was mortifying to her as she couldn't get herself to stop.
"You don't NEED it, but I want you to have it," Shigaraki argued. "There's nothing wrong with me wanting to take care of another League member."
Finally getting herself to partially stop, reluctantly she put the ice pack on the back of her head. She was somewhat turned around where they could both see her face.
She didn't look at anyone. One could tell her complexion was stained from tears due to the blood smudges on her cheeks. "Why even bother when I'm in a pathetic state like this? Haha... Look at me. Is it great to see me like this? I bet it is."
"I didn't say anything like that. The thought didn't even cross my mind, it's such a weird thing to say," he replied.
"You're going to make it worse," Dabi commented. "She's sensitive right now."
Shigaraki turned his head to glare at Dabi. "You didn't seem to be helping either."
Satoko seeing how they're both kind of considering her in their own way, she strangely calmed down. Probably due to the fact that she had lost energy to have any more willpower to say anything else.
"...Sorry." She grumbled. "I know I'm being stupid. I can't handle myself sometimes. My pitiful sobs won't happen again. I'll get it under control."
As if she was to blame. But that's how she always looks at things. The one person she's most critical about is herself.
"Unlike the heroes, we won't bully you for crying sometimes." Shigaraki looked away. He felt embarrassed to be saying things like that. He had never really tried to lift someone's spirits before. "It's ok for us to have strong bonds with each other. That way we can take down hero society together."
He had clearly been thinking about that for a while. His attitude towards her seemed more mature somehow. His morals were still messy, but they were there nonetheless.
Dabi was mostly quiet. He had a look of curiosity as he listened to the conversation.
"Thanks." She sighed.
Shigaraki's mannerisms are like as if he was younger than her. It made her feel like he was a brother towards her sometimes. He was strangely soft around her. It made her feel a little better.
Her head was becoming a little clearer. She never got to talk to him about All For One. She doesn't want to give information just yet. Perhaps hint it.
"I got something to say to you." She looked towards him. "I know it's not my place to say, but I should bring it up. It's fine if you get mad at me. I might as well ask you now that I'm down like this." She kind of made that last part a joke. She paused a moment and sighed. "It has been bothering me since you told me your story. Do you ever wonder or think... perhaps All For One is using you?"
Before letting him answer, she finished. "I'm asking this because I don't want any more bad things to happen. Not to you or anyone else. My own experiences keep making me think this way."
Dabi decided that he didn't need to be part of the conversation anymore. He was starting to get tired from standing there due to his body being weakened anyway. Without saying another word, he walked away.
Shigaraki's eyebrows furrowed. "He's not using me. He's the only one who would take me in. The first one who was ever kind to me besides my mother and sister."
"Is there a difference to his kindness compared to mine?" She asked, hoping it would convince him otherwise.
Was All For One really someone who gave the same amount of compassion like she did towards Shigaraki?
Shigaraki's expression changed to a thoughtful one. "His tone of voice was different than yours, but he was the only person who wasn't scared to touch me. He gave me a hug one time when I was younger." His mind went back to when he first met Satoko. There was a lone chuckle. "And he never kicked me in the face."
(Dang it. I don't know how to get through to him with that man... He definitely is manipulative... possibly.) She thought.
She started laughing a little. "Hey, now! You threatened me so only fair. I wouldn't do it again! And I wasn't afraid of touching you either when I treated ya! Don't exclude me like that or else!"
"Or else what? You wouldn't kick me again. I know your weakness now!" He had a look of pure joy in those eyes of his. It was like nothing else mattered. Like he hadn't killed so many people and attempted murder multiple times. For a moment, it was like he was just a person talking to a friend. "You let your guard down and befriended me. Now you can't get rid of me."
She moved her out of her face as she snorted. It felt so strange to even laugh like this. She didn't mind it. "Aw, you consider me your friend! I'm so touched!"
Then she added. "That's what I was going to say! Or else I'll have to make you my friend and you'll hafta deal with it! I'm that annoying pest that won't ever go away."
"You're the only 'pest' that I don't mind having around." He shifted his weight to sit more comfortably. "You don't have to go away. I'll even kill anyone who tries to take you!"
Was that supposed to be comforting?
"Pfft." She shook her head, disregarding that last statement. "Didja miss me while I was away?"
She wasn't really flirting. It's fun to tease someone who has a strange sense of humor. She happens to have one too. But she wasn't aware how Shigaraki was feeling towards her. Call her dense or not, she just sees it as a friendship.
She recalled what she said to Dabi the night prior. That she was a fool trying to befriend him.
Was she being foolish again?
No.
She knows what she is feeling. She doesn't want to leave this place anymore. Not these people. They can be jerks, but their actions towards her speak otherwise compared to other people who came into her life. Maybe they just don't know how to comfort people properly.
(That still doesn't mean Dabi should still act that way towards me.) Satoko thought.
"May-"
"I'm back." Dabi entered the room again. Little did they know, he had heard everything. "You can get away now. You did what you were supposed to. I doubt she wants to talk to you for much longer than she has to."
Satoko looked away with a frown. "I never said that to him. You interrupted our conversation."
"...I'll go." Shigaraki stood up. It was hard to tell what he was thinking as he made his way to where Dabi was standing. His expression was unreadable. When he reached Dabi though, he smiled. "Don't make her cry again. I told her that I would kill anyone who tries to take her away, but I don't want her to cry again either."
With that, he disappeared.
Satoko grew silent. There was a tense, awkward air around her. She was too tired and pained to talk about anything. She noticed Dabi was staring. "...What?"
Dabi's eyes became intense. There was an obvious sadness hidden somewhere of them. "You two seem close."
"Close? I wouldn't say that." Satoko then noticed his expression. "...Are you upset?"
Dabi held up his good arm. His eyes focused on that instead of looking at her. "I can feel something. That hasn't happened in a long time."
Normally, Dabi would be smiling. He smiled the most when he could feel the least. But his emotions were starting to show themselves stronger than they had in years. He didn't understand why that was happening then of all times.
"You mean the feeling in your arm?" She asked. Then looked down remembering what had happened. "Why...why did you push yourself to that limit to do that to yourself...?"
"I know you're ok now, but," She started to tremble for getting upset again. "I hated seeing that happen to you... It hurt me just witnessing it. What if I couldn't even save you?"
Dabi looked towards her. Even though that wasn't what he was referring to, her feelings about what had happened came as a surprise to him. "You need to get used to the idea of not being able to save me."
He sat down beside her on the couch. When he did so, the heavy feeling in his chest returned. "As for your question...it was to bring you back."
"I don't want to get used to that idea." She faced him while removing the ice from the back of her head. Her eyes were filled with sorrow. "I didn't want you to go through that sort of drastic measure to bring me back here."
"You know what my goal is with my brother. But I have another goal too now." That intense gaze of his didn't go away. "To keep you here for as long as I can."
Her heart had thump. It felt weighted from those words. The way he is gazing at her somehow made her heart pound. "I'm... Not going to leave you, ok? I already decided to stay here."
Because she can't do it. She just wanted to be near him as stupid as it sounds. But no one else could make her feel this way at all.
Dabi's head plopped down onto her shoulder. His head was beginning to pound. His entire body felt weak and fatigued. It made him frustrated, but he was almost glad to have an excuse to get close to her. "I don't know why anyone would be crazy enough to stay around me. I guess we were lucky that you're crazy like the rest of us."
Satoko jumped a little at that. The pounding to worse in her chest. She feel the need to push him off. This closeness again.
That heavy need that made them both crave to be even closer. Hesitating and a little scared, her arms lifted up towards him.
Shifting her body to gently wrap her arms around him. It made him surprised to move his head to have hers resting against his partially scarred collar bone.
"I want to stay around you. Toya." She said his real name for the first time. She remembered it. She felt her own face heating up doing so. "I can call you that?"
"That's fine." It had been so long since anyone had called him that. It felt unfamiliar and a little bit wrong. It felt right at the same time though. "Don't you feel disgusted to touch me?"
"No." She didn't even loosen her arms around him. "I would never feel that way about you."
She had never given affection like this before. She felt nervous, but also liked being near him. "You won't... push me away, will you?" As if that was a dumb question. She felt idiotic for even asking it, but she's such a broken person.
Just like he is.
Dabi felt a strange aching in his heart. It was a dull ache at first, but then it became big enough to shut down almost all other senses. Even his fingertips felt like they were burning with the intensity of it. His stomach was twisting in knots from the fear, but his adrenaline was higher than it had ever been.
It was strange how he had killed so many people, but that wasn't what got his adrenaline going. The only thing that made him feel truly alive was the fact that her arms are around him.
It was a feeling that terrified him, but that he wanted to keep close at the same time. What were the odds of him ever feeling something like that again? Chances are, no one else would want to get close enough.
Dabi closed his eyes. "No. I'm not going to push you away."
"I'm scared of holding you. Not because it's you. I'm just used to being pushed away." She felt like her heart was going to burst. She wanted to be near him. It was strange of her to admit such things and be a little vulnerable. Being near him, she didn't find unpleasant. She noticed she was the only one with her arms wrapped around him.
As she held him, her one hand traced to his upper arm that was scarred. There wasn't any indication of her retracting her fingers from repulsion. She can even feel him take a deep breath while she was doing that.
"Are you the same way?" She asked.
Even though she had cried because of what he said earlier, she was doing this. Maybe it was a hint in a way she wanted to be comforted instead. He could even feel her trembling subtly from how much hurt she was feeling within the past twenty-four hours.
How this woman is holding it all together without constantly breaking?
Dabi thought back to his family. He had never sought any sort of closeness with his father. He knew that they didn't have that kind of relationship. He didn't exactly get along with his sister or mother either, so he was never close to them. Natsu was the only one who he could get close to, and even he grew tired of hearing him talk about his pain.
"It's not that I'm used to being pushed away." He smiled sadly. "It's that I'm not used to being close to people to begin with."
"I'm the same way." She softly replied. Whenever he spoke, she felt his breath tickle her ear. There was a brief pause from her. It was like she was mustering up the courage to ask. "Maybe you should try hugging me back?"
It's strange that he would hold her protectively all those other times. Not once had they held each other at the same time. To feel that warmth and yearning was hard to even fathom.
"Or I'll just stay like this until you do." She joked like it was a 'threat'. This was the first time joked around him. Although, her tone did feel shaky possibly of the fear of being rejected. That made her heart feel a bit tense. She wasn't used to any of this.
(Idiot. Who even does that?)
Dabi scoffed. He hesitated for a moment before wrapping his arms around her in return. He noticed the blood that was still on her face. "You need to get cleaned up."
"What do you mean?" She asked, not aware that it's on her face.
When he looked at her, his face was close to hers when he saw. She turned her head away as it was making her feel strange. Making her face hide into his shoulder while still holding him.
Embracing each other like this brought on a stronger feeling. It was bittersweet that she didn't want him to move away from her. It felt like it was what they both needed from each other.
Then, she realized the feeling of her bloodied fingers. She somehow forgot about it. "Oh. My fingers? Sorry I got blood on ya."
"It's on your face too." He didn't turn his face away from her once. That feeling of being so close to her like that was something that he didn't want to let go of so quickly.
"Oh crap. That must look gross." She sighed. "Sorry."
Not apologizing about her face. But... "I don't like blubbering around people. I guess my 'dad' would make it deeply rooted in me that I wasn't allowed to shed any tears. I still don't feel allowed as it makes me feel like a weakling."
His usual smile returned, but his eyes seemed more bitter. There was an apparent hurt in what he was about to say. "I tried so hard when I was younger to prove to my dad that I was strong, but I just don't care anymore. He'll see how strong I am when he has no choice but to see it."
Dabi wasn't sure how to comfort people with words. He would feel too vulnerable if he tried. Bringing up his own past experiences was sort of his way of trying without being too obvious.
Satoko felt the pain in his voice and especially body language as it got tense at times. She kept her one arm around him, and took her one hand that had scabbed over from the bleeding.
"My sister... I regret it that I couldn't do anything. She was a victim too. My family was also a mess. I don't want you to have the same pain as me." Her hand touched the side of his cheek. She felt his scars between his soft and rough skin. "I can't tell you what to do with wanting to kill them. I still don't think you should do that for the sake of yourself too. I know it will hurt you more. Not only physically, but emotionally."
She's using her recent experience to attempt to help him.
He could see there was an obvious pain in her eyes just staring at him. "You're stronger than you realize. You don't have to prove that any further. I want you to know that."
Dabi was surprised by how she was talking to him. How gentle she was, especially. Her tone of voice and her touch was so soothing and kind. "Even if I don't need to prove myself, they don't deserve to be happy."
His eyes became more bloodshot. They looked as though he might cry. "Why do they get a future and not me? Endeavor doesn't deserve anything good. Shoto gets friends and a chance at a good life, but it's only because our old man finally got what he wanted. If things didn't go his way, he would probably still be beating his kids. He was fighting so hard when we attacked because he cares for Shoto now. Why not me?"
The reality that he had built up in his mind came crashing down. Shoto was a breathing, bleeding human being. He had people who cared about him. Friends. Maybe he could even consider the people who ruined his life as family.
Dabi? He got none of that. The closest he came to having anybody really be in his life was Satoko. He didn't have a future though. The life that he was living currently was the only thing left for him.
It didn't go any further than that. He would never be more than he already was.
It ached her heart gazing at his eyes. Her hand didn't move its position. She recalled his story.
"Your fake name. 'Dabi.' They also don't seem aware that you're alive." She continued. "Maybe, if they would know... What do you think may happen? Or is it that you don't want to know? Would you give it that chance? I know it's unforgivable what Endeavor has done. Perhaps your brother feels the same way too."
Her head lowered. "As for your future, I want to secure it."
"I plan to tell them the next time we attack," he stated. "That would hurt them so much more than being attacked by some villain. I want to know who it is that wants them dead."
To wanting them dead.
That would mean Dabi taking his life. With a resolution and heartache in her eyes, she looked straight at him. "You're not the only one who has a new goal. Mine is to keep you alive."
She didn't want him to do that to himself. She wanted his family to also understand his agony instead of offing himself along with them.
The last sentence was especially resonating. One can tell how heartfelt, yet pained her voice was. "I need you."
It felt like time stopped for a minute. He wasn't sure how to feel from such a statement. "As long as I have this quirk, I'm going to die anyway. I might as well die accomplishing my goal."
"Don't say that." Her gaze got more intensified. "If it were me saying that, what would you do? Would you let me die?"
Don't make her cry again.
He looked away. "I can't just go back. The only reason that I'm alive today is because of this plan."
"That doesn't answer my question." She shook her head. She realized he has a tendency avoiding her questions with other statements. "Say that I was doing the same thing you were. What if back there I pushed myself to the limit to the point where I could die? To take my family with me. Would you have let me?!"
Her voice was getting upset again. But not in a way to scold him or anything. She wants him to understand where she is coming from with this. It lowered to where he could barely hear it. "That day and many other days. I wanted to die."
"I wouldn't have let you," he replied. "But we aren't the same."
"It doesn't matter." She made him look at her. "I won't let you die even if I have to give my life in the process."
Dabi's eyes became angrier. "Don't be stupid. You don't have to die over something that has nothing to do with you."
"Watch me then." Satoko's eyes challenged. "It does have to do with me since you keep bothering with someone like me."
Dabi ignored her last statement, offering nothing more than a glare in response. Her stubbornness was even too much for him to argue with. (It doesn't matter. She'll see that I'm serious when it's time to follow through with my plan for real.)
He stood up from the couch. "I'll get you supplies to clean up, but you're doing it yourself."
He didn't give her a chance to respond. He walked out of the room without another word.
She felt frustrated. His actions keep conflicting with his words again.
How can a sentimental moment of just holding each other turn into this?
Dabi's certainly a roller coaster of emotions. The way he held her. Rested his head on her shoulder. It was all so gentle.
Yet his words can be cold and harsh.
(You said you won't push me away, but you're doing it in other ways.)
Do it herself? Fine. It doesn't bother her one bit.
Nope.
(Ha. Who am I kidding?)
It does bother her. It's utterly so terrible that she knows this strange feeling. She wishes she didn't have it for him, but she can't help it.
Her thoughts were interrupted when he brought the stuff in.
Compared to their first meeting, it was different. She recalled how he made her get the first aid kit while she was in a lot of pain from two injuries. The bullet wound and him hurting her.
(At least this is an improvement.) She started bandaging up her fingers. The silence in the room was overly loud. She couldn't think of anything else to say. Once her fingers were covered, she attempted to wipe off her face.
He tried to stand by and watch as she did that, but he was starting to feel annoyed. The way that she was wiping it only made it worse. He sighed. "Here. I'll get it."
He sat down next to her and put his hand underneath her chin, pulling her face closer. He took a moist towelette and used it to wipe her face. He wiped her chin and along her jaw, holding her face still with his hand.
"I'm not a kid." She grumbled while feeling her face get warm. It made her heart jump from his touch. Then she put on a teasing smile in a failed attempt to mask her face's complexion. "I thought you said I should do this myself?"
He ignored her as he finished up. He handed her the bloody towelette. "If you want to do something so badly then throw this away."
She snickered. (He really had nothing to say to that?)
Actually, that was the first time she somewhat laughed around him. What a weird time to do that. She must be going crazy.
Refraining from doing it anymore, she change the mood of her face. She took it, stood up and left the room. "Tch. I need a drink anyway. And I'm starving too."
Usually when people wallow in their sorrows, they aren't as hungry. Satoko is the opposite when it comes to that.
As she walked away, his mind went back to how she wrapped her arms around him. That gentleness was unsettling yet comforting at the same time. And the face she touched his face...that confused him even more. She had rubbed her finger up and down on his skin from the burnt parts to the healthy parts. Did she actually like the feeling of his skin?
Her skin when he touched her face felt terrifyingly real. It was warm and soft. Her skin was probably squishy too.
There was that feeling again. He was thinking of her so casually. Fondly, even. That heavy feeling in his chest was returning just from the thought of her. Never in his life had he felt something so happy but painful at the same time.
...
Two weeks had passed since the incident. Hawks had to come clean to the heroes on what had occurred. It caused a huge controversy. Endeavor, Mirko and surprisingly, All Might helped put a good word for Hawks.
It wasn't enough to get people to stop talking. Even some heroes.
Satoko Takahashi's name is under investigation for why her records cease to exist. Her family's name change as another set of proof to vouch for Hawks's plea.
Hawks wasn't too bothered by what people were saying about him. He was mostly thinking about Satoko. He was so upset to let her go. He thought about all the memories he shared with her. It caused him to feel deeply hurt. It was purely gossip about the heroes' deaths that died.
But every time he went out, he had heard people talking. TV stations were blasting on the screens everywhere he went.
It started to downpour with rain. He stopped in his tracks just thinking of everything. His expression was gloomy. Water droplets dripped off of his hair. He didn't care to cover himself with his wings.
(I shouldn't have let her go...)
That sunset hair.
(I should have fought for her more.)
Those vibrant yellow eyes. They were so fierce. So beautiful.
(But...)
She clung to Dabi. It was so apparent to him. That's what made him realize. And yet, he can't seem to get over her. He's convinced she was somehow manipulated.
But he knows that was a lie. She seemed so strong. Bold enough to say what's on her mind. He found that so admirable.
A group of people were walking nearby. They stopped when they saw Hawks. One of them spat towards him. "How can you call yourself a hero? You disgust me!"
The other people in the group talked to each other in hushed tones until one of them finally stepped up to the front of the group. Her hair was mostly black, but the roots were gray. Her wrinkled face said that she was getting up in years. Her eyes were beginning to fill up with tears. "I'm Yua's mother. Everybody knows what you've done. They should make it legal for the family members of the victims to beat the killer to death. Just know that I wouldn't hesitate to kill you in the most painful way that I possibly could."
A younger woman grabbed her hand. "Let's just go. We don't want him adding you to the list of people he wants to kill."
"As if your family didn't want to kill their own daughter, huh?" Hawks's smiled darkly. He was really angry especially when it's her own family member too.
His look made the grandmother felt intimidated to walk away.
Hawks sighed. This isn't like him. He's good at showing a laid back and sarcastic character. But he hasn't been acting like that.
His feelings for Satoko has been clouding all his thoughts, actions and judgement. Would he have killed them if it weren't for her?
Suddenly, he heard someone yelling. He went to go investigate what it was, despite him not wanting to.