Approaching the dinner table that Matteo rented and decorated last minute, my grip tightens around Case's hand. He's been quiet for some time now, even during the car ride here.
It was unsettling but understandable. It might just be registering for him too.
I don't think I've gotten to that point yet. I just feel numb to my emotions — it hasn't hit me that in just two days, I'll be in another country, doing what I love.
And I'll be without him.
That sends a pang of hurt into my heart, but at the same time, I don't have it in me to cry or pout or lament over it. If anything, I just want to enjoy my time with the ones I love — not think about my impending departure.
They don't deserve that.
The group includes Jo, Monique, Matteo, Luis, Maya, Luca, Ian, Ty, Sky, Cass, Frankie, Case, and I. As we take our seats, Case pulls out the ones beside him and allows me and Jo to sit on either side of him.
Just as he sits, I take his hand back into mine, and watch him as he watches where we connect, tears glossing over his eyes.
And just like that, I get my answer.
But, I doubt he wants me to draw attention to it so I just lean further into him and begin to rub his thigh in comfort. He exhales heavily before looking back up to the table of people.
And just like that, a conversation starts. Or multiple, I should say.
We're talking over appetizers and glasses of wine, laughing boisterously and pointing accusatory fingers during stories of our years in college.
"No, because I remember Case walked up in that locker room with a mullet like it was nobody's business." Ian recalls, pointing toward Case who was chuckling and sipping from a glass of lemonade.
Ty's eyes widen in realization, "Yeah, walked up in there — business in the front, party in the back headass."
Case holds up a finger to cut through the laughter coming from us patrons, "No, to be fair — it was freshman year. I was young and —"
"Dumb, yeah we know." Ian and Ty say in unison before bumping their fists together.
I laugh at the thought of Case walking around with a mullet. And not one of those good mullets — the jacked up type.
Yeah, no. He wouldn't even get within twenty feet of me.
All of a sudden, Jo gasps, "Oh my, I remember that." At her realization, we laugh because this must've been a big problem with his circle back then. Especially if Jo has that look of disgust on her face, "He called me and I almost hung up on him."
I don't blame her.
Case throws his head back in laughter, "Just for that, I'm gonna do it again."
"No, the hell you not." Ty cuts in, "Do you know how many sleepless nights I had to go through because of you? You were haunting my dreams with your hill-billy self."
Yet again, the table bursts out in laughter.
Sky leans forward, "Cass did that same thing when she had that mid-college crisis a couple years ago."
"A mullet?" Ty questions in shock, eyes wide as he looks at Cass.
Cassidy laughs, "Not a mullet, but a TWA. I chopped my hair off."
"TWA?" Jo questions innocently.
We all answer, including Case, "A teeny weeny afro."
Monique nods in appreciation at Case, "Ah, Eliana has taught you well, young grasshopper."
I bow my head modestly, "Well, thank you. I'll be here all week." Oh, wrong choice of words.
I catch myself but the others seem to pass over it, seemingly laughing it off. Case stiffens beside me but he doesn't stop rubbing my back.
The different conversations carry on for a while longer, Luca somehow now on my lap. I bounce him on my thighs and tickle his little baby cheeks. He seems to enjoy it because his toothless smile hasn't fallen since I've started doing it.
"You're so cute..." I giggle as he shoves his hand into his wet mouth and pulls it out to run along my chest. I hold his hand away and laugh as he tries to push up on my breasts.
Case chuckles beside me, "Yeah, me too, buddy." He mumbles so his mother doesn't hear and I laugh and roll my eyes.
"Shut up."
And just like that, he's gone from my lap onto Case's where he tries to stand. Well, more like he has an iron grip around Case's fingers and the NFL player holds him up.
As the night begins to wind down, plates of food picked up by servers and our glasses being refilled for the last time tonight, I take it upon myself to make an announcement.
This might very well be my last time in a setting like this with the people I love for a long time and I don't want to go, leaving anything unsaid.
I rise from my seat. "I, uh, I just wanted to..." With everyone's attention on me, I now can't help the tears that threaten to fall from my eyes. I see on Sky's face that she's not far behind. "I wanted to, first, congratulate my fellow graduates. We survived." They chuckle but sober up pretty quickly, "And I'm proud of you. I'm proud of us and how far we've come."
"And I know we've been trying to tip toe around the topic all night," I release a shaky sigh, "But I'm leaving." Cass wipes away her tear, "And I don't want to leave without telling you guys just how much I love and appreciate every single one of you."
"Monique, I know you'll be an hour plane ride away but I want to thank you for being that older sister that everyone wants to have. You've loved and accepted me into your family since the day Cass dragged me to Spain with her when you could've just sent me back without a single regret." I laugh a bit, "Not gonna lie, you kinda crazy for allowing a random girl in your house. Anyway."
The laughter that follows from the group is a good way for me to gauge how much sadness I'm pouring into my words.
"Matteo. Thank you for always looking out for me. Thank you for all you've contributed to my education — you're the reason I'm graduating debt free."
Ty cuts in for a second, "Wait, are you looking for anybody else to help out? 'Cause — ow." He holds his calf and I can't help but laugh.
"Maya, Luis, baby Luca, my nephews and niece." I look among my three babies, "Thank you for always being bright sparks in my life. You always know how to bring a smile to my face."
"Ian and Ty," I snicker, "You absolute crackheads. Thank you for one —," I glance at Ian, "Treating my girl right and two — always being there and always being supportive."
"Frankie," I turn to the girl who is downing her glass of water to keep from crying, "Since day one, I knew you were going to bring joy to Cass's life and to mine and that's exactly what you've done. Thank you for that."
"Sky..." I choke up, "Sky... Thank you for being my best friend and not getting fed up with me whenever I mess up dinner or forget to do the laundry or keep the microwave closed because the beeping makes you mad." She laughs and sniffles, "Thank you for allowing me to be someone you lean on. It's an honor."
"Cass, we've clicked since day one. So much so that I would run off your dates." The table laughs, "But that didn't stop our friendship. Because you know we're meant to be — you're my platonic soulmate. You've taught me so much and been with me through so much that there are no words to describe just how thankful I am to have you in my life."
"Jo." I look toward the sweetest woman I've ever met. The woman who showed me what I was missing in a mother. The woman who treats me as her own. She clasps her hands together and pouts, a tear flying down her cheek. "You..." I can't even get it out. I clear my throat of any frogs and try to continue, "I've been a granddaughter for most of my life. You've taught me what it's like to be a daughter. Shoot, even the first night I met you, I cried because I'd never felt so much love from a mother. You brought something to my life that I was missing and I am forever grateful."
And then, like a climax of a movie, I turn to Casen Walker. NFL rookie, first pick, crab legs, cowboy, the man of my dreams, the love of my life, my soulmate.
The man who taught me to love and showed me what it meant to be loved.
He held me when I was in mental anguish, stayed by my side when I just didn't want to do it anymore, pushed me to pursue this opportunity that sees me halfway across the world.
His head is bowed as he subconsciously twiddle with Luca's fingers.
"Casen..." I sniffle, all of my emotions slamming into me like a semi-truck.
"There are..." I huff, "Not enough words in the dictionary to describe how immensely I feel for you." He doesn't look at me. But that's okay — I'd rather not break down into a puddle of tears. "You are..."
He nods, "I know, Ana. I know."
He meets my eye and just like that, we have our own conversation and he's right.
He knows.
With that in mind, I lift my glass for a toast, "You guys don't know how many hours I've spent praying for an amazing set of people like you to come into my life. And now, here we are."
Glasses are raised around the table as I say my final remarks, "This, by no means, is goodbye. It's just a see you later."
this gave me the originals season 5 finale vibes when they had that goodbye dinner 🥺🥺
i have work in less than five hours lmfaoaooa
so i did pretty well with the crying during this one. i only cried at cass's and case's parts of the speech
also, did y'all get my reference (those who've read slow down)?