I am not good at saying goodbyes. I am not. It leaves a numbness and pain in my heart every time I feel like someone's leaving me behind. Look, I know it's the cycle of life. Meetings and partings are normal. You meet people, some of them stay with you forever, while others need to go after teaching you a lesson.
Sometimes I just wish I knew if someone would stay in my life forever or if they're just here to teach me a lesson so I don't devote much love and attention to them. Oftentimes, the people who would teach us a lesson are those we would like to keep with us forever. I wish I know when they will leave my life so that I can prepare myself. Perhaps if I knew it was going to be my last encounter with them, I could create something that will be remembered forever. Something that would cheer us both if we remember it. That when we get older or if we suddenly remember them, we would say, "Ah! He was kind to me. He taught me to love myself. He made me feel loved. On our last day, we talk about life and create beautiful memories that I will treasure forever."
Life, however, is not like that. Shit happens. It often leaves us with regret that we should have told them we love them. We should have let them know how we felt. That we love them.. so much. We should have avoided hurting them. We should have showed them we care so much about them. We should have made them feel happy. We should not have held back with our actions. If only... if only we knew it was the last time we ever saw them. If I had known that was the last time we were together, I would have given him everything. No regrets in the morning, but life doesn't work that way. It often gives us that regret that we did not do everything to them and hope that maybe... just maybe one day we'll see them again. One day, if God permits, you will see them again and apologize for all the wrong things you have done and possibly one day you can do everything that you didn't do while they're still by your side. That you wish you were reckless and stopped thinking why it was wrong.
But that is not how life is. We don't know how our life is going to play out. This is a cycle I must get used to until I die. We give pieces of ourselves to people who are not permanent in our life. Pieces which create this pain in our soul and cause us to regret things. Maybe... just maybe, not in this life, but perhaps on the next, we could meet and recognize that our soul knew each other in our past life. Hopefully there will be a next life... but we don't know that. None of us do.