My feet feel cold against the marble floor of the bathroom. But I can't bring myself to move from my current position. I just stand there, looking at myself in the mirror and try not to cry.
That's the only thing I've done these past few days.
I wake up, take a shower, cry in there, then put some clothes on and move with my day like nothing happened. Like I didn't lose two of the most important people in my life at the same time.
Even though they are still out there, they are gone for me.
And what makes it even harder is that both of them don't seem to realise what they've done. Not my father, not him.
My dad has been calling me two days in a row, but watching how I didn't answer any of his calls he decided to text me instead. One single message.
''Don't tell your mom anything. It will only make things worse. I'll explain. I promise.''
Here's again the disgusting word.
Promise.
How can they use it so easily even though they know they won't keep it..It makes me sick. And tired.
I feel so tired. Of trying, believing...existing.
It's so hard to just exist sometimes. Harder than what people think.
And Jackson...well that's a different story.
''Daphne, your phone is ringing again.'' My mother says knocking on my bathroom door.
Truth is I haven't really talked to her. After what happened with dad I spent a couple of days at Bob's place. He was the one who came for me, while I waited outside Jackson's house. He didn't ask any questions. Just took my hand and drove me to his place.
Teddy wasn't there and he was kind enough to offer me his room while he slept in his roommate's.
When I finally came back home I couldn't bring myself to see her. It felt as if I was the one who lied to her and in some aspect, I was. Because even before my dad's message, I had already decided to keep what happened secret.
Right or wrong I didn't consider it. That was my way of protecting her from the heartbreak I went through. Because even though it was inevitable for her to find out the truth, at least I wouldn't be the one to hurt her.
''Just let it.'' I say behind the door.
It must be him again.
''Alright.'' She mumbles and walks away, while I wrap a towel around my body.
I don't want to hear him or see him for that matter.
It took three days to finally call me, making me feel even worse because at least in these three days I would think that she didn't tell him I went there. But the fact that she actually did and he chose to not reach out to me immediately...that was to me the most hurtful thing.
So I flipped him off. Let him taste his own medicine.
I've never been a revengeful person. But this time something changed inside of me.
I didn't deserve this.
They were wrong to me.
And I won't back down to make them feel better.
Neither him, nor my dad.
Leaving the shower, I take my phone from the nightstand. 25 voicemails. 15 texts.
''Great.'' I whisper, throwing it away.
My back touches the mattress and I'm well aware that I'm soaking it right now, but I don't really mind. I think of all the things that happened these past few days, how my world turned upside down once again and when I try to find something positive to change my mood, the only thing that appears in my head is him.
Automatically my fingers crawl across the mattress and I take my phone again in my hands. I debate on doing what I think of, but I can't help myself. The way I couldn't yesterday and the day before.
I open and read the messages.
''Baby I'm sorry. Work came up and I was out of town. I couldn't reach you. Please forgive me.''
That was the first one. The reason I became so frustrated. He kept lying. Even now that I knew that he was there.
''I know I am an asshole but I swear I really wasn't able to call you. Please answer me.''
''Daphne answer the phone, baby. ''
''Come on love, I'm sorry. You can punish me as you like when we meet.''
Punish him? Well yeah that's exactly what I intend to do. But now the way he wants to.
''Okay I know I screwed up. I don't deserve your forgiveness, but please let me explain to you.''
So he knows he got caught in a lie. Olivia must have told him. I bet he wished he knew I heard him sooner. Before he blew up his cover.
The redhead's face comes to my mind and immediately a bitter feeling takes over. I never learned who she is.The only thing I got was a name. Although, by the way she carried herself around his house makes me think she is someone important.
I haven't seen Jackson with other people, but I'm pretty sure he is not the kind of person who lets anyone in his home.
That's another thing. I don't know any details about his life. Besides his work which is a tough topic we never discuss, there are not many things I can tell about his personal life.
I'm not sure if he has friends, or family. But she does.
Don't ask why. I just know she does. Her confidence in the way she spoke to me didn't come just by herself. He gave her that. The comfort of doing as she pleases inside his home.
And I would have been lying if I said it didn't hurt.
''Darling please, give me a chance. I'm begging you.''
''I just want to hear your voice. ''
I haven't responded to any of them. But then he appeared again in a completely different way.
''Where are you Daphne?''
''You haven't come home in two days. Where have you been staying?''
''I'm serious Daphne. Pick up the phone.''
Oh, it's Daphne now.
The fact that he was waiting for me made me uneasy and at the same time guilty. Because I did want to see him, but not yet. Not under his conditions.
I remember explaining the situation to Bob. He was livid.
''Just tell him where you are and when he comes here I'm going to beat him up with my bat.''
''You have a bat?''
''No I'm going to borrow my neighbour's.''
''Bob...''
''Fine, then just send him that you are okay. He is capable of ringing the bell if you don't answer.''
And like Bob had predicted that's exactly what he did.
''You are lucky no one was at your home. I will wait the whole day if I have to. I'm not kidding.''
''Pick up the damn phone Daphne.''
''Okay. As you wish. Your mom just parked the car.''
That was what shake me up immediately and I found myself typing with trembling hands.
''I'm fine. Please leave my house.''
''Fuck baby. You made me worried sick where are you?''
I hesitated to answer, but I decided it was better to put an end to both of our miseries.
''I'm at a friend's house. You don't need to worry about me.''
''No, don't say that. You know I can't help it. I needed to know that you are safe.''
''I am.''
''Darling, please let me explain. I just need you to give me a chance. I swear.''
''I will. But not now Jackson.''
''Then when. Please don't do this.''
And that's the last text I've read. Anything new I got, I let it slide and fought hard not to give in. Because it was true. I needed time to process what happened. Not only with him, but with my dad too.
It was all too much.
However, Jackson being himself didn't let it go. A day later I got a call from Zoey informing me how he came into her house looking for me.
''I explained to him that you weren't here. He asked if I knew where you could be but I told him no. Honestly, he looked like a mess Daphne. Almost like...''
''Like what?'' I asked, feeling anxious all of the sudden.
''Like he was sick or something.''
Her words made my stomach drop. Sick?
After that I couldn't help but call him. At the beginning it was pure frustration from the fact that he invaded my friend's privacy and mine. After I specifically told him I needed time, but also because I was worried. I needed to hear him too. Even for a little. To know that he is okay.
So I did.
''Baby.'' He exhaled deeply like he couldn't breath before that.
''Are you alright?'' I asked timidly.
''Now I am.'' The tone of his voice made me instantly feel guilty. ''Please tell me where you are.''
''Jackson...I told you I need time. Why did you go to Zoey's?''
''I'm sorry. I really am. When are you going to let me see you?'' He said disregarding my question.
''I-I don't know.''
''Are you staying with one of your other girlfriends?''
''Why are you planning to invade their homes too?''
A moment of silence passed by before I heard him whisper. ''I just want you to be safe.''
''I am. No one is going to hurt me here.''
''No one but you.'' And I immediately understood what he meant.
He was afraid of me. Of my panic attacks. The way my own mind was punishing me and my heart almost stopped listening to him groaning like he was in pain.
''Jackson...'' I said panicked.
''I'm here.''
''What's happening. Are you sick?''
''No it's fine.''
''You are lying.''
''Babe listen to me. I just want you to know that it was nothing you did wrong. It was me. I fucked up. Please tell me you understand that.''
''I do.'' I whispered.
''Good promise me something.''
''Jackson I said I'll call you.''
''No, it's not that. I want you to promise me that you will take care of yourself, yeah? No skipping meals or staying awake when you should be resting. Just focus on you.''
It always blew my mind how much he understood me. It was like he knew before me how bad this would affect me. And made his priority to not let it happen. That's why I felt myself whispering on the phone.
''Okay.''
''Good girl.''
''I'm g-going to hang up now.''
''Good night my love.''
And that was the last conversation we had. Over the phone, almost five days ago. I was afraid he would show up outside my house or at my university at some point but he didn't. And even though I was grateful that he respected my request, I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed every time I walked outside and he wasn't there, waiting for me on his motorcycle.
Pretty fucked up. I know.
The knock on my door makes me turn around on the bed, watching my mom's slim figure walking inside.
''Don't you have classes today?'' She asks, baffled by my laying body all over the bed.
''Yes. But later.''
''Ok. I'm going to head out. Put the dishes back in their place will you? The dishwasher is almost done.''
''Alright.'' I mumble sitting up.
There is a pause in the conversation and I think that she probably left, but when I look in the mirror I see her studying me from the door.
''Is everything okay?'' She asks hesitant.
The question brings immediate tears in my eyes and the only thing that I want to do is cry. But I restrain myself.
''Yes.'' I say hugging the towel closer to my body. ''Do you mind? I want to get ready.''
Her eyes remain on me for a little longer, until she nods her head closing the door behind her.
Exhaling deeply I throw some clothes on, before I take my phone which rings for the second time today.
''Hey Bob.''
''How is my favorite brat?''
''Fine.''
''I don't like that fine.''
''Well that's the only thing I've got in the moment.''
''Will you go to your uni today?''
''No. I have something else to do.''
''Do you want me to come with you?''
''No thank you. I have to do it alone.''
''Okay. If you need anything, call me. And please pick up your phone. I've been calling you all morning.''
''Oh it was you?'' A small feeling of sadness overcomes me. He didn't call.
''Yeah. I wanted to check on you.''
''Thanks Bob. I really appreciate it. I promise I'll call you later.''
''You better.''
Ending the call, I take a breath and get myself ready for what I am about to do.
Time to get your shit together.
*
I had already memorised the route to the hotel, so when I finally made it there I was much calmer than the last time I saw him.
Without farther delay I knock on the door embracing myself with the possibility of getting crushed once again.
My father welcomes me inside looking anything but happy about my presence here.
He was the one who wanted to talk...
''What are you doing here?'' He asks almost apologetically.
''You said that you would explain. So let's hear it.'' I say sitting on a chair with my hands crossed in front of my chest.
I know my position screams defensive from miles away, but I can't help it. I need to protect myself because no one else is going to do it for me.
''I was planning to call you later.''
''Why is your girlfriend coming?'' I spat bitterly.
''No Daphne.'' He exclaims, exhausted. ''You got it all wrong.''
''Okay. Then tell me. I want to know. All of it.''
Walking towards the large window, my father looks away. His eyes are closed as if he is in some sort of dream or a nightmare to be more precise. The slight furrowing on his forehead gives away his anxiety. He is always like this when he gets stressed or disappointed.
And I'm not sure what he is at the moment.
''I'm not cheating on your mom.'' He says after a while.
''If you are going to lie I better..''
''No Daphne. I'm not lying. It's the truth. I don't have an affair.''
''Then who was the woman I saw you with?'' I accuse him, arching an eyebrow.
''That was Carla. She is one of my oldest friends. Your mom knows her as well. We've been working together for years and before that we were classmates in college''
His answer leaves dumbfounded and highly confused. ''So what does this mean? You are not cheating but what? Why all the lies about your work trips?''
''They weren't lies. At least not all of them. Just the recent one. I needed to get away from Florence. We had a fight and...I know I shouldn't have but I wanted space.''
''You made up a work trip because you were too coward to actually confront her?'' I ask baffled.
His eyes find mine and the moment we look at each other he turns away embarrassed.
''I know..'' He mumbles.
''What's Carla's involvement in any of this?''
''She...'' He starts but doesn't finish his sentence as if it's too torturing for him.
''What dad?''
''It's complicated.''
''Is it? Because it seems to me like you are lying again.''
''I'm not, I swear. I just...there are things that you don't know. Things I'm not even sure if I could tell you.''
''Why?'' I ask worried.
''Because...I promised your mom that I would leave it behind.''
''Leave what behind? Speak clearly dad.''
My anxiety battles again to come through and I need to swallow the nauseous feeling in my stomach. What was so important that made my mom treat him like that?
His face contrasts in pure agony, begging me with his eyes to not pressure him, but this reaction itself is what makes me want to know even more. I've never seen him so anxious about something and a million thoughts come through my head.
''Dad please. Where did this get us anyway? You see it yourself. Every lie leads to a bigger destruction and everything comes to light someday.''
Exhaling deeply he sits opposite to me grabbing a bottle of whisky from the cabinet. My eyes follow his movements and I feel like I'm going to get sick from the view in front of me. My father rarely drinks and watching him pouring himself alcohol before noon scares me.
This is not him.
''I promised to her that you would never know. But I also promised a lot of things to both of you and didn't keep my promises. So what's one more right?'' He says laughing bitterly, while I watch him consume the whiskey in his glass.
''Things were not always like this, Daphne. Not for her, not for me.''
''What do you mean?''
''Have you ever wondered why your mom doesn't have a relationship with her parents?''
His question catches me off guard. ''Grandpa is dead. And grandma lives in Canada.'' I answer confused.
''Yes, that's true. But their relationship failed long before that.''
''Why?''
''Because of me. They didn't want me for their daughter. And honestly I don't blame them. I was nobody. I couldn't even pay for my own rent when I met her. I was drowning in my student lawns and looking for a chance to make some easy money.'' His face drops at the memories of his early years.
''And there was your mother, a high class girl. She was going to study architecture and had a brilliant future ahead of her. Financial stability, great friends, loving parents. The only thing she didn't have was thrill. That's what she was looking for. A thrill to wake her up for a phenomenal boring and set up life. Sounds like a perfect love story for a movie right?''
His question is clearly rhetorical but I find myself nodding unintentionally. It does sound like a movie plot.
''What happened?'' I ask hesitant.
''We fell in love, she gave up everything and we left Canada together. Her parents warned her about the kind of hardships she would face with a guy like me but she didn't listen. And I bet she is regretting it till this day.''
''Dad...'' I say in a way to comfort him but he cuts me off pouring another glass of whisky.
''No Daphne. It's the truth. And when you hear the rest of it you are probably going to agree with her. I just hope you don't judge me too hard.''
His words make me shudder and I can't help but give in to the familiar feeling of my anxiety. Breathing slowly I try to calm myself down enough to continue this conversation without having a panic attack.
''At the beginning things were okay. We both did two different jobs to manage it but no matter how hard we were trying it was as if destiny didn't want us to pull through this. We were delayed in our payments and got kicked out from five houses over the course of a year. I was used to it but your mother wasn't. And she still didn't say a word. She followed me everywhere, never complained about my lack of ability to stay in a job for more than three months. I was a stupid kid Daphne. Immature, full of anger for all the things that went wrong in my life and so disappointed. Then the fights start coming. She offered to ask her dad for a job, truth is I was sure he would help us for her. But I didn't let her. My ego was bigger than that.''
His grasp on the glass became tighter, making me afraid that he would break it and hurt himself. But he didn't seem to understand. He was a goner.
Lost in his own thoughts and memories.
''And then the most unexpected thing happened. She got pregnant.'' His eyes gloss at the memory.
''I wasn't sure what to do. I was so scared. Scared because I knew I couldn't provide her with what she needed and for the first time in my life I decided to think about others and not myself. I went to your grandpa, asked for help and he gave it to me. I didn't even need to beg. He did it for her. I know, but still till this day I can't thank him enough.''
Sipping his drink he looks out the window.
''We moved back there. I finally had a nice job, a beautiful home. Your mom was so happy. I was well aware that she started to blossom again after finally being close to her family. I only had my brother. No one else. But she had a circle of people. A support system before I stripped it off her. While she became happier I was turning weaker, depressed. I never wanted to work behind a desk and here I was doing what I despised most in my life. What I was afraid to become. Plain,boring...pathetic. That's when my addiction started.''
My heart drops and I gaze up at him shocked. ''Addiction?'' I mumble startled looking at the bottle in front of him.
''Yes. But it's not that.'' He nods towards the alcohol. ''Although my addiction is the same as this and drugs.''
His eyes are dead searching into nothing and when he finally finds the courage to look up he is destroyed. Like a shadow of the man I knew.
''Ι start gambling.'' He says defeated. ''Lost almost all our money and then the company's I was working at.''
I stare at him completely stunned, my hands trembling in my lap. ''Dad...how...''
''I was a failure, Daphne. There is no explanation other than that. Failure and coward. You were right when you called me that.''
''No I didn't mean...''
''It's okay. There are the right words. I have known about it for a long time.''
Standing up from the couch I walk towards the bar grabbing a bottle of water. I open the lid and drink as much as I can feeling drained from everything I heard.''
''What are you thinking of?'' He asks defeated. He knows that this changes a lot for me. For everything I thought till now.
''I'm just...in sock. You don't even play cards with your friends when we visit their homes.''
''That's because I promised to never do it again. Not after what happened.''
''After what?'' I ask scared.
Resting his face in his palms he shakes his head as if to discard my question.
''Tell me dad.'' I demand, raising my voice.
''I never wanted to hurt them.'' He says shakily and I can hear clearly that he is crying.
''Hurt them?''
''He learned about it. Your grandfather and he confronted me.''
''And then what?''
'''We had a fight. I-I was out of line...we both were. And then...he had a heart attack.''
I almost stumbled over my own feet, but I caught myself in the process. ''What are you saying?''
''He...'' Sobs are shaking his body now. ''He died that night and I was the reason. I was the reason why you never met your grandfather.''
My heart thaunds in my chest, while tears spill from my eyes. I remember every picture my mom showed me, every memory she shared with me of him. He was her hero like my father was for me. The biggest love in her family. And she lost him, from the man she fell in love with.
''She never forgave me, you know. And I could never ask her to.''
Dragging myself over the sofa I sit down retsing my own head in my hands.
That's a nightmare.
But then a really sudden thought comes to my mind.
''Wait. That doesn't even make sense. I was born in 1999. Grandpa died six years earlier.''
''That's true.'' He says looking down at his wedding ring.
''So how..'' A light turns in my head and I stare at him lost. ''You mean...''
''That's right. You weren't our first kid Daphne.'' He chokes on his own tears while I feel the ground moving under my legs.
''What happened?'' I press despite his obvious angst.
''She lost it. She lost the baby and it destroyed us.''
My lips tremble while I try hard to stop the cries that tend to escape.
"I tried hard. I really did, to help her, make her forget and move on. We came here to the United States. I found a new job thanks to Clara. She was the one who introduced me to the firm. After that I focused only on her. I promised I would never gamble again. And I did keep that promise. Until recently at least. " He continues almost ashamed by his own shelf.
"But she couldn't let it go. I don't blame her. It was hard for me too. Although I had to turn my attention to work in order for us to survive, she didn't have anything else. I tried to push her to do something for herself but...she went through heavy depression. Barely eating anything, not going out..it was a nightmare to see her shutting down."
My mind drifts immediately to my own experience with it and I can't help but feel guilty. She survived through hell. And I could never see through it.
"And right at the time I thought it would be our end, you came." A teary smile takes over his face.
"We finally had something to unite us, to look forward to. You gave her life back Daphne. That's why she became so infatuated with you. You became everything for her. You saved us."
The tears which were soaking my face till now, blind me and I find myself moving forward to hug him.
My hands wrap around his shoulders and he hugs me back, caressing my hair.
"I'm sorry. For everything." He whispers.
"It's okay." I say resting my head on his shoulder.
Moving away for a little he wipes my tears. "Your mom has gone through a lot. I know that this doesn't excuse her actions, but please understand her. She is trying to protect you from the mistakes she made."
I nod my head, biting on my lips. "I know.."
"We never thought that we could be happy again. But we did. You were the best thing that happened to us. However, even the greatest things in life aren't always able to save you. And in case our marriage. You can see it too. We are almost strangers now. Completely miserable with our relationship. Truly unhappy."
No matter how hard I want to disagree I really can't. Because he is right. They stopped being happy years ago. I could sense it in the way they talked to each other, the way they were so distant.
I can't even remember the last time I saw them laugh together.
"She never forgave me Daphne. Either for her father, or our lost child. Her love was gone the minute we left. And it never came back. That's the truth. I know you always thought I was a coward for not standing up to her. For letting her humiliate me..but I will spend my entire life trying to make it up to her. And if that means listen to her yelling then so be it."
His voice almost disappears at the end. As if the whole conversation took away his energy. And its may as well has.
"No dad. That's not right. I know that you feel like you own her, but there is no reason to keep torturing yourself. If your marriage has ended then so be it. No reason for both of you to leave unhappy." I can't even believe my own words but they are true.
He shakes his head wiping his tears with the sleeve of his shirt."I can't Daphne. I can't be without her."
And looking into his eyes I can tell. He still loves her.
"Our fight reminded me of all the things I couldn't solve. All my mistakes. That's why I fell again into the gambling pit."
"You started again?" I ask hurt.
"I couldn't help it. After all these years..it was my comfort. My distraction. And I fucked up everything." He says, rubbing his face.
"You've lost money?"
"Yes. A lot. I haven't touched yous or your mother's." He hurriedly explains.
"I was just looking for a way out. Clara is the financial consultant of our company. I thought I could ask her help. She is also a friend. I know she won't say anything."
"I'm sorry." I whisper embarrassed. "For what I said to her."
"It's alright. I understand. She does too."
Nodding, I get up to walk around the room. "What are you going to do now?"
"We will find a solution. You are not in danger just so you know. I don't want you to be stressed about anything."
"Dad of course and I will be stressed. What if you lose your job..."
"My job is not on the line. I swear I will solve everything. Carla will help me."
Exhaling deeply I brush my hair out of my face. What a mess.
"Come here for a second I want to tell you something."
Taking my hand he makes me sit down again.
"What?"
"No matter what happens with me and mom I need you to know that it has nothing to do with you. You aren't doing anything wrong. There is nothing that could hurt me more than for you to think that you the one are to blame."
"I know dad." I whisper to him.
"I just want you to be happy. Promise me that you will try. That you are going to look for your own happiness."
His words touch my heart and I find myself tearing up again.
"I promise."
*
Walking down the street I try to put my thoughts in order. There are so many things I had no idea of. My parents' story is far too complicated than I imagined. My entire life I believed that they grew up privileged. I mean I knew that my dad came from a lower class and that made my mom feel so superior over him. At least that's what I thought.
But now everything changes. The perception I had over them came out completely wrong and I can't help but feel confused and disoriented.
You think that you know people but they always surprise you.
And the biggest surprise didn't even come from my dad, more so by my mom. I could've never imagined what she went through. Everything makes sense now.
The way she always tried to push me towards the ''right'' direction, how she wanted to protect me from the people around me, to control me. I would always think that this was just who she was. That she had this entitlement because she grew up in a different environment and she wanted to make sure I'm not going to fail.
But in reality that was her way of living through me. She left behind so many things. She put her whole life on hold for other people and that made her bitter. Resentful almost.
I was her last resort. Her way of being happy again and somewhere along the way she forgot that I would grow up to have my own voice and dreams.
I don't blame her anymore. I spent a lot of time feeling guilty for not being the way she wanted me to. And an even bigger time trying to prove myself to her. The moment I stopped caring for her opinion our dynamic changed. She must have thought that she would lose me. That's why she reacted that way when I lied.
Hell, she was fed up with getting lied her entire life.
I see that now. And even all this, she managed to be there for me.
I can still recall clearly the first time I had a panic attack. I didn't know what it was. I just thought that I'm about to die. Suddenly, without any warning. But she was there to guide me through every step.
She supported me during my darkest times, she is the reason I started going to therapy and became better. I wouldn't do it without her.
The realization shocks me and I find myself stopping a random taxi to get me home. As soon as I get there, I open the front door and take off my shoes.
I can hear the vinyl in my parent's room playing Ella's Fitzgerald song and I run towards the stairs only to find her sitting on a bed, reading her book.
Her eyes drift on my figure momentarily until she sees the state I am in.
''Daphne. What's going on?'' She asks, taking off her glasses.
But I don't answer her. Stepping closer to bed, I lay down next to her hugging her waist with my one hand, the other tacked under my head.
She stills for a minute, completely taken off guard, before she starts rubbing on my back the same way she did when I was a kid.
''Are you alright?'' She whispers to me.
''Yeah.'' I mumble exhausted.
''You want to talk about it?'' She continues but I shake my head.
''I just want to sleep for a little.''
Her hand keeps caressing my back and then goes farther up on my long dark locks. I feel her fingers stroke them fondly, before I let go into a blissful slumber.
*
When I finally wake up she was no longer next to me. Checking on the clock beside her bed I see that it is almost 08:00 p.m. My stomach rumbles and I decide to actually listen to it and go eat something.
Heading towards the kitchen I hear some voices conversing, little laughs sharing between them. This immediately confuses me because I'm pretty sure I could recognise his voice from everywhere.
''I loved his self portraits. I think a lot of times people tend to slip on them.''
''I mean if you are only interested in the superficial form of art you will learn two famous paintings to present yourself as knowledgeable like The Starry Night for example.''
''You are right. People tend to do that.''
Rubbing my eyes I try to comprehend the image in front of me. Bob and my mom are standing in the middle of the kitchen making pasta and talking about Van Gogh?
What the hell.
''Oh look who decided to join us.'' My mother's voice breaks through the room.
''Bob? What are you doing here?'' I ask confused.
''Your mom invited me for dinner.''He responds, smiling at me.
''Why?''
''What kind of question is that Daphne? Rob was calling you all afternoon and I picked it up. I thought the least we could do was to invite him over.'' She says nonchalant and I furrow my eyebrows.
Weird.
''What brat? Aren't you happy to see me?'' He says making a fake pout.
''No, not that. I'm sorry I didn't call you back. Um..mom can I have a moment?''
Giving Bob a polite excuse she follows me out in the entryway.
''Daphne, it's rude to call me like that when we have guests.''
''What is going on? First of all why did you pick up my phone and second, why did you ask him to come over? You don't even like people around our house.''
''That's not true.'' She states, almost offended. ''We used to have people over all the time when you were younger.''
''It's been ten years since then.'' I say, suggestively.
''That's because you grew up and didn't like any of our friend's kids.''
''Yeah because they were snobby and disrespectful.''
''Good. Now I brought one of your own here. Can't you appreciate that?'' She says crossing her hands.
Immediate guilt feels my heart. She did make an effort here and I have to recognise it.
''Thank you.''
''Your welcome. Now chop chop. You need to eat before you attend your party.'' She exclaims moving towards the kitchen, while I stand there confused.
What party?
*
Half an hour later we had already eaten our meals and made some smalltalk over a glass of wine. I could tell that this wasn't Bob's first choice considering the fact he is more like a beer type of guy, as most of the college students, but watching him drink his third glass it became apparent that he was enjoying it. A bit too much.
My mom is notorious for her wine taste after all.
''MoMA is definitely an amazing museum for modern art. Daphne used to make me take her there every time we visited New York.''
''Really brat? Oh you are a lucky kid. I've never been there.'' Bob says.
''What's your favorite place from everywhere we went? Italy right?'' My mom asks, a nostalgic smile on her face and I can't help but agree.
''It was a great experience.''
''Italy is on my bucket list. I've already traveled across Spain with my motorbike and I want to go to Italy too. Just with a backpack.'' He says, making me smile.
''That's sounds much better than living in fancy hotels.'' I say receiving a scoff from my mom.
''I'm sorry I didn't let you on the street, I'll keep that in mind next time. I'm pretty sure some handsome Italian will help you out.'' She says in a playful tone and I laugh at her words. She is in a good mood today.
''Nah she wouldn't survive one day travelling the way I do.'' Bob adds picking on me.
''Oh please. I'm far more adventurous than you.'' I state annoyed and he shake his head ''You wish.''
''I have bigger balls than...''
''Daphne!'' My mom scolds me. ''He is our guest, act like a good host and kindly shut up.''
Bob bursts into laughter watching my face getting red at her words.
''He started it first..''
''I heard only you using these types of manners. And besides Rob here just shared his opinion.''
''Yeah brat. Respect it.'' He mocks me and I throw him a piece of bread, when my mom looks away.
''Well I'm going to get the dishes. You guys go and get ready for your night. And by that I mean you Daphne.'' She refers to my obvious lack of night clothing.
''I'm not going out. We haven't even planned anything.''
''Yes we have.'' Bob interrupts me.''I told you that there is a party we are going today. One that we were looking for a contact to find out.'' He winks at me.
Oh. That party. The mysterious location that only Isaac knows.
''No...I'm not into that. I'm sorry Rob.'' I say ready to stand up but my mother stops me.
''Nonsense. It's Friday night. What are you going to do? Watch tv?'' She asks, startling me.
I mean she never really prevented me from going out, but she wasn't the one to push me to it either.
''I'm just not in the mood..''
''He'll get in the mood.'' She says, nodding towards Bob.
''I'll get you in the mood.'' He agrees and I'm left outnumbered.
''Okay. I will help you with the dishes...''
''No need to. I got them. Go on.'' She adds walking towards the kitchen and I find myself following her.
''Mom'' I whisper shout. ''What's all of this?''
''What do you mean?'' She asks, keeping her voice down like me in an attempt to make fun of my behavior.
''I'm fine with staying in. Why do you insist?'
''Is it bad that I want you to have fun?''
Her question shuts me up and before I have the chance to disagree she rushes me out of the kitchen. ''Go and make yourself presentable for wherever you guys are going.''
Following her lead I walk inside my bedroom only to find Bob laying on my bed.
''Are you still wetting your mattress kido?'' He asks, making me confused.
''What are you on about?''
''Your bed is wet. Now there are two explanations for it and excuse me if I want to believe the most innocent one.''
''Shut up you pervert.'' I say hitting him with a pillow. ''I just layed there after the shower.''
''Naked?'' He asks with a smirk earning another smack on the head.
''Fine, fine you violent woman.Come on and get ready.''
''Where is this thing? What am I supposed to wear?'' I mumble looking through my closet.
''Something hot. But comfortable.''
''What kind of clue is that?''
''Fine wear you pyjamas for all I care.'' He says, searching through my drawers. ''No wait. Wear this underneath for sure.''
I turn to look at him only to find him holding a red laced thong.
''Rob! Be serious for a minute.'' I exclaim, grabbing the item from his hand.
''Alright since you are such a brat today I'll tell you. Hellbreak Mountain.''
The moment the two words leave his mouth I find myself choking with my own spit.
''What the hell? Are you serious?''
''Yep. Fuckin awsome huh? I can't wait to get there.'' He says with excitement in his eyes.
''Rob...is it even safe for us to be there? Scratch that is it legal?''
Hellbreak mountain is like the devil's pit in this city. There were a number of crazy cases that took place there, the most popular ones regarding illegal car races and drug dealings. These incidents where the reason why we gave it this nickname. Because hell broke through every time people went in that place.
I heard a lot of stories about parties there. Like a fast and furious kind of feasts, but more exclusive and far too dark.
After the scandals that surrounded it the mayor decided to close it once and for all for the public. And honestly, I didn't think that anyone would risk going there again. It was an hour drive at least and a very dangerous road that made it perfect for drifting.
''Daphne, it's going to be epic. Do you really wanna lose this opportunity? We may never see it again..''
He has a point. I mean don't get me wrong I'm scared shitless, but I can't help and hide the thrill that comes with it.
''I'll be there with you 90% of the time. We will have a few drinks, dance a little. What's the worst thing that could happen?''
Right.
***
I know, I know no Joker in this chapter, bare it with me.
Do I even need to tell you what you are going to see in the next one?
Well let me give you a hint.
Fast and furious meets Burning Man festival, daddy Jackson, Isaac, Daphne on ecstasy.. Should I go on?
Also it will be highly instricted 18+
I'm sure a lot of you aren't the legal age but it's my duty to warn you.
Other than that in this current chapter I wanted to focus on Daphne's past or to be more precise her parents.
Believe it or not our family does play a huge role in the people we become.
And in Daphne's place we get an inside of her mother's life and the reasons she turned that way.
I want to make clear that I don't excuse her actions towards her daughter. But I hope this helps you see that things are not always black and white.
She does love Daphne, but she has been through hell and all these experiences left a lot of scars in her.
Sadly many times we see that our parents' scars become our own. Because when you never deal with the bad shit in your life, then you tend to transfer them to your closest ones.
Also, I thought it was a great chance to touch the subject of "favorite" parent.
I know we all have our weaknesses and Daphne's is her dad.
He has been her anchor through thin and thick and it destroys her to realise he is not as perfect as she thought.
That does not change the fact that he is a great father. But there is a very thin line between being a good parent and a good partner.
And yes someone can be excellent in one of them but absolutely horrible in the other role.
Again a great example of things bring more complicated than just black and white.
If anyone of you has been dealing with problems at home or personal matters feel free to share.
Love you all and I hope I see you in the next one.
xoxo
PS. The vibe of the next chapter is inspired by the song "I wanna be your slave" by Maneskin. I highly recomend you to listen to it. You will fell in love. 💋