"Tony?" I said softly as I knocked on his door.
The sun had gone down and possibly even him by this hour. I waited patiently at the door and I started to think he wouldn't answer even if he was awake. I let out a sigh and turned away heading back down the steps before I heard the door unlock. I looked to see Tony opening the door with a calm expression.
"I just put Morgan down, I was about to call you, come on." He said nodding his head inside.
I silently followed him and he shut the door behind me. Most of the lights were off and a fire was crackling in his fireplace. Pepper was no where to be seen and the place seemed to be cleaned up from dinner the dinner that we ended up not attending.
"Interesting visit today." He said softly and I didn't even know how to reply. "I was never a fan of that Scott guy."
"Tony." I said in a small but hesitant voice.
"Here this is for you and Robo-bitch." He said holding out a pile of something.
I took it in my hands as he passed it to me unexpectedly. I didn't even know what it was as I examined it. However, after a moment I realized it was clothes. Suits to be exact. One for Bucky and one for me. They looked like what we used to wear, but lighter yet sturdier and without all the holes and wear. I looked up to him who was kindling the fire casually.
"What the hell is this Tony?" I asked flatly.
"Your new suits." He said not even looking up at me.
"Why do you have these? Why are these even made?" I asked almost angrily as I threw them onto the coffee table.
"You told me the day I came back from Titan after the snap that if they called you and needed you, you'd answer." He said standing up. "You needed a suit when that day came."
"Tony, you knew and all this time you never told me. If you new I was communicating with SHEILD why didn't you confront me?" I asked.
"To do what? Tell you to stop? Tell you that you couldn't?" He asked and I could tell he was upset. "You're 28 Valerie, I may be your dad, but I can't control everything you do."
"I didn't want anyone to know, I just wanted to be in the loop Tony. I wasn't exactly planning on this, I didn't even know about this until this afternoon." I said a little louder than I had intended.
"Maybe it's not what you intended but you knew, even before, that I'd they called you asking for help that you'd do it." He said calmly. "Thus, why I made you the suit. You needed it."
"We need you." I said softly. "I need you."
"That I can't do. She's 5 Valerie, I can't abandon her and Pepper. Don't you dare think about even pulling the Peter card again." He said pointing at me.
"They just want help. They need your brains to make this work, you've always been the brains behind the Avengers." I said hugging the clothes in my hands instinctively.
"Don't think I've put the idea of this down for the last 5 years. I've ran the numbers, I've planned out every scenario, none of it works out." He said gently.
"Strange said there was only 1 reality that we'd win in, what if this is it?" I asked feeling a tear fall from my eye.
"I'll count my blessings in this reality Val. I don't want you to go, I want that on the record. I lost Fury, Strange, and the kid. I didn't want to lose you too, but I knew you'll still go. That's why I made that." He said sitting down on the end of the kitchen table.
"The world needs the Avengers." I said firmly. "All of them, we have to bring them back."
"Consider this my formal letter of resignation." He said and I just looked down at the floor.
"You don't have to put yourself in danger, even if you could just help us figure out how to go back." I said pleadingly.
"And play a hand in potentially endangering and loosing what Avengers we have left? Potentially send my own kid into the quantum realm to never return?" He asked me. "I won't be responsible for that."
"I don't know what else to say." I said throwing up my free hand.
"Then don't say anything." He said shaking his head. "Just don't do anything I wouldn't do if you're really going through with this."
"I just have to. I feel guilty every single day. I don't deserve to be happy when I let all those people die." I said feeling a tear leave my eye.
"That day was no one persons fault, we all met our match." He said stepping forward towards me.
"I wish I saw it that way." I said with an exhale. "I'm sorry Tony."
"You come back alive, no sketchy business and I mean it." He said grabbing my arms and looking down at me. "I don't care what the risk is, you come home."
"Okay." I said nodding.
He pulled me into his arms and I felt his warm embrace. I laid my head on his shoulder and I felt silent tears fall from my eyes and I hugged him back. I didn't know what else to say because this wasn't a situation where I could talk him into anything. His answer was decided and there was no choice but to go two separate ways.
"I love you Val. If I went I wouldn't be a good father to Morgan, I've got a real chance to do something right with her and I haven't messed it up yet and I don't plan on starting today." He said.
"I understand." I said softly.
"I want you back for Morgan's dance recital at the end of the month. She's looking forward to that so you've got to stick around." He said and I let out a weak laugh.
"I can do that." I said looking up to him with a soft smile despite the tears flowing from my eyes.
"I love you kid, even though you're no so much of a kid anymore." He said cupping my face in his hands.
"I love you too dad." I said shakily. "So much."
"Morgan has the most kick ass older sister, make her proud for me." He said and I nodded.
This wasn't the way I wanted my night to go but it's what I was given. I had to make a choice and for the first time since I had woken up in the Avengers Tower this was the first time I felt completely unsure of myself. Even at my worse and when I doubted myself the most. I never felt this conflicted and wrong.
But I had to do this, otherwise who else would.
•
My dreams that night were dark.
I was in a place I had never seen before. Unlike many of the dreams that I get still to this day, this wasn't somewhere I had been in my past. This was somewhere I hadn't recognized at all. It was almost a warehouse look and I could see Bucky laid on the floor in front of me. I ran forward in the darkness to him and I fell to my knees. He wasn't moving and I had no idea what this place was or what had happened.
He was laid on his side and I flipped him over so I could see his face. His hair was cut shorter and his face was paler than I remembered. My eyes focused on a large red hole in his chest where he had been hurt. I jumped back in shock and looked at him. His eyes were rested open and my hands covered my mouth when I realized he was gone. I had seen enough bodies in my life to know the look of someone who was dead.
He was dead and I could have only imagined what weapon could have done this to him. I let out a gut wrenching scream as I look at Bucky dead in my arms. I felt hands pull on me and I shot awake instantly pushing back and away from the hands. I saw the bedroom I had fallen asleep in before and Bucky next to me in bed.
"What's going on?" He asked me pulling the sheets back.
I bursted out crying unable to cope with what I just saw. I crumbled forward into his chest and I grabbed onto him desperately trying to stay close. His hands wrapped around me after the initial shock and he softly cooed me to sleep. I cried into his shirt and probably soaked it in tears.
"Baby doll, what happened?" He asked and I took a deep breath.
"I don't know I had a dream." I said hardly able to breathe. My hyperventilating made it hard to even get out more than a few words.
"It's just another flashback Val, you're okay I got you." He said sweetly.
"It wasn't a flashback, I don't know what it was but you were dead." I said sobbing more.
"It was just a nightmare Val, deep breaths." He said hugging me tightly against him.
"It felt real Bucky." I said whimpering.
"Well I feel quite alive last time I checked, so it's alright. I'm not going anywhere." He said rubbing my back. "Come here doll."
He pulled me onto his chest as he laid down. I snuggled up and held on closely. I knew he was okay and I knew it wasn't real, but my heart was racing a million miles an hour. It nearly felt like it wanted to jump out of my chest.
"You don't need to cry, I'm not going anywhere." He said and while I was still crying this was definitely helping.
"What if this time heist goes wrong Bucky I can't lose you. Maybe this isn't a good idea, maybe it's a sign." I said weakly.
"Maybe you're stressed out." He said kissing the top of my head.
"I am stressed out Bucky, but are you not?" I asked.
"I'm very stressed out about it too, but I'm sure we're not diving head first into anything. You can rest easy." He said and I took a deep but shaky breath.
"I guess so, easier said than done." I said with a deep exhale.
"I know." He said petting the back of my head. "You sure you still want to do this?"
"I mean it's going to eat me alive if I don't." I said clinging to him. "It's also going to eat me alive if I do."
"You'll make the right choice, you always do." He said assuringly and even thought I didn't quite believe it.
"Maybe, it's just not helping how not on board Tony is." I said blinking slowly feeling my exhaustion begin to return. "Even if we actually have a plan, I'm going to want Tony there."
"If it's meant to be he'll come around." Bucky said softly. I lifted my head and looked at him.
"And if he doesn't?" I asked.
"I love you Val, a lot more than I think you realize." He said and I furrowed my eyebrows.
"What is that even supposed to mean?" I asked not understanding what he had even intended by that.
"It just means I love you and I suck at showing it." He said and he rolled over me and I was now underneath him.
"You do show it, what are you talking about?" I asked him.
"Nothing, it's late. I'm tired." He said shaking his head. "We should get some rest."
"We should." I said giving in to him.
"Come here beautiful." He said pulling on me and I felt him wrap himself around me tightly.
He cuddled up to me and I felt him hold me closely. His breathing was soft as I wrapped my own arms around him. I took a deep breath and felt a wave of sleepiness wash over me. My eyes closed and I felt myself start to calm myself down and my the fear and worry washed away. Bucky was okay and the difficult choices I needed were nothing to worry about in this moment.
Maybe if not for long I was able to sleep in peace.