Third person pov
This... is the absolute worst load of bullshit Harper thinks she's ever had the displeasure and grief of stepping in. And that's really saying something considering the fuckery she'd managed to get herself into in the past.
Harper has reached the very astute conclusion that she is in no way, shape, or form okay. Her parents can tell too, sitting on either side of her, crying for her at their own expense. Harper really isn't super sure how she's managed to process as much as she had. It's a goddamn Christmas miracle that she has any idea what in hot hell is going on right now. Or maybe it isn't. Maybe it would hurt less if she didn't know-- if she was in shock, denial over what happened.
But she's just... not. Maybe she's just resigned herself to the fact that life is a dick that doesn't care who or what it fucks over. Harper thought there was supposed to be more of a fight than this. She'd expected it from herself, yet it wasn't there. Kirishima had told her outright that he was going to die, and she'd known he was telling the truth without needing to even look at him. It had hurt and was scary, but it wasn't stoppable. Something about it being inevitable made it easier to soak in. Harper hated that.
She'd cried on Aizawa for a long time. She'd cried, because people die all the time, and there's never any telling who it's going to be next. It... It sucks. Harper knows this better than anyone. She knows people are going to lose their lives, no matter how good, bad, weird, or normal they are. Everyone eats shit eventually, some sooner rather than later. Kirishima is... he was one of those people. He didn't deserve it by any means. It's tragic, but does anyone really deserve to die so prematurely? Does anyone have a right to say when it involves human life?
His death could've been avoided overall, which is just... so goddamn anger-inducing. He could be here right now. He could be safe. It's such a trade off when she thinks about it. If he hadn't come to her rescue, she'd be dead. If he hadn't jumped in the way, Dabi would've died. Harper searches for the villain's motives and tries to justify what they're doing for herself. She knows without a doubt that they're in the wrong, but that doesn't make her incapable of looking through their eyes. No matter what angle she comes from, their resolve is weak. Very little justifies such destruction and loss of life.
Kirishima was everything to her. The best friend she's had in a very, very long time. Someone who was always there no matter what had just vanished. Gone. He was gone and she wasn't going to ever be able to talk to him again, or hear his thoughts, or see him laugh. No more late night texts and gossiping over the menial things she heard in the classroom. No more listening to him babble about the Crimson Riot and manliness. It was impossible to imagine a world where he wasn't going to walk through that door smiling like an idiot. Yet here she was, living in it. It hadn't quite sunk in yet, she didn't think. He was dead. She knew this, but it hadn't hit her as hard as she knew it would.
She knew from experience that it would come in waves. It would come when she saw his desk empty and when she reached for her phone to text him only to realize he would never answer again. It would come when she'd turn to ask for his opinion and be struck that he wasn't there. It would hit when she saw red hair dye at the store or smelt his favorite food. It would hit when she was lonely, when she needed to smile, or laugh. Harper knew this and it scared her. There was no way to brace.
At the moment, however, that hasn't happened. Harper's eyes are dry, and now she's deep in contemplation. Rolling Kirishima's last words over in her mind, forcing herself to memorize them to a T. A part of her is itching to write it all down before it can fade, but she has a sneaking suspicion those words are going to stick with her for a very, very long time. The rest of her life. Harper is just as glad for it as she is devastated. There's a logical part of her that nudges sharply and asks how the fuck she's going to move past this without breaking down entirely. Harper still isn't sure.
The guilt that had gnawed at her has lessened the more she thinks about it. Because Kirishima was right. Shit does happen. Shit happens all the fucking time, and if she's going to blame anyone, it shouldn't be herself. She shouldn't do that to herself-- can't survive doing that to herself. Not again. This should instead be something she strives to make sure never happens again. Only... it won't ever happen again, she supposes. There was only one Kirishima. Her closest friend and most trusted ally. Someone she'd grown to love, and she hadn't even managed to tell him until the very end. Harper feels like a coward for that. She thinks that almost hurts worse than anything else.
"Harper, are you okay?" Her mother's voice warbles dangerously, warning of another onslaught of tears. Harper grits her teeth and hates herself for putting them through that again. Harper reminds herself, not for the first time, that they've already lost a child. That they don't need to lose another. She'd promised she'd never risk herself like that again, and yet... here she is. "She's stopped crying, but I... she's so deep in thought, and I worry she isn't processing."
"Where's Kurogiri?" Harper asks instead. She's already asked about Bakugo and Dabi respectively, as well as Sero and Stain. The latter pair had been promptly taken away, but Dabi had sustained severe burns to his hands and arms after sending a blast of fire big enough to level an entire block at All For One. Got him good, too, from what Harper hears. Bakugo is still asleep and in the ICU. He lost a lot of blood and the risk for infection still poses a threat. The amputation from Shigaraki wasn't clean or sanitary by any means. Harper feels sick thinking about it. She wants to be there when he wakes up but isn't sure her face is going to be the first thing he wants to see.
"I...I'm not sure." Her dad admits, pushing himself to sit up. "Do you want me to go find him?"
"I need to see him." Harper murmurs. Half because she knows he doesn't have any emotion right now and she needs to change that before something wrong, but half because she has something to say to him. She has a lot of somethings to say to a lot of people, actually. After Kirishima, she can't... Harper has never been an emotional person, but what would she have done if she hadn't been able to talk to Kirishima before... before...
Life is too short, which is a cliché way of putting it, but it's damn true. Especially in a field as dangerous as this. If she has things to say, she should say them. She knows so much about the people around her. She hears everything, but sometimes she forgets they can't hear her back. Kirishima had told her to open up. Harper had to listen. She had to listen-- she couldn't not listen. She'd sink. She was sinking and she was afraid of what was going to happen to her if she let herself spiral in such a way.
Eric's death had broken her at a young age. It had made her avoidant to opening up. She'd pushed away a friend who needed her as a result and she regretted it everyday. Inasa had been struggling just as much as she was at the time, and he understood better than anyone what had happened. Yet she'd distanced herself despite his efforts to support her. Even now she seldom ever talked to him, sending the odd birthday and Christmas card and getting a cheerful one in return.
Would things have been different if she'd let him in? If she'd let him continue as her best friend? Harper doesn't know, but she has a feeling her current situation is giving her a chance to figure that out. Harper can't close herself off from the people she does still have. To do that to them would be cruel, and Kirishima would certainly be pissed.
"I'll go find him right away!" Akiara jumped up as tears welled up into her daughters eyes, the teen's body once again going rigid as her thoughts spiraled. She'd been having up and downs since it happened. They'd tried to get her to sleep to no avail. She'd insisted on rigorously interrogating everyone she could about who else had gotten hurt, her fear that someone else could've died without her knowing evident.
Elijah curled a shaky arm around his daughter and tried to remind himself she was okay. She was here, and alive, but she just... Eric had been so hard on her-- on all of them. Harper had watched her older brother sacrifice himself and die right before her, and now the same thing had happened to the one person she'd finally opened up to. She'd mentioned Kirishima in every one of her phone calls to them. She'd been so happy to introduce the redhead to them, so proud and willing to stand by her friend. What was she going to do with that ripped away? Was she going to be okay? Was she going to close herself off?
Kurogiri's footsteps were measured and his stride was long. His mist was tightly controlled as Akiara led him into the room, looking uneasy by the warp gate's demeanor. Kurogiri didn't stop, strolling right up to Harper's bedside. Some might see it as insensitive, but Harper could feel the void where Kurogiri's erratic feelings belonged and understood fully. Her tears spilled over and began to roll down her face, a surprisingly calm frown set on her face. Her breathing was unusually even. He cocked his head at her, his glowing eyes lacking the expression and emotion they usually tended to convey.
For a moment they were quiet. Until Kurogiri offered forth a misty hand.
Harper reached up and took it without much hesitation. The girl held it, taking a deep breath and gazing up at Kurogiri's obscured face. He didn't say anything. Didn't feel anything. It was odd, and Harper was... almost jealous. Almost, but not quite. It was good to feel these things. Kirishima deserved her grief, even if he probably didn't want it. Emotions were what made her human. It was a little petty but... Harper needed to hold onto all this to drive her forward. Kirishima's words wouldn't be as easy to follow if she couldn't feel them. And she couldn't effectively fuck up the villains if she wasn't pissed as hell.
"This is going to hurt." Harper admitted. Kurogiri nodded promptly.
"I know." He says, and he sounds like he means it. "I know it will. That's what I'm counting on, Harper Rye."
Still, that does little to prepare him for the jolt that rushes through him. He gasps like he's taking the first breath he's had in a very long time, his glowing eyes stretching until they are wide and round. Harper tightens her grip on his hand, tears dripping down her cheeks and rolling off her chin. She keeps her gaze locked on him as he shudders, his mind struggling under the onslaught of all these new emotions to go along with all that's happened.
"Kurogiri, I love you." She tells him in a steady, genuine tone despite her onslaught of tears. It's the first time she's ever told him clearly. She knows he knows on some level, but she wants it to be laid out in no uncertain terms. Because she could die, or he could, and then he'd never know. Harper is realizing that isn't something she could ever live with or forgive herself for. Kirishima told her to open up. As upset and angry and devastated as she is, she's determined to listen.
Kurogiri doesn't answer verbally, but he does wrap her in a hug and begin to cry. She hugs him back and does the same.
~~~~~~~~~~~
It's suffocating. She can't breathe. She can't do this, but she wants to. Kirishima had told her to open up and to move on and to be okay, but it's just the day after and Harper feels more unsteady than she ever has in her entire life. Eric was similar to this, but she'd been a child then. She has a deeper understanding of emotions and of herself this time. It's hard not to close in on herself. Like Kirishima said, she has to get her shit together. Her entire class is struggling, and so are the teachers and other heroes involved.
She'd told pretty much everyone she'd come across that she loved them. She'd told Tsukauchi when he rushed in to see her, looking just as exhausted as she felt. She'd told her parents when the collapsed crying not for the first time since they've been here with her. She'd told Sansa when he quietly came in with four cups of coffee and her favorite blanket from the apartment. She'd told her aunts and uncle and baby cousin when they came in, spending a long, long time simply holding Kota and muttering apologies to him. She'd told Aizawa when he came to check in on her, and she'd told a hysterical Sero over the phone.
She'd told Dabi when she'd dragged herself down the hall to his hospital room despite the nurses protests, hugging him as he sobbed and apologized and screamed his throat raw in rage at himself. They'd had to sedate him when his quirk began to heat, and Harper had held his hand as he drifted off to sleep.
Now she's here, sitting by Bakugo's bed as he groggily blinks in the land of the living. He's woken up a few times but only now is he really and truly stable and out of the woods as far as the whole foot ordeal goes. He's been given a brief rundown of... most of the situation. Save a few key points. That's part of the reason Harper is here right now. She wants to check on him and thank him, but she also... she has to tell him.
They'd told her that she didn't need to do this, but... she did. Kirishima had been Bakugo's friend too. Probably one of his closest. He'd been there as they tried to help the blonde teen wrangle his emotions, and was the only one completely impervious to his quirk. He'd protected Harper as best he could when they were kidnapped and he was her friend. Fuck if it wasn't weird to admit, but it was true.
"Depresso?" Bakugo croaked upon seeing her. "Shit. She looks like shit. I haven't seen her since we've gotten here but she looks alright physically. She... fuck, something must've happened for her to be looking like that. No way would she crumble like this over a hit to the arm or whatever."
"You're a good friend." Harper told him tiredly. He leaned back a little, squinting at her suspiciously. Harper continued. If she was going to be dropping bombs she may as well drop them all at once now that she was all aboard the honesty express. Opening up and... all that. Harper didn't know. She wanted to cry and curl up in a ball, but she had shit to do and Kirishima would be pissed if she push on at least a little. She'd already cried so much. Harper was getting kind of tired of it. "My quirk isn't what you think it is."
"I know that, you bitch. It's pretty fucking obvious." Katsuki scoffed at her immediately, rolling his eyes hard. Harper snorted at him lightly. Yeah, what had she really expected from him? This really wasn't what she'd wanted to do with her day, but having a mental breakdown in the corner and screaming at people to leave her alone was going to get her a one-way ticket to the psych ward. So she guessed she'd just get this over with instead. "Still don't know what that shit actually is, though. Wouldn't surprise me if this bitch was a mind reader or something with all she seems to know."
Harper was genuinely impressed. First emotion she'd felt aside from despair and relief that no one else had died, honestly. She pursed her lips and nodded, trying to ignore the fact that Kurogiri was in fact poking his head through the door to Bakugo's hospital room in ten second intervals to make sure she was still there. Katsuki either didn't notice or didn't care so she wasn't going to say anything.
"Yep. That's exactly it." She bobbed her head. Katsuki paused dutifully, squinting at her. He propped himself up a little on his elbows to get a better angle of her face. She shrugged, too tired to put much effort into something he was going to find out eventually anyway. "Sorry for the privacy invasion. I can't turn that shit off. The rat brought me in because there was a traitor in 1-A or whatever. Had to keep it a secret and a good time to come clean hasn't come up, but I figured now is better than never."
Harper watched carefully as Bakugo's expression morphed and changed, punctuating her words with a sip of her coffee, because that's very on brand of her. She hadn't slept since getting here. Couldn't if she tried, caffeine aside. She was glad that Katsuki didn't seem particularly mad right out of the gate. Just absolutely astonished that his thoughts were all out in the open for her to hear, that she knew about his gay crush on Izuku, and fuck, that's why her advice about how to communicate his emotions was so good. She knew what emotions he wanted to communicate to begin with! It was all fitting together into a much clearer picture than he'd had before.
Truth be told, Katsuki wasn't sure how to feel. He couldn't really be... mad. If anything he was relieved to have answers. They'd almost just fucking died, and there was no telling what Depresso had been through. Getting mad over her natural state of being would be petty. Is it weird as fuck that she's been able to listen to his thoughts this whole time? Fuck yes, but he's no pussy! That and... he knows Depresso would never tell or listen on purpose.
Harper had been brought in to catch the traitor, and it was pretty damn apparent now that Sero's disappearance hadn't been due to a medical emergency. There was also that time tons of janitors and shit got arrested. Plus she'd been kidnapped before if he was remembering this shit right, and she'd just never shared with the class. Her quirk didn't turn off. Them knowing what it was wasn't going to change that shit. Just like his quirk was bound to explode, hers read minds. It would be different if she could turn it off but... it was pretty clear she couldn't.
No wonder she was so goddamn tired all the time. She was great at keeping secrets though. He trusted her, in all honesty. He was pretty sure she knew that. Maybe that's why he couldn't find any reason to be pissed. She hadn't chosen this. She'd come to do a job and she'd done it damn well if Sero's arrest was anything to go off of. Speaking of which, fuck that guy. To think Katsuki had actually worried about him and his well being at one point. Damn nasty.
"Fuck. Guess I'm a genius, then." Katsuki drawled, eyeing her as he sat up. He frowned as she gazed at him almost glassily. "The fuck happened? I know you aren't telling me this just because you had a sudden change of heart. Who died?"
Harper's expression crumbled, and Katsuki's heart sunk. Shit. Maybe he was the mind reader here.
He did cry after that. They both did, and he was actually pretty damn glad she could tell what he was thinking. Because that meant he didn't need to say it out loud. And when all was said and done and Harper told him exactly what happened, he couldn't help but be proud of his friend despite what had happened. Because if Kirishima was going to go out any way at any time, it was sure as shit going to be saving something. And of course he'd get the last word. Of course he'd drop some badass wisdom on Depresso before he went.
Karishma's probably saved her too just by saying that without fully realizing. Katsuki was going to fuck those villains over so hard, and he knew Depresso was going to as well. But she was going to need some goddamn help. Fuck, he was too, but at least he hadn't seen Kirishima die right before his very eyes. Harper had seen him get hit and then had watched him slowly bleed out on her hospital bed. Those two were thick as goddamn thieves. He couldn't imagine the scale of the pain she was feeling right now.
"Y... You're not the worst friend either." Katsuki wheezed. "Thanks for telling me, Depresso. Tell anyone what I'm thinking and I'll kill you."
Harper gave a small laugh. It wasn't much, but it was enough for Katsuki to feel like they'd eventually be okay.
~~~
Read up to Chapter 75 on Patreon's second tier! Plus, dozens of one shots, a mini series in which Harper is sucked into Naruto, and a second book called Mind Reader For Hire (which is available to all tiers) in which Harper has somehow managed to adopt Eri, Baby Hawks, and is now living with the Kaminari family. Somehow.
How long's it been since we had art?
These two amazing drawings were done by the stunning letsgogogy! I just chose two of my favorites to put here, but you can view more Mind Boggled art in their art book! They've been doing SO much fanart lately and it literally means the world to me. But babes if you're reading this, don't overwork yourself adnlasndlk I know I've said it a million times but pls make sure you take time for yourself too <3
This was done by Ratatoing in the discord server! Please drop your @ if you see this bestie I'm tryna tag and cannot find your username anywhere and don't wanna ping you at ass o'clock in the AM. But besides that, this art is LITERALLY amazing like what the fuck? It looks just like her and you got the hair on point!! Thank you so much for the awesome illustration!
I don't THINK I posted this one but even if I did, AreinYuni's art never ceases to amaze me no matter how times I see it. Their art style will forever be one of my favorites. Thank you so much for this art and I'm so sorry it took so long to post it! As always, you absolutely nailed it. I literally love this picture so much <3 never stop drawing bestie you have some jaw-dropping talent
My literal favorite commenter ever (seriously you literally always have me rolling bestie) did this amazing work of art literally ages ago. Huge, huge shoutout to PeeachyTeaa for this amazing work of art, in which Harper and Lillian are switched. Have I already posted this? Literally no idea, but this art is literally amazing and I love it so much. You nailed both of them and you can also draw hands??? Which is??? What? Thank you to the moon and back, and thank you for your comments as well!
Zai_Kiko did this super cool drawing of Harper! The MHA style is so on point I was literally blown away when I saw it. Thank you a million times over for taking time out of your way to do this piece of art! It's so good and I'm so glad you like Harper's character! The art you did is top notch!!
Don't think I posted this either but you guys I am digging out ALL the art. officialshiggysimp captured Harper's absolute, utter exhaustion perfectly. Thank you tons for the awesome art! I love the way you drew her hair it looks perfect. I love it so much!
Yet another I don't remember whether or not I posted. Either way, we're all here together and we're gonna gaze upon it. Huge thanks to -chxrrryhead for doing this drawing of Harper! Hair is on point as is her completely done expression. The trench coat is also flawless I literally had to stop and stare at it for a second. The addition of the coffee and the thoughts in the back really just pulled this together beautifully, so thank you again!!!
This one I genuinely don't think I posted because I feel like I would remember it for its unique, completely amazing style. I am literally in love with this. It looks like pop art straight off a comic book cover. Thank you so, so, so, so, SO much for this awesome art! I am blown away by the stunning talent. Please drop a comment so I can properly tag you, but until then, everyone say thank you to PumpkinHead on Discord for their stunning work!
Star (waffle 5.0) on discord did this headshot of Harper and I absolutely love it! I cannot find an @ for this one either, but luckily they did tag me in the channel, which allowed me to find it! The shading on this is superb and you captured her tiredness perfectly! Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to do this sketch. It looks amazing and you did an awesome job!
SansShipper did this literally breathtaking side profile of Harper. I'm still half convinced anyone who can make a good side profile has some sort of deal with the devil but in this case I'm all aboard the Satan train. Thank you so much for this beautiful work of art! I love the depiction of what her hair looks like, especially because it really has gotten to be about that long in the book! The cat ears from her costume are literally the perfect touch and the fact that you added the tie in as well even though it's a side view just ugh-- the detail. Thank you a million, trillion, billion times over
Wow I haven't posted art in a long time and each piece I don't recognize is only a reminder. Anyway, the amazing wisterinya did this Harper/Lillian fusion! I literally love it. I'm not even going to lie to you I'm obsessed with her outfit. She looks like she just hopped out of a steampunk universe and I'm living for it. Thank you so much. I don't think anyone could've fused them better than you have!
I really want to start keeping up with the art again, because I really have slacked hard! Thank you to everyone who has ever drawn anything for this book. It means the world to me and I greatly appreciate it! I'm so sorry I kept pushing it off. It's really easy now with early access to just post the new chapter on Patreon and then come here and click publish on the old one a couple of seconds later, but I'm going to try and be better about it! Thank you all again!