"Pepper!" I said seeing her as we got off the quinjet.
I ran forward and hugged her and I saw how tired she looked. Her thin arms wrapped around me and I cried out in joy to see her. I held onto her tightly scared to let go. I was so thankful she was okay and still here.
"I don't know what I would have done if you weren't okay." She said and I felt her hand on the back of my head. "Steve told me everything that happened."
"I know." I said softly and we just sighed. "How are you?"
"Staying as positive as I can be." She said and I could hear the hurt in her voice. "Come, let's get you guys settled. Hill has a whole operation of things going on I don't take it she'll let you guys go home without looking over everything."
"As expected." I said with a soft laugh.
It was then Bucky walked silently past us and into the building. Steve and Nat were still at the ship and a few others were landing as we spoke. I looked back to Pepper who was watching Bucky and she gave me a watchful eye. I watched as his new metal arm was covered by a long sleeve shirt. Despite it being the end of summer and the heat being repulsive he was hiding it.
"Everything okay with you two?" She asked slowly.
"As they can be. Things are just tense." I said shrugging.
"They'll come around, they always do." She said with a small smile. "Come on Romanoff, Rogers. Hill is urgently awaiting your arrival."
We met in the new meeting area. I couldn't help, but notice as we all came in and sat there was an empty seat for almost every filled one. I saw that the seat I took was labeled with 'Agent Shade.' Next to me was supposed to be where Bucky would sit, but he's been MIA since we landed. Next to me on the other side was Tony. Thus, another empty seat. Pepper was on his other side and she too looked to his seat for a moment before turning away.
"As you guys can see we have a list of confirmed snap victims and a list of TBD. We have all eyes on the galaxy looking for them, but we had a reason to believe they were outside of the galaxy based on Thanos's ships movements." Mariah Hill spoke. "We know Strange, Stark, and the kid were all aboard that ship when it left so if we find that ship, they won't be far."
"How close are we finding his ship?" I asked speaking for the fist time since this meeting started.
"We're doing everything we can." She said looking to me.
"So no where near it, got it." I mumbled.
"We're doing everything we can with what resources we have left, we all want them back." She said firmly, but I could tell she had sympathy for me. I looked down at my lap and just stayed quiet again.
"No sightings of Thanos after the snap?" Steve asked trying to change the subject.
"We had a lock down on his location when the gauntlet was activated, but afterwards there hadn't even been a trace signal, it was like he just vanished." Mariah said shaking her head looking at the control panel she stood by.
"I mean we don't think he got snapped right? I mean the wearer can't just disappear right?" Bruce asked seemingly confused.
"No, but the stones were destroyed in the snap so wherever he is I doubt we'd be able to use their energy signals to find him. For all intensive purposes they're gone." She said frustratedly.
"Can we reverse it?" Thor asked from the other side of the table.
"With no Infinity Stones, no." She said slouching over her podium. "They're gone. The stones and half the universe with it."
"So what do we do now?" Nat said with her head in her hands.
"We keep searching." She said shaking her head.
"For what? We have no leads, no plan, nothing. This is ridiculous." I heard Bucky's voice chime in. I flipped around as everyone else did and saw him standing off in the corner of the room. "You wanna know what we should be doing? Going home."
"By all means soldier, you're not being held here." Mariah said getting defensive.
"Oh I'm aware, the only reason I'm here is for her." He said pointing to me harshly. I shrunk into my seat as I felt eyes fall onto me. "We need to save whoever else is left and then we need to cut our losses and go home. We just lost everything fighting and you people still think we should keep going."
"Barnes you're excused from this meeting." She said standing up a little. I could see she didn't like his outburst but I don't blame her. Right now we needed hope. I needed hope that Tony could be found and wasn't just gone. Even if I had no reason to have faith I didn't have a choice.
"No you people are insane. We just lost, we let him take half of the universe with him and you people don't know how to put it to rest." He said shaking his head. "How badly do we need to lose to get it through to you people it's time to pack it up and go home. Get off your high horse and just take what we have left. Be grateful we're the ones still walking around."
"Bucky." Steve said snapping at him.
"What Steve? We can't play knight in shining armor forever. After all these years you can't tell me that after a loss like this that you have anything else to prove." He said and I couldn't believe how combative he had become.
"Barnes leave this meeting." She said and I saw two guards by the door tense up and move slightly closer.
"Bucky let's go." I said getting to my feet.
I grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out of there. I get he was pissed off, but I wasn't going to let him make a fuss right now. Now matter how anyone felt they were trying to find Tony. After that I didn't care about anything else, just him.
I pulled him out of the room and he didn't say a word. I dragged him out of the compound and didn't say a word or even looked at him til we got outside. I shoved him forward and he looked at me expectingly.
"What the hell is your problem, why are you acting like this?" I asked him shouting.
I could see his eyes shift as he struggled to speak. He started to say something, but it got stuck in his throat.
"I get you're hurting Bucky, but what is with you and these outbursts? They're just trying to help! People could still be missing!" I said angrily.
"I wasn't saying that-"
"No Bucky! Shut up and listen." I said raising my voice even more. "I want to go home too, I want to be able to put this all behind me, but I can't do that. My dad is still out there somewhere, I can't stop hoping he's coming home. If I don't keep looking for him, then who's going to?"
"Val-"
"No, don't give me some bullshit excuse. You know Tony is out there and you just expect me to give up. I can't stop looking for him because if I give up then I had to come to terms that he's gone." I said yelling at him getting in his face.
"Please just listen-"
"What if it was me?" I asked shoving him back by his chest. I ribs hurt severely but I didn't care. "Would you give up if it was me?"
"Guys?" I heard and saw Nat at the door looking caught of guard by my shouting and fighting.
"This conversation is not over." I said looking at him fiercely.
I stomped back into the building passing the both Steve and Nat without a word.
•
I was cozied up in a chair in the control room in the new base. It was late and I was searching deep space for energy signals. Pepper had Friday copy the signal from his suit and it's core so I was searching for it all over the place. Hill tried to assure me that they were searching, but I felt a personal responsibility to look too.
I hadn't gone to my room once in the last four days. I had avoided Bucky at all costs because I was not of sound mind to try and figure out what was going on with him. He was clearly going through something and I was too worried about Tony to even deal with that. Tony was my priority right now, I needed answers.
Pepper had sat with me for most of today, but she went to bed a few hours ago. She was adamantly looking for him just as I was and it gave me solace that she was looking for him just as hard as I was. I had made it into parts of space with planets that hadn't even been named yet. I was looking so meticulously for him and I was getting zoned out.
I had been at this for three and a half days. I hardly slept when I could even get sleep. I hadn't left this room for more than a meal or two day. Pepper had grown used to Tony being missing and worrying for his life over the years so I guess she had been used to this feeling. I however, wasn't. The only way out of this in my mind was to keep looking. Unfortunately for me, that meant an unhealthily obsession over his return home.
I pushed my self back from the desk and rubbed my eyes from the strain. Space started to all feel the same when you've seen millions of different systems. I looked out the big window and saw the moon in the sky over the mountain line around us. I hated this place more than I knew because all I could think about was Tony when I was here, but I couldn't deny the view was gorgeous.
"Coffee?" I heard and I jumped in my own seat and saw Bucky standing beside me.
I relaxed in my chair and inspected him. He looked calm, but I've learned to not trust that. He was in grey sweatpants and a black long sleeve shirt. It looked comfortable so I guess he had finally gotten some sleep or at least anticipated to. He extended out his human hand towards me with a cup of coffee. His new arm was hidden and still at his side. I hadn't had much of a look at it since he got it, but my eyes peeled away not wanting to stare.
I took the mug slowly from him and I could see his eyes watching me. He was trying to read me, but I know I wasn't giving him much feedback. I had been drained of everything so my emotions were few. I looked to my computer screen to see my last partial region search come up negative.
"Thanks." I said as I kept my eyes glued to the screen as it checked the next area. It once again flashed negative and I looked back to him.
"How's the searching going?" He asked awkwardly.
Just then another negative sign flashed and I exhaled. I quickly shut off the program and decided to give it a break for a moment. I had avoided speaking to him because I knew it would just upset me and that in addition to seeing my failures wasn't helping.
"Great." I said sarcastically as I avoided eye contact.
"I can take over for a bit if you want, the room is really nice." He said awkwardly and I took another sip of coffee.
"I'm alright." I said looking down in my lap.
"I know you're working your ass off to find him, but you're not taking care of yourself. You haven't slept once since we've been here." He said after a long pause.
"I like being on my own right now." I said simply.
"Val, I know I haven't been the best." He said sitting in the end of the desk next to me.
"Bucky when everyone started vanishing before my eyes all I could seem to care about was you." I said looking away. "Now that it's over and you're still alive I've never felt further away from you."
He looked down at the ground and I could see his mind was working. I set the mug down and kept my eyes trained on the computer screen despite it being completely blank in this moment. I bit the inside of my lip and I saw him struggle to speak.
"I'm tired of the fight Val. Maybe it doesn't make the most sense to you, but I never wanted to be anything more than a man. I wanted to join the military, fall in love, maybe have a few kids and be happy. It didn't work out like that and I ended up joining a fight I never wanted and I ended up loving it in weird way. I loved making things right and trying to do what's good, but I don't want that anymore, I'm tired." He said looking to me with intent in his eyes. "I have a reason to put the gun down now."
"Why because we lost?" I asked flatly already worried this was going to end in a fight again.
"No because I still have you." He said and I looked to him flatly. "I could have lost you 5 days ago, but I didn't. I'm not ready to play Russian roulette after I just won everything. I'm done taking chances."
"Bucky I have to look for Tony. I can't step down now." I said softly.
"I'm not asking you to stop looking for Tony." He said squatting down in front of me. "You know Hill is going to ask you and the others to go on a mission before too long."
"I just want Tony back." I said shaking my head.
"I know you do, but I know how you are." He said with an exhale. "A soldiers work is never done, even if you do find Tony, you'll be back out in the field before you can even zip up your suit. You're always head first into everything, always rushing."
"So what do you want?" I asked him coldly.
"I want to take you somewhere where we can forget all about bad guys and saving the world." He said sounding defeated. "I can't make you do what you don't want to though."
"I'll make you a deal." I said after a moment. "We find out where Tony is or at least what happened and you have a deal."
"You'll settle?" He asked me sounding a little confused.
"Yes." I said firmly.
"One more condition." He said and I eyed him because he was pushing it.
"And what's that?" I asked a little bitterly.
"You come to bed every night until we do." He said taking the mug from my hands and setting it down on the desk next to me. "If your going to have any shot of finding him you need to rest. He would want you to, even if just for a few hours."
He pulled me up to my feet and my knees crackled and popped. I hadn't done much standing or walking these last few days so my joints were stiff. As much as I wanted to keep looking my body wasn't an endless means of energy. I was going to crash at some point.
I looked at him and his lips pressed against mine. It was a feeling I had missed more than I even knew these last few days. I melted into him for a moment before pulling back and looking up at him.
"How's the new arm?" I asked feeling his cold arm through his shirt.
"It's really nice, and they got rid of that god awful star." He said referring to the red star HYDRA had imprinted on his previous arms. "That and I can do this."
He swiftly lifted me up and I yelped as I was slung over his shoulder. I giggled as he pulled me from the room and out into the halls. Even if for just a moment I laughed and smiled in Bucky's arms forgetting about the stress and worry that had hung over my head so heavily these last few days. I frankly didn't even think I could smile at a time like this. He always found a way.