SMILE
Chapter 17: Every bit of humanity in me
Nicole's P.O.V
**You are cordially invited to a**
CHARITY BALL
In aid of the MONTEZ appeal
Tonight
Ballroom,
The Montez Hotel
Formal attire
Drinks on arrival
10 course meal with wine
Charity auction & entertainment
Arrival 10pm
Dismissal 12am
Individual table Table of 10
£100 £950
"What is the meaning of this?" My eyes drew from the card in white gold painting to the face of none other than the woman who sat behind the well furnished and of good quality table proven by its hardness and durability. She remained silent to my question.
One of her hands held a black ink pen. The other, files of some sort that numerously laid around the table in neat arrangements while two laid open in front of her, the name R.E.E.C.E boldly written at the heading. Clicking the pen shut, she said, "Darwin, we will continue this later. But do cancel all my appointments for today."
Dressed in an expensive black suit, an inner white and a well fixed black tie - a formal clothing, Darwin took a quick bow before mother and proceeded with a turn to give me a slight nod in greeting. "Good day, young miss." He addressed, just before taking his leave, the sound of the door following suite, behind footsteps.
"What can I help you with?" She asked, straightforward as always, and strictly down to business. Her eyes never laid on me, faced down to the stack of files right in front of her rather than lifting them to face her own daughter. She scanned them thoroughly with the highlight of her pen. The simple action symbolized the preference of her attention to work and business over me. She stayed sited in wealth, as well as dressed in it, though formal.
"What's this?" I asked, again, my patience threading on a very thin line while hers were portrayed as composed and collected. Placing the invitation card in front of her, I watched her eyes snap up to it before sparing me a look. "I don't know what this means but I'm not going." I announced.
Keeping the files at bay, the pen in her hands remained in them. "I'm hosting a Charity Ball." She said, like it would explain it all and my presence needed there. "That's all you need to know. I don't owe you an explanation." She concluded, eyes challenging.
"Then I'm not coming." I said, as if daring her authority. I was no slave nor dog, so I as hell didn't owe nobody some shitty loyalty nor respect. I was, I am and will always be alone. On my own. "So you might as well give this to someone else, yeah?" I said, my hands wasting no time before taking action. I crushed the card in my fist, throwing the result of it on her desk, right in front of her, in dishonor and disrespect.
Satisfied with my work here, I proceeded to turn towards the door which exited you out of her private study room, a layer and shelves of books here and there, a huge chandelier hanging with sets of bright lights all around, the tick-tock of the large golden clock that rested above the door chimed, the only source of sound and of course, my footsteps.
"Nicole," She called, succeeding in making me halt in my tracks and movements. I awaited the next words to leave her mouth, getting ready to oppose or retort with a comeback. "You will do as I say, and I say you will attend it." She ordered, leaving no space for argument or confrontation.
She spoke with authority while I spoke with audacity.
"And if I don't?" I challenged, my back still facing her while I stood in retreating steps. It was one of the things she considered as an act of disrespect and I did it with no remorse. "What happens?"
"Then forget about finding your father's grave." She threatened.
My heart clenched at the thought of that. It was surprising how she would go to such lengths just to get me to go to a Charity event. It broke me a thousand times cos a thousand times, I was unable to tell dad a final goodbye. No one would tell me the graveyard or place he was buried in. So when the opportunity presented itself, I couldn't just abandon it at all.
"I'll be there." I seethed.
"Perfect."
¶¶¶¶
Rosà Alvrero 1988 In bold letters, I mentally read the name of the red wine I had ordered one of the maids to get me - without a specific choice in mind - from the wine cellar downstairs, close to the patio and opposite the other guest room, around East wing.
Brushing my fingers against it, slightly and lightly, I grabbed a clean crystal cup the maid had gotten alongside, placed it upon the glass rectangular table that reflected my actions due to the its neatness. I poured myself the wine, almost to the very brim.
The sweet taste of nonalcoholic red wine hit my tongue with its flavour a fourth time, clearing a pathway as it drove down my raspy throat. With its alluring taste of sweet pleasure, I found myself succumbing without control, unable to stop, and unable to put it away. So I drank, drank and drank away my mind.
Recalling nothing but the bigger problems and burden I have caused upon myself, the thoughts swallowed my mind as a whole. In my two years in psych ward, all I ever wished for was to get the hell out of there and start all over in the 'outside' world. But now I'm here, I find it true that there is indeed no difference between the two. Both were hell.
"Well, would you look at that." I hinted the sharpness in the voice of my very own sister, making my head to snap up while placing the crystal cup down unto the glass table set right in the middle of the room - a barrier between us. The collision of crystal and glass made quite some noise.
Neatly parted braids, jelled fixed edges, in a little white gown of beautiful styling, silver sparkling pairs of fine shoes, her soft and tender skin showing as a result of the mid length dress, a bit of accessories here and there, with no makeup at all, Ariana found her way in front of me, looking even more elegant than ever. Her beauty was highlighted by the bright lights, as if showing off.
"Nicole drinking all by herself." It was the first time she had ever mentioned my name since my arrival back into her life. Heck, it was the first time she had ever acknowledged me by herself and not me seeking her attention. But I had bigger issues in my mind and at hand right now and the thought of exchanging words with my sister wasn't a plan.
"Oh, excuse me if I'm bothering you." Sarcasm flowed off her tongue like water in a riverbank. A sick smile dared to draw upon her features, letting me know she was doing this on purpose. "I just had a stupid thought you'd pick to listen to me rather than a red wine." I was fully aware of what she was indicating and trying to say. It just hit me as a surprise that she would dare to say that to my face, to speak of and to me so selfishly, like a bitch. But let's face it, she had no idea of the truth, so I had no reason to blame her.
"I mean, what was I thinking," she continued with the taunts. It was getting annoying now. "You did choose a trip after me, after all. And now you're back." She paused. "But guess what, sister," She said, with a great amount of venom laced in her tongue. "I don't care if about your arrival. No. I care about your next 'trip'."
"Rebecca!" I scolded, for it was her middle name; the one I had given her. She went stiff at first, something flashing in her hazel eyes for a second there before they descended back on me, and out of the sudden trance. Silence.
"So it better hurry the hell up!" She seethed, a sob escaping as her footsteps faded off and away, leaving me with a broken soul and a shredded heart in return.
I was too late.
For her. For him. For myself.
¶¶¶¶
With unmoving actions, an even amount of breath, a life of ups and downs accompanied with my thoughts of a lethal poison, I continued to stare at the only one person left to accompany me on this road to life. Because let's face it, I was in a hell in looks of that of Heaven, yet I was still burning.
Anna Bright faced me, in a well formal light blue dress, a neck scarf tied around. She wore nothing much of value but her sense of dressing wouldn't let you believe that. Consequently, she stared at me for a while like I was a foreigner or stranger. Sure I was that in this house but not to her, at least, in some way. No?
Anna reached for my cold hands, the ones that resembled the now shattered heart of mine. Little by little, the people around me tore me to shreds, tore every bit of emotion in me. But not Ariana.
The young lass was the one I held unto the crumbles for, the never ending slaps turned into struggle because of her. In pain, I found pleasure in the thought of her. But today, that all ended. For she didn't just only break every last bit of emotion in me that lasted even after two years of torture.
She broke every bit of humanity in me in just one day. Today.
They say rules were made to be broken. I say, my heart as well.
Seeing I didn't reject or push her away, Anna tightened her hands firm on mine. And even though she shared me with her warmth, all I could fell was the cold - not of my hands, not of hers, but the one that resurfaced in my heart.
"Nicole," Anna called out to an unmoving me that kept staring at nothing in particular. "I need you to help me so I can help you," She paused, studying me for any sign of response. "Nicole, I need you to speak. Will you help me?" Her voice held hope, one of which I knew not if I had any left again.
I nodded.
She broke into a little smile, in contentment. Her pale hands held unto mine as if certain she could pull me out of the darkness I found myself in. You see, there was something I enjoyed about the darkness; there was no light.
"Will you answer my questions?" She asked, tilting her head to the side. It was then I turned to look at her, to face her and see the sincerity in her eyes. It made me realise just how weak I looked, just how feeble I had become.
"Have you ever felt so weak?" I asked, surprised I could still render a word or two. It was not compared to a voice, more of a low, soft whisper but I was sure she heard me. "So weak, you forget how to be strong." I asked.
Anna kept silent.
"Exactly." I responded. "That's how I feel." I let her know. "I feel like I have been so weak and I just realised that today. And it got me thinking," I paused. "If they do this to me when I am weak," Perhaps I was stupid, I was nothing but stupid, speaking nonsense and rubbish, but the look on Anna's face told me she understood it all. "Then imagine what I'd do to them when I am strong." Anna grew pale at once.
Slowly, I drew closer, leaning in to whisper into her ear, deadly.
"I'll be unstoppable, that's what."
"Nicole." She called out, softly. And in that moment, I snatched my hands away from hers. I tried my best for Ariana, tried against my true identity to become what everyone ever wanted - a friend, a sister, a cousin. But not even for once did they ask if all was okay. A lie about 'a trip' with no proof and that was enough to make them believe. Even I can't remember using my own lips to admit that. To top it all, Nicklaus just had to drag himself into my little shitty life and me into his.
I was done with all of it.
"So what do you say about crashing a Charity Ball, Anna?"
...to be continued.
A/N: Sometimes, even I don't get Nicole. But who actually does? Not Ariana, that's who.
Next chapter: Charity ball.
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