Sam's POV
I was really enjoying being with Jayden. He was sweet, understanding, and very patient with me. On paper he was the perfect guy.
We hadn't labeled what we were, on my part anyway. He referred to me as "his girl", but I didn't quite know what to call him when people asked what was going on between us.
He had been a good distraction from my last relationship break down. That was my past, and when I was with Jayden I didn't even think of the guy I dated before him.
My sister told me it was unhealthy to block him out of my thoughts, and just forget what we had, but I couldn't just sit around and wish for my old life back when I didn't even know if I wanted it anymore.
I'll never regret my relationship with Calum, I learnt a lot from it. A small part of my heart will always belong to him, but right now I was content with my life, and content with him not being in it.
"This picnic is cute babe, did you make these sandwiches yourself? Or should I thank Subway for my dinner?" Jayden smiled at me, taking a bite of the dinner I prepared for us.
"I'm a good chef thank you very much! I made these myself!" I defended myself, acting hurt he would suggest I didn't make these.
"Okay okay, I believe you," he chuckled at my defensive attitude.
We were in the park across from my apartment for the afternoon, while my sister and Harry were at her appointment.
I loved spending time with Jayden, and I loved that I could sit in a park with someone, and not be interrupted by a frantic girl asking my date for a photo.
It was different dating a normal guy. Dating Calum was all I knew. The fans, unwanted attention, media gossip and intrusive update accounts were my life for over a year.
It was nice to just be normal again, to just be Sam Taylor, as opposed to Sammy Taylor Calum Hood's girlfriend. I was getting my independence, and my own identity back, and I was happy.
"Babe you have a little something on your face," Jayden laughed and pointed to the corner of my mouth.
"Where?" I tried to find it with my tongue, but clearly failed since he was still laughing.
He leaned in and gave me a quick kiss, "got it!" He pulled back away, and now I knew he was just trying to find a way to kiss me.
"You're a goof," I shook my head, and we finished off our dinner before I sat back into him, enjoying the beautiful April breeze.
"Sam..." He spoke, and I looked up at him.
"Mmm?"
"Are you happy? You know...with me?" He asked, and I was confused by why he would even ask that. Did I not seem like I was? Because I was, I was so happy.
"Yeah of course I am, are you happy with me?" I turned the tables.
"Yeah, the happiest I've been in a long time. I know we haven't been seeing each other too long, but I know what I want, and that's you. I don't know what you want, or how you feel about this, but I want you to be my girlfriend."
My heart momentarily stopped, and a feeling came over me that wasn't exactly happiness.
I liked Jayden, but I don't think I was ready to jump into another relationship this quickly. It was one thing to spend time with him, and have him distract me from my sad thoughts, but it was another to actually be exclusive with him.
Part of me was holding back from saying yes because I just wasn't ready, but the other part was holding back because of him...Calum.
As much as I hated him the day I accepted Jayden's offer of a date, I didn't want to be that girl that jumped into another relationship as a rebound.
But maybe I should be that girl, since Calum was clearly that guy. He hadn't even made contact with me since that day, and I continuously saw him swinging from skank to skank like freaking Tarzan.
Maybe I wasn't ready to label things, but maybe I was ready for something else.
I'd only given my body to one person. Jayden and I came close before Jen interrupted when she returned from her trip, but he never initiated anything since.
Maybe if I did this I would feel something strong for Jayden, something that would make me want to let my wall down and accept a relationship with him.
"Come with me," I stood up, and held my hand out to him.
He looked confused, but he took it and we went back to my apartment, and to my room without another word.
"Sam what's going on?" He asked, and I lead him to my bed.
"Jayden, just stop talking," I giggled, and pulled him down so he was positioned on top of me.
We kissed for what seemed like ages, then I removed my top, letting him know I wanted this to go further today.
"Sam..."
"It's okay, I'm ready," I nodded.
"So is that a yes to being my girlfriend, or...?"
"It's a I don't know yet. Do you not want this?" I asked, staring up at him.
"Of course I do, I just don't want to rush you into anything. Are you sure you want to do this? We don't have to, not today..."
"I want it," I reached my hand over to my draw, and retrieved a condom, handing it to him, giving him a look to tell him I wanted this, and I hoped he wanted it to.
"Okay," he smiled, and we both stripped down. I kept my bra on, I know it may have seemed stupid, I was ready to sleep with him, but I wasn't ready to be completely naked with him. I think he got the hint, so he didn't push for me to remove it.
"You ready?" He asked, positioning himself between my open legs.
Was I ready? Probably not, but I wanted to be, so I nodded and he kissed my neck gently as he pushed himself into me.
I gasped at the foreign feeling, and he snapped his head back up to look at me with worried eyes.
"Relax, it's fine," I smiled up at him, and he relaxed and attached his lips to my neck again, moving in and out of me at the most slow and torturous speed.
I ran my fingers through his hair, and memories of my intimate moments with Calum came flooding back to me.
The way Calum told me he loved me multiple times while making love to me, the way his hands brushed up and down my body giving me chills, the way he kissed me and swallowed my moans, just everything about being with him I was missing right now.
"Calum," I moaned when he hit a sweet spot, and movement ceased.
Jayden looked into my eyes, and I realised this wasn't Calum, and I had just screwed up majorly.
"What did you just call me?"
"Nothing, I..."
"No, you called me Calum! Is that why you wanted to sleep with me? So you could pretend I was him?" He wasn't angry, he was hurt. Any other guy would be screaming the house down, but Jayden was so placid, the idea of hurting him killed me more than the abuse he should have been giving me.
"Of course not," I felt myself becoming emotional. He pulled out and rolled off me, retrieving his clothes from the floor.
"This was a mistake, asking you to be my girlfriend was a mistake. I should have known you wouldn't be over him, this is my own fault," he shook his head as he pulled his skinny jeans up his legs.
"Jayden it's not your fault, I'm sorry! I thought I was over him, and I was happy with you. This is my fault, I thought I was ready and I'm obviously just one huge mess."
I felt the tears trickling down my cheeks, and I hated that I was showing him my vulnerable side. I didn't want him to pity me, and I didn't want him to think I was weak.
I hardly showed him any of my emotions, because I didn't want to open up to him and become attached.
Maybe all along I knew I wasn't over Calum, and part of me did feel guilty for moving on so quickly, but right now there was one thing I was certain of, I didn't want Jayden, I wanted Calum.
"I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have rushed you into dating me. We don't have to do this anymore. For future reference though, you shouldn't lead another guy on when you know you're not over your ex!"
He left before I could say anything, and I just let him.
He wasn't wrong, I did lead him on, and I felt horrible about it. He didn't deserve to be my distraction, he was a good guy, and he deserved a good girl that loved him and only him. I just wasn't that girl.
I re-dressed myself, and headed into the lounge to watch TV. Maybe this could distract me until Jen got home. I just wanted my sister to tell me everything would be okay.
She knew what this was like. To lose your soulmate, then impulsively sleep with another guy, knowing full well you were still in love with someone else.
I judged her too harshly when I called her a s*ut, she wasn't one at all. Ashton was her distraction, and her biggest mistake. We all have to make mistakes to realise what we actually want.
I flicked through my recorded programs, and saw the Amnesia music video I had recorded when it premiered.
I had them all, but when we broke up I deleted them, except for this one. Something about this song spoke to me, the music video was my favourite of their videos, maybe because Calum looked vulnerable in it. The Calum only I knew.
I pressed play, and watched it. The lyrics meant so much more to me now, because this described us perfectly.
"Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you," yes...
"If what we had was real how could you be fine?" What Calum and I had was real, and I acted like I was fine that it was over, and I flaunted in his face that I had moved on, but I wasn't fine.
"I remember the day you told me you were leaving, I remember the makeup running down your face," This was us. The day I left him behind in Sydney, I cried so much my mascara was burning my eyes.
It was initially my decision to end things, but it didn't mean it hurt any less to leave him.
"It hurts to know you're happy, yeah it hurts that you moved on," He thought I moved on, because I wanted him to think that. I wanted him to think I was happy without him, and I thought I was, but obviously I'm miserable.
"It's like we never happened was it just a lie?" Was it like we never happened to him? I knew this song was written before we broke up, but I couldn't help but feel like this song was a look into our future.
Calum singing these lyrics to me right now broke my heart more than the day we walked away from each other.
The song ended and I rewinded it, watching this music video over and over again, allowing myself to feel the pain of losing him I should have felt before I accepted a date with Jayden.
I was an idiot, and if he hated me I didn't blame him. I didn't deserve his love, and I didn't deserve him back.
I should have listened to Jen when she told me I was being an idiot. He called her, he reached out to her, that should have showed me how much he loved me still, instead I was stubborn and brushed it off.
My sister and Harry walked through the door, he was kissing her neck, and they were happy...until she saw me.
"Harry get off," my sister ran over to me.
"What's happened? Why are you crying, and why are you watching...this?" She took the control from my hand, and turned the video off.
"I'll be in the bedroom watching TV, I'll give you two space," Harry left us, closing the door behind him.
"Come on, up," She pulled me up to sit beside her. I had no energy, the crying seemed to have sucked the life out of me, but somehow she had managed to get me upright.
"Tell me what happened?" She asked, rubbing my back.
"Okay..." I nodded, "Jayden asked me to be his girlfriend, and we had sex...kind of."
"Woah, rewind, he asked you to be his girlfriend and you said what?" Jen was stunned, more stunned at that than the actual sex part.
"I didn't give him an answer, I thought if I slept with him then the answer would just come to me, and I guess it did..."
"What happened?"
"I called him Calum while we were...you know..." I gave her a knowing look, and she burst out laughing.
"What are you laughing at?" I frowned at her thinking there was anything humorous about this situation.
"Sam, you called the guy by your ex's name, while he was f*cking you! Can't you see you're obviously still in love with Cal? I hope you said no to the girlfriend offer!"
"He made the decision for me, I hurt him Jen and I feel so awful. I should have never used him to get back at Calum, of course I know I'm still in love with him. I guess it just took the opportunity of moving on, to realise that. It's too late though, he's probably forgotten about me anyway and moved on," I shrugged, breaking my own heart at the thought he had forgotten me.
"Don't be an idiot, you know he loves you. As for Jayden, it was a good learning experience. It's kind of like what happened with Ashton and I, it took me sleeping with him to realise I still loved Harry."
"Who did you sleep with?" Harry interrupted us, standing in Jen's door way in shock, frowning down at her.
"I just said who...?"
"I didn't hear who you said, all I heard was it took me sleeping with him to realise I still loved Harry! Who did you sleep with Jenelle?"
"Ashton!"
"Again?"
"What? No...go back to bed I'll be there in a sec," She shooed him away, and he huffed and shut the door again.
"He's such a baby, but I love him," I laughed at his childish behaviour.
"So do I!"
"Speaking of babies, how is my little niece or nephew cooking?" I spoke down to her stomach, as if the little thing could hear me.
"Good, everything's normal. We have this photo actually," she pulled out the photo from the ultrasound, and pointed things out to me.
I couldn't believe this little thing was inside of her, it was so weird to me, but amazing at the same time.
"Harry cried," she told me, I found it sweet. Harry was such a sensitive guy, he had a heart of gold, and I knew he loved my sister more than anything in this world.
It was going to be amazing to see the guy who's face graced my walls, raise a child with my sister of all people.
Since they started dating, I saw a whole different side to him, his normal side. Behind all the fog and mirrors, he was just like any other guy that was in love.
He treated my sister like a queen, he was respectful to my family, he did normal things, he cried, fought, and made my sister the happiest I'd ever seen her. He even sat and watched these Australian TV dramas with us when he was down here, just because he knew they made Jen happy.
He was a good one, and I hoped for my sisters sake she would never let him go...again.
"Well I better go deal with him, he's cute when he's angry,"
"You enjoy pissing your boyfriend off?" I laughed at her, she was crazy.
"He's a little child. Why don't you go to Kirstin's for a bit, get your mind off things?"
"She's in LA for the month with her family. Are you just trying to get rid of me so you can make up with Harry?"
"No! I'm too tired for that! The only thing I'll be inside tonight is the fridge because I'm bloody starving! But I better sort this first," she gave me a hug, and left me.
...
Jen's POV
"Babe..." I said in a playful tone. He was sat up against my headboard, his legs crossed over, and his arms folded across his chest.
"Don't babe me right now Jen! I'm pissed!" He frowned at me, and I sat next to him on the bed, facing him with my legs crossed and my chin resting in my palm.
"Let me have it then, get whatever it is off your mind..."
It was hard not to laugh at him when he was angry over something ridiculous. He really was like a like child sometimes, and I adored every inch of him.
"Stop looking at me like that, in that innocent way. Why did you have to bring that piece of shit up again? You know how I feel about that situation!"
"Sam was telling me about how she slept with Jayden and called him Calum, and it made her realise she was still in love with Cal. I was just telling her how the same thing happened when I slept with Ash."
"You called him Harry?" He rose his brow in surprise.
I contemplated playing along, and just saying yes to see his reaction, but somehow I thought he wouldn't find it amusing if I said I thought of him while sleeping with Ashton of all people.
"No, I mean the realising I still loved you part."
"Oh...could I ask you something? I thought I was over it, but I guess I didn't know how much it still irritated me until now."
I knew he was going to ask me about my intimate night with Ash. I'm surprised it had taken him this long to want to go into detail about it.
"You can ask me anything and as much as you want about it Harry, you know I'll be honest with you," I encouraged him, and he nodded in acknowledgment.
"Did you...enjoy being with him?"
"At the time yes, because it was a good escape from the pain I was in. He was saying all the right things, and he made me want to be with him. You made me feel so unwanted when you told me you slept with someone else, he made me feel wanted, like I was the only one he needed. I was hurt, and he kind of froze that for the night. After it happened though I didn't enjoy it, I regretted it," I answered him honestly.
I didn't exactly hate being with Ash at the time, if I didn't want to do what I did, I could have stopped it at any time, or I didn't have to go to him in the first place. So to say I didn't enjoy it would have been a lie.
"I made you feel like you weren't all I needed?" He looked at me as if I had just crushed his soul. He looked hurt, and I already regretted getting into this conversation, but I knew it had to be had eventually.
"Well how else am I meant to feel when my boyfriend sleeps with another girl, behind my back?"
"That was never why I did it Jen! I never slept with her because I needed someone else! You were and still are all I need," he tried to convince me of it.
I knew I was now, but at the time it's hard to believe your boyfriend was just satisfied with only you after he went and slept with someone else.
"I know."
"What did he say to you that night? You know, to make you want to be with him?"
"Harry do you really want to get into this? Especially today after we saw our baby for the first time! You want to be talking about Ashton?" I sighed, not wanting to ruin the perfect afternoon we had had.
"I want to know Jen, I need to know...please, I guess I just need closure from the whole situation."
I understood why he was asking, and I respected that he wanted the closure, so if this was going to make him feel better about the whole thing, then I would tell him everything.
"He told me that he loved me, and hated watching me with you. He spoke about how he notices my little habits, like my lip biting when I'm nervous, and playing with my hair. Then he told me I could stay the night so I did."
"He told you he loved you? And you believed him?"
"I guess."
"He didn't love you, I loved you, he wouldn't understand the concept of loving you! Did he initiate you sleeping together?" He was angry again, and my heart was pounding at the response I knew would set him off even further.
"No, I did. He stopped it and asked if I was sure I wanted it, and I said yes. I know you hate Ashton for what happened Harry, but I was in full control of what was happening. I undressed myself, I hopped on him, it was my fault things escalated to what they did."
He was sitting there silently, taking it all in. I didn't know if he was mad at me, or if he was just upset at the whole thing. The Ashton thing was my fault, he didn't take advantage of me, I took advantage of him. I knew I was his weakness, and I played him.
"Did he touch you like I do?" He finally broke the silence.
"Not at all! We didn't make love Harry, we just had sex. It didn't last long, and he only saw my boobs he didn't see me down there, not even Jake did, only you. It was nothing like us, it was impulsive, stupid and rushed. He didn't make me feel anywhere near what you do I promise you that."
"Did you come?"
"Why does that matter?"
"Did you or not?" His eyes were closed, waiting for another blow. I wanted to say no, but I promised I would be honest. I hoped after this he wouldn't bring this up again.
"Yes..."
"So he did make you feel like I do?" His voice was low, and I knew he was hurt. But honestly Ashton didn't, it was hard to explain, but it was a different kind of pleasure than what Harry gave me.
"No he didn't. Yeah he made me come, but it's different Harry. I can do that to myself but it's still nothing like what you do to me. You blow my mind in a whole different way. I love you more every second I'm with you in that way, I feel connected to you, I feel safe, secure, you make me feel sexy. You kiss me in places that make my whole body shiver, your touch gives me goosebumps, and the way you look at me makes my heart race. There is more to sex than just getting each other off, there's a whole other emotional side to it, and you are the only man that has ever made me feel exactly what I just described. You may not have been my first technically, but you were the first person I ever made love to, and you'll be the last baby," I cupped his cheek, and he finally smiled.
"You called me baby, you've never called me that before."
"I know, it felt weird. I love when you call me it, but I think I'll just stick to babe," I hopped onto his lap, and joined my hands behind his neck.
"You could always call me daddy, the offer still stands."
"In your dreams maybe, the only time I will ever call you daddy is when our baby is around us."
I'm glad he dropped the whole thing, he seemed to be in a better mood now, and I hoped he got the closure he needed.
"Fine, I'll take what I can get. For the record, you're the only girl who's made me feel that way too," he kissed me, and this told me he was definitely over it now.
"So what happened with Sam anyway? Why was she crying?"
I dove into the story about Jayden and Cal, and he also laughed at what she did now that I told him a second time.
"This might be a crazy idea, but what if you bring her to LA? I know Cal's going to be there, they're performing at the show. Maybe they could reconnect or something."
"You know that's not a bad idea, she said Kirstin was over there for a month, so I'm sure she'll want to hang around her. I'll book her a ticket and surprise her. It would probably do her some good to get away for a bit anyway," I hopped off Harry and retrieved my laptop.
"Let me get it please," Harry offered.
"No, you already paid for Willow's, I'm not going to let you keep paying for my family it's not your responsibility," I explained to him.
"Jen, your family are my family now. We may not be married but I'm pretty sure you should know by now that everything I have is yours too. Did you think I was going to let you go off and buy a crib and stroller with your own money too while I was away? It's probably time we have that talk..."
"What talk?"
"The financial talk. There's not really much to say, I got you something." He got off the bed and to his suitcase to pull out his wallet.
"Here," he handed me two cards.
"What are these for?" I knew they were bank cards, but why was he giving them to me? And why did they have my name on them?
"I added you to my account, so now you have full access. This is your debit card, that's where all the money is obviously, and this is a credit card. You still have your own bank, I don't have access to it, but you have access to mine now."
Was he serious? He was trusting me with his money? Not that I'd ever really use it, but still? That was a huge step, and huge commitment.
"You're serious?"
"Yes, don't try and fight me on it. I want you to buy all the babies things with it, do not spend a cent of your own money Jenelle! What's the point in having all this money if I can't use it on my family? Use it whenever you want to, and your first purchase is your sister's plane ticket!"
"Harry..."
"Jen! This is happening whether you like it or not. Your name is on my account now, I'm not removing it. Any other girl would be jumping for joy at inheriting a few million!"
"I'm not with you for the money though! I'd love you even if you have $0 to your name."
"I know that baby, just accept that this is happening and that's that."
"You're unbelievable, I love you. Thank you for trusting me with this," I kissed his cheek, and proceeded to buy my sisters plane ticket.