"Hey, handsome."
Mark smirked over his drink at the sound of the provocative voice. Even though he was happily in love with Addison, he couldn't help feeling proud whenever a woman hit on him. The self-satisfied grin faded from his face, however, when he turned on his barstool to face the lady. In this case, she could have been his patient, after having undergone a sex reassignment surgery. "I'm Charlie. What do your enemies call you?"
"Looks like you've got some competition," Derek snickered to Addison in the opposite corner of the room. He loosened his tie, feeling short of breath. His nervousness was increasing by the second. There were so many things that could go awry this evening. Perhaps he was too hasty agreeing to go along with Cristina's plan. Moreover, he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to put his private life on display so drastically.
"I don't think I need to worry about this sort of competition," Addison chuckled noticing Mark's bemused expression. "Right now I'm more worried about you."
"That would make two of us," sighed Derek.
"That would be three of us," Cristina said grimly as she joined them. Derek was surprised to discover that the innkeeper wasn't her usual snarky flippant self, and it did nothing to quell his unease. "I'm counting on you here, McWeepy. I'm running a huge risk, maybe even bigger than you."
"Meredith won't hold it against you, you're just trying to help," Derek attempted to calm down Cristina's nerves as much as his own.
"You don't understand," she shook her head with resignation. "I'm letting her walk into a trap. I'm keeping secrets from her, I'm lying about..." she trailed off, rubbing her temples. "I can't wait for when it's all over. Just... just do your best, you got it?"
"I got it!" he huffed, a definite edge in his voice.
"I... I know that there's something you're keeping us in the dark about..." Addison interrupted hesitantly. "But how is getting her to listen to that article going to help your cause? You said she doesn't think you cheated on her anymore. What's holding her back? I mean, it was nice of you to give her credit and all but..." She looked between Derek and Cristina trying to understand but after exchanging looks, he shook his head apologetically.
Cristina brushed off the awkwardness of the moment by slapping him on the back and promising as she left, "Do your job right, McWeepy, and I'll think about a different nickname for you."
"Look, Addison, I appreciate your support," Derek tried to explain. "It means a lot but it's not-"
"Not your story to tell?" she finished for him. "It's alright," she assured him. "I just hope it works out for you. You've worked so hard..."
In that moment, Cristina returned back to them hurriedly, making her way through the already crowded room. "Go stay at the back until I call you. Meredith's here."
Derek led Addison through the door to the kitchens and signaled for the rest of his family to follow. He could almost hear his rapid heartbeat in his head as he surreptitiously peered back through a small round window in the door. They had barely escaped unseen by Meredith who entered the scene with a neatly packaged present under her arm. She seemed even more beautiful than usual. Her long hair cascaded down her neck in luscious locks and she was wearing a cream-coloured knee length dress. A short denim jacket was protecting her arms from the evening chill.
He took a couple of deep breaths, his fingers rigidly clutching the journal with his interview. Cristina's words from the previous day loudly reverberated in his head.
You're just afraid. That all you've done will really come to nothing. That you won't be able to help her.
Yes, he was afraid. But even if this attempt failed, he would try over and over again until he erased every shadow of doubt that lingered in her heart.
________________________________________
From the moment that Meredith crossed the inn's doorstep, she knew that something was not right. Call it a sixth sense or a gut feeling, she sensed something was about to happen, something that made the skin on her neck prickle unpleasantly.
She quickly chastised herself in her thoughts for being utterly silly. She was just going paranoid. Or megalomaniac. It wasn't even her day, it was Cristina's birthday. And yet... the furtive glances and knowing smiles were most definitely not a figment of her imagination.
There were so many people inside already... She halted to survey the room. Was she late or had she just mixed up the time?
"Cristina!" she shouted and waved at her friend noticing her black-haired head amongst the sea of guests.
"Mer!" Cristina nodded at her, gesturing that she was coming.
"What's going on?" Meredith asked, glancing around. "I thought I was supposed to come early to help you? It looks like everything's ready."
"Yeah, I guess I forgot to tell you we were starting earlier. But good thing you're here, we can rock this party!"
Meredith's eyes narrowed suspiciously as she observed her best friend. "Are you feeling okay? Have you drunk anything last night or today?"
Cristina gave out a nervous laughter and rolled her eyes. "You're so funny! Now, lose this," she ordered taking her present from Meredith's hands and placing it on the heap with other gifts. Then she dragged her to one of the tables in the center and pushed her to sit down. "Here. Everyone!" she hollered, in order to be heard over the noise. "We're starting!"
To Meredith's surprise, everyone bustled to take a seat at the assigned table, at the bar, against the wall. Cristina threw herself in the chair next to Meredith's, startling the latter enough to jump up.
"What's gotten into to you?" Meredith cringed. "And who's that for?" she asked pointing at the gap between herself and Izzie created by two unoccupied chairs.
"Special guests," Cristina replied vaguely but almost immediately, Meredith learnt the answer to her question. Her mouth gasped open in horror and her eyes widened as Derek suddenly took the chair next to her, his mother at his other side. In the corner of her eye, she noticed his sister, brother and the red head plopping nearby.
Meredith pressed her palms against the table to push her seat away and tried to stand up but she was firmly blocked by both Derek and Cristina. Her head whirled sideways at breakneck speed. "How could you?" she gasped, painful reproach evident in her voice and eyes.
Cristina was shameful enough to cast down her eyes.
"Not her fault," Derek said quickly, grabbing Meredith's hand atop of the table. "I butted my way in."
"Somehow I don't doubt that," Meredith remarked quietly and slid her fingers out of his grasp, bringing them bashfully to her lap. Her cheeks flushed, she thought her sharp intake of air was heard in the farthest corners of the room but she couldn't stop her reaction when Derek's thigh pressed into hers. Her bare skin clearly felt the heat of his body radiating through the smooth material of his slacks.
Her whole body went instantly rigid. Trying to appear unaffected, she ever so slowly, millimeter by millimeter, moved her leg away, praying he wouldn't notice. No such luck. Sending her a tiny knowing wink, he rubbed his knee against her thigh.
"How can you be doing this to me?" she hissed at him. "I thought we had an understanding."
"And what exactly am I doing to you?" he asked as if they were discussing a medical issue, interlocking his hands on the table.
Meredith tried jerking her chair but she was gridlocked.
"Relax, it's a birthday party," Derek quipped and gently tugged at her jacket. "You seem a bit flushed, why don't you take it off?"
"I won't be staying long," she gritted through her teeth, her eyes roving around desperately seeking an escape route.
"Well, you will stay for the first point of the programme," exclaimed Cristina and chinked her glass with a spoon to attract everyone's attention. "I'm sorry this doesn't look like the birthday party of your dreams yet, I promise it won't suck all the way."
"I'm sure it will-"
"In a way, maybe-"
Both Derek and Meredith cut their commentaries midsentence, their eyes meeting briefly. She looked away immediately, her lips pouting adorably, but he continued to openly stare at her. He could finally feast his eyes on her as much as he wished now that she couldn't escape.
Cristina went on with determination, "You'll get your fair share of eating, drinking and dancing but first... we'll start our evening with... an intellectual pursuit..." Cristina cleared her throat, feeling lamer than ever.
"D'you know what we should start with? Getting you in a straitjacket!" Meredith's stage whisper carried through the room, provoking discreet giggles here and there.
Cristina seemed not to hear her. "Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Derek Shepherd, our local celebrity-"
"Our local celebrity?" Meredith repeated in disbelief, her eyebrows raised so high as if they were about to run away. Derek simply shrugged, a smug look on his face.
"-is going to say a few words. Dr. Shepherd," Cristina motioned Derek to speak as she sat back down.
Once again, Meredith's body went stiff, this time she was paralyzed with overwhelming unease. She could expect him to say practically anything. Well, maybe not exactly anything... He surely wouldn't mention the details of her past to anyone who wasn't privy to them. Still, the question remained what he would dare say. He had that medical journal with him. Did he intend to read out the article he was pestering her about? Why would he want to read a bunch of medical mumbo-jumbo to Rachel townsfolk, who, with all due respect, could only yawn at it in the best case scenario? Or would they? Why weren't they booing at him when his name was mentioned, or when he got to his feet, deliberately leaning over her in the process? And the biggest question of all, why was Cristina helping him out?
Derek took a deep breath as he surveyed his audience. He was never afraid of speaking publicly, except for now. Currently, he was nothing short of terrified. It was the moment, his chance. He wished he could do it in a more private setting, having no one's eyes to look into but Meredith's. But he had to work with what he had. He peered down at her surreptitiously to check to make sure that she hadn't blocked her ears. She hadn't, she was just sitting there both seething and resigned. He prayed it was the last time he was seeing her in a state like this.
Derek braced himself, cleared his throat and began with a nod, "So, first things first, I'd like to thank Cristina for this opportunity. She was generous enough to let me take a couple of minutes of her birthday party..."
"Yeah, how great is she..." Meredith muttered under her breath.
"Initially, I just wanted to present you with an article regarding my research but... since most of you have taken a look at it already..." Meredith's gasp of surprise reached his ears, at least she was listening. "...so I decided to start with something else. I'm going to start with a short story. I hope it doesn't bore the living daylights out of you. Actually, the person who witnessed the events mentioned in that story was quite amused," he chuckled as Meredith looked up at him, shock and horror written all over her face.
"As you are all probably aware, I first came to Rachel following the death of my uncle. I didn't know William Shepherd very well, in fact, I hardly even remember him. But judging from so many stories I've heard about him, I see the image of him as a kind caring person, a very wise man," Derek stated gently, noticing Meredith's shoulders sagging a little. "And I will be eternally grateful to him. In his will, he left me his house... and the practice, or as Dr. Grey constantly reminds me, a half of the practice." Derek's words were followed with a rumble of laughter and Meredith regretted having pinned up her hair, her heated cheeks were in plain sight. "But, most importantly of all, thanks to my uncle, I met the love of my life..."
Meredith couldn't look at anything else other than a random spot on the tablecloth. She swallowed to soothe the irksome burning in her throat but it brought little relief.
"Some of you probably know that my uncle was writing down the history of our family, and the history of our town in the process. A few days ago, I picked up his notebook... and for the first time it hit me that his work was unfinished. And I thought that maybe I could continue what he started. I'm going to live here and work here after all.
"I've already written a few pages, and I wanted to read you some of that. It's going to be a story about a certain meeting that... that changed my life really," he said almost shyly and reached for the journal, between whose pages he had inserted his contribution to "the Shepherd chronicles". "It was on July the 3rd that I landed in Las Vegas and rented a car that would take me to my destination point, Rachel. I was soon to learn a painful lesson on just how much of a city slicker I really was. Even with a map and GPS system, I managed to get lost, and anyone who once travelled from the Sin City to Rachel knows that it's not a small feat." Chuckles erupted all around but no reaction betrayed Meredith's state of mind, at least no reaction that Derek could notice from his current angle. Her face could be expressionless, her body still, but a true storm was gathering inside her, slowly but surely. An imperceptible shiver ran down her spine like a distant thunder.
"I don't know how long I tried to get a clear idea as to where the heck I was. It felt as if I was meandering about deserted dirt roads, dull local lanes, dead ends, shortcuts and turns leading, apparently, to nowhere. On top of that, a storm broke out all of sudden, one such as I hadn't seen before. My choice of vehicle turned out to be very poor. I couldn't see an inch outside in the downpour and the car got stuck in mud as soon as I pulled up to once again consult the map. And yes, it was one of these critical moments when cell phones don't cooperate.
"I was already reconciling with the thought that I was going to spend the night in a cold, silent car stranded in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by a violent storm. And then, the most miraculous thing happened, a meeting after which nothing was or ever would be the same again.
Against her will, Meredith was transported back in time to that fateful evening that... yes, the evening that changed her life forever, too. She reached out a helping hand to a perfect stranger and over time he came to mean so much to her.
"I saw the lights of an approaching car. I jumped out into the wall of rain. In a matter of a mere few seconds I soaked down to the bone, I was up to my calves in mud. But none of it bore any importance, when the car stopped and the door opened. Because in that moment, it felt as if I had been struck by lightning myself. My rescuer..." Derek paused for a moment, emotion filling his heart to the brim, "was a vision. With her blonde hair, deep green eyes... a light seemed to emanate from within her illuminating the darkness.
A few catcalls sounded across the room but despite her general mortification, Meredith fought to stifle the chuckle rising in her throat. And she actually felt bad about it. Because as much as Derek saw an angel in her, when she first laid eyes on him, she only saw an ill-prepared city slicker, as Derek called it, in a very pitiful state. She took him in as he seemed harmless but soon regretted her decision. Every time he opened his mouth, he got more and more under her skin with his condescending and presumptuous remarks about the town as well as her.
"My beautiful rescuer, whose name I coaxed out of her with great difficulty, was nowhere near impressed or smitten with me as I was with her. To be honest, my conduct at the time didn't induce any warm feelings towards me. In just a few short sentences, I insulted her home, which I pictured as a dreary little town and I offended her in one of the worst way one could offend a woman. As there is a serious risk that my own children might read it in the future, I'll drop a curtain of silence on the details.
Meredith's stomach was in knots. Future children?
"I was, however, initially oblivious to my faux pas and misdemeanors, until my rescuer's patience ran out. Under the pretence of having to fill up with petrol, she pulled up at a gas station, the only one in miles radius. When I was back from the store, she was nowhere in sight. In the place where her jeep was parked, I only saw my own suitcase, soaking in the torrential rain.
The inn trembled with laughter but Meredith was not amused. True, the memory of the trick she pulled on Derek always brought a satisfied smile onto her lips but she realized that he was not spinning his tale to entertain Cristina's guests. There was a higher purpose and she shuddered to even think about it.
"I arrived to Rachel next morning, exhausted and covered in dust and dirt from head to toe. The first thing that welcomed me to the town was my rescuer-turn-torturer's mocking smirk. Our relations, which were already strained, only seemed to deteriorate. In fact, she almost got me arrested, something she actually achieved a few days ago. Our every encounter ended up with some kind of a disaster, usually involving my clothing. No, we didn't get along at all.
It fleeted through her mind that it was a bit of an understatement. They used to hate each other with passion.
"We fought like cat and dog, trying to get an upper hand over each other. We quarreled about everything, over the house and the practice... She wanted to get rid of my irritating presence and even though, I wanted nothing better than to be back in New York as fast as I could, I was more and more drawn in every day I spent in Rachel. Gradually, things changed, mainly because I changed. Every meeting with Dr. Meredith Grey taught me an important lesson in life. I got to see the world through her eyes, I got to see her world. Thanks to her, and for her, I became a better person, a better man, and a better doctor. She opened my eyes to what really matters in life. But most importantly of all, she showed me what it feels like to love a woman.
"Stop!" This time it wasn't an order or angry outburst. It was more like a quivering plea to spare her. It pained him to see her like this but he had to. He had to free her from the burden she had been carrying around for far too long. "Can you just stop saying that? Can you stop talking about me like I was some sort of a hero?"
"You are!" Derek insisted heatedly. "You are my hero! You're a hero to your family, friends and patients."
"How can you even say that?" she gasped out, her lip trembling slightly, her fists clasped so tightly that her knuckles went white. She couldn't stand listening to him glorifying her behavior. She had done almost everything out of spite and for the last few weeks she was pushing him away kicking and screaming.
"Easily," he assured her with heart-warming smile. "Why don't you listen to what else I've got to say?"
"No, Derek, I've heard enough already... as well as everybody else."
"It won't take long now, Mer, I promise. But you need to listen to this. It's a fragment of an interview with me. I won't bore you with the details, just the part I absolutely requested to be printed."
Meredith tried to control her anxiety and impatience. She'd sit and listen if there wasn't another way. At least this torture would soon be over.
"Dr. Shepherd, while receiving the grant and in every discussion of your research, you have emphasized the importance of Dr. Meredith Grey's input. Can you explain her contribution? She has been silent for several years now, to the point of leading many of us in the field into believing she has disappeared from the world of medicine."
Suddenly, there was not enough air in the whole room to keep her from suffocating. How could Derek do this? He knew how important keeping a low profile was to her... Yes, she had disappeared without a trace. She was dead to her peers. Why did he have to be so cruel as to drag her lifeless corpse into the spotlight? Before she could throw the reproach at him, however, he continued reading, or confessing really. He knew all this by heart by now.
"I assure you that Dr. Grey has never disappeared from the world of medicine. She has never stopped being a doctor, saving lives, working to help her patients. In fact, she is as busy as ever, constantly and tirelessly changing the face of medicine, which has always been her dream.
I had the great honour of meeting Dr. Grey personally last summer and I can say with all honesty that my trial was a result of this meeting. I want to give my colleague all the credit she deserves. Apart from inspiring me as a doctor and as a person, she was the author of the idea behind the research. As she doesn't currently work in the field of experimental medicine, she kindly allowed me to develop her original concept.
But her involvement didn't end there. Dr. Grey was with me every step of the way, offering me her support, encouragement, her advice and wisdom. Her experience was invaluable. Even though my hands were the ones executing the procedures and my eyes overseeing the results, this research is the fruit of work of two minds. I would be happy and grateful to give Dr. Grey enough credit as to call our technique the Grey Method but during her career, she has already come up with a few of her own. Thus, I am humbly adding my name to make it the Grey-Shepherd Method, knowing that it will be just the beginning a long partnership. Dr. Grey's generosity-
"No!" A ragged shriek tore from deep inside her as she jumped to her feet with abruptness that stunned Cristina, not giving the latter a chance to react. Her chair flew back, hitting the floor with a deafening thud. She looked like a deer in headlights, ready to bolt without a second glance. Derek grasped her forearm to stop her, to steady her, to reassure her. Her pain infiltrated every cell of his body but he could only guess on the degree of the emotions that were burning her alive.
"No!" Her strangled outcry was a like a punch in the gut. She struggled to wrench her arm out of his firm but at the same time gentle grip. She succeeded unexpectedly, her fingers let go easily when he felt moisture on the back of his hand, quickly realizing it was her tear. She had nowhere to hide her face. Her shaky hand hastily tried to erase the damp trail running the length of her cheek but there was another drop pearling on her eyelashes, and another... Too many to contain or conceal.
"Meredith..." he whispered hotly.
"You know, Derek..." she addressed him, clearing her throat in attempt to save her breaking voice. She no longer saw his face, she was barely able to make out any objects in the stinging flood of tears that rolled down and down uninhibitedly. "Your presentation of my person... of my character... it doesn't do me justice! So much... that you omitted... You know this as well as I do!"
"Mer..." He reached out for her once more but she raised her arms to keep the distance.
"Why don't I give you all the true story of Dr. Meredith Grey, not the pink fairytale?" she snorted.
"You don't have to do this," Derek interrupted her quietly. He blanched when he realized what she was about to share with the world. "Meredith, I didn't want to-"
"There was a woman once," she took up with determination. "She was a damn talented doctor, oh she was, no doubt about it. And she was proud of it, arrogant and conceited. She was driven and greedy and ruthless, always wanting to go further, always wanting more. She didn't have many friends because she thought she didn't need them and frankly, no one could stand her in the long run. I mean, who would stand being with a person who thought herself a god?
"But one day, the woman met a man. And everything seemed to change. She liked him enough to let him get close to her. She then started to want him being close to her. She didn't go back to an empty apartment anymore. She loved going on dates. And she thought she would love to spend the rest of her life with him, to officially vow to that effect. She hated to slide her ring from her finger before a surgery and loved to put it back after one.
"Until her world changed once again. Because it turned out that the man didn't give a damn about the woman... except for her work that is. He had been lying to her for over a year, every hour of every day and night. Only to steal the results of her talent...
Meredith didn't pay any attention to horrified gasps that sounded at almost every table, the quiet sobs and even hot tears. She didn't hear anything, except her own voice exposing the dark secrets of her heart. The pain was overwhelming, but it was an addictive one. A pain she couldn't ignore or stop even if she wanted to. Little did she know at the moment, it was a healing ache.
"It changed the proud woman forever. She was filled with hurt and shame. She was too humiliated to face the world. She was no longer a god, she was no one... She was slowly dying until... Until she abandoned everything, left everything she knew behind. She made herself a new life, slower and simpler, one that wouldn't hurt her. Life taught her a cruel lesson and she was humbled enough to accept it. She was sure she didn't have a heart anymore, at least not sufficiently strong to really care about someone. And when the woman was sure that nothing would ever change that, she met another man and... and..."
At long last, Meredith reached the critical point. She felt as if some kind of force, bad or good she didn't know, was leaving her. She wasn't able to say no more. The tears still flowed down her cheeks in streams, a strange lethargy was creeping up on her body. Did she still have a body? She was eerily lightheaded, boneless. Was she going to faint? Wouldn't that be a dramatic conclusion to her tale...
Then her vision cleared a little, she became aware of everything. Of the stares, of quiet cries, of silence... of Derek standing listlessly just inches from her. Surely no one, not even Derek, anticipated what she did next. Everyone including Cristina was too enthralled, put out, sympathetic or angry to react. Before anybody could blink, she whirled around, her golden her swirling behind her, leapt over the fallen chair and darted towards the exit. It came with a much smaller surprise when Derek wordlessly bolted behind her.
"I wouldn't expect them to resurface tonight," Cristina told Carolyn across the table, noisily blowing her nose.