TW!!!! Suicide, Self Harm, Confrontation, Domestic Abuse
Karl POV
We're driving to the address, it's located pretty close, a 23 minute drive. But I'll make it longer.
I don't know how to feel about the dinner, but I do know that Sapnap's been silent for the first 6 minutes. No music on or anything. Just the creak of my foot popping as I hold the gas pedal.
Sapnap's fidgeting with his sleeve.
He's probably nervous.
Heck I'm nervous.
"Talk to me, Sap, you have gotta be thinking something."
"I'm just worried. I don't want to lash out, I don't want to make a scene, but I don't know if I have enough willpower to stop myself. I don't know. Last I saw her she was yelling at my dad and then yelled at me because I was going to Dream's house." He sighed letting his thoughts go. I hated this for him. I hated that he has had such a difficult relationship with the people he should always have by his side.
"Hey, I can't say you won't lash out, but if you do, you do. But hey, I'll be there, I'll try to help you as much. I'm sorry about all of this, though, seriously this sucks." I wish I had the words to tell him it's all going to be ok, but I don't know that, I don't know them. I know Sapnap. I met Sapnap, the family hasn't, his mom doesn't know the Sapnap I know, so I only know him, they don't so I pray they don't screw something up.
"It's fine, I'm just very scared." He sighs a wavering breath that screamed fearfulness.
"It's ok to be scared, I'm scared too... did you happen to let Dream know what you're doing?" Dream probably should know, but that's up for Sapnap to determine.
"No, I'm only telling you about this unless later I bring it up with him." I lay my hand on his thigh. He looks up to me, I see the scarce stability in his eyes, his brunette eyes deep with my affection but reflective of his heart's deep terror he feels.
He lays a hand on mine and he sits up. His hand was warm though I bet he's got goosebumps from the rising reality showing up in the window shield.
I make the drive 25 minutes, 2 minutes after arrival time. Perfectly on time.
The house was beautiful, a beautiful ranch house, with red paneling and black shutters and a beautiful rock sidewalk. I see a there was a basketball hoop and a net in the drive way.
For the kids.
I look to Sapnap and I unbuckle. He looks to me, my hand still in his lap.
"I'm scared."
"Me too, but hey we can get through this together, let's go, eat some burgers, and head home yeah?" I suggested with a warm smile trying to provide some type of comfort to the boy.
"Ok... I don't really feel like telling them about you and I, I can't handle too many things and I'm just worried." He expresses lightly.
"Totally cool, besides they don't need to know that." I agree.
I still can't believe that in a library I found out that I have a boyfriend.
Sapnap is mine, finally.
I unbuckle, "you ready?" I ask caringly, looking at the boy as I took my hand away from him.
"Yeah. Let's just eat and get over with this." Sapnap opens his door and so do I but the first thing I see is two girls, running towards us.
"Oh my gosh! You have a Tesla!!! Your car is so cool! Nick!!" She says to me.
"I'm flattered but, I'm not Nick." I laugh awkwardly. To the girl who looked to be 14 or 15.
"I'm Nick." Sapnap says laughing, I can tell he's uncomfortable but hey, so far so good.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, still nice car, uh, who are you then?" She looked to me, she has pretty brunette hair that's braided in one braid back.
"I'm Karl, I'm Nick's friend." She smiles and nods, I see the little version of the girl in front of me, look at the wheels of my car.
"Oh I'm so sorry, we're so rude, I'm Jessa, and that's Bella. Bella stop looking at and touching the wheel, you're going to have to wash your hands again." She yelled to the little girl that's Bella.
"Nice to meet y'all." Sapnap say's shortly. He looks to me, I nod to him, we're gonna get through this.
"Oh, yeah, let's go inside, sorry, I just got excited about the car. Again, that car is so cool!" I smile and laugh.
The girls lead us to the front door. I wanted to hold Sapnap's hand...
We walk in and we're immediately greeted with Luke Combs music, the house was painted a light blue that was very comforting and cooling. The smell of food immediately greeted us. I swear this food better be as good as it smells.
I see a woman, a slim figure with long pulled back black hair, almost identical to Sapnap's. She was hovering over a head of lettuce chopping it up.
Oh boy.
I tapped Sapnap and he looked at me and I breathed in, following with him breathing in and out as well.
The woman turned around and woah, she had the same eyes as Sapnap as well.
"Oh! Hey Nick! I'd come over and hug you, but you know, clean hands, and cooking." She smiles then looks at me, "hey, you must be Nick's friend, I'm Katie. "
"Yeah I'm Karl, Thanks for having Sapnap and I over." I politely addressed, trying to make the best of this.
"Katie! You have to see Karl's car! He's got a Tesla!" Jessa announced, I'm very flattered by the car talk I won't lie.
"You drive a Tesla? Nice, I was thinking about getting one as a family car, I bet it's a smooth drive " Katie asked as she went back to chopping lettuce.
I cringed at the statement 'family car' but not as much as Sapnap did. "Yeah, it's great, good for the environment you know."
"Oh you an environmentalist?" She asked interestedly.
"Not really, I just do my part so the world doesn't explode while I'm alive." I got a laugh out of the woman.
"Nick, I like this friend. He's funny." She called out to Sapnap.
To be honest it sucks how motherly she seems. She seems like she was a fun mom... the kids around her seem to love her.
Why couldn't she had just been there for Sapnap. Instead I was there. I'm glad I was there for him, but he needed her as well, and where was she?
I'm really glad I was there because he has no good parental figures in his life. I know I'm not a parental figure to Sapnap, and that would be weird if I was, but, I have given him more affection than his mother has in the last two years it seems.
Two years isn't that long of time- but two years is a lot to a kid, a kid who was 16-18.
"I know he is." Sapnap says shortly again. Not wanting to make conversation.
"Oh well Karl it's lovely having you here, oh! Nick, David is out on the deck grilling the burgers which should be done soon. I hope y'all came hungry because we got a whole restaurant's worth of food here." She cheered, pointing to the screen door leading to the back yard deck.
"Ok- uh I'll say hi." Sapnap responds before tugging on my hand telling me to come with.
Nick took the lead opening the door then holding it for me to follow out behind.
There, a buff but late 30's looking man standing by the grill. He turned to us with a bug old grin on his face.
"Hey! Y'all thought y'all could sneak up on me." He laughed a hearty laugh, he seemed kind.
"Heh, yeah. Hi I'm Nick, this is my friend Karl." Sapnap shook the guys open hand as did I.
"Nice to meet y'all. Oh, Nick you're mother told me so much about you. I know you're a football guy huh?" Him saying that Sapnap's mom has told stuff about him to David was frustrating. What can she tell? She can't tell him anything up to date. David knows the old Sapnap if the information has been coming from his absent mother.
"Yeah, I didn't play this year though, but yeah." Nick laughed awkwardly.
David turned to me, "do you play as well?" He asked before turning to the grill to watch the burgers, which to be honest looked really appetizing.
"No, I did track and soccer but I'm not doing anything now. I'm kind of just focused on finishing school." I answer honestly, before Sapnap glares at me his eyes still full of fear but I could see something I've missed, his fire's back.
"Yeah, he ain't got the balls to throw a football." Sapnap played nudging my side.
"Oh shut it, football is fun too I just didn't play it now let's be honest, football turns people into meat heads, like have you met yourself m, and don't even get me started on Dream." I sassed, earning a laugh from David.
All of a sudden the 15 year old walks outside. In her bathing suit, it was a red one, it completely contrasted her skin.
"Jessa! Get your clothes back on we've got guests here! No pool!" David playfully yells but also means what he's saying.
"What? Why can't I tan while food's getting fixed?" She talked back, defiantly standing with her hand on her hip.
"Jessa, I'm not gonna tell you again, get some damn clothes on. Or I'll take your phone." He threatened.
Jessa rolled her eyes, "ugh fine." She took her hand off her hip and walked back up to the door and walked inside.
"I'm so sorry about that, you know, teenage girls." He says with a glare that softened but still held a very stern stature.
"It's fine." I say, brushing my hair back.
"So do you also go to the same school as Nick?" David asks, taking the burgers off of the grill and on to some tin foil.
"Yes sir." Nick smiles at me, he still seems reserved but then I see his pinkie loop through my side belt loop. Pulling me closer so that we're hip to hip.
"Ah do you happen to know my son, Ben Staten?" He asked, I guess he goes to our school.
"I'm not familiar with the name, no." I watch David wrap the tin foil around each of the 10 burgers.
"Ah, well he's on the lacrosse team, he's a senior as well. I would say y'all could meet him today but he actually has to watch film today at practice so he's not gonna be here till late."
"Oh, ok." Nick answers, then David turns to us.
"Y'all go get a plate for the two of you, food done." Thank bingus.
In the food assembly line, Jessa gets in line behind me, "so Karl, how'd you even get that car." She asked while putting a smaller patty on her bun.
"I worked for it, my dad paid for a bit of it too though." I laughed, this girl was really still hung up on my car.
"Cool, do you play any sports?" I grab the ketchup and squirt it on to my burger.
"Ah, I played Track and Soccer, I'm not doing anything now though. Do you play any sports?" She was getting a little clingy, I'm starting to think she's digging into me.
"Oh I do cheer." Of course she does. I see Sapnap shaking his head in a quiet laugh at the girl.
"Cool." I replied, though I didn't care too much. I took my plate and followed
Sapnap and sat my plate next to Sapnap's.
Annoyingly, though hilariously, the young girl sat next to me, and the little one sat on the other side of Sapnap.
"You're sitting where Ben usually sits, but it's ok cuz he's practicing." Bella said to Nick, which I know she meant no harm, but that had to not feel good.
"Cool..." Sapnap answered improperly.
"Alright, everyone, Jessa, say grace please." David said to the girl on my right.
"Can someone else do it today? I always do it. It's kind of embarrassing." She mumbled the last part, but I caught it.
"I'll say it." Katie stepped up. She held her hands out and Bella and David took it, Bella held her hand out to Sapnap. Sapnap cautiously took it then held a hand out to me, I took it easily.
Instead taking it in simple praying hold, Sapnap intertwined his fingers with mine.
The girl on my other side, held her hand out to me, Jessa sat next to me because of this probably. I took her hand.
"Dear father, God, I thank you for bringing us all together to eat this lovely meal in front of us. I thank you for my son and his friend for coming to eat with us."
Jessa squeezed my hand when the mom mentioned me.
I in return squeezed Sapnap's hand.
"Please help this food nourish our body's."
Sapnap's thumb brushed over my skin.
"I pray that you protect us and that you keep us in your sights."
He took his foot and lightly stepped on mine. I opened my eyes and looked at Sapnap, who was looking back at me. His eyes anxious, but his soft smile affectionate.
He mouthed, "thank you." Before returning to dropping his head as he closes his eyes, I still watch the way his hair falls off his shoulders.
"I praise you for sending your son, Jesus, to die for us to cleanse our hearts, and I praise you for everything. In Jesus's holy name, Amen."
The family in unison said "amen."
A prayer I barely caught hold of taunted me.
I got butterflies.
I looked at the coleslaw and burger and I could feel the butterflies die as my stomach quietly growled.
I bit into my burger, and god was it a good bite.
Sapnap starts the conversation surprisingly. "Since when did you say grace?"
"Recently. It's good to do. You know?" She states before eating.
"So what's been going on with school for everyone?" David asks, carrying us away.
"I'm having to do credit recovery but it's going alright I have to get a lot of things done though." Sapnap answers, surprisingly honest.
"Really? Why are you having to do credit recovery?" He asked, surely not meaning to do any harm but Sapnap probably will fire back.
"I have to because I gave up on school this year, I gave up on a lot of things." He said then glaring to his mother, oh boy.
"Oh, well now you're trying to pick yourself back up, again, right? I mean that's what the credit recovery means for you right?" He asked, David seemed very fatherly, it's a shame he had the guts to mess around with a married milf, and pay her like a prostitute.
"Yeah, I kind of realized I need to do something, but I only realized that I had a chance and that I should take it because of Karl. He's been helping me with everything." He looks to me, with his stern expression turning soft.
That was enough to make me melt.
"Oh well I'm glad you're getting back on your feet. What are you doing for college?" David asks before eating some of his green beans.
"I'm not completely sure, I think I'm going to do online community college, I don't feel like having to pay for a year of college when I work better online anyways. But I'm not sure if I'm immediately going into online college I think I may do a year off and get a job for the year before going into it. I gotta pay rent eventually." Sapnap answered, looking at me again before eating another bite.
He doesn't have to pay rent but idk what he's saying.
"What do you mean pay rent? I thought you were staying with your dad..?" David asked.
"Yeah where are you living?" Katie asked as well.
"I'm living with Karl and his dad." He answered plainly.
"Karl, how old are you?" Jessa asked, this kid.
"Too old, I need to hit pause. But no, I'm 18." I joked, all of a sudden I feel a hand on my thigh. Sapnap looks so nonchalant about his hand being there, but I could tell he wanted to hold on to something.
"Hah, I get it, that's how Ben feels too, he's turning 18 next month and he's ready but also wanting to take things slower now." David states, Ben's in our grade but super young it seems.
"Yeah, no I understand that. Part of me is ready to bounce but, I'm not really wanting to leave my dad just yet." I answer. The thought of leaving him made me feel sick, he's been there for me and I feel like it's my turn to return that. I don't know if he'll be alright in an empty house, mom's gone, and once I'm gone it'll be quiet.
He should get a pet of some sort, he needs something.
"What does your dad do?" Katie asks, politely wiping her face with a napkin.
"Oh he's a medic." I took another bite of my burger, and that's when I realized I almost downed all of my plate.
"Oh ok." Katie replies.
Sapnap's thumb circles my outer thigh. I took a breath in as the butterflies awake again.
I'm like putty in his hands.
"I'm full." Bella announced, her plate held a half eaten small hamburger.
"Fine, don't come wanting food later though." Katie answered in a motherly tone.
"Ok!" She hopped down and moved her chair behind Sapnap's and sat on her knees.
"Can I braid your hair, Nick?" The girl asks, cutely.
"Bella, no." Katie says following David;
"Bella, don't pester our guests-"
"No, she's fine, she can braid my hair." He answered eyeing, Katie, I've never seen his hair in a braid before. I've seen it in a bun, ponytail, half up half down, half up half down space buns. But never in a braid.
"Yay!" She happily recalled.
Hmm.
She started feeding hair between her fingers on the left side of his head.
"So, what does your mom do, Karl?" Katie asked, great.
"Oh um-"
"She died a while back." Sapnap answered for me then squeezing my leg, probably in reassurance. "It's something we have in common."
"Oh- I'm so sorry- and what do you mean it's something you have in common?" Katie asked, her eyebrows raised.
"You should know," Sapnap sassed. I can tell he's tired of playing nice.
Katie coughs and looks down.
Well she does deserve it.
"I'm a little hot, hey, Bella is it ok if I quickly take my hoodie off?" He asked the 8 year old.
"Yeah, but please be careful." She warns, scooting her chair back so she's out of the way.
Sapnap took his hoodie off and there revealed he was wearing a black tee shirt, his arms though hairy, you could see each individual scar, it was shattering to see them, but I've gotten used to the old cuts. It wasn't new to me. It was new to Katie though.
She looked at his arms, the soured gross black red, green, and purple big scabbed over burn. I wonder if she knows that she's caused some of the lines on his arm.
"Your arms, you ok?" Katie asked, concerned for her son.
When was the last time she was concerned for him?
"Oh, I'm great. I'm doing better now." She looks confused but surprisingly has the balls to ask;
"What happened?"
"Dad, myself. And myself. and myself. and myself. and myself. But I think you get the point. Why do you care." He retorted.
I can tell he's getting annoyed but I can see the fire in his eyes. He's been waiting.
"Of course I care, you're my son. How did your dad do that?" I felt my tongue burn.
"He did it with a match and a lighter. Also, don't call me your son please, because I'm more of a stranger to you than anything close to family." He snapped, he's taken a match to his words and lit the explosives.
"Nick, I'm not a fan of your tone." Katie says. The audacity this woman has.
"What is all this anyway? You haven't had a proper dinner with me in two years nor have you visited me since 6 months ago and even then you said hi then you left. And now you have this new family, and which you all seem lovely, it was nice meeting y'all, but I don't think any of you understand the gravity of what she's doing her in inviting me. She goes and joins your family, leaving me behind, then all of a sudden she's been there for a family that isn't even her's. She invites me to dinner with your family, a family she's treated well, when she should have done the same for me, and tries to act like she's been such a good mother to me. You haven't been anything close to a mother to me in forever. But now you're here, having sex with this guy, paying bills for this nice family home, has two daughters and a son. Like where the hell did your wedding ring even go? You're a lawyer and yet you don't care enough to file divorce so you don't get legalities from me. You didn't even care to text or call over the two years of absence. And now, all of a sudden you want me in your life? Inviting me to dinner, and then treating me like a son saying how you don't like my tone, but you don't realize you don't get to say that. You don't get to pick and choose when to be my mother." He snapped. The little girl behind him finished a braid. "Hey, little one, you don't have to do the other side I like this the way it is, thank you."
The little girl nodded in return.
"Nick, I invite you into my home with my family so that we could bond and catch up, not for there to be a fist fight. I'm sorry about all that I've done, I'm trying to make things better though. I want you in my life."
"Why did you not want me in your life when you left?" Sapnap flamed up.
"I did- I was just hanging out but then I didn't come home-"
"I needed you to come home! My only family that I had was Dream and my dad, and yeah dad was bad when you left but not near as bad as he's gotten. He got into harder drugs, he got harder liquor that would leave him passed out. The only way he makes money is by cheating bets. I needed him to be there and he wasn't, I needed you to be there and you weren't. You were my mom, you had the responsibility of being my authority, but you forgot that and decided to run away from the problem that was my dad, and you could have got me with you. But, you saved yourself. Now, in those two years I was beaten up enough by my dad, by my thoughts, by my grades, by my teachers, and by your absence. I was at a bridge- I wouldn't be here if it weren't for my actual family, Karl and Dream. If you really want to be my mom you're going to have to try harder to win my affection back. Right now, you barely have any respect in my eyes, and how could I respect you when your respected job was to be there and then you weren't. The money you would add to my bank account was nice, but money isn't parenting. I needed you. Not the damn money you get from being a whore for your boss. " He burned down the wick.
"Hey!" David shouted getting mad at Sapnap.
"No, David, calm yourself. Nick, you got to understand that I wasn't in a good place, I couldn't care for you. I was lucky enough to have David as my boss and friend, I'm glad he was kind enough to give me a higher pay raise and a place to stay." Katie tried to reason.
"So did you not think about Sapnap? When David offered you all that you needed you didn't think about bringing him with you? Caught up in your new life with your boss that you didn't realize the bubble you trapped Sapnap in. He's a teenager, any teenager needs a parental figure, it's unhealthy for them to not have one. He didn't have one though, he had an abusive dad, and a mother who he didn't know where she was. That bubble Sapnap had was thin and it bursted. He couldn't take it any more. So he went to a bridge, even if he had jumped, I bet you wouldn't find out about his death until months later because you're used to not talking to him for long periods of time. I'm glad you were blessed with a rich and big bubble, but yet you didn't care to go to the thinner bubble and join it with yours." I spoke up, grabbing Sapnap's hand.
"Hold on, you can't be talking, Karl, who are you to speak to me this way, this is between me and Nick." Katie snapped at me, standing up from her chair.
Sapnap quickly pulled me up as he stood up as well. "Don't you dare talk to Karl that way. Karl has seen what you have done to me first hand, he's had to help me through my mental health when it should have been you. He offered me a place to stay, he offered to share his loving father who has been so kind to me. He offered me his bed, he saved me. You're a nobody compared to Karl. So don't you dare ask who Karl is to be talking to you, because he knows it all, he's my soulmate, he's my family, and you're not. So who are you to be talking to him like that?" Sapnap exploded. The tnt blaze burns at an instant.
He said that I was his soulmate..
"Wait- you're gay?" Jessa says looking sad.
"Hell yeah he is, and you know what, dinner's been lovely, thanks for inviting us. I'm sorry for the scene made here, but it's been two years of me wanting this. I hope y'all have a good night. And Katie-" Sapnap turns to his mother. "Maybe one day, but not today. Not until I'm ready. Now you have to wait." Katie's mouth dropped so did David's. "Let's go, Karl."
He took my hand and led me to the door and in the car we went.
Once we were on the road, Sapnap breathed shakily, I could tell he wanted to cry, but he didn't.
"Hey, I'm proud of you, Sapnap." I whispered as I went 10 miles per hour over the speed limit.
"Thanks, Karl, seriously thank you. I needed that." He sniffled, I took my hand and sat in his thigh.
"I know you did, hey let's go home and go to sleep, yeah?" I suggest, he knows
"Yeah... that sounds nice..." he answers tiredly.
"I know it does, Sap." I chuckle, Sapnap does too before going silent.
Once we got home I shut the door and locked my car and I realized my dad won't be home until later but, it's alright.
I took Sapnap upstairs and once we did so we both took our showers, I let Sapnap take the first shower. Once out we dressed in warm pajamas. I notice something different though.
My hands- they're fading...
I'm gonna miss it.
Once I was out of the bathroom, I noticed Sapnap waiting for me in bed, he looked up at me with calmer and beautiful eyes.
He opened the covers in front of him signaling for me to get in. That I did, shutting the lights off in the bathroom and immediately jumping into bed.
"You're eager to get in bed," Sapnap teased. Before wrapping the blanket over me along with wrapping his arm over me.
I turn over to face him, "you know you can be such a brat sometimes." I joked, Sapnap smiled in the warm dim light coming from the lamppost outside.
"I'm only matching your energy." He sneered, I swear this boy will be the death of me.
"Hey, are you ok though?" I ask in a caring whisper.
"I'm ok now," he pulled me closer to him which surprised me but I didn't mind being in his space. Which the boy noticed and kissed my forehead, "is this too much for you, Jacobs?"
"No- not at all. I love this." I admit, before Sapnap looks down to me with a soft yet smile of realization.
"Aren't I the first person you dated?" He looks down to me, the only time he'll be taller than me is in bed because I shrivel up to his touch.
Like putty.
"Yeah, don't you remember that whole conversation that we had on the floor like a few days ago?" I remember that day, us peacefully lying on the carpet.
"Wait, so I'm the first person you've dated- and-" he gasped and his grin grew in the dim light. "I'm your first kiss too!"
I couldn't help but laugh at his excitement. He was the first person I've dated and my first kiss. I love that it was his. I love that it's him.
"Aww, Jacobs" he said in a soft growl, his voice tingling my ears. But that wasn't the only thing that felt warm as my stomach swooned. Sapnap put his hands up to my face, now my face feels warm. He lightly placed a kiss on my forehead again, then his multiple kisses to my temples, then to my cheeks, which I was giggling like a fool at. Then he kissed my nose and my forehead once more. He smothered me in kisses and it tickled but felt good. before pulling only a centimeter away from my face, and he stared at me.
"Kiss me, Sapnap." I murmur to the beautiful boy in front of me.
"Like you have to tell me to." He whispers and his lips touch mine. His hands still cupped my face and held me into place as his lips fit like a puzzle into mine. He pulls away and I taste his freshly brushed breath. I couldn't help but smile. I probably looked like such an idiot to the people outside of our bubble, but I felt safe in my bubble and I didn't care about what's outside my bubble. "Did you like that?" Sapnap asked teasingly but also in a charming and loving manner.
"I loved it." I said, not caring. I then nuzzled into Sapnap's chest and I wrapped my arms around him as he cradled my head. "You know-you know when I was talking about bubbles?"
Sapnap saying that sent chills down my spine.
"Well I like your new bubble." I whisper.
"I like this bubble too, I'm glad you helped me create this bubble, it wouldn't be the same bubble without you." He whispered back.
Sleepily I called back to him, "goodnight..."
"Goodnight, Karl." Sapnap held me close into his chest.
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A/N THANK YALL FOR 25k READS!!!! Omg I love y'all so much! Y'all are unreal!! Ok this chapter was a lot of fun as much as it was a pain to write. I hope y'all are feeling satisfied at this one, I hate to say this but the story is ending soon so take the crumbs brooo! Anyways, I don't know if I'm posting this on Tuesday or Monday night, it all depends but y'all be proud of me, it's been a hot minute since I got a chapter done before the date of release. Anyways Stay Poggers, and remember you're worth it!
Word count 5386
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