Yoohyeon's POV
I woke up with a terrible headache. It seems like I couldn't leave my thoughts behind even during the night. Today is Tuesday, which means I have a class with her.
Then my phone vibrated. Holding my breath, I opened the message:
"Hello crybaby. Hope you're in a better mood today?"
It was Kai. Unfortunately, it was only Kai. And how I wished it was someone else. I went to wash up and get ready; otherwise, I'll be late for her lecture. But today, I didn't want that at all.
I arrived at the university a little earlier than the scheduled time. With my grade book in hand, I made my way to the right classroom. However, it was much harder to open the door and enter than I anticipated. What if she's already there? How should I act? I can't handle it. Just as I was lost in my thoughts, the bell rang, bringing me back to reality. I opened the door and walked in. She wasn't there yet. I felt a mixture of relief and heightened nervousness as I took my seat. The other students chatted and discussed something. Some of them still recalled yesterday's incident with Miss Handong. Meanwhile, I sat there, waiting.
From the corridor, I heard the familiar sound of heels. Instantly, everyone fell silent. Miss Minji entered the classroom with a confident stride. She placed her bag on the table and gestured for us to take our seats. She didn't look at me. In contrast, I couldn't take my eyes off her, as if afraid I wouldn't have another chance. She looked stunning as always, wearing a classic navy suit with well-fitted skinny pants and a light-colored blouse. While she read the attendance list, I was afraid to look away from her. When her gaze reached my name, her voice wavered, causing a mental sigh of impossibility and helplessness within me. She raised her eyes to meet mine, as if checking if everything was alright, but quickly shifted her gaze back to the list.
Throughout the lecture, I sat there, hardly writing anything in my notebook. Minji occasionally glanced in my direction, her disappointment evident. I understood that she didn't like me wasting my time by not taking notes and barely listening.
Then my phone made a noise that couldn't go unnoticed.
"Kim Yoohyeon, it's your right not to take notes after me, but I won't allow you to be distracted by your phone!" Minji shouted, unable to bear it, though she quickly corrected herself, apologizing as she said, "Oh, excuse me, Miss Minji."
I discreetly opened the message, more out of concern than curiosity. It was Kai. To be honest, he was too persistent, even infuriating!
"Isn't that Yoohyeon? Or do I have the wrong number?"
I quickly typed a response:
"Yes, it's me. But I'm not a crybaby! Sorry, I'm in class. I don't have time."
The class was coming to an end when someone knocked on the door and entered. Initially, I didn't pay much attention to the newcomer until I heard my name being mentioned.
"Can I have Yoohyeon for a couple of minutes?" The guy asked a little unceremoniously, hiding flowers behind his back.
The group immediately began to whisper, mostly among the girls. Minji appeared embarrassed for a moment, glancing at Kai and then at me. But in an instant, all traces of her confusion disappeared. Her expression turned serious as she said,
"Young man, don't you think that the lecture is not the time for all this?"
"Come on, you were young too!" the guy retorted cheekily.
Minji raised her left eyebrow, seemingly ready to respond with something impartial. However, she stopped herself and looked at me, as if silently conveying that I could leave if I wanted to.
I sat there for a while, unsure of what to do. But despite my inner struggle and awkwardness, I mustered the courage to get up and leave the classroom.
Kai was delighted. He handed me a bouquet of fifteen roses, clearly trying to make a good impression.
"Well, won't you agree to go to the cinema with me today too?" he asked with a smile, holding out the flowers.
"Why all this? Why during the lecture?" I asked, declining the bouquet.
"I wanted to do something nice and show that I'm serious," Kai replied calmly.
"I wonder where you got the idea that this adds seriousness or that I even want a relationship?" I said.
"Yoohyeon, I had good intentions. If I was wrong, I apologize. But give me a chance. Just one. And please take the flowers," he pleaded.
"Alright, thanks for the flowers. I'll think about it, but if I were you, I wouldn't get my hopes up," I replied, noticing his satisfied smile.
"Okay. But then answer my messages," he said before leaving.
I stood there with the flowers for another minute, not knowing where to put them. And what's the point of hiding anything? She and the whole group saw him with the flowers, damn it! Why did it have to happen like this? Why during her lecture?
When I entered the classroom, everyone's interested gaze was upon me, but she only glanced briefly and continued confidently with her lecture. Did you not care, Minji? It saddened me. Maybe I wasn't entirely wrong about yesterday. Ten minutes later, the bell rang, and everyone started leaving the classroom, their eyes shifting between me and the flowers. Holding my grade book, I realized it wouldn't be possible to leave with everyone today, so I approached her.
She quickly signed my book and without even looking up at me, started gathering her things. I stood there, frozen, not knowing what to say or do. It felt like Kai had completely ruined any chance of salvaging what was left. Or perhaps he had simply opened my eyes?
"Minji... I mean, Miss Minji, do you have a minute?" I asked, filled with despair.
"Sorry, I don't have time," she finally looked at me.
"Can we talk?" I persisted, my emotions resurfacing.
"Yoohyeon, about what? Do you have any questions about my subject? But you don't even listen... Or maybe it's about science? Oh, no, you seem to have decided not to participate in the competition!" Minji couldn't hold back her frustration.
"And we have nothing more to talk about, do you think?" I asked, my pride getting the better of me.
"In my opinion, you decided everything yesterday. And you know what, I think you're right. It's better this way. Besides, that boy seems cute and capable of taking care of you. Go for it!" Minji said, heading towards the exit.
"Do you approve of my choice?" I couldn't bear the thought, my pride taking over.
"The main thing is for your mother to approve," the teacher retorted, clearly wanting to leave.
"What about science? Will you leave me for that?" It was the only thing left for me to say to her.
"I said I would leave you if you started to blur the lines between personal and professional. But is there anything left to blur now? I'll guide you towards your degree. I'll push you, but I'll get you there as long as you don't run away yourself," Minji replied, though not in the way I needed her to.
"And what if I want to run away? - I asked, not fully grasping the implications of my words, feeling upset.
"Oh, is that so? Then I'll consider who would be better to transfer you to," Minji said coldly as she left the classroom.
Damn it! This is not what I wanted! Why does everything have to be like this?! I won't go to another teacher! I'll leave the university altogether if that's the case! Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut in time?
I stepped outside, hoping to clear my mind somehow. I spotted Kai, who also noticed me.
"Are you still upset?" he asked, approaching me.
"Never mind, you just came in at a bad moment today," I replied, feeling drained.
"Oh, I see. Did you have a relationship with someone from the group?" he asked, lighting a cigarette.
"Maybe," I answered, thinking he was somewhat right.
"But maybe it's for the best? Sometimes people separate, but it doesn't mean life has to stop."
"I can't say we separated; we more or less got tangled up," I said dejectedly, contemplating his words.
"I understand," he said, flicking his cigarette and walking away.
I followed him. The bell should have rung about five minutes ago. I had classes according to the schedule, but I had absolutely no desire to attend them.
"Do you still go to classes?" I asked Kai, catching up to him.
"Anything can happen. You used to be a good student, right?" he asked, grinning.
I didn't say anything; I just kept walking. Did he want to hurt me? Well, he succeeded. But Kai caught up to me in a couple of steps.
"Come on, I'm not resentful. Don't feel like going to class?"
"And you got it right again," I replied.
"Well, then let's go for a walk?" he suggested, buttoning his jacket.
"Sure. We could even go to the cinema, like you've been asking for the past two days," I said.
"Great!"
After taking a walk in the park and watching a movie, we headed towards my house. It felt strange to be at ease with someone other than Minji. Kai was genuinely nice. However, thoughts of her still occupied my mind. No, the movie had completely distracted me from my everyday life, and while talking with Kai about various trivial matters, time flew by quickly. But as we approached my house, all the emotions and memories came rushing back.
I remembered how she gave me a ride, our first kiss, the fear I felt. I even missed that fear. Kai was good, but he wasn't Minji. She couldn't be replaced; she was a part of my soul. It was her and only her.
As we reached the entrance, Kai leaned in for a kiss, but I didn't let him. I was taken aback. I loved her! I couldn't betray her, even if we were kind of on a break. We had parted foolishly! Why start something new when my heart was still occupied?
"Sorry, I realize you're not ready yet," Kai apologized.
"Forgive me," I replied, entering the building, realizing that I shouldn't have gone with him.
It was already around seven in the evening, and my parents were home. However, using a bunch of homework as an excuse, I locked myself in my room. Did I actually intend to do homework? No, not today. I just lay there, listened to music, and cried. Why were we torturing ourselves? Or was it just me torturing myself?
When I woke up, I realized it was already morning. Apparently, I had fallen asleep without even realizing it. Today was Wednesday, the day for general microbiology practice. Had I prepared for it? Oh, that was going to be a little problem for me.
As I was about to enter the university, a thought crossed my mind: Should I send a message to Minji? But what would I even say? No, that would be stupid. She probably wouldn't even read it.
The journey to the university felt exceptionally long, or maybe I was just driving slower. Even in our city, there were morning traffic jams, unfortunately. Kai stood in front of the school with his friends. Feeling terrible, I asked him without fully realizing it:
"Give me a cigarette."
"And hello to you too. You don't smoke, do you?" he grinned, handing me a cigarette.
Twirling it in my hands, I brought it to the lighter that one of his friends offered me. I took my first puff. It felt relieving. The harsh smoke burned inside me, creating a sense of emptiness. Just take it easy. I glanced at my watch in disbelief. Was the first lesson almost over? No wonder the drive took longer. I wondered what I had missed. Although, no, I was lying to myself; I didn't care at all.
Taking another puff, I could hear the guys talking among themselves. Their chatter was driving me crazy. I thought I could even hear him. Reluctantly, I opened my eyes. The guys fell silent. I stood there, leaning on the railing, getting through the first lesson with a cigarette in hand. And there stood Miss Minji, my Minji, raising an eyebrow menacingly as she looked at me in bewilderment.
I exhaled smoke in her direction as Kai shouted at me, obviously trying to save me from what was about to come. Minji didn't move from her spot; she just looked at me, then at Kai, and back at me. She took the cigarette from my hand, extinguished it against the wall next to my face, frowned in disgust, as if touching that filth was unpleasant for her, and then grabbed my elbow, dragging me towards the university.
I followed her without resisting until she led me into the classroom, fortunately empty at the time.
"It hurts," I hissed.
She let go of my elbow, placed her bag on the table, and said without a smile, "It will hurt even more if I see you with that filth in your hands again!"
"Do you care?!" I retorted.
"I do care! Happy now?! There won't be any more warnings! Next time, I'll call your parents or take you to the dean's office. If my opinion doesn't matter to you, the same goes for your attendance! I'm tired of seeing this!"
"Fine, let's go to the dean's office. Maybe I can pick up my documents there as well, right?" I said. Where was I even going with this?
"What? Are you serious?... Well, that's just stupid... Although, it's your right! I have a lesson now, I need to get ready," she said, her mood changing instantly.
I walked out of the door, tears streaming down my face. It hurt so much. Life was unbearable without her. She kept her distance, and it was all my fault. Why couldn't I express what I truly wanted?
After checking the schedule, I made my way to the appropriate classroom for microbiology. It all started with her. How much I didn't want to go there. But I couldn't just skip it; I didn't want to disappoint Minji any further. I didn't want her to lose all faith in me.
Miss Handong was already in class, looking for a poster of some sort. Today's topic was about fermentation chemistry. Not a favorable start.
The lesson began without incident, but I could feel the teacher's lack of enthusiasm as she glanced in my direction. Yes, I had offended her, at least with my tone. I was wrong, but at that moment, it didn't matter. But she had overstepped her bounds too.
"Kim Yoohyeon, now you will draw a fermentation scheme for Clostridia," the teacher said seriously, pulling me out of my thoughts.
Thoughts started swirling in my head: Clostridia is involved in lactic acid fermentation, which is essentially glycolysis. I can do this. I think I can.
I walked up to the blackboard, took the chalk, and began writing the formulas, starting with glucose and ending with lactate. I indicated the enzymes above the arrows and double-checked everything. It seemed correct. I looked at the teacher. But her expression wasn't pleasant; was she unhappy?
"Now, write down butyric acid on the next board and explain all the different types of fermentation," the teacher said, grinning.
"I can't write about butyric acid right now, but I can explain," I started.
"So, you didn't prepare. I'm not satisfied with this approach. F (lowest grade), Kim Yoohyeon, take your seat," the teacher replied, knocking me down. And she didn't even try to hide it! Should I apologize? Well, I didn't feel like it!
"One more word from you, and you'll be asked to leave the class!" the teacher calmly retorted.
"No problem," I replied, closing the door behind me, hearing her shout something in response.
What a week it had been, not a day without tears. And there she was. If she had asked something else, but no, I had actually completed the task! And she wasn't satisfied with the fact that I had managed it!
For the remainder of the lesson, I sat in the cafeteria, deciding that I would still attend the fourth lesson. Coffee managed to calm me down a bit and bring me back to a somewhat normal state. It was already the end of December, yet I still didn't feel the festive New Year mood. Tests were starting on Monday, but I had anything but studying on my mind. For the first time, I didn't care about the final grades that would go on my record. It was time to get back to normal, but it just wasn't working. Should I call Siyeon? She would probably just say, "I told you so," and it would be even worse if she did something stupid with Bora. Should I talk to Kai? No, that wouldn't be appropriate either. Maybe I should call or message Minji? But was she still just Minji to me, or was she forever Miss Minji now? Did she even want anything to do with me anymore? But even if we saw each other, I couldn't find the words I wanted to say to her. It all felt so foolish.
All I wanted to say was:
I miss you. It hurts.
I miss you. I'm scared of seeing you with someone else.
I wrote and erased messages. I longed to kiss you.
I miss you. But you'll never know... You mean everything to me.
Hi!
Who would take the first step? What do you think?
Don't be angry with me...
But maybe something will change in the next chapter?...
English is not my first language, and I apologize if I made any mistakes.
Thank you so much for your comments!
(edited due to grammar mistakes)