Today was the day.
Today would decide whether or not I continued here at SHEILD and returned as an Avenger. I was nearly restless the night before in anticipation. I had a lot riding on my shoulders as it was, not to mention I had near 4 dozen people watching me right now. Most were agents, but a lot were other Avengers. They were excited for me to join them again, but I wasn't so sure I could do it.
I was stood dressed in actual clothes for the first time in a very long time. I felt weird to wear jeans and normal people clothes, but it just made me feel like I was one step closer to never having to feel that low ever again. It was just clothes, but I was hopeful to complete the task at hand.
I stood in the center of the chamber waiting for the test to start and I looked to Bucky. He was dressed as usual and watching me very intently. He had been my rock the last few weeks. No only did he help me learn how to hold it together, but he had taken care of me more than I could have ever ask for.
He had helped me through training and kept me grounded. I had fallen in love with him more than I even thought I could. Tony hadn't asked questions, but at the same time whatever we had going on, to him was working in my favor. I was expecting to have to answer questions soon enough, but I was thankful to not have to worry about that conversation at a time like this.
I saw Agent Fury walk through the doors and into the laboratory. His eyes locked on me and nodded back at him. I didn't like the man, but I had to respect he was doing what was safe for everyone else. The last thing I'd want is to be turning into a weapon and used against my own friends.
I took a deep breath as he went to go talk to Tony and Bruce. I could see both of them were nervous. I had a few slip ups where I couldn't fight it off, but I had been on a roll the last few days. I had one chance to do this and couldn't afford a slip up. I knew that even after this I couldn't let my guard down to simply just stop there. I needed to be able to hear these words and not skip a beat.
"Valerie are you ready?" I heard Fury ask me sounding emotionless.
"Yes, sir." I said holding my hands behind my back.
The door to my chamber shut and I took a deep breath. Bucky was watching me and looked calm, but I'm sure on the side he was stressed. He wouldn't let me see him sweat at a moment like this. I took a deep breath and stood there with my hands behind my back.
"Longing." I heard and as usual I felt nothing.
"Rusted." The voice said and I hadn't even registered the words yet.
"Seventeen." The man said firmly and I felt my chest get heavier. Not to an unmanageable stage, but it was uncomfortable.
"Daybreak." He said and nothing seemed to happen.
"Furnace." He said and I felt my limbs instantly weaken, but not to the point where I couldn't hide it.
"Nine." I heard and I took a deep breath nervously.
"Benign." He said and a welt formed in my throat. I looked to Bucky and he gave me a wary look.
"Homecoming." He said and I could feel myself wanting to cringe in pain, but I held it back. Bucky looked worried but said nothing, just watched.
"One." I heard and there was no hiding this pain. I collapsed onto my knees and I tried to not completely double over.
"Freight Car." He said and I had no choice, but to curl forward.
I started to breathe heavier and whimper. I tightened my hands up and tried to just keep myself afloat. I could hear a ringing in my ears and my body was urging me to fall over, but I didn't. I took several deep breaths and sat back up with a exhale.
I looked up and I saw many faces looking to me expectantly. I was breathing fairly heavily and I was past the worst of it. I looked to Fury and he looked unimpressed. He turned to Tony who was watching with worried eyes.
"You awake Val?" Tony asked clearly wanting to know if I had fought it off.
"Told you so." I said looking to Fury and I couldn't help but give him a little attitude.
I had felt like he had been the one wanting to see me fail the whole time. I had finally proven him wrong and I could feel better. I could see people smiling and whatnot around the room and I hadn't expected that. I mean I had met several of these people, but to actually be excited for me was weird. I hardly knew any of them and they were here thrilled I was strong enough to fight off the control.
The door to the chamber opened and Tony ran up to me and I hugged him. I could tell he was relieved. I heard everyone clapping, but my eyes were on Bucky. He was looking at me so proudly I actually felt like I had finally done something worthy of myself. Ever since I left HYDRA I just wanted to be myself again and I finally felt this this was starting to happen for me.
"Thank you Tony." I said in a happy voice, but quiet voice.
"You're the one doing all the hard work." He said laughing softly.
"You believed in me." I said shaking my head.
"What else would I do? You better go give Robo-Boyfriend a hug before I do it for you." He said and I froze for a second.
"What?" I asked taken back.
"You heard me go on." He pointing. "I'll have the talk with you later."
He held up his fingers in quotation marks and I just eyed him. I had expected him to freak out and get angry, but he didn't. I gave him a cautious eye before he squeezed my hand and nodded me off. I turned and walked out of the chamber and Bucky immediately wrapped an arm around me and hugged me tightly. My feet had been lifted off the ground and I giggle with excitement.
I could feel eyes watching us, but in this moment I didn't care. It was my victory and I was going to celebrate it however I wanted to. I felt my feet touch the ground and seconds later his lips pressed against mine and my back arched into him. I smiled against his lips as I heard the sound of shock from those around us.
"You cool if we make things official now?" He asked laughing because it was obviously too late to ask.
"I guess we could." I said laughing still tightly held against him. "You'll have to take that one up with Stark since he's my honorary father."
"I already got the riot act a few days ago." He said and I just shook my head and kissed him again.
"And?" I asked softly.
"He's going to kill me later for this." He said and he cupped my face and kissed me passionately and I was taken back.
Bucky was never one for causing a scene or being so open. This was totally out in left field for him. I wasn't one to put this out there like we just did, but at the same time I didn't care. I knew what I wanted and it didn't matter who knew.
"Welcome back to the team." I heard behind me and I turned to see Fury who pulled my attention from Bucky.
"Thanks." I said in a small voice backing away from Bucky for a moment. "Sorry for the attitude."
He wore a sheepish grin, as did I. I had spent all this time taking and giving shit with Fury and I proved him wrong. I didn't want to boast or anything, but I did what he said I couldn't do. It took everything in me to not just scream 'I told you so.'
"We can meet tomorrow to discuss formalities, but it's good to have you back Agent Shade." He said holding out his hand.
I took it and shook it firmly. I kept my mouth shut, but nodded to him. I was going to tread my words very carefully with him because now that I had my senses and memories back I didn't quite hate him as much as I initially did when I first met him. That and I wanted my spot back on the team.
"Alright, enough sappy shit. Go back to your place get ready and Pepper is going to bring you something to wear. We're having a fancy dinner in celebration." Tony said and I just laughed and nodded.
I wanted to cry, but I wouldn't do that in front of other people. I had just proven myself strong and worthy and I didn't want to undo that in the same half hour. I followed Bucky out of the lab hand in hand as we went back to the Avengers Tower. I was giddy with excitement and I wasn't planning on coming down anytime now.
•
I went back to my place and Pepper was already there excitedly helping me to get ready. I sat and tried to put on the make up she had brought while she curled my hair. I think Tony was making quite a big deal over just a fancy dinner, but Tony made a big deal over everything so I guess that wasn't new.
"So," Pepper said wearing a small smirk as she put my hair into long loose curls. "Bucky."
"Oh god." I said slouching in my seat.
"Listen, I have to ask, everyone else is going to want to know." She said shaking her head and holding up her hands for a brief moment. "What's going on?"
"I don't know, it just happened one day." I said shrugging. "It wasn't something I really anticipated til it just happened."
"Well he's a great guy all considering, I think it's cute." She said and I could tell she was holding back a smile.
"I'll be surprised if Tony let's him live." I said laughing and she smiled larger. "I know what happened before... Steve let it slip one day."
"Tony only cares if you're happy." She said looking to me sweetly though I could see her deep in thought. "Even if it's with Robo-Bitch."
We both busted out laughing and I couldn't help, but feel like this was a stereotypical 'boy' conversation with a mom. I guess she was the closest thing to a mother I'd ever have, but it was so hard to just open up. I had most of my memories back with her and it made me feel like I knew her better, but the idea of a mom figure didn't stick with me as much as I had hoped.
"He's going to kill me if he finds out that's his nickname behind his back." I said setting a brush down.
"I think if you tell him looking like this, he won't care." She said with a sweet smile.
I looked up and I had hardly seen myself in a mirror since I had come back. When I had first come I was practically a skeleton aside from what muscle the serum forced me to have. I had gained probably a good 20 to 30 pounds since being back and I looked like a different person. My cheeks were plump and even rosy whereas before, they were hollowed out and made me look ill and malnourished.
Now with make up on and my hair done I just looked so... good. I wasn't used to like what I had seen in the mirror. I hated how I used to look with my bones showing, a grey tone to my skin, and constantly looking sick. I just looked normal now. Maybe I didn't wear make up and do this every day of my life before, but the person that was looking back at me looked more like the person I saw in all my memories.
Pepper stepped back from me and looked at me through the mirror. She had let my hair down and gave me long loose curls. I typically wore it back in a pony tail or sloppy braid. I smiled back at her and lowered my eyes feeling almost embarrassed. I never got fancied up like this and I had felt so over done, but I couldn't deny I felt great about myself.
"I laid out your dress and shoes for you." She said packing her things up. "You get dressed and I'll see you later tonight, Bucky should be by to drive you over in a little."
"Thank you Pepper, I look great." I said shaking my head and turning around to look at her.
"That you do." He said pointing at me. "I'll see you in bit."
With that she left the room and I walked out of my bathroom to see a dress and some other accessories. I was surprised to see the dress in a dark wine color. I wasn't sure what colors I looked good in, but this color was so pretty I didn't think it mattered. The shoes were a strapped and sparkly golden heel.
I hadn't put thought into my clothes in god knows how long so I was thankful Pepper had done it for me. I pulled on the golden necklace and clasped it behind my neck. I put on golden hoop in my ears in a piercing I frankly didn't even know I had. Lastly, I wore a golden cuff on my wrist. I knew nothing about fashion except that all of this looked great together.
I quickly pulled it on and couldn't reach behind me to zip it. I didn't bother with it and sat down on the bed. I struggled with the shoes quite a bit before managing to get them fully on. I heard a knock at the door just as I stood up. I walked out of my bedroom and down the hall to go get it. I went the door and it opened to see Bucky.
His eyes instantly widened but my eyes were just drawn to him. He was dressed up as well and I was excited knowing that he was joining us. He wore an all black suit and he looked absolutely amazing. I frankly didn't have words to describe how he looked other than just really attractive.
"Holy shit." Was all he said after a long moment.
My cheeks reddened and got bashful. He stepped in closing the door behind him, but he eyes stayed fastened to me. I bit the inside of my lip nervously for some reason.
"You look great Bucky." I said softly.
"You look absolutely stunning." He said shaking his head as he struggled to pick words. His hands grabbed at mine and pulled my closer to him.
"You can thank Pepper for that." I said laughing softly.
"I never even realized how long your hair was, where have you been hiding all of this?" He asked me holding up his hands.
"In my tactical pony tail." I said and he just rolled his eyes.
"You're so gorgeous I can't even get mad." He said as his eyes looked me all over.
"Can you zip me up?" I asked sheepishly.
"I thought you'd never ask." He said spinning me around excitedly.
His hands scooped my hair up and brushed it over my shoulder so that it was out of the way. I felt his cold metal hand take my waist and his warm hand reach for my zipper. He zipped it up slowly as his knuckles trailed up my spine. It gave me shivers, but I tried my best to conceal it. My blushing red cheeks were also prominent, but I was thankful my back was toward him.
It got quiet for a second, but I felt his metal arm wrap around my waist. His hot breath was on my neck which was very exposed in this dress. It sent chills through my body and I was too tense to even move in his grasp. I felt his lips press against my cold skin and I felt the goosebumps rise on the back of my neck. I had butterflies like no ones business as he peppered kisses against me without a word.
I slowly turned my head and I made eye contact with him. He dove forward slower than usual to kiss me. I rotated around in his arms so that I could face him. I arched into him and moved against him hardly able to stop myself. He eventually pulled back very reluctantly and I looked him softly in the eyes.
"I could sit here and eat you up all night, but I don't think I'd be getting off on a good foot if I brought you to Stark's late." He said not kissing me, but still pulling at me with his hands like he had wanted to.
"Probably not." I said softly. He pecked me one last time before pulling back and looking me over one more time.
"Come on, let's get going." He said reluctantly having more thoughts than just dinner on his mind.