A/N: a veeeery long chapter! Also I'm sad about what Mick did. Not like him to be such an asshole, right? Maybe things aren't as they seem..
nikki instantly pulled me into a hug. so much for forgetting.
"i'll kill him. then i'll find his grave, dig it up, and kill him again." he mumbled into my hair. "this i expected from vince and tommy, but mick? jesus..."
i pulled away from the hug and smiled through the tears, feeling numb at this point. "joanna was right. it's the rockstar life, no one owes anyone anything, right?"
i knew what i spoke was the truth, but mick felt different. the young, naive girl persona suits me well, apparently.
nikki shook his head. "doesn't make it okay. especially not for my sister." i gave him a small smile. "listen, it's late. come and crash at mine and tommy's room. vince is probably banging some random chick.."
right on cue, we turned to see vince as he began shouting at the receptionist. "it's real simple, martha, we need more tissues, okay? it's been a rough night, people having affairs, runny nose from snorting crack, you get the picture." he smiled sarcastically.
"i-i respect that mr neil-"
"please. call me vince."
"..v-vince, i just wanted to make sure you were aware of the cost, your request of 209..boxes of tissues, is going to cost you-"
he leant over the desk even more. "ma'am. i'm from mötley fucking crüe. we're made of money. i wipe my ass with money. i'd like to wipe my ass with the tissues you're about to bring to room 308. have a nice day." he began walking off. of course he chooses now of all times to be sweet. to me, not to the receptionist, of course, who's just doing her damn job.
"woaa, nikki sixx?" richie from the bar came over. "wow, dude, it's great to meet you, you two know each other?" he pointed between me and nikki.
"hey, yeah man, she's my sister."
"oh nice, nice. well, it was nice to meet you!" he ended the conversation casually before smiling at me and returning to the booth.
"you've found your rebound already?" nikki asked as we started walking back to the guys hotel room.
i chuckled half-heartedly, growing exhausted from the motions of the evening.
"who were those guys, anyway?" he questioned.
"bon jovi."
"who?"
"give it a few years, i'm sure you'll find out."
•••
we all have a common habit in the sixx family. push your feelings down deep, ignore your pain and just keep going.
it's a survival technique i used whilst living at home. it's what i needed to get me through the next days. or weeks. or months, who knows?
when i awoke i found myself surrounded once again by a sea of mötley crüe minus mick. i glanced at the clock. 1pm.
"tommy.." i shook the sleeping drummer gently as he groaned, not wanting to open his eyes. "c'mon, you guys have a show later, we're doing our regular hotel swimming ritual.." i whispered to him.
"shouldn't you be like..i don't know, sad?"
"not today tommy boy, not today."
but i felt pain sweltering in my chest. it's real. nope, lillian, push it away.
i managed to peel tommy off the bed and get him half decent, as well as myself. we scoffed chocolate bars from the vending machine as we headed out to the pool.
"why did you bring me out here?" tommy winced at the blinding sun.
"because i need to be vigilant..my pathetic excuse of a mom and asshole of a stepdad are probably lurking around here somewhere..but there's no way i'm letting them or a stupid guitarist stop me from living my life." i insisted as we approached the pool area. "i need a bodyguard."
i soon noticed a lot of girls, dressed in bikinis, sitting by the poolside. "on second thought, you might be completely useless here." i told him, almost in sync with his gaze falling on them, his jaw dropping open.
his tall figure attempted to smoothly approach them. but he was in the band, it didn't matter how goofy he was, they loved him.
i noticed the guy from yesterday sitting on a bench near the sidewalk, furiously writing in a notebook.
"hey stranger, i know you." i spoke loudly, disrupting his zone of concentration.
"mallory!"
"it's lillian..." i smiled as i reached him. he returned with his pearly whites.
"nice to meet you, lillian. hows things?"
"hmm, may i sit?" i asked, to which he moved over and patted the wooden planks beside him. "let's not talk about it. am i interrupting something?" i asked, referring to the notebook in his hand.
"oh just, lyrics. for my world dominating band."
"oh sure, sure. may i read?"
he was wearing a top hat, not too old fashioned, it was fashionable enough for his image. he nodded, the hat following the motions of his head.
i took the paper from his hands.
an angel's smile is what you sell,
you promised me heaven then put me through hell.
chains of love, got a hold on me,
when passions a prison, you can't break free.
"i like it!"
he looked off into the distance and shook his head. "you can be honest!" his eyes remained fixated onto the distant beach.
"i am! these are some beautiful lyrics, relatable.."
"yeah, i promise the fact that the lyrics are identical to your situation is purely coincidental.." he said before raising his eyebrows, hinting at sarcasm.
"wow, that's all it takes? a sad girl who's been heartbroken, all of a sudden you've got a song? you need some original material bud..." i patted his shoulder.
he shrugged. "fair enough. wanna help?"
i was almost taken aback at his question. "o-oh well, i've never really written a song before." i look away, suddenly deep in thought. ive never really done much to provide for myself. ive always relied on others. "y'know what? give me that pen." time for change.
okay, it's a song about heartbreak. summon the pain, lillian. it wasn't hard, the stinging, constant pain was boiling under the surface, waiting to be released.
i clicked the pen.
paint your smile, on your lips,
blood red nails, on your fingertips.
"do you want this written from the perspective of a guy or girl?" i looked up, seeing that he was watching the paper.
"your choice, lillian."
he's right. bout time i make my own choices.
a school boy's dream, you act so shy.
your very first kiss was your first kiss goodbye.
i handed him the pen and paper.
"nice, you're a very good lyricist for someone who's never written a song!" he exclaimed.
"thank you!" i smiled. my curved lips soon dropped as i turned to notice mick, leaving the hotel entrance. his eyes fell on mine, he paused in place. i turned away and saw richie looking at him in my peripheral vision.
"that him?" he asked quietly.
"that's him." i replied. "he still stood there?"
"nope, he's heading for the pool."
a wave of relief washed over me, yet so did pain. he was within such close proximity, my body didn't know what to do with itself.
my entire body was tensed up. i didn't realise i was crying until one of my tears stained the paper.
richie noticed and looked at me. "hey, hey, it's okay. don't think about him right now. just write. write how you feel, how he made you feel." he spoke softly, providing some comfort.
my hand shook as i picked up the pen, but steadied as my focus returned to the lyrics.
shot through the heart, and you're to blame,
you give love, a bad name.
i play my part, and you play your game,
you give love a bad name.
"i played the damsel in that relationship very well. was bound to get hurt eventually."
"lillian. writing these lyrics, i hope you've proved to yourself that you're worth more than being someone who is saved by everyone else. you've got a gift here. if you were the damsel in distress before, something tells me you won't be the damsel anymore."
he was right.