Needless to say that by Saturday morning i was back to my routine, my same boring old life.
I woke up, brushed my teeth, pulled my hair into a ponytail, pulled on my comfiest pair of sweat pants then threw on a sweatshirt over the shirt i had slept in the night before.
I was taking my phone up off my dresser when I looked up in the mirror. This was the first time in a month that i really looked at myself.
"Look at yourself” i said to myself when i felt my eyes drifting away from my reflection. I forced myself to look back up and stared intensely at myself.
"Look how pathetic you look" then i laughed bitterly “you’re just a pathetic little bitch, waiting on someone to feel sorry for you. I can see why he left you; damn everyone can see why he left you. Look at yourself! "
"I don't feel sorry for you. You deserve this. You're not good enough and you never will be. You’re always just gonna be the other girl. Nobody loves you! Nobody wants you! The only reason why I'm here is because I'm stuck sharing this sorry excuse of a body with you!"
"STOP! " I yelled at myself pushing off all the contents on my dresser. “I don’t want anyone’s pity”
An unbelievable amount of hatred flushed through my body. My eyes burned with rage. "I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me anymore; i don't want anyone's pity. It’s time for a change.”
A change my life was craving, to some it might have been a horrible change but to me it wouldn't get better than this.
"Holy cow! Kayli you look hot as f**k” Abby drank in my appearance slowly and so was everyone else in the hallway.
I had made my entrance less than minute ago, turning heads and causing a hush over the hallway as everyone stared at me in awe before erupting into a fit of what i assumed to be gossip about my change in appearance.
I flipped my brown hair dramatically which now fell in large bouncy loose curls with black temporary highlights placed at random places.
I had done my makeup for the first in a while and when I said done my make-up I meant done my make-up, the full package. Concealer, foundation, bronzer, Smokey eye shadow, winged eyeliner, coated and curled eye lashes and to top it all off black lip stick.
There is a small group of people in this world who can pull off black lipstick and I surprisingly fell into that group.
The real piece of interest that i was wearing was Andrew's $300 leather jacket that i had "BORROWED" without his permission but hey like Mr. Crabs says it’s all good as long as you return it before they realize it's missing right.
I paired it with my tightest pair of dark skinny jeans and my studded back wedge boots. The jeans had displayed curves on my body that I never even knew I had.
I would be lying if I told you that I didn't look good.
"You look so different. What the hell happened between Friday night and now!" She rambled in awe her eyes never moving from my outfit.
I leaned against the locker beside hers putting my foot up against the one below it. Shrugging in response to her rambling I toned her out then glanced at my phone.
Ol dude from the club still hadn’t called or texted me yet and I was gaining a bit impatient.
As I was interrupted by an imbecile approaching me,
"Are you new here babe because I sure as hell don't remember seeing your sexy ass here before and trust me I would have remembered a body like that" his eyes raked my body up and down in approval.
Jake and I had been going to the same school for 3 years but of course he didn't recognize me. No one ever did unless I was trailing along David.
I leaned forward inching my face as close to him as possible. A smirk made its way onto his face, when my lips where centimeters away from his. Then I abruptly pulled back leaving him hanging.
"Awww isn't that cute” I coed “he thinks i was actually going to kiss him" the smirk vanished from his face as quickly as it had made its way there and one soon took over my face.
"Playing hard to get?" he questioned the smirk returning to his face "I like a challenge”
"Sorry princess but you're not my type" I tilted my head with each word pretending as if I were talking to a toddler "but your mom though" I left the sentence hanging in the air unfinished. He looked taken back by my words but remained frozen in his spot.
He looked conflicted as if he were trying to come up with a comeback but as soon as he opened his mouth I covered it with my finger. I brought my mouth to his ear, brushing my lips against his skin "tell her to call me" I said loud enough for all the ease droppers to hear.
I walked away ensuring to brush against his shoulder rather harshly and Abby followed behind me dumbstruck and speechless.
"Who are you and what have you done with my best friend!?!?!" She finally asked when I knew she couldn't take the silence anymore.
"Abby get to class or you'll be late" I chuckled "see you at lunch" I kissed her cheek then turned to walk away.
"Is she a lesbian? Didn't you just see her kiss that girl?”
“ Isn't that girl her best friend?”
“ Maybe it’s her girlfriend?”
“ She's way too hot she's definitely got a boyfriend. "
I turned to face the group of girls that had paused their gossiping when they realized I had heard them. I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt.
I was going to fuel their gossip and give them what they want so I winked at the blonde one in the middle then told her to call me. She blushed then held her head down while her friends stood their gaping.
Abby busted out laughing which caused the girl to turn an even brighter shade of red. I soon joined in with Abby's laughing then shook my head and walked away. I had a feeling that today would be fun.
Pretending to be a badass sure as hell does have its consequences, that’s why despite it being so early in the morning I found myself sitting in the principal’s office receiving a highly unwanted lecture.
I would tell you what she was ranting about but I really wasn’t paying attention. I was snapped out of my daze by my principal Mrs. Goodman clapping her hands in front of my face to get my attention.
“Are you even listening to me” she questioned
“Yes I am” she raised her eyebrows at me in surprise
“Ok well since you were listening I’m sure you can just give me a recap of what I was saying to you”
I took a wild guess before responding to her “You were saying that You’re disappointed in me because I have a clean record and that I should know better etc. ”
you can imagine how surprised I was when she sighed in defeat signaling that I had said something along the lines of what she was ranting on before.
“Look I’ll let you off easy since it’s your first time getting into trouble. You have detention this evening; please don’t let me see you back in here for the rest of the year kayli…….” She looked down at the file in her hands scanning the paper for my last name
“Parker?…. That’s your last name?”
“Sure is Ma’am”
“Are you somehow related to Kenneth Parker?”
“Yea that’s my Dad”
“Really! Wow he and I went to school together…. How is he?”
“He’s doing as fine as every other parent blessed with the joys of having a teenager”
“I can only imagine” she laughed
“Is he still with Annie? Is that your mom?”
“Sure is” I said picking at my nails, I really didn’t want to listen to my principal ask about my parents.
As a matter of fact I just wanted to get the hell out of here and tell her to shut up but I would never disrespect an adult or in other words she was the principal which meant she could kick me out of school if I crossed the line with her. So I sat there patiently listening to her go on about how my parents use to be the cutest “it” couple back in her high school days.
“Wait a minute did you just say my mom and dad were dating in high school?”
“Yea they’ve been dating since sophomore year. I can’t believe they’ve lasted this long”
Are you kidding me I thought, my parents were even bigger hypocrites than I thought. They were so against me dating in high school when truth be told they started dating in high school!
Finally the principal let me leave and I headed to my spot under the tree to just chill and relax before lunch where Abby would pester me with questions and force me to tell her everything in detail about how I ended up with detention.
I laid on my back placing my hands behind my head then I stared at the sky. Watching the clouds slowly drift across the sky was extremely relaxing.
With everything going on in my life it’s been hard to just take a few seconds to just stop everything and relax. Sometimes it’s nice to just admire the things around you and appreciate life.
Laying here on my back reminds me of a date I had with David one.
*flashback*
“Where are we going” I questioned David for what felt like the millionth time. He chuckled at my curiosity but refused to tell me where we were heading.
“Just be patient cupcake” he said placing his hand on my knee. I placed my hand on top of his and he flipped his over causing us to hold hands. He intertwined our fingers then brought the back of my hand to his lips then kissed it.
It was a small gesture but it caused warmth to rush through my body. I still got butterflies from just holding his hands and it was something I knew I’d never stop getting whenever he touched me.
Finally he pulled up into a parking lot. It was empty, not a single other car could be seen, of course I wasn’t afraid because I knew David would never let anything happen to me so feeling safe around him was something that came naturally but it still didn’t ease my curiosity.
“Why are we here? “ I questioned. There really was nothing spectacular here just a plain empty parking lot so why would he have brought me here.
He climbed up unto the hood of this car and I followed. Then we just sat there in silence looking at the clouds move across the sky. Finally I broke the silence by asking him once again why he had brought me here.
“I like to come here to just relax. Sometimes we are always rushing, going about our business and we never stop to just admire the things around us. It’s nice to just stop and watch the world around you. Look over there” he said pointing towards a few mountains
“Sometimes I feel trapped, like we’re all trapped in a cycle we get up every day go to school then go to college then go to work then we die. Yea we do a few over things along the way but it’s all just the same it’s all just the same thing every day.
It makes me feel trapped and sometimes I just want to escape. When I look up at the sky or at the mountains they just look so free. Like that’s where I want to be, that’s how I want to feel, free. You know what I mean? I just want to float away with the clouds in the sky and not have a care in the world”
“Yea” I mumbled taking in everything that he had just said “thank you” I finally said
“For what” he said turning towards me
“For bringing me here and for what you just said” he leaned towards me and placed and gentle peck on my lips. He was so soft that I barely felt it but the tingling sensation remained on my lips long after he pulled away.
He pulled out his phone then started playing some soft music. I leaned into him and he put his hand around me.
We stared at the sky in silence until the sun started to set with nothing to be heard but the soft relaxing music and the sound of a few cars passing by every now and then.
After the sun had gone down he got up and indicated that he was ready.
“Hey David?”
“Yea?” he asked walking back towards me. I now sat with my feet hanging off the hood of the car and David standing in front of me.
“I love you” I said softly meaning every bit of it. He titled my chin upwards so that I was forced to look at him then he kissed me and pulled me closer. “I love you too” he whispered and my heart did a few back flips in my chest.
I sat up against the tree still looking off into the distance. I had surprisingly managed to stay strong while reminiscing. Staying strong was my main priority.
I just needed to stay strong in the eyes of the public and everyone around me, I could cry whenever I was alone. I would cry and hold on to the teddy bear that David had won me at a carnival last year.
I was hurting but I would smile and pretend that everything was fine. Then maybe things would become fine. Maybe if I pretended long enough I would actually become fine.
“Tell me everything!!” Abby insisted as we sat at the lunch table
“I do not understand how you go from a clean record to your first detention! Last week I was begging you to change your clothes and now you’re some sexy bad ass getting detention”
“Relax “ I chuckled “I can’t even catch my breath”
“well neither can I!”
“Ok well I just decided that I was completely over David” I lied feeling slightly guilty “So I started dressing up like you said, If I’ve moved on then I shouldn’t be dressing like I’m mourning and yea that explains the clothes as far as detention goes ….
so I took my time getting to class this morning after I dropped you off at you class and ended up being late for mine. The teacher flipped and I told him to chill the f*** out because I was only like 5 minutes late then he sent me to the office because I swore at him. If you ask me he was totally over reacting” by the time I was done Abby’s jaws were literally hanging “you should close your mouth before you start catching flies” I teased her
“oh my gosh……. Holy cow! Did you seriously swear at a teacher…….. oh my gosh…… who are you …… I can’t believe this…. YOUR LIKE A FREAKING BAD GIRL NOW!!” a few people glanced over at us but we avoided them
“Tone down okay damn! It’s not that big of a deal”
“Oh yes it is….. Your parents are gonna freak when they find out that you got detention for using a curse word at a teacher”
“F**k those hypocrites guess what I found out today? Those two have been dating since high school! Can you believe them… and yet they’re so against me dating in high school, not to mention the fact that they lied to me! They told me they started seeing each other in college.”
“They were just trying to protect you Kayli, don’t get mad at your parents. They wouldn’t lie to you unless they had a really good reason, don’t you think?”
“Whatever” I mumbled stuffing my mouth with a hand full of her fries earning myself a smack on the hand.
“Anyway have you heard from that guy you were swapping saliva with on Friday night”
“eww when you put it like that it sounds gross and no I haven’t” I replied taking a large sip of her soda, she glared but didn’t say anything about me stealing her drink.
“Do you even want him to call you”
“I guess it doesn’t really matter” I replied smoothly “he’ll contact me when the time is right or whatever. If not then he’s a dick and him taking my number and not calling me would have been a dick move.”
“You seem way to cool about this. The Kayli I know would be freaking out”
“correction the kayli you knew…. This is a whole new kayli honey and you haven’t even seen half of her yet. She’s about to talk over this shit like a storm and make everyone her bitch”