I felt exhausted as Steve and I made the trek back to the Avengers Tower. We walked in silence and I was wrapped in a small blanket as we walked from the lobby because I was freezing cold. Steve had taken me to Stark Industry's tower and we did the same thing I went through yesterday.
Today went much the same. I remembered hearing the 6th word, but I literally blacked out the second I heard it. I felt okay about it, but all the energy I had was gone. Steve nearly had to help me in and out of the car because of how wobbly I was. I stood with him in the elevator and I looked at the time and I instantly huffed out in frustration.
"What?" Steve asked me looking.
"Bucky is probably in the apartment." I huffed.
"Oh I'm sure he was thrilled about hearing you do that again." He said sighing.
"I didn't tell him. By the time I woke up he was gone." I said shrugging.
"That should be fun." He said exhaling. "He's very much worried for you, it's like when he sees you in pain, he's in pain."
"I think it's best if he doesn't go anymore. If it really hurts him to watch he shouldn't be there. It'll just make it harder for both of us." I said letting out a huff.
"That's the problem, he cares to much to not be there." He said and the elevator dinged.
"I don't know what I'm going to do." I said stepping out.
"I don't know he's not talking to me much either, he gets quiet when he goes through things." He said following me to my door.
"That makes things so much easier." I said sarcastically going for my door, but realizing he was standing a few steps away. "Aren't you coming in?"
"And play third wheel to that argument? No thanks." He said laughing and I just rolled my eyes. "Have a good night Valerie."
"Goodnight Steve." I said wishing he would have at least help soften the blow, but I guess I'd be going at it alone.
I unlocked my door and I opened it to see that most lights had been turned off. I pushed the door open and I could see a singular kitchen light had been left on, but other than that the room was a dark orange color. I walked in to see Bucky sitting at the kitchen counter with his head in hands.
"Hey." I said in a small voice.
"There's fresh clothes in your room." Was all he said still with his back towards me. "Where were you?"
"With Tony." I said in a small voice.
"Doing what?" He asked and I closed the door behind me.
Silence filled the room and I just walked up beside him. I didn't know how to answer and frankly I was so nervous I had no idea how to even speak. I placed my hands on the counter and he turned to me and I could see his tired eyes knowing he hadn't slept.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked exhaling and leaning away from his cup of coffee that looked fresh.
"You weren't there when I got up." I said in a small voice.
"You didn't call for me? You didn't have someone come get me or at least tell me?" He said turning towards me.
"It would've just upset you." I said softly in almost a whisper.
"So you keep it from me?" He asked and I just stepped forward and wrapped my arms around him.
I knew he was upset, but I missed him. He had been so cold since the night before last. Maybe I didn't deserve it, but after the long trials of today I missed him more than I'd be able to explain out loud.
"I'm sorry." I said in a short voice as welt grew in my throat.
"You're freezing cold." He said as his hands grabbed my arms. I melted into him as he slowly hugged me back. "How many times did you try?"
"Four." I said as I laid on his shoulder.
"Did it help at least?" He asked me.
"I made it another word long before I lost full control." I said pulling at his shirt.
"That's good." He said softly and I felt his hand stroke the back back of my head.
"I know I shouldn't have gone but-"
"Stop it, you don't need to apologize. It's over with." He said gently still looking very bothered.
"I'm going to try again on Friday." I said looking up to him.
"Okay, I'll take you." He said brushing my hair behind my ear.
"No." I said shaking my head. "Steve will take me."
"We both can, it's not a big deal." He said shaking his head.
"I don't want you there." I said nearly whispering.
"What?" He asked as his face was blank.
"I think you should stay here." I said biting the inside of my lip.
"Do you not want me there?" He asked.
"No it's not that I just, I saw the look on your face, I know it can't be easy for you to watch that. I just think its best if I do it alone." I said and I was stumbling over my words.
"Okay." He said and I was to read his emotions, but he was so hard to read. "If that's what you really want."
"I just really need someone to come home to." I said quietly.
"Is this home for you?" He asked and I was taken back by the nature of the question.
"What do you mean?" I asked him.
"The Avengers Tower." He said and I was just so confused.
"I mean I don't have anywhere else." I said looking up at him. "I'm not sure what you mean."
"Don't worry about it." He said standing up to his feet, but holding my face softly.
"I don't know if I've ever had a real home. Maybe Stark Tower when I lived with Tony, but I'm not sure. I don't remember everything." I said stood next to him.
"Don't worry about it, I'm not sure what I was asking." He said shaking his head. "Go get dressed I'll meet you in there."
"You're staying with me?" I asked.
"Of course." He said nodding and leaving down to kiss me.
He place a quick peck on my lips and I smiled softly and headed back to my room.
•
I was on a rooftops somewhere as it was nighttime. I had my gun set up on the ledge aiming at a building across the way. Things seemed quiet and based off my demeanor I was quite bored looking around at the area around me.
I seemed to be in some middle eastern country watching what appeared to be a hotel like structure. I could see a few rooms with lights on but nothing out of the ordinary. I watched the few people walking down on the street below but nothing was catching my gaze.
"Any movement on site C?" I heard Steve ask over my ear piece.
"Just my eyes rolling into the back of my head." I said with a yawn.
"Stay alert Zarkhov." He said and I just laughed.
"Actually wait." I said and I someone on the rooftop of the hotel.
"You see that too?" I hear Nat ask.
"Don't line up those sights just yet." I heard Steve say not sounding good.
"You gave me a sniper, do you expect me to not snipe?" I asked doing it anyways so I'd be ready.
"You've got someone on your 6 Zarkhov I'll rotate and handle whoever's on that roof." Nat said quietly.
"Who's on my 6?" I asked flipping around with my handgun now out.
"Let us know when you find that out." She said and I just scoffed.
"So helpful." I whispered hearing footsteps coming from the fire escape.
I held my gun tightly and held my back against the wall. I was shaking ready to send whoever had the nerve to sneak up on me. Thanks to my friends they would now leave me with a bullet between their eyes. I had nerves of steel, but deep down this was the scariest part for me. Spy work came easy but the anxiety and paranoia never got better.
I had never in all my missions as myself had I ever killed someone, but there always seemed to be one moment where I would feel like this. The anticipation of being forced to take someone's life. It wasn't something I looked forward to or frankly every wanted to do, but if it came down between me and someone else I wasn't taking that lose without a fight. I'm sure as the super solider I had killed hundreds of people, but never as just Valerie. Not at this stage in my life, I was rarely allowed on missions much less assassination attempts like this.
I was partially hidden so that when the man came up the fire escape I would have a second of hiding to use to my advantage. He came up dressed in dark loose clothing. He carried a gun much meaner than my handgun and my sniper was no use in a line up like this. He was far too close for my sniper and too far for my hand gun. It was a shot technically I could make, but the margin for error was slim.
"The man on the roof has a machine gun, there's a crowd of people just west of the hotel and he has a clear shot." Steve said urgently.
"Hey Nat?" I asked in the lowest whisper I could.
"Yeah?" She asked concerningly.
"Get a timer going, I'm going for style points." I said.
I immediately jumped out and fired my hand gun at the man and my shot landed right where I was aiming. A red hole formed right through the center of his eyes and he went falling backwards down the stairs.
I flipped around and grabbed my sniper thankful I lined up my sights beforehand so I shifted my line slightly to the west and knew there was a light breeze tonight. I watched the flag that was next to him and adjusted accordingly. I fired and I waited a second before the man collapse forward and fall off the building limply.
"On your left!" I heard Steve shout.
I looked to my left and saw another man on the rooftop adjacent to me. I rolled away from the clearing and behind an AC unit. I grabbed my handgun again and took a deep breath. I jumped up and aimed perfectly to see his body melt off to the side.
"I have 4 dead on site A." I heard Steve say as if he was relieved.
"6 dead on B." Nat said quickly.
"3 dead on C." I said emptily not sure what to feel. "What's my time?"
"19.17." She said and I could heard the smile in her voice. "Not bad for a rookie."
"You alright?" Steve asked.
"Yeah I'm fine." They were terrorists. I would be an idiot to feel bad to take their lives. That still didn't entirely make me feel all that much better though.
"Stark will be glad to hear this." Steve said.
"Oh I'm sure he will." Nat said laughing.
The image faded to a a dark scary room. One that reminded me of HYDRA, but I didn't recognize this exact room. I looked over to my arms and they were held down in unnaturally large restraints. I was confused on why, but a door opened and a man walked in. He had dark hair and pale skin as he neared me.
He wore a clean white lab coat and a smile on his face. I however, was not fooled by the warm persona, I knew I wasn't far from a guest here. I looked at the man with cautious eyes. His small mouse like demeanor only put me off more.
"I hear you put up quite the fight." He said in a thick Russian accent.
"Wanna see it again?" I asked with almost a growl.
"I'm afraid not my child." He said sitting down in front of me. "I have very different plans for you."
"What are you going to do to me?" I asked through my teeth.
"Well we've already begun." He said with a smile.
The door behind him opened and I saw no other than Bucky himself. He was damn near naked as he was dragged in by two large guards. He didn't seem to fight against them, but rather come in limply. He was dropped on his knees next to the scientist and I could see he was keeping his head low. I knew I didn't know Bucky because his appearance caused no reaction, just rather curiosity of what they were showing me.
"Rise to your feet." The scientist said to Bucky and he just sat there frozen in place. "Non complicit you see."
The man said walking around him. Bucky wouldn't make eye contact with me, but in all fairness we were absolutely strangers at this time. The scientist grabbed him by the back of the head and lifted his face to look up at me.
"We've however made some modifications." He said with a sick smile.
I sat there as the scientist started to spit off the 10 words that would activate me. However, I was unaffected by the words in that moment, Bucky couldn't say the same. He pleaded for them to stop but only 4 words in he suddenly got very quiet. The twisting and turning he was trying to do stopped. The tenth word came and he seemed to be looking straight through me as I sat their locked down.
"Rise soldier." The scientist said and Bucky stood tall and that's when I noticed his metal arm. "Obedient you see?"
"What did you do to him?" I asked.
"Exactly what we are going to do to you." He said with a sick smile on his face. "Return to your cell soldier."
Bucky turned and started to walk out the door. The two men followed behind him closely but he followed obediently. The door closed and I was taken back at how quickly he went from looking so tortured and scared to completely calm and stolid.
"You're skills are quite impressive, but we think we have some potential improvements." He said.
"Let me go." I said feeling my lip start to quiver.
"I think not." He said and he pressed a button and four arms came out from the side of my enclosure.
Needles jabbed into my arms and I cried out in pain. I wanted to flailed around around, but I couldn't, not even if I had wanted to. I saw blue syringes at my side and I had no idea what this stuff was.
"Super soldier serum." He said with a smile as if he was reading my mind.
"Please." I said shakily as I pleaded to him.
"With this and some training you'll be my greatest creation." He said with a smile.
He pressed a button and my arms and legs felt like they were on fire. It felt like my body was burning all over and I couldn't escape this pain. My vision went black as I screamed for it to stop. I wasn't sure if it was the dream or me, but I couldn't see anything expect feel the pain.
I felt my body hit something and I could hear Bucky's voice and my eyes shot open. I was in my room and on the floor and Bucky was on his knees next to me looking at me with wild eyes. I froze for a minutes and stopped screaming though it took me a second to realize it was me that was screaming.
"What's going on?" He said looking at me and it took me a second to connect the fact that I had seen Bucky inside of the HYDRA base. "Val talk to me."
"I saw you." I said in a small voice.
"You were screaming for help and to get it off you? What happened?" He asked me slowly pulling the blanket that was twisted around my leg away from me.
"I saw you, when they took me and put the serum in me. You were there." I said emptily.
"Did I hurt you?" He asked me shifting away from me. Almost as if he wanted to back away from me and his face looked horrified.
"No they brought you and they said the words and it turned you into the Winter Soldier in front of me just before they put the serum in me." I said slightly out of breath. "You didn't even look at me."
"Can you stand?" He asked me looking defeated.
"Yeah." I said and I grabbed his out stretched arms and stood up feeling just a little shaky. "I could feel the burn of the serum all over again."
"It's just the memories coming back, it's gone now." He said as his hands wrapped around me.
"Did you remember that?" I asked him.
"I don't remember much of anything from when I was under their control." He said shaking his head. "I'm sorry."
I didn't say a word I just lent forward against him. He brought me in and I saw the mess the bed was. Sheets were thrown and twisted wildly as well as a mess of pillows within a 10 foot radius of the bed itself.
"You're freezing cold again." He said rubbing my back.
"I feel cold." I said with an exhale.
"Sit down, I'll make some tea." He said cupping my jaw.
He kissed my forehead and went out to the kitchen and I sat down on the end of the bed just hoping this feeling would pass.