I'm awake by 6:15 the next morning. Anxiety about the next 48 hours poked at my unconsciousness all night, causing me to toss and turn under my blankets. Rather than fight it, I decided to get out of bed and pack. By the time I make it downstairs, everyone else is awake and sitting at the kitchen table.
"Morning," I say to no one in particular.
Sawyer shoots me a look of caution and I pause.
"What's wrong?"
Mom sighs heavily, rising from the table to refill her coffee. "Your father chose to wait until the last minute to book us a hotel."
I glance at Dad who calmly sips his tea and reads the newspaper.
"Okay?"
"It'll be fine, Danielle," Dad assures.
"Fine," Mom mocks his word. "Fine would've been staying in Georgetown, you know, where the college is. But instead, you waited until the last minute and now we're stuck in Capitol Hill."
"It's only twenty minutes away and it's right near the National Mall," Dad says calmly. "Which is perfect for Avery and me since we want to see the museums while you and Sawyer tour the campus."
"I planned for us to do everything together," Mom says the last word like she's scolding a child.
"Mom," Sawyer says with a mouthful of cereal. "I've already seen it a dozen times. Do we really need to do this? Can't we just go to the exhibits?"
Mom exhales in frustration. "Yes, Sawyer. I want Avery to see the campus and what it has to offer."
"I'll Google it."
Her icy blue eyes slide in my direction. I avoid her stare and fill a mug with coffee, retreating to the table to sit next to Dad. He lightly pushes his plate of clementine slices toward me. I reluctantly take one and pop it onto my mouth. The explosion of citrus coats my tongue and makes my cheeks tingle.
"It might give you some inspiration." Mom continues. "You never know."
I swallow, fighting the urge to roll my eyes. "I've already told you, Mom. I don't want to go to college until I know what I want to do with myself."
"You've had plenty of time to figure that out."
I can't hold back my eye roll this time.
"How can you expect an eighteen-year-old to make a decision that affects their entire life and future? Why do I even need to choose just one thing? Maybe I want to have dozens of jobs throughout my life. Maybe I just want to travel and have a side hobby that makes me money. Try a little bit of this, or a little bit of that before I get too old to do anything."
"Do you even plan on making it that far?"
Sawyer's spoon clatters in his bowl. Dad folds down the top of the newspaper to gawk at my mother, who casually sips her coffee.
"What the fuck, Mom." Sawyer shakes his head in disbelief.
Mom's face is expressionless. She shrugs one shoulder. "I'm just asking. You've spent the past four years in and out of that clinic. You've wasted hundreds of opportunities to make something of yourself."
"Danielle," Dad warns.
Mom gestures to Sawyer. "Your brother is a star student and athlete. He was raised in the same house as you, yet he seems just fine."
"Mom," Sawyer stresses the word. His eyes flash to me, worry filling them.
I dig my nails into my palms and fight back the tears that well in my eyes. My throat tightens.
Mom raises her hands in surrender. "I just think things would've been different if you hadn't chosen –"
I slam my fists on the table and jump to my feet. My mug tumbles over, black coffee spreads onto the table like oil in the ocean. Sawyer grabs a napkin and throws it onto the flood.
"IT'S NOT A FUCKING CHOICE!"
I storm out of the kitchen and out the front door, slamming it behind me. The house rattles from the force and I descend from the porch with shaky steps. No one comes out after me and I'm thankful for that.
I drop to my knees right in the center of the front lawn and clutch my chest as a deep sob rips through me. The tears stream down my face in thick drops, dangling on my chin before falling into my lap. My breathing comes in rasps with my crying, my chest heaving with them.
I lean forward, latching my fingers in the blades of grass, and try to slow my breathing. My vision is blurred by my tears as I breathe slowly in through my nose, and out through my mouth. I count to ten in my head.
"Avery?"
Fuck.
I clear my throat, quickly wiping my face with the back of my hand, and look up at the voice.
Double fuck.
Reese stands on the sidewalk at the end of my walkway. She's wearing a loose tank top over a sports bra and running shorts. She holds one earbud in her hand, the other still in her left ear. She glances around.
"Are you alright?"
I swallow the lump in my throat. My nose is congested from crying. "Yeah, just peachy."
She chews her bottom lip, her eyes flicking down to her hands. "Do you want to talk about it?"
I readjust, sitting myself down onto the grass and stretching my legs out in front of me. "No,"
A pause. "Do you want to just sit in silence then?"
I pluck at the grass beside me and nod.
"Would you like some company?"
I drop the plucked grass into a pile and nod again.
Reese approaches me slowly, removing the second earbud and wrapping the cord around her phone. She lowers herself onto the lawn next to me. She copies my movements and tears bits of grass up, adding the blades to my pile.
"What are you doing?" I ask after a long, silent moment.
She stretches her legs out in front of her and leans back on her hands. "I'm out for a run, actually."
I allow myself to look at her briefly. Her tank top is a bright pink color and it matches her running shoes. I wonder if she did that on purpose. Her legs are long and lean, my eyes following them up to her black shorts. Her dark chocolate-colored hair is pulled up into a ponytail, a few stray curls hang at the nape of her neck. She tilts her face to the morning sun, her eyes closed and a small smile on her lips.
"I didn't know you live around here." I manage to say.
She replies without opening her eyes. "You never asked."
I drop my eyes from her face and chew my lip.
"It's okay," she speaks again. "I didn't mind doing all the talking."
"I'm sorry," I say softly. "I just wasn't expecting to be there that night. I was ready to go home."
She opens her eyes and looks at me, her gaze delicate. "I should be the one apologizing. I had no right pushing you like I did. And I'm sorry."
I offer her a small smile before I can stop myself. "I forgive you."
"Can I make it up to you?"
I raise an eyebrow.
"A redo," she glances away, a faint blush on her cheeks. "I'd like a second chance."
A lump rises in my throat and my chest tightens again but this time, it's not because I'm about to cry. I focus my attention on the grass again.
"Okay," I say and Reese snaps her eyes to me. "But this time I pick the place."
Reese smiles widely, rising to her feet. "It's a date – a deal."
She offers me her hand and I take it, allowing her to pull me to my feet. Her hand is warm and soft – and lingers just a second too long before releasing mine. She clears her throat and steps back towards the street.
"It was nice to see you," she fiddles with her earbuds, her fingers wrapping and unwrapping the cord. "I'm sorry again."
I nod once. "It's okay,"
She smiles and returns one earbud to her ear. "Okay, well," she retreats onto the sidewalk and gives me a small wave. "Bye."
I return her wave but she's already jogging away, her ponytail swinging with every step. I can't fight the smile on my face or the butterflies in my stomach as I turn back to the house.