I was wide awake, terrified, and completely alone in the middle of the night.
My own bed was a coffin, locking my corpse in place as layers of tormenting voices buried me alive. Was this my descent into Hell? Was this my punishment for being a bad human?
Was it the caffeine and all those sodas I drank tonight with Alya? Or was I seriously being haunted? I didn't touch the Eel Miraculous, so it couldn't be that. I put it away and will never open it again. Yet my torture persisted.
Unsure of what to do, I turned on my pink lamp, cocooned myself in blankets, and turned on Wonderous. Maybe Butterfly and White Tiger could save me from my own mind. They weren't real, yet they had gotten me through some of the hardest times in my life. Funny how two-dimensional characters - just a bunch of artfully crafted lines - became my greatest comfort and ease to my fear and loneliness. Like back then, maybe they could help me now. My friends. The ones who never leave me.
I played the episode where White Tiger went over to Butterfly's house after she confessed that she loved him to protect her secret identity. He had to meet her parents and was faced with very awkward conversations. In the end, Butterfly's dad became under the main villain, Bird Brain's control. The heroes had to work together to free him. I'd seen this episode at least five other times, but that didn't diminish my current enjoyment.
I chuckled at the funny dialogue, trying to laugh away the fear. Despite the repetitive nature of every episode, I was eager to see where the series was going. Although, I felt extremely annoyed that White Tiger couldn't figure out who Butterfly was. If he was smart and could see past the one percent of her face covered in a mask, all their romance issues would be solved. But then the show would be over and I definitely didn't want that. So I'd just have to settle for dense characters.
After four episodes, I still felt a rock in the pit of my stomach. Something was wrong, but I didn't know what it was. Usually, TV was a successful distraction. Then why was I feeling -
"Childish," A scoffing voice said beside me.
Monster!
I screamed, tumbling out of my warm bed, my body still woven in a blanket as I met my painful fate on the wooden floor.
The shadow of a man loomed over me, a hand reaching towards me.
Even worse than a monster.
My stomachs twisted and my imagination filled with terrible thoughts. Was he going to kidnap me? Or maybe he was a serial killer. Yes, definitely a killer.
Two orbs of neon green blinded my eyes as a wave of moonlight surged into my room. Green eyes. Black shadow. Chat Noir.
I felt both relief and terror at the same time. What was Chat doing in my room and what did he want? Why would he come in the middle of the night? Whatever it was, surely it couldn't be good. What if he was actually the villain Alya theorized he was? For my sake, I hoped she was wrong.
I fumbled to my feet, flailing my arms as I attempted to balance myself against my dizzying head and shaking body.
"How'd you get into my room?" I asked, taking slow steps away from him as my eyes searched for an object I could potentially throw.
"The window."
"My windows are locked."
"Yes, they were," he said with a wink.
When he stepped closer, I held out my fists, unable to locate any "weapon" I could use. Regardless of what happened, transforming into Ladybug wasn't an option. Not in front of him. I'd have to be pathetically weak and clumsy Marinette.
"Why are you here?" I swallowed, feeling as if my entire chest was quaking from a rapid heartbeat.
A step closer.
A step back.
"Movie night. Why else?" He said with shrug.
"I...I have no idea what you're talking about. Get...get out. Lea...leave," I said, gesturing to the window with a twitching finger.
He made a clicking noise with his gritted teeth.
"You're not very hospitable. So inconsiderate. Would you really send me away after I travel all this way in sub-zero temperatures just to see you?"
"Yes. Yes, I would."
He smirked, stepping closer until I was backed up against a wall. Nowhere else to run.
"That's no way to treat your partner," he said, running his finger down the side of my jaw. The nail from his glove tickled and caused my entire body to shutter.
Partner? No. Please don't tell me -
"I've only ever met you once. When you saved me at Agreste Inc. I don't know what you're referring to," I said, covering my secret identity.
"We both know that's not true," he scoffed, the force of his warm breath flowing down my neck.
"Yeah...yeah, it is."
"Don't waste your breath on lies, M'lady. I find it insulting," he said, with a piercing glare.
His finger moved from my jaw to my earlobe as he circled the flesh tenderly. When he trailed to my earrings, caressing the surface, a sideways smirk appeared, "Don't forget to breathe."
My lips parted. I felt as if my blood had turned to ice - my pulse frozen in my ear. Did I even have a heartbeat?
"I'm not...you...you... have the wrong person."
He shook his head as if he thought I was pitiful.
"I'm really not! If I were her..." Before I could finish, I was silenced by a finger pressed against my bottom lip. His closeness weakened my knees as his gaze showered down on me.
"It's hard for me to watch you make a fool of yourself. Say nothing, less you say what is true," he said, slowly freeing my lips.
I had to fight to urge to vomit more lies.
He knew.
Chat knew.
For years, I lived a fragmented life - torn between my two selves - who I actually was, and who I should be. No one ever saw all of me. It was a strange sense of loneliness to realize no one truly knew me or understood my pressure. Worse of all, I couldn't tell anyone and frequently isolated myself in a castle of lies. But now, pressed against a wall, under a waterfall of moonlight, I was fully seen. I felt naked.
Why, oh why did it have to be Chat Noir? There was nothing worse than a potential enemy finding out my greatest vulnerability. This was his leverage and my destruction.
"Who will you tell?" I lowered my head, waiting to be enslaved.
"That depends," he said with a smirk, guiding my chin upward with his thumb. Dangerous.
I pushed his chest away and broke free from his overpowering presence just in case he tried to kiss me. Away from the wall, to the center of the room. Safer.
"On what?" I asked.
"If I like the movie."
I fell silent. He was joking, right? This was all a joke. If only I could make him forget ...if I could erase...wait a minute...I could...I could wipe Chat Noir's memory with the Eel Miraculous. Or at least that was one of Alya's theories. But at this point, it was worth the risk. The thought of it caused me to loosen. I could breathe now. This wasn't permanent.
"How long have you known?" I asked.
His eyes quickly pulled back to me after scanning the perimeter of my room.
"That depends on how stupid you think I am," he said, bopping my nose.
If I knew when he discovered my identity, I could erase his memory back to that point. My mind swirled with thought. Did he know when we first met? When he kissed me? Or when I caught him at Agreste Inc. stealing from Mr. Agreste's office?
"When you choked me with your tongue. Did you know?" I said, crossing my arms.
He chuckled, "That's a fun way of describing it."
"Well? Did you?"
He glanced at my desk, then my dresser, and then the closet. Finally, his eyes landed on my bed.
"I'm growing rather impatient," he said, returning his gaze to me.
My head felt like a balloon that was rapidly losing air. Lightheaded.
I thought he was going to come close and force himself onto me, but instead, he brushed past me, our shoulders barely grazing as he sat himself down on the edge of my bed. Then he grabbed the remote and exited out of Wonderous.
"Let's see," he muttered, scrolling through various documentaries on Astronomy.
I hovered around too afraid to sit down on the bed. I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. And I didn't want to watch a movie! I needed to erase his memory. I needed the Eel Miraculous. Maybe I would play along with his little game, try to get him to fall asleep, and then do what must be done. Then my secret identity would be saved!
"Join me," he said, patting the small space beside him.
"No guys allowed on the bed," I said, placing my hands on my hips. It was a rule I just now created to protect myself from the French kissing thief. I would play his game, but I would do it my way, not his.
At first, I thought he'd ignore me and maybe even force me into a snuggle and a kiss, but instead, he moved himself to the floor, clearing away dirty laundry. I was confused. Was he actually respecting my order?
"That's a good rule. Very good. I like that. Make sure you keep enforcing that," he said. He sounded as if he was proud of me. As if he never wanted me to give into him in the first place. Strange. He was so strange!
I didn't really know how to respond to him, and I was too afraid to ask why he seemed pleased with me, so I remained silent as I sat on the bed. This was good. I had the perfect view of the back of his head so I could keep my eye on him the entire time.
After ten minutes of searching, he settled on a documentary called Quantum Physics and Black Holes. This was going to be a long night. It would be a struggle to stay awake.
Chat Noir leaned forward, seemingly enthralled by the subject matter. Some time passed and I assumed we were about thirty minutes in. He remained silent, his head occasionally turning to various sides of my room.
Suddenly, Chat Noir cock his head back.
"I'm thirsty," he said.
"So? Maybe that's a sign it's time for you to leave," I said, placing my foot on his back and giving him a nudge. I was only joking. I didn't want him to leave before I erased his memory. But if I didn't show some resistance he would grow suspicious.
"Get me milk," he said as if it was an order.
"And leave you alone in my room. I don't think so," I said, shaking my head.
"Then I'll go get it myself," Chat began to rise before I grasp his hand.
"No! I'll get it. Just promise me you won't touch or steal anything."
He remained silent.
Very promising.
So, I rushed to the kitchen as fast as I could, my socks slipping against the smooth wood as I turned corners. I couldn't let Chat creep through my house and "get milk." My dad would probably kill him on the spot. While the thought of Chat getting hurt was pleasant, I didn't want my dad bringing out the baker's roller (he frequently used it as a weapon during Akuma attacks).
When I returned to my room, Chat was sitting in the same spot - an intense gaze on the TV. Relief. Maybe he didn't go through my things. Either way, I'd have to do an inventory check when he left just to make sure.
When I handed him the glass, he threw his head back and chugged. The image made me think of Felix. When I'd gotten Felix coffee at the hospital, he chugged it in a similar manner. No. This was bad. My obsession with Felix was growing so strong that I was even seeing him in weirdos like Chat Noir.
He sat the empty glass to the side. Just as I took my seat on the bed, he loosely grasped my wrist. The grip wasn't a threat nor did it scare me.
"It's getting lonely down here," he said, giving me puppy dog eyes. Sad kitten eyes would probably be a better, more relevant description though.
"That's your problem," I said, ripping my hand from his grasp.
"Can I at least have a pillow?" He flashed me with an innocent look.
Now I felt a little guilty. Okay. Okay. I guess since I was making him sit on the hard floor
he at least should have a pillow - plus that might make him fall asleep faster.
"Here," I nailed him across the forehead with my fluffiest, pinkest pillow. His hair ruffled like feathers blowing in the wind. For a moment, he looked a little cute as he sat there slightly dazed.
A slow grin appeared.
Uh oh.
I expected us to enter an all-out pillow fight, but instead, he tossed it aside, "I don't like this one."
"That's my softest one. So you're out of luck," I shrugged.
"I want this one," he said, pointing at something behind me.
I turned to look and before I knew what was happening, he swooped me up in his strong arms, set me on the ground against the fluffy pillow, and laid his head across my lap.
"Much better," he said, staring up at me, caressing my chin.
I was speechless.
"Get off!" I said, pretending to be irritated.
He nuzzled his head further into my lap muscles, making himself comfortable. One thing was clear: he wasn't moving. Oh well. The things I had to do for my identity.
"Now stay put," he said.
"But I..."
"Shhhh..." again, he was touching my lips, "Pillows don't talk."
He shifted on his side, his eyes for a moment sweeping under my bed. The Miraculous Box. Did he see it hidden under my clothes? I turned his head quickly and squeezed his cheeks until his lips pursed. He examined my face as if he was reading my response. He seemed surprised by my random actions. Crap! Hopefully he didn't know I was hiding something.
"Pay attention..." I ordered, pointing to the TV, "If you're going to make me sit through this, you need to watch."
When I released his face, he smirked up at me before shifting his head towards the screen. Thank goodness. Hopefully he didn't notice how red my face was. Or that my actions and words were all just to distract him from the box.
"Massage my head," he ordered after a few minutes of silence.
My goodness he was demanding. But it was a good idea - a perfect way to make someone tired. Little did he know that he was falling right into my trap.
My fingers hesitantly neared his silky hair. It looked so soft. So touchable. So shiny against the glare of the blue TV light. And his neck - it looked so smooth and thick.
Felix. I wished this was Felix. Why did I always get stuck with the dud guys? Why did all these romantic things happen with the person I didn't like? It wasn't fair.
When my fingers brushed against his neck, I felt a strange stinging in my arm - as if electricity was radiating up my nerves. This wasn't attraction or butterflies. It was fear. It was that voice. The one that was haunting me. It was here and its presence strengthened. Did Chat feel it too? Or was this in my head?
My hand slid up his warm neck to the back of his head, my fingers lacing with his soft hair. I felt his muscles tense for a second. When I moved to his temples, rubbing in tiny circles, my head dizzied.
He is worthy, a robotic-sounding voice said.
My fingers tightened.
He is worthy.
Why was this happening to me? My heart was racing and I felt the presence of what felt like death.
He is worthy, the voice roared, causing a ringing in my head.
I yelped, drawing my fingers to my skull and sealing my eyes shut.
"Stop!" I screamed.
I felt warm arms around me. My face was pressed into a firm chest. My body weakened and I gulped down air just trying to slow the spinning and hissing in my mind.
"I don't want to die!" I cried, "Don't take me!"
The arms tightened on my back.
"You're okay," Chat's voice said, "I'm here."
I felt water drip from my eyes as my muscles tremored. Was I crying? Why couldn't I stop?
Sleep, the robotic voice said.
The shadow of a snake danced across the darkness of my closed eyes. It was coming for me. It was spinning and twirling - the sight of it making me so tired until my body was completely limp.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
Morning light burned my vision. I had actually managed to sleep. I was proud of myself before remembering that Chat Noir had been in my room last night. And I fell asleep!
I was in my bed, the blankets pulled up to my chin. Did Chat Noir do this? Or did I get into bed myself? I couldn't exactly remember what happened except the strange sensation I felt after touching Chat and that weird haunting feeling.
Wait...that meant Chat Noir had been alone in my room. While I was asleep. I leaped from bed and dove for the Miraculous Box! Please tell me he didn't steal it! How could I be so stupid? What if he was using me this entire time?
To my great relief, the box was still there along with all the Miraculouses - including the Eel Miraculous. If it was still here that could only mean one thing - I succeeded at my mission. I had erased Chat Noir's memory and clearly erased a bit of my own. Oh well. At least my secret identity was safe again. And those weird voices were gone.
Maybe the Eel Miraculous had erased my torment. Maybe it had saved me. I caressed the surface of the ring, "Thank you."