A/n: I'm screaming because I watched the first episode of Shadow and bone and AHHHHHH!!!!!!
So I'm providing you with this!!! (Requests are open)
Warnings: Angst, Sad Kaz, death, fluff, I think that's it? You have been warned!
Summary: Kaz see's something happen to you and thinks the worst(This is Kaz's pov)
All rights go to Leigh Bardugo, Netflix and you! I just own the plot!
Kaz shouldn't have fell. Not for her, she deserved so much better. He should have stopped himself.
He remembers the first time he sees her; blood all over her dress, knives in her hands, dead bodies littered around her.
But her skin looked like silk, her hair was let loose flowing with the wind, and her eyes. Oh her eyes looked like the sun and the stars in the sky combined.
She was beautiful.
He closed his eyes breathing in a shuttering breath. She is gone. He needed to remind himself of that, that she wasn't here anymore. She wasn't here to try and make him smile. She wasn't here to hold his hand with the gloves or without. She wasn't here to be with him anymore.
Tears stinged his eyes and threaten to burst, but he needed to close himself off. To not feel anything anymore.
Kaz Brekker has a lot of regrets.
He used to regret spending time with her, he used to tell himself to push her away. To let her go.
He wished he hadn't let her go on the mission.
He got up from his desk, don't think about her. She's not real. She's not real. She's dead. She's not-
"I'm back."
He whipped his head around to where the girl, no woman sat.
"Come to haunt me." He grumbles and turns his head back towards his papers, still standing.His legs feel weak with longing, and his bad leg hurts a bit more than it should. His head feels like a bowling ball and his mind is worse. Surprisingly there's a wound from the last mission that he hadn't stitched up, but he's still waiting to meet her in death. Kaz knows the wound will get infected and eventually kill him.
Or the lack of sleep will.
Y/n or just his imagination quirks her head to the side and studies him, a concerned expression takes over her dazzling features.
"Are you okay?" The figment of his imagination asks. Oh it sounds like her though melodious voice, and it would be just like Y/n to be worried over a barrel boss.
"Do I look like it?" He snaps at her. He remembers trying to push her away with dirtyhands. Now he wished he hadn't snapped at her, even if it was a figment of his imagination.
"Sorry." Kaz apologizes to the dead girl.
Y/n frowns and comes up to him, he takes a step back. She takes a couple of more steps forward as he keeps on limping backwards. It's like a dance now one wants to show.
They keep this up till his back hits the wall and there's only about an inch of space in between them.
Kaz can't breath, she's so close to him but she'll disappear as soon as he touches her. Even if it was fake he didn't want her to leave.
Silence overcomes the room like placing a blanket on a child. It engulfs them both, warmly suffocating them both making them enable to say a word.
"Your not real." He finally manages to choke out.
Y/n's eyes widen and she seems to have an understanding of something. She was always quick to know what his plans were, they were like different but yet the same people.
Were.
"I'm here." She whispers, and her face leans into his, but their bodies not yet touching.
Her breath fans out upon his face, but it couldn't be real. He saw her dead body hit the earth like a sack of kruge.
"Your dead." He retorts. She flinches hard, like the words physically burn her.
"I just got knocked out Kaz, and I had a couple of wounds. I had to go with Nina to help stitch me up and rest for a couple of days."
Her face his just a mere millimetre from his and their bodies finally touch as Y/n presses herself up to him.
"I was worried when you didn't come check on me." She mutters, he almost doesn't hear it she says it so quiet.
She connects there lips together and he knows. She's there.
He pulls her impossibly closer by warping his arms around her waist, her hands go to his raven
hair and she tugs a bit.
An audible moan tears through his lips into her mouth and Kaz can feel her smile.
The universe was bending to their will, it must have been for he had never felt so powerful and vulnerable at the same time. In this moment he knew he would never push her away again.
Their lips break apart but their bodies are still untangled together.
He buries his head in her shoulder and he for the first time since he was nine years old he openly sobs.
The cries are small and terribly beautiful. But they shake Kaz's very soul to the bone.
"Your alive, your alive." He breaths her in, still holding onto her waist never wanting to let her go.
She lifts his head and wips his tears away. She takes his hand and leads him to the bed.
"I won't leave you. Ever." The girl whispers as they lay together.
They just stay there, wrapped up into each other doing nothing else because - they weren't there yet. But they would be, one day.
"Promise me something." Y/n says as she turns to face him.
Kaz only nodes but holds her tighter to him.
"Try not to push me away again okay? I just can't go another day knowing the person I love-" She throws her hands over her mouth and tries to wiggle out of his grip.
"I love you too." He whispers in her ear, bringing her closer to him again. He know's the words will only ever me hers.
Y/n shoves her head into his chest, she let her hands go to his sides then her face turned into one of confusion.
"Kaz!" She says getting up out of his bed.
"You have a wound!" He grins guiltily and gets up after her.
"Stitch it up?"
A string of curses rung through the slat that night, and let me tell you. No one had ever talked like that. (And this was the barrel).
Words 1038
-kk123huff