We sat on the bed in our night clothes. Quiet, it was very quiet. The only sound was his breathing. Neither of us dared to speak. We just looked at each other. He looked tired, and sad, yet glorious. His cheeks were still red with blush, like the sun over sand. My, my, he was almost perfect sitting in moonlight.
I looked up at the mirror. There was me looking back. My hair was still a mess, but I looked a little more lively with Anthony next to me.
"So what do you have to say?"
Anthony looked down at his hands. His thumbs were dancing around each other. "I... Nobody has ever held me like that before. Well maybe my mother when I was little."
There was a moment of silence. I expected him to keep talking. He expected me to talk. We both were met with silence.
"I know," I sighed, just to fix it. He took it as enough and continued, "I liked it."
"I thought you would."
Anthony laid back against the bed. He looked up at me. "You know, I don't think the world likes me much."
"No, I don't think the world likes much of anybody... But I do."
Anthony giggled a little and his ears turned pink at the edges. He patted my thigh twice and said, "At least you're not against me."
"I'll always support you. You're my human. My existence is based on supporting you. It looks like things go wrong when I don't."
He nodded and said, "I don't have a home now. Can you believe it? Sixteen years I'm there and it takes five minutes for them to decide they want me gone."
I laid down next to him. I could feel him starting to pull away from me.
"It's alright. Sixteen years I've been here with you on Earth too. I'll take care of you. I always have. I always will."
He stared right at me. His eyes looked big and wide, and his lip began to tremble. It was obvious he was going to cry again, so I put my hand on his shoulder and asked, "Do you want to be held again?"
He nodded and buried his face into my chest. He then began to bawl.
"It's alright," I whispered to him, "You're alright. We'll find our way. I promise, we'll get out of here soon. And when we do we'll never have to come back. I'll find you a good woman, and you'll have a nice family, and I'll find a way to save you from Hell."
He looked up at me. His eyes seemed scared. "But I don't want a woman," he sighed. I knew that, but I also knew that Anthony was stubborn. "I thought selling my soul would make me want one, but I still don't."
No demon could fix his stubbornness.
"Yes, but if you don't marry a nice woman, then your Hell case won't get much better."
"I thought you said you'd support me," he groaned as he pulled away from me and moved his face to his pillow. He was right. I did say that. "I'm supporting you for the long term effect."
Anthony raised off the pillow a little. More tears were rolling down his cheeks. "Ollie, I'm not in it for the long term effect. I'm in it for the sake of living life. Just help me live it. That's all I'm asking."
He just wanted to be loved.
"Okay... Whoever you're with will be nice. Sweet. I won't accept anyone less. Only the best for you."
He rolled over to face away from me. "I think I've found somebody. I had a dream while I was asleep. It was the most amazing dream I've ever had. Do you know who was in my dream?"
I sat up and said, "I don't stalk your dreams. Plus, I was busy with Manaphel."
"Then I shouldn't tell you. I'm sure it was just a silly dream anyway."
I got out of bed. Staying there with him seemed too uncomfortable, but I needed to stick around to watch him. It seemed best to make conversation still. "Who was it? You can tell me. I'd like to know these things. Don't be stubborn with me now. And I don't care who you say."
He rolled once again. He looked straight at me, and didn't say anything.
"Well who?"
He drew in a deep breath, and I expected him to say something, but not a single word left his mouth. All he did was just keep staring at me.
Then I understood what words he was saying with everything but his mouth. I did care. I cared a lot. This was my human, and he wanted me.
"You can't fall in love in a day, Anthony," I simply said. I then turned to look into the mirror. "You don't really want me anyway. I'm an angel. You're a human. I'm not a lover. You can't possibly think I'm best. I wouldn't settle for myself. No. No, I won't do it. I don't know love anyways."
He didn't respond. I felt bad, because his eyes were starting to get watery. Perhaps I was too rough with that response. It started to feel like I was the one making him cry most often. I was a bad angel, so I started to give in.
"You seem to know love pretty well. I could try it. I just don't think I'm much of a lover. Perhaps you could teach me."
He mumbled, "It's not something you're taught. It's something you feel. If you don't feel it, then I'm waisting my time. I thought you did. You were just leading me on. Daft me," as he buried his face into his pillow.
Stubborn Anthony, I could never be enough for him. Not like that. He wanted the most exciting life, and when he was crying like that, it seemed so tempting to spoil him. He was already spoiled though, but all he wanted was to be loved, and I was just an angel.
"Anthony-"
"Enough! Just leave me be! You're waisting your time. I'm already Hell bound. If you can't love me, maybe I sold my soul for the wrong reasons because I can't be loved. You're a liar too."
I didn't know what to say. Anthony's concept of love was entirely new to me, besides from a certain verse in a very long book that said it was forbidden. I never bothered to read the book. Perhaps it was time to start it though. If you were born into holiness, you didn't know anything but until you're exposed to sin. The world was so unholy, but as I got to know it, I began to like it. I couldn't help but hope love was the same way.
"Anthony, I said I was never going to leave you again."
He looked up at me and shook his head. "And I said you're a liar. I don't want to see you right now. I'm not looking at you."
"Stubborn boy," I mumbled as I left the room. I didn't care that Manaphel was eavesdropping on the ceiling again. For all I cared, she could have brought Anthony to Hell that night, and it would have all been over with. If he didn't want me suddenly, what was restraining me from not wanting him suddenly? I was a bad angel who would let something like that happen. I didn't have enough self restrain. It made me just another sinful thing upon the earth that should be banished to Hell. I perhaps would have been happy with either Anthony or myself being dragged down there at that given moment -both of us deserved it for one reason or another. Sometimes I wish it was like that. Life isn't that easy though. You can't just give up because you get in a fight with a human who doesn't understand the universe. I can't say I understood it much either.
I found myself in the drawing room on a fancy couch. It was made of red leather. A gluttonous demon like Manaphel would definitely cherish such an expensive piece of furniture. I found it to be ridiculous.
She walked in and sat next to me.
"Fight with the boy?"
I didn't answer her. She repeated herself again. A stubborn human and a nosey demon was all that I needed.
"Yes."
"Look, I know I'm a demon, but I can add my thoughts on this. I'm in love. It happens. From what I understand ya need to get settled in your emotions. You're hot headed when you become confused. Sounds like he's a bit hot headed too. Like angel, like human."
I crossed my arms. "You did this."
"Maybe. Maybe not. That's for you to figure out. Maybe he does just love you. You said ya knew him before life, am I right? Well then you didn't fall in love in a day. His soul has always been in love with you if that's the case. Duh. Maybe I'm just a bit of a catalyst. A match to light the fire, say."
I stood up and started to walk out. Listening to a demon about relationship advice brings nothing but trouble. She did make a point though. Not one that I'd believe at the time, but it was one I'd think about.
Anthony as a soul was made of love. I knew when I got him that I was getting a lover. Not a lover like he was, but just a general lover. I didn't understand what love was. Perhaps I was blind to his love for me because of that, or maybe his soul didn't love me, not until he sold it at least.
But nobody can fall in love in a day.
I moved on to the informal living room. Ariel was sitting in there with a demon. They were kissing, a rather bit too passionate. Who does that?
"Ariel!"
They pulled away and groaned, "Go to bed, Oridon."
"But- angel- demon... Sin! Bad! Ariel!"
Ariel closed their eyes and sighed, "I told you to go to bed Oridon. Go. Hurry. Shoo. Bye. Goodnight."
I was frozen in place. "But demon! Do you- him! Love!"
"His name is P.I.T.A., and no, I do not love him. I was loving what we were doing, so please Oridon, go to bed."
P.I.T.A. sighed to Ariel, "If you're going to be keeping angels around, I'll leave. I hate looking at them -not you. You're different. You're pretty."
I looked down at the ground and said, "No, I'll leave. You two... Carry on with what ever you were doing."
Ariel put their finger up. "Please don't tell anyone. Alright, Oridon? Angels like us aren't supposed to be passionate. I'm not like other angels."
I nodded once before heading back to the bedroom. Anthony was still laying there, crying into his pillow. He didn't do anything when I came in. It made me begin to wonder if he even noticed me until I sat down next to him on the bed.
"Why are you back?" he asked me, with his voice cracking with tears. He didn't turn to me. He just kept his face buried in the pillow.
I laid down next to him. Doing that was exactly what he didn't want, but I had to do it. I wasn't sure what else to do.
"Because there's no other place for me," I responded, doomed and desperate, "No other place for me except for with you."
"I don't want to see you. I told you that."
"You're telling yourself that too. I know. It's okay if you don't believe yourself. You can keep believing it if you want. And if you love me, you can keep doing that too I suppose. I can't be mad at that."
He didn't respond, and I started to grieve how we used to be. I couldn't have him how I wanted him to be, and everything was being messed up because of that.
"I wish you'd talk to me."
Still he didn't say anything. I couldn't push him farther than that. Not anymore. There was nothing left to do, so I just rolled over away from him, and laid there silent all night as he cried himself to sleep.
As the sun rose over the earth the next morning, I watched it move through the sky. There was the light I lost. I thought Anthony was the sun. Why did the cruel Earth get to have him, but not I? My mind was running in circles. It wouldn't stop, no matter how I urged it. The only thing that stopped it was Anthony sitting up in bed.
"Ollie."
I turned to look at him. "I'm sorry."
He rubbed his eyes with his fists, then yawned. At least that was familiar to me. Even in lonesomeness, he still followed the same patterns.
I sat down on the bed, but didn't face him. I couldn't look at him anymore.
"I'm sorry too," he said, "I'm foolish."
"That you're absolutely correct about."
I could feel him shift around on the bed. His movements made it obvious he was nervous. It was a pitiful way to wake up.
"Do you think I'll ever be loved by anyone? That's all I want."
I folded my hands together and hung my head low. "You sold your soul for it. Of course you will."
I could feel him staring at me. I turned back to look at him. His bottom lip was twitching. I didn't want him crying again.
"Anthony, you can't just fall in love with the first boy you see -especially not me! I may know you, but you don't know the first thing about me."
He wiped his eyes with his forefingers. "You're right I suppose."
Ariel then pushed open the door. They were holding a rather large tray of food. As they put it on the bed they said, "You don't know the first thing about yourself, actually. Uh -Manaphel told me to tell you that brekky is ready, so here it is."
"I don't eat. You shouldn't either, Ariel."
They turned around and sighed, "Too bad," as she walked out the door.
"You can have it. I'm not hungry," Anthony muttered as he grabbed his pillow again. He started to bury his face in it. I pulled it away from him and replaced it with the tray.
"It's time for you to eat. You're going to eat. Don't pout about it. That's childish."
He grabbed his pillow back from me. "Well you called me childish," he pouted as he grabbed the spoon. He stirred around the bland looking mush. It looked like dreadful soup. Yet, he ate it.
"It tastes wonderful. You should try some. Perhaps you'd like it. You're not childish enough to pout about trying something. Are you?"
I got off the bed as I asked, "Who do you think I am? I'm an angel. I don't eat food. That's for you mortals."
"Can you?"
"Of course I can. I don't need to though. That's the point."
He held the spoon out to me. "Prove you're not childish and try it."
I took the spoon from him and looked over the mushy substance. It seemed appalling, but I put it in my mouth anyways.
To my surprise it was delicious.
I took the spoon out of my mouth, then asked, "What is it?"
"It's some sweet porridge of some sort. Why? Do you like it?"
I folded my arms. "Food is for you humans. Now you eat."
He took the spoon from me and looked at his reflection in it. He was smiling to himself. Satisfaction was written all over his face. He won, and I let him. It wouldn't hurt to let him win more, even though he was already spoiled. When he asked, "Well did you like it?" I couldn't help but respond, "Maybe a little."
Bashful. I was playing bashful. If I couldn't be any worse, I looked down, then glanced back up at him. I was much like a gossiping school girl instead of an angel.
"Well now I know something about you. You like whatever this stuff is."
I rolled my eyes and asked, "Was that the real point of this?"
He took another spoon full of the sweet porridge and brought it to his lips, which twisted into a bit of a smirk as he ate. "Maybe," he mumbled around the spoon. That was my Anthony, happy once again. The beautiful soul I chose was happy once again.
"Anthony, what am I going to do with you?" I giggled before pulling on his ear lobe. He tugged away from me and started to giggle too. He buried his face in his pillow as he bursted out in laughter like the sun on a hot summer's afternoon. It was almost wonderful seeing him like that again, but the bitter aftertaste of what he once was left it unfinished. He rolled over and looked at me with a smile. I figured that was good enough for me.
I laid down with him and asked, "Are you going to finish that?"
He shook his head and kindly offered, "You can have it."
As a generous recipient I took it, and finished the bowl off. He giggled more at that.
"You do like it!"
I rolled my eyes and smiled. I then laughed, "I do!"
He stopped laughing, but still just smiled. There were stars in his eyes. Oh my, he looked so happy. It was almost holy. That was my Anthony for sure. "Oh Ollie, you're smiling," he whispered, "This is the first time I've seen you smile, I believe."
I looked up at the mirror. I did seem happy. It was amusing to see such human joy on my face. I couldn't help but wonder what I was becoming. Human, of a sort, I suppose.
"Can we go somewhere happy? I don't think I'd like to stay here anymore. I've lived in this town my whole life, and never been anywhere else. Now I don't have to go home. I can go where I want. I can do what I want!"
I placed the empty bowl to the side. "Maybe," I responded as I ran my fingers through his hair. "I don't know where we're going to go."
He closed his eyes and said, "I'm sorry about what I said about not needing you. I'd probably still be out in the cold if it weren't for you. Look at me. I'm asking for help. Help on where to go, what to do. I'm pathetic."
"You're not pathetic! It's alright to ask. I'm not that sane voice in your head anymore. You'll get used to thinking for yourself. Until then, I'll be here for when you need me."
He got up and looked out the window. "Thank you."
"North. Let's go north. See where it takes us," I said, "Well get on a north bound train once we get some money for tickets."
He tapped on the window. "Or perhaps... Would you be opposed to sneaking on? Or does that sound ridiculous?" he asked, blushing slightly from embarrassment. He looked down at his feet.
"Well how will we do that?"
"We could... Jump on it while it's moving. I've seen people do it. You just have to time it right."
I got off the bed, then started to make it. "We can leave today then."
"It's decided then. We'll leave at noon. There's a shipment leaving from the factory. We'll hop on there."
I nodded at him and asked, "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"I'm positive," he said, with not a hint of question in his voice. I knew he wanted to leave. I couldn't fight that. I wanted to leave just as much anyways.
He looked down at my hands. "And Ollie..."
"Hm?"
"I'm sorry I got you into this."
I put my hand on his shoulder and said, "Saying that is like saying you're sorry for being born. I've been into this since before the beginning. We'll work it out."