Chapter 39
"So, you two are doing good?"
The question came from Dylan, later that evening, and it wasn't completely unexpected. I'd seen how he'd been watching Carson and I throughout the day. He'd stayed quiet, until now. He and Sam, Dalton and Trinity, Michael and Rose and Carson and I were back out in the yard, sitting around the fire. Everything felt so good, like it was too good to be true. This was the first time anything like this had happened - all of us together, with significant others.
I nodded, knowing Dylan was talking about Carson and I. "We are really good."
"So, you dated in high school and didn't talk for years and then got back together recently?" Michael asked, trying to piece together the situation with what little info he'd gotten over the day.
"Pretty much," Carson answered, smiling at me.
Of course, that was not the full truth, but it was what had happened.
"Well, I think that's awesome," Rose spoke up, surprising me. I hadn't heard her talk much at all. Now, she was sipping a wine cooler and smiling at me. "If you belong together, it'll all work out."
"That's cheesy," Dylan laughed, but grinned at Sam. They were newly dating, a month at most. I hadn't heard why he'd ended it with Halley, but I didn't really care. Dylan didn't keep girlfriends long. Usually he acted like a jerk or didn't pay enough attention. But he was charming and attractive, so he always got another girl.
"It's weird to me," Dalton spoke, narrowing his eyes at me. "Because I remember you sneaking around with Carson, when you were like, fifteen. You thought we didn't know."
I shrugged, squeezing Carson's hand. "I was young, and I thought you'd tell mom," I admitted.
"Oh, I know," Dalton laughed. "It was funny though, that you thought you were being sneaky about having a boyfriend, then."
Carson smiled this very real smile, then shook his head at me. "She knew I was trouble, but she cared me about anyway."
"And now? You're not trouble anymore, are you?" Michael wanted to know. He looked half serious and half like he was just trying to give Carson a hard time.
"I'm actually doing well, and having Arden by my side makes me feel pretty damn lucky," he answered, without missing a beat.
"Soooo, Germany?" Dylan spoke up, changing the subject. I was happy about that. "Dude, that's going to be epic."
"Yeah. We are pretty excited," Michael smiled, then looked at me again. "I'll miss you guys, but it'll make the next visit extra special."
"And that will be when?" Dalton asked, rolling his eyes.
"A year, maybe two..." Michael let his voice trail off, but then went on. "We want to start a family, when we are there."
"Ooooh, Mikey," Dylan laughed, then drank back his beer. "You're growing up."
Rose was just smiling at Michael, like he was everything she ever wanted. It was pretty sweet, actually.
"I'm happy for you," Dalton told Michael a minute later.
"I am, too," I added. And I meant it, now.
Though all three of my brother's girlfriends were staying at the house, with my brothers, Carson thanked everyone for the fun day and evening and left, after midnight. I knew he didn't want to get off on the wrong foot with my parents, and him leaving was the right thing to do. But I wasn't happy about it.
At the front door, as I hugged him, he whispered into my ear, "I had the best day."
"Thank you for coming," I said back, holding him close.
"Come over tomorrow?" he asked, still not loosening his grip.
"Yes."
Our eyes met and he kissed me once, then again. "I love you. Have a good sleep."
"You too," I said quickly. "And I love you."
He hugged me again and backed away, and I was already missing his touch by the time he got down the sidewalk and to his car. I waved as he drove away, something pulling my heart all the while.
The next afternoon, everything felt too real. The party and the drinks and the fire were so nice, but it was all just leading up to the moment when Michael was to leave. He wasn't dying. It wasn't like we wouldn't see him again. We could FaceTime. But things wouldn't be the same, and we all knew it. We all huddled outside around Michael's car, tears in all of our eyes. My mom was doing a good job at being strong, but the flood gates opened as she hugged him, telling him she was proud of him for everything he'd done so far in his life. I hugged him, and then Rose, and wished them luck on their new life, while tears poured down my cheeks. And then I disappeared inside, because I didn't want to watch my brother literally drive out of my life.
An hour later, I was pulling into the parking lot at Carson's new apartment. Everything I'd been feeling at the house was still weighing on me, but I took in a deep breath, just wanting to be happy to be there now. Kaden and Rylee and I were meeting there to see it, and hang out. Excited wasn't even the right word.
"Wow, it so big!" Rylee yelled, skipping around the empty apartment.
It was actually a small apartment, but mostly empty, so it felt big, especially to her. The walls were all beige and to me it felt like new beginnings. Rylee had brought a few Barbies and was happily playing on the hardwood floor, a few minutes later.
Carson showed Kaden and I the rest of the apartment - the small kitchen, the bedroom, the bathroom. There were two blankets and a pillow on the floor in the bedroom, I noticed when we peeked in.
"Did you actually sleep on the floor last night?" Kaden asked, surprised.
"Dude, I don't have anything yet," Carson answered, looking slightly embarrassed.
"I'm calling my mom. She has that big house with so much stuff. She can -"
"You want your mom to donate things to me?" Carson asked.
Kaden laughed. "Yes. She's got like three bedrooms full of mine and Dane's stuff."
While Kaden walked away to call his mom, Carson kept his eyes on me. He was waiting for me to say something, I knew that much. His dark eyes were so big and curious. He was wearing a black hoodie and his hair was kind of messy. I didn't love the idea that he'd slept on the floor the night before, either.
"You have your own place," I said to him, plainly, like this wasn't a big deal.
"I do," he smiled.
"How does it feel?"
"Scary. But good." He reached for my hand.
"It feels good, that we're here, together," I told him, smiling back.
He pulled me closer, his arms going around my body. "Yes, it does."
I kissed him quickly, but Rylee was running towards us a moment later. She was soon grabbing at Carson's hand, and his arms dropped again.
"Play Barbies?" Rylee asked him, her little eyes looking up at him.
"Of course, let's go," he told her, smiling at me before wandering off again.
I loved watching him with her. I loved how he used silly voices and really engaged in the play. It was so amazing and real and made me feel good, all the way through my body. He knew how much I loved Rylee, and he made her - and Kaden - important to him, too.
A while later, the plans were made to get some things from Kaden's mom's house, the next day. She had some end tables and a small desk, along with an arm chair that she was more than willing to part with. I could tell Carson was appreciative, though he was definitely surprised.
"Dude, are you serious?" he asked, after Kaden announced the news from the phone call.
"I told you, she has so much stuff she doesn't need. She's happy to give it away," Kaden laughed. "Plus, she'll get a kick out of seeing you again after all these years."
"Kaden, your mom hated me," Carson said, quietly.
I remembered - she didn't hate him, but she wasn't a big fan. Kaden's mom was sweet and nice to everyone, but Carson rubbed her the wrong way. It was probably the fact that she found out he took my virginity when I was fifteen. Kaden had let that slip, which truly embarrassed me at the time. But Kaden's mom - even before Rylee was born - loved me.
"That's why it's funny," Kaden laughed again. "Anyway, Rylee, we have to get going."
"Nooooo," the little girl whined. "I want to stay at Carson's."
"Kid, he has no where for you to sleep," Kaden told her, then grinned in my direction. "It's almost bedtime."
"Carson, you need a get a bed, okay?" Rylee told him seriously, collecting her Barbies from around the room.
"Yes, I will," he replied, just as serious.
When they were gone, the apartment felt so quiet. And empty. We were left alone, for real, for the first time. I took in a breath and held it, then let it out slowly as he began to talk.
"You want to stay?" Carson asked, pulling me into his arms again.
"You want your girlfriend to sleep on the floor?" I teased him, leaning my face into his shoulder.
"Hey, I have some money saved, I just have to-"
"I'm kidding. I'd sleep anywhere, with you," I finished, closing my eyes as he kissed the top of my head.