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Rayver POV
Stupid.
Idiot.
Idiotic, stupid brain!
Why did I have to break down in front of Regina?! Not to mention, the conversation that the voice and I had got pretty heated, causing me to actually speak out loud.
And how did I not notice her when she entered? Regina never knocks!
That happened nearly an hour ago, and now we were just sitting on the bench outside, ignoring the cool November wind.
I let my mind drift back to what happened earlier. The look on Regina's face was filled with frustration and a ton of worry she looked so lost, not knowing what to do with me.
I remember freezing up when she hugged me. When she did, it was like another piece of the puzzle was added, only leaving a few for me to discover.
Another piece... How many pieces do I still have to search for me to feel whole?
Will I ever feel whole?
We stayed silent, but we both knew that we had to speak soon. And that I had to explain soon.
God... I really don't want to do this. Now she'll think that I'm some kind of psycho!
Aren't you?
No, I'm not!
Mmhmm. Sure.
Just... Shut up. You're the reason I had to do this in the first place.
No, I'm just the reason that you had to do it earlier. You had to tell her either way.
I took a deep breath, preparing myself for what had to be done.
"You..." I faltered, "Y-you can ask, you know..."
I hear her take a deep breath herself. "Trust me, you don't want to hear all of my questions right now."
We grow quiet again, thinking of the right words to say to one another.
"I know I won't want to..." I speak slowly and carefully, "But I also know that I need to."
Good choice.
Shut. Up.
"Fine. You want my questions? Okay. Let's start with, che cazzo sta succedendo, Rayver?!" She ends with a yell. {What the fuck is going on,}
I blink, confused. "You know that I don't have a clue of what you just said, right?"
"I said, 'what's going on?'. You really scared me there, debole!" She exclaimed. {weakling!}
I run my hands through my face. "How am I supposed to explain this...?"
"I dunno. With words?!" Okay, jeez.
"Ihavetheseweirdvoicesinmyhead." I rushed out, expecting that she wouldn't understand. I mean, who would, right?
"You have what?!!" Did she just understand that??
Never, and I mean never, underestimate Regina.
"I... Kind of have these weird voices in my head..." I say, slowly this time.
"Since when?" She asks.
I think about it for a while. Huh, I never thought of that.
"Uh... One of them--"
"There's more than one?!"
"Can you stop interrupting me?!" Silence. "Thank you!"
"I know this isn't the time... But wow." She muttered, her voice amazed. "I can't believe you just shouted at me."
I grew red in embarrassment, but shook it off, focusing on the matter on hand. Better say it all before I chicken out for good.
"So, as I was saying... One of the voices has been here since... Well... I'm not sure. But the other one just came recently." I explain, hoping that it made sense.
Oh, who am I kidding? Nothing of it makes any sense!
"What do they say to you..?" Was that hesitation in her voice? Nah. She's the Regina Luciano. She doesn't hesitate.
She's also...
What?
Nothing. Never mind.
I choose to ignore it and answer Ina's question instead. "Well... The one that had stayed here long always, well... Bullied me. It told me all of the things that I couldn't do, and if ever there was something that I could, it would tell me that I couldn't."
We let what I said sink in for a moment before I told her about the other voice.
"The second one, the one that I just heard recently, is the exact opposite. It supports me and challenges me to do things that I never did before. It also tells me to do things but in a strangely rude way. Kind of like..." I let myself trail off.
"Kind of like what?" Regina asks, most likely wondering what I was about to say.
The second voice did sound like someone I know, but I could be wrong... They say things the same way, in the same manner, but why would that person's voice be in my head?
Could it be because we're--
"-ayver?! Rayver?!" A loud voice snaps me out of it.
"Huh?" I dumbly ask, looking at Regina while still slightly dazed.
"What happened? Were you talking to... Another one of your voices again?" She inquired.
I shake my head with a small smile. "No. I was just thinking of something else."
She nods, "Alright... So what were you about to say earlier?"
I stay quiet for a while, letting my eyes drift between her violet and red ones. Could it be..? No... I'm sure it's not.
I just shake my head again and give a small smile, "It was nothing."
Her face showed that she didn't believe me, but let it go either way. Instead, she gave me another question.
"So, it's like one of your voices gives you insecurities, and the other pushes you to go out of your comfort zone?"
Now that I look at it like that, it makes perfect sense. I nod and she returns it.
We went silent for the nth time tonight but were stopped by Regina's voice.
"You know... I also have that same thing as yours. Well, not entirely the same though." She says.
I look at her shocked. She also had what I did?!
"You do too?"
"Well, yes and no. Instead of your voices, I have these... Urges." She explains. Not that it cleared anything up.
"Urges?" She nods. "To do what?"
Now, she looked a little bit ashamed. Why?
She glanced at me before looking away.
"Urges to kill."
My breath hitched.
Urges to what?
Sensing my speechlessness, Regina continued to explain.
"There's a scientific explanation for this. It's called 'bloodlust'. It all starts with a feeling of adrenaline plus excitement, and instead of feeling nervous, you'll feel excitement. It can't be activated on command, but once it is in someone, it won't go away. Ever. "
Wait, wait, wait. I need to absorb all of this.
Apparently, Regina didn't understand that, but instead continued to say more.
"I felt my first bloodlust at a very young age. I don't even know why. Just one random day, I suddenly felt the urge to bash my someone's head on the wall. I ignored it and tried to forget it, but as I said, when it activates, it can't go away.
"The thought kept on bugging me as the weeks went by, so one day, I felt like I had enough. I won't give you the details, but on that day, I killed someone." She finished.
I am officially speechless. I have no idea what to say to that.
I cleared my throat, "Was... Was that your first kill?" She shook her head. "When did you first kill someone?"
She looked me in the eye before looking away again, as if not wanting to see the expressions that hid behind my eyes.
"I can't remember anymore."
Cue another silence.
"Say something..." I heard her voice break at the end.
I thought of what to say but came blank. So I blurted out the only thing my mind could think of.
"Cookie dough ice cream!"
Oh my god...
She looked at me weirdly, as if I was an escapee from a mental institute.
"What??" She asks.
I sheepishly smile, wringing my hands together. "What?" I parrot. "I'm hungry and craving sweets."
She shook her head with a ghost of a smile on her lips. "Whatever. Come on, debole." She then stands up and heads to the door.
I follow her and we go down the stairs to the kitchen. The cooks that were there fled out of the scene when they saw us.
Or maybe it was just because of Regina's glare.
Most likely.
You don't say.
She went to the freezer and took out two tubs of ice cream. One cookie dough and one chocolate.
I take the cookie dough from her, silently thanking her with a smile.
We didn't speak, simply comfortable with each other's ice cream.
Right before I was to eat the final spoon, I hear her say, "Thanks."
I don't say anything except for a smile and nod because I know that we both know that silence speaks louder than words.
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