The next morning, Yibo's alarm wakes Xiao Zhan up.
It takes a few seconds for the tune to register, and the moment it does, he is immediately reminded of where he is, and with whom.
Fear strikes him, and so he shoots up to see if he is alone. However he finds that he cannot move too far, as the human that has his arm curled tightly around his waist, is keeping him in place.
Yibo moans softly, still somewhat asleep and definitely unhappy about the disturbance. His arm though easily budges, and so Xiao Zhan is able to reach for his phone on the nightstand to turn off the alarm.
He finds though that he needs Yibo's password for this, but he is reluctant to wake him so he instead just brings the volume down from the side.
Afterwards, he sets the phone down and returns to his place, by his side.
Sometime during the night they had turned and switched positions, till where he had settled on his side while Yibo had spooned him from behind.
Xiao Zhan's smiles, his heart swelling as he stares down at Yibo's still sleeping and angelic face. It is now 4am, which gives Yibo an hour more with him until he has to leave. He decides though to let Yibo sleep in a bit further, giving him the chance to watch him with abandon.
A few minutes of bliss pass by, but when the concerns and worries also begin to stir in his mind, he decides then to wake Yibo.
With the tip of his finger, he begins to gently stroke Yibo's lashes, and this is effective enough to pull Yibo awake. It does take a few further disturbances though for Yibo to abandon sleep altogether and open his eyes.
Xiao Zhan is amused at Yibo's sullen face, but then Yibo's eyes settle on him, clear and piercing, and Xiao Zhan's breath seizes.
They watch each other, as though both trying to comprehend the fact that they are both in bed and waking up to the other. And then Yibo's lips is on his.
Xiao Zhan is taken aback, but only has a moment to be surprised before he is consumed.
The kiss is gentle, but deep,and as Yibo's tongue intertwines with his, he feels gravity give way from underneath him.
Tears sting his eyes as his arms come around Yibo's shoulders, pulling and flattening Yibo against his body.
He kisses Yibo back with a wild fervency as the heated sweetness warms his blood, and sets his toes and fingers tingling.
Soon eneough Yibo pulls his lips away feom his and Xioa zhan is left dazed and breathless.
He is incapable of opening his eyes as the ethereal buzz simmers through his veins, and it is a while after before he feels his soul return to his body.
He opens his eyes then to meet Yibo staring down at him, and he shudders.
Yibo feels it, and this causes a small smile to curve his lips as he lowers his gaze to the very listless Xiao Zhan beneath him.
"Are you alright?" he asks, and Xiao Zhan doesn't know whether to smack him or kiss him again.
And so he just licks his lips, and continues to stare at him.
"Ge," Yibo calls, and Xiao Zhan's gaze moves to Yibo's untidy hair. He wants to reach out to run his fingers through it, but his bones feel too weak. And so he just remains still and battered by the absolutely sweetest morning greeting he has ever received.
I love youhe thinks in sheer wonder, and not till he feels Yibo also go still above him does he realize that perhaps he has said this out loud.
Yibo sighs, and then buries his face in his neck.
He doesn't respond with words to the sentiment, but as he wraps his arms hard around Xiao Zhan and breathes him in, his response is delivered.
They remain in this position for about a minute longer, until Yibo begins to pull away. Xiao Zhan lets him, and watches as Yibo sits upright on the bed.
"I need to take a shower," he says, and reaches for his phone to check the time. Xiao Zhan watches a frown come to his face as the screen lights up before him, and then he turns it off.
He returns his gaze to Xiao Zhan, and receives his consent to leave.
"Go," Xiao Zhan says, and shuts his eyes again, unable to look any further at him.
Yibo reaches forward to place one last kiss on the side of his cheek, and then he is off.
Xiao Zhan turns to his side and curls into a ball at the loss of Yibo's warmth and presence.
He cannot believe that in less than an hour, and once again, they will both be estranged. Or perhaps they won't be, but it all boils down to Yibo, and Xioa Zhan is severely unhappy at this. He thinks a bit more, and then he rises up from the bed.
He wonders now as he briefly stares at the rumpled covers and sheets, if he will from now on even be able to stomach falling asleep without Yibo.
With a sigh, he turns around and heads to the bathroom.
He meets Yibo standing at the sink, still solely in his briefs, and with Xiao Zhan's toothbrush in his mouth.
He is certain that the hotel has provided some extra ones somewhere, but Yibo he knows probably didn't even bother searching for it.
Yibo seems shy as their gazes meet in the brightly lit space, and so his eyes lower from Xiao Zhan's.
Xiao Zhan walks past him without a word, and heads over to the toilet to urinate.
He cares little for the loud sound the discharge makes in the space, and then afterwards, he completely takes off his clothes and heads into the stall.
He turns the valve on and sighs as the warm cascade beats down on him, soaking his hair and wetting his skin. He feels physically rested, but yet emotionally exhausted as he ponders on what to do about his relationship with Yibo.
They're now at a seemingly unsolvable stalemate, and it exasperates Xiao Zhan to no end.
He remains still under the water, until a short while after he senses the glass to the stall slide open.
He doesn't open his eyes, even as Yibo presses his body to Xiao Zhan's back and then circles his arms around his waist.
He doesn't say a word, and he doesn't need to because Xiao Zhan imagines that Yibo can probably accurately guess why he is not in the best of moods.
The feel of Yibo's naked body against his is dizzying, and as Yibo's arousal digs harder and harder into him, Xiao Zhan's temper begins to boil both sexually and mentally.
"When are you going to unblock me?" he asks, and Yibo goes still.
A few seconds later, his arms begin to unwrap from around Xiao Zhan's waist and Xiao Zhan lets him. But then he turn the water off, and faces Yibo.
Yibo holds his gaze, and it is soft with guilt and incertitude.
Xiao Zhan doesn't expect that he has a response to this question, but still he repeats it anyway.
"When?" he asks, and Yibo is unable to even blink. Eventually, he finds the courage to look away and turns to reach for the shower gel that has been placed in the nook of the wall.
He pumps a healthy amount of it into his hands, and then begins to rub it over his partially damp hair.
Xiao Zhan can't help but feel pity for him, but at this point he feels even more pity for himself.
"I needyou," he tells him, his tone grim. "What do I have to do to get you back?"
Yibo doesn't respond and instead continues to wash his hair, probably regrettng now that he had come into the stall.
Xiao Zhan doesn't plan to hold back.
"Should I announce that I'm married to some girl? That way they'll leave us alone and assume whenever they see us together that we're just friends? Will you take me back then?"
At this Yibo's gaze snaps to his, sharp and alarmed.
He is stunned speechless, just as Xiao Zhan expects, however he means every word. Yibo knows this, so he turns around and walks out of the stall.
Xiao Zhan goes after him.
Yibo grabs a big towel to wrap around himself but Xiao Zhan doesn't even bother. He knows that this is not the best way to go about resolving things between them, but at this point, he is flat out of alternative ideas and the frustration of their impending separation is killing him. What he wants to do now is to slap Yibo's brain back to functioning, but he doubts that even this will be effective.
Yibo lowers his head to the sink and turns the faucet on, while Xiao Zhan heads over to the adjacent wall to rest against it with his arms folded across his chest. He watches as Yibo rinses the soap out of his hair, and when he is done, he straightens. He meets Xiao Zhan's gaze through their reflection in the mirror as he brushes the water out of his eyes, watching and waiting.
However he doesn't say a word.
"I hate that you're able to survive this," Xiao Zhan says. "That you seem to be doing just fine."
At this, Yibo's gaze on him through the mirror turns murderous.
Xiao Zhan moves then but Yibo instantly retreats as though backing away from a dangerous enemy.
"What are you actually afraid of?" Xiao Zhan asks him. "Because what I'm scared of is the fact that your stubbornness will actually keep us away from each other. Indefinitely."
"What could possibly be scarier to you than that?"
Yibo's back soon connects with the wall so he is forced to stop, but Xiao Zhan continues with his approach until he is standing right before Yibo. He gazes intently at him as he tries to decipher him.
"Yibo," he calls. "Do you love me? Or did you figure out somewhere along the line that you don't as much as you thought you did, and all of this is just you taking every excuse you can find to stay away from me."
Yibo lifts his gaze to his, his eyes ablaze with shock at what Xiao Zhan has just said.
Xiao Zhan can also hear how heavy his breathing has gotten at the accusation, however he is unmoved by how hurt Yibo seems by this because he himself is hurting even more.
With a hard blink, Yibo turns around to leave but Xiao Zhan pushes against his shoulder to keep in place. Yibo shoves his hand away.
"Don't touch me," he snarls, and then glares at him.
Xiao Zhan finally sees the tears that have now filled his eyes but still he remains unmoved.
"Do you love me?" he asks again. "Tell me the truth. Tell me that you don't and maybe I'll believe it."
"I don't," Yibo says without missing a beat, and Xiao Zhan is bitterly amused.
But then a tear falls from the corner of Yibo's eyes and Xiao Zhan watches as it rolls down his face.
He returns his gaze back to Yibo.
"How can you stand it?" he asks, genuinely perplexed. "With every second that passes I feel like something is hacking my heart to pieces. Don't you feel that? How can you stand it?"
Yibo wipes the wet streak off his cheeks.
"You're not the only one that I've loved and had to stay apart from," he tells him. "With time you get used to it."
Xiao Zhan feels a slight fear at these words, as he considers whom else Yibo could be referring to. He searches his memories and it takes him back to the first time Yibo had told him he loved him, and how he had also told him that besides him and his parents, he had never said that to anyone else.
"Do you mean your family?" he asks but Yibo doesn't respond. Instead he looks away, his eyes rimmed red.
"Yibo it's not the same. Sure you have to be away from them most of the time but, they'll always be in your life even though you're apart from them. It's not the same with me. What if I truly move on like you want me to? And perhaps even be with someone else? Do you think you'll be able to handle it then?"
"I want you to move on," he says adamantly, and Xiao Zhan almost hits him right there.
But then he allays his temper, and although it is an excruciating battle, he is soon able to control his fury.
"You want me to move on?" he repeats, however Yibo doesn't respond.
Xiao Zhan has never felt so frustrated in his entire life, as once again he repeats the same arguement with Yibo.
So with a heavy sigh, he turns around and returns to the stall. In there, he turns down the water's temperature so that he can soothe the fury that seems to be peeling off his skin layer after layer.
He is so angry that he wants to rip his heart out of his chest and smash it to the ground, but what will that solve? What also will getting so mad at Yibo solve? He cannot believe that the love of his life is also the most stubborn, mule headed person in the entire world.
The longer he stays under the cascade though, the easier it is for him to calm himself and to remember that Yibo is still quite young, and so there are some things that he will naturally take for granted.
He doesn't want to give him such an easy pass though so he resolves in his heart that in the future, he will ensure that Yibo pays for this torment. Somehow.
He doesn't know how just yet but just the very thought that he will be able to mete out some sort of retribution consoles him.
And so he sighs, and begins to reach for the soap but then he is reminded of the fact that Yibo has a flight to catch, and a busy day ahead. Therefore, he probably needs this shower even more urgently than he does as Xiao Zhan can always adjust his own schedule. He glances through the frosted glass to meet that Yibo is still standing in the same spot, and his heart melts as he realizes then that it is too late for him to try to recover from this boy. He doesn't even want to, and so he slides the door back open and calls out to him.
"You have a flight to catch. You need to shower."
Yibo turns his glare to him, and it would have been somewhat amusing if all of this wasn't so tragic. He can almost feel the storm that is currently raging inside Yibo as he tries to decide on whether to go to Xiao Zhan or to just storm out of the bathroom altogether.
Xiao Zhan worries that he might choose the latter option, but he also knows that unless he placates Yibo in some way, he most definitely will not choose the former.
Xiao Zhan lowers his gaze and sighs, wondering just how in the hell he had given his heart to such a vicious baby. And so he brushes his hair out of his eyes, steps out of the stall and heads back to Yibo, water dripping all over the floor much to his distaste.
Yibo watches him approach as though ready for the second round of a fight, however Xiao Zhan has no further interest in souring these last moments of their time together and so he covers Yibo's bunched fist with his hand and stares deeply into his eyes.
Yibo tries to pull his hand out of Xiao Zhan's hold, but he doesn't let him.
"You don't plan on seeing me again any time soon do you?" Xiao Zhan asks, and this causes Yibo to go still.
Let's not be mad at each other, and moreover you're running out of time."
"I'll shower at home," Yibo says and starts to turn away from him but Xiao Zhan grabs onto his arm to pull him back. As a result, Yibo's towel unravels from around his waist and begins to fall down his hips, and before Yibo can catch, it is already on the floor.
Xiao Zhan gazes down at his striking body and straining hardness, and feels himself parch.
"You're already late," he tells him but Yibo still tries to pull out of his grasp until Xiao Zhan manoeuveres him with more of his strength, and nails his hips to the wall.
Yibo's inhale is sharp as their groins connect, and as Xiao Zhan's hand flattens against his chest to hold him in place.
"Yibo," he calls, but his hand is brushed away. However before Yibo can turn for another attempt to leave, Xiao Zhan catches Yibo's face in his hands.
Yibo's hands lock around his wrists to pull them away but Xiao Zhan doesn't budge.
Instead, he leans forward and slants his head to kiss him.
Yibo's taste as usual is dizzyingly sweet, but before he can go any deeper, Yibo wrenches his lips away.
"For fucks sake!" Xiao Zhan complains, and opens his eyes to see the scowl on Yibo's face.
"What are you so mad about?"
Yibo doesn't respond and once again tries to pull Xiao Zhan's hands off his face. He suceeds and tries to move away but Xiao Zhan cannot bear to see him leave.
"Yibo," he grabs his arm once again and at the hurt in his tone, Yibo comes to a halt. He is partially turned away with his gaze off to the side, and as Xiao Zhan stares at his flushed beautiful face, and wet messy hair, it all becomes too much for him to bear. So he lets Yibo go and returns to the stall before the tears in his eyes are exposed.
Underneath the stream of water, he allows the tears to fall down his face, glad that they are hidden from both himself and Yibo.
He doesn't know if Yibo will truly walk away, and leaving them both in such a sour state with each other guts him.
He moves his head slightly away from the water and tries to regulate his breathing, hoping that this will soothe the pain that is currently wringing him. But then once again the door to the stall is slid open, and he nearly crumbles from the relief.
Yibo's arms come around him from behind, tightly and desperately, and the tears pour even harder from Xiao Zhan's eyes.
Yibo buries his face in his neck, and Xiao Zhan holds onto the arm wrapped around his chest.
"Don't be mean to me," his voice breaks. "I can't take it. I can't take any of this."
"You're mean to me too," Yibo says, his voice in his ears, and Xiao Zhan turns to meet his eyes.
"How?" he asks. "How exactly am I mean to you?"
Yibo stares at him. "Do you really think I don't love you? And that's why I'm keeping us apart?"
Xiao Zhan holds his gaze for a bit longer, and then turns away.
"You ownme," Yibo tells him, squeezing him even harder, and at these words a shudder reverberates through Xiao Zhan.
"Then why can't I have you?"
"I'm too scared," he breathes. "I'm sorry."
They remain like this for a long minute, before Xiao Zhan speaks again.
"Let's be friends then," he says. "Unblock me. I need to be able to talk to you from time to time."
Yibo hides his face even deeper into his neck. And although his words are muffled as he speaks into his skin, Xiao Zhan can hear him clearly.
"I wish I could," he says. "I'm the one who needs to be able to talk to you... but I'm barely hanging on. I can't be friends with you and not lose my head. And not lie to myself once again that I'm not putting you in danger."
"Is putting me in danger more scary than not being with me?"
"Mn" Yibo replies. "Because I've seen the world hurt you, and I'd rather be without you than to see it happen again."
With a deep, heavy sigh, Xiao Zhan accepts now that there's no convincing him. So he tightens his hold around Yibo's arms to pull them away.
At first Yibo resists, but then he eventually gives in and let's him go.
Xiao Zhan turns around, and with a hand under Yibo's chin, lifts his gaze up to meet his.
"Alright," he says. "We're not friends."
To this, Yibo lowers his gaze but then Xiao Zhan slants his head and captures Yibo's lips in a kiss.
It is nothing like the gentle, toe curling kiss that Yibo had greeted him with earlier in bed.
Instead, this one is deep and hard and has Yibo staggering backwards untill his back connects with the tiled wall.
Xiao Zhan licks feverishly into his mouth, the contact searing and vindictive, and then he pulls away.
Yibo's eyes remain shut, his lips parted and his breathing ragged.
Xiao Zhan watches the heaving of his chest, and then he places a hand against Yibo's heart.
He feels the hard thump of the muscle just underneath, and then Yibo's words to him just a minute earlier floats through his mind.
You own me.
And so he speaks.
"We're not friends," Xiao Zhan says. "And we're not lovers. But yet here we are in a shower stall together. And there's nowhere else I'd rather be. What does this make us then?"
Yibo reopens his eyes at the question, but of course he doesn't have a response. Xiao Zhan doesn't have a response for himself either so he decides then to altogether forfeit his search for answers.
He pulls Yibo away from the wall, and positions him under the water stream. Then he reaches out to pump some of the gel onto his hands and then turns the water off before gently spreading it across Yibo's face. Yibo watches him as he gently works the soap into his skin, and then begins to take it down his neck.
"You're going to bathe me?" Yibo asks, his voice soft with wonder and Xiao Zhan nods. He grabs the bath sponge, adds some more soap to it and begins to run it across Yibo's shoulders.
"I love how your hair smelled yesterday," Xiao Zhan says quietly. "What shampoo do you usually use at home?"
Yibo doesn't respond, and so Xiao Zhan is forced to take his gaze away from his chest as he runs the sponge down his torso.
He meets Yibo still watching him intently, but then a few seconds after he seems to recover himself enough to speak.
"I don't know," he says. "I'll have to check."
At this Xiao Zhan smiles. "How can you not know?"
"I don't get them myself," he says and turns around at Xiao Zhan's nudging. "They're just always there when I need them."
"They're probably head and shoulderssince you endorse them." Xiao says as he gently rubs the sponge down Yibo's back and then over the curve of his ass. He then begins to slide it through the middle and Yibo bounds away from him.
This slightly startles Xiao Zhan, and even when he lifts his gaze to see the blend of amusement and shock on Yibo's face, he remains stumped as to his reaction.
"What is it?" he asks, and Yibo's eyes widen even further.
"Zhan ge!" he laughs nervously. "You can't-" he begins to sputter.
"I can't what?" Xiao Zhan asks. Yibo's gaze goes to the sponge and when his cheeks begin to redden, Xiao Zhan finally understands.
"You used my toothbrush," he reminds him and Yibo exclaims. "It's not the same."
"Exactly. It's worse," Xiao Zhan says, and Yibo seems too amused and shaken at the same time to respond further to this. So he reaches for the sponge and tries to pull it out of Xiao Zhan's hand. "I'll do it myself," he says but Xiao Zhan moves it out of his reach.
"Why are you uncomfortable with this?" he asks, now genuinely curious.
"Zhan ge," Yibo groans, but Xiao Zhan refuses to drop it. "I've kissed you there before," he says, and Yibo covers his face with his hands.
Xiao Zhan can't help but be amused now as he heads over to him.
"Are you trying to say that you can't kiss me there?" he asks as he pulls Yibo's hands away to press their foreheads together. Yibo reopens his eyes, time seeming to slow down once again as his hands hold on to Xiao Zhan's sides to keep him standing.
"I will," he breathes .
"So what's the problem with me washing you there?" he asks, and Yibo's pupils begin to dilate.
"There's no problem," he breathes and Xiao Zhan's grin widens.
His eyes lower to Yibo's lips, parted and eager, but he is able to hold himself back. Instead, he wraps his arms around Yibo and crushes their bodies together.
"You're going to be so late," he sighs, and Yibo throws his arms around his shoulders.
"I don't care," he says and hugs him hard.
And with this Xiao Zhan gets an answer to a question that he'd never even thought to ask. Who Yibo is to him.
Funny enough, Yibo had been the one to bring up this question between them in what now seems Iike forever ago.
In his mother's kitchen, after he had truly kissed Yibo for the first time, and after Yibo had told him that he loved him... for the first time.
"You're not going to sleep with me until you make up your mind on what you want us to be to each other right?" Yibo had asked him and he had sent the question right back to him.
"Have you made up your mind, on what you want us to be to each other?
Yibo's response then had been a yes, but he'd refused to tell Xiao Zhan what it was. Instead he'd said this.
"I'll tell you, after you tell me yours."
And so now, eons later, and since his own answer is finally clear to him, he brings up the question to Yibo again.
"Has it changed?" he asks. "What you want me to be to you?"
He feels Yibo slightly stiffen in his arms, but he doesn't pull away.
"Do you remember?" he asks. "Back in Chongqing. You told me that you'd tell me after I told you mine."
Yibo goes quiet for a few seconds, and then he shakes his head, much to Xiao Zhan's surprise. So Xiao Zhan pulls slightly away so that he can look into his eyes.
"It hasn't?"
Yibo shakes his head again.
"Even now? That we broke up?"
Yibo shakes his head again, and Xiao Zhan is immensely curious now.
"What is it?"
Yibo's eyes roves over his features, and then he reaches up to brush Xiao Zhan's wet hair away from his face.
"Does it matter?" he asks and Xiao Zhan frowns, much to his amusement.
"Alright," he says. "I... I wanted you to be the one person that's on my side. Always."
Xiao Zhan listens carefully to his words, and although they are brief, their weight is heavy on his heart.
"Onyour side?" he asks, and Yibo's gaze settles on his.
"Mn."
Xiao Zhan further considers this. "Not byyour side?"
Yibo smiles shyly. "A lot of people are by my side, because it serves them. None of them will be on my side when it doesn't."
"..."
"Have you ever felt that I wasn't on your side?" Xiao Zhan asks, and Yibo begins to stroke down Xiao Zhan's torso absent-mindedly.
He doesn't respond, but Xiao Zhan is prepared to wait and as he does, his words to his father on the night of their confrontation comes to mind.
"...I have lost him... from now on, whatever faith he had in me has been completely destroyed... and if by some miracle, I am ever able to earn him back, I will have to spend the rest of my life making it up to him. Trying to convince him that no matter what... I will always be on his side. That I will never, ever, allow anyone to think that it is okay to attack him on my behalf."
"No," Yibo responds to him with a smile, but Xiao Zhan doesn't miss the sadness in his eyes.
"Liar," he says to him, and Yibo is startled at this.
"This is why you broke up with me isn't it?"
Yibo seems perplexed. "What?"
"You lost faith in me. After what my father did. Especially since before then I made it impossible for you to even reach me, to get me to believe that you were truly sorry, for the thousandth time."
Xiao Zhan curves his arms around Yibo's shoulders and stares into his eyes.
"It's going to take a while for you to recover from that isn't it? You're still bleeding from it, aren't you?"
Yibo shakes his head. "I didn't lose faith in you," he counters, and Xiao Zhan pays rapt attention. "I just ... I just realized that asking you to be on my side the way I needed you to be, was impossible."
At this, Yibo's hand softly cradles the side of his face. "You love me, I know you do, but I'm not the only one that you love. So asking you to be on my side no matter what means that I'm asking you to love me more than anyone else. To put me above everyone else. I can't do that," Yibo laughs softly, but Xiao Zhan is unable to look away from the sheen of tears in his eyes.
"Why can't you?" he asks and Yibo blinks, perplexed.
"What?"
Xiao Zhan moves his arms from around Yibo's shoulders and wraps it around his waist.
"Why can't you ask me to put you before everyone else?" he presses him hard against him.
Yibo is stunned. "Xiao Zhan."
Xiao Zhan watches him and waits, until Yibo is forced to respond.
"I don't have that right," he breathes, and it is only then that Xiao Zhan realizes the one thing that they have to be for Yibo to ever be able to accept him again.
Not just friends or just lovers, but family.
"I'll give it to you then," Xiao Zhan says, and Yibo freezes.
"Will you marry me?"
Time stops as Xiao Zhan's brain begins to process the words that his heart has just relayed.
He knows what Yibo's answer will be, but it doesn't bother him because for the first time in a very long time, he feels absolute peace.
Yibo begins to pull away from him without even realizing it, but Xiao Zhan doesn't let him.
"I need to breathe," he eventually says, his hand wrapping around Xiao Zhan's to loosen his hold, but still Xiao Zhan doesn't budge.
"I want you to become my family," Xiao Zhan says, and Yibo's eyes widen even further. "Not just someone I'm dating. You'll have the confidence then to demand that I put you above everyone else won't you?"
Yibo this time around pulls so hard away from him, that Xiao Zhan is forced to let him go. He staggers backwards, but Xiao Zhan reaches out to hold onto him. Yibo's back hits the tiled wall, and only then is Xiao Zhan assured enough to let go.
Yibo is still staring wide eyed at him, and so Xiao Zhan cocks his head slightly to give him a soft smile.
Yibo turns around then to exit the stall, but before he can leave Xiao Zhan catches him once again.
"Rinse off first," he says and manages to pull Yibo under the shower head.
He turns the valve on before Yibo can complain, and water rains down on him
Xiao Zhan feels his legs slightly tremble, and this makes him realize that he is terrified. Especially with how distraught Yibo seems to be at his words.
He doesn't regret what he has just said, but he does worry that perhaps, and once again, he is being too impatient. And so he watches as Yibo rinses himself off, pushes his hair out of his face and then exits the stall. Xiao Zhan doesn't miss his small bow as he takes his leave, and this amuses him despite his now tangled nerves.
Afterwards, he focuses on finishing up with his shower, and then he walks out to meet the bathroom empty.
He hopes that Yibo hasn't left without saying goodbye to him, but still he isn't in a hurry to find out. So he takes his time with toweling himself off and brushing his teeth, and only thereafter does he exit the space.
To his relief he meets Yibo in the room, now with his pants on and seated on his side of the bed. His eyes are staring down at his phone, but Xiao Zhan doubts that he is even seeing it. With a smile, he heads over to his bag to pull out a pair of briefs and begins to get dressed. Soon, he hears Yibo on the phone and from the conversation he can tell that Shuhui has arrived and is now waiting.
Xiao Zhan feels sad and antsy because his time once again with Yibo, is about to come to an end.
A few minutes later, he has his pants pulled on as well as a white t-shirt, and then Yibo calls out to him.
"Ge," he says, and Xiao Zhan turns around to face him, a ready smile on his face. Yibo is still on his side of the bed, although he is now standing.
"I'm leaving," he says and Xiao Zhan nods in response.
"Alright."
Xiao Zhan sends him a heartfelt smile, and then he returns his attention to his bag and begins to rummage through it; searching for nothing in particular and hoping that Yibo will quickly leave the room. He is the one that now needs to breathe as he feels as though his lungs are shutting down.
Xiao Zhan is so occupied with trying to survive this moment when Yibo finally leaves, that he doesn't realize that Yibo is approaching. So when he suddenly feels Yibo's presence and then hears his name, he is startled.
The room is dark as the morning is still early, but the lamp turned on by Yibo's bedside is more than enough to illuminate Yibo's face. Xiao Zhan finds that he cannot read Yibo's expression whatsoever, and this makes him more nervous than he has ever been in his entire life.
"What time is your flight?" Yibo asks, and Xiao Zhan automatically responds although he is not sure of the answer that he gives. He does however hear Yibo's response.
"Oh," Yibo says, and nods.
They somewhat stare at each other, and then Xiao Zhan smiles nervously once again.
"Have a great day in Changsha today," he says and Yibo nods again.
Xiao Zhan can no longer stand the tension, so he pats Yibo on the shoulder and then steps to the side so that he can leave.
"I left some things in the bathroom," he tells him, and begins to walk away.
Yibo lets him, and Xiao Zhan finds himself in a haste to escape. However, what exactly he is escaping from he doesn't know.
And so when he arrives in the bathroom, he shuts the door shut and leans against it, on the verge of suffocating.
He gasps for breath, and claims it in deep, shaky inhales. A few seconds later, he feels himself stabilize and shuts his eyes to listen to the erratic thumping of his heart.
Yibo is once again gone from him and he doesn't know how to feel.
Devastation is a given, but this time around it is plagued with extreme confusion and a near panic. He had asked Yibo to marry him... to become his family.
It is what he wants, beyond all else however he cannot tell whether he has just doused their current estrangement with more fuel, or whether this is a step in the right direction to clearing open a new path for them.
Once again, he doesn't regret his request but what he realizes now that he is beginning to regret is that he hadn't at least hugged Yibo before he'd left. At this point, he is not certain of the next time that he is going to be able to see him or even speak to him, and thus the constantly lodged blade in his heart begins to once again hack into him.
And so he hurries out of the bathroom, certain that Yibo has probably left by now but still needing to at least head into the living room to confirm.
He pulls the door to the bedroom open... and freezes.
Yibo is standing before it, unable to move. His eyes widen in shock as he sees Xiao Zhan and so he turns around to leave but Xiao Zhan catches his hand to stop him.
"Hey," he calls and Yibo is forced to turn to him.
"What is it?" Xiao Zhan asks.
"I... I f-forgot something," he stutters.
"Oh," Xiao Zhan says and glances at the bedroom behind. "What did you forget?"
Yibo stares at him, and the indecipherable look in his eyes begins to liquefy Xiao Zhan.
"What did you forget?' Xiao Zhan repeats, nearly out of breath again.
"Nothing," Yibo says and starts to turn around again but Xiao Zhan is unable to let go of his hand. He soon realizes this and sets Yibo free, but then Yibo returns to him and gently cradles his face in his hands.
And then he kisses him.
Xiao Zhan grabs onto the front of Yibo's shirt to keep himself from crumbling to the floor as Yibo weaves his tongue in and out of his mouth. He sucks hard on his lips and ravishes him until Xiao Zhan feels his knees begin to wobble.
His heart is about to burst, and only when the emotions are about to physically choke him does Yibo pull away. He collapses onto him and Yibo has to hold him upright.
He struggles to catch his breath and then he begins to burn with shame at his reaction to Yibo. He is unable to look at him as he wills the strength to return to his legs, but then as he recalls how Yibo had collapsed to the floor after he'd kissed him in his mother's kitchen, with spice containers bouncing off his body, he cannot help but be amused.
"Zhan ge," Yibo calls, and Xiao Zhan is able to look at him then.
His face is filled with concern, and so Xiao Zhan leans forward to press a kiss to the tip of his nose. "I'm fine," he says. "Thanks for coming back to kiss me."
"Mn," Yibo nods and then slowly begins to loosen his hold on his arms.
Xiao Zhan presses a hand to his chest and soon Yibo is away from him.
He smiles shyly and then turns around, finally, to take his leave.
NOTES:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/27443527/chapters/75520727
Bear with me my loves. A huge chunk of my project is wrapping up tomorrow so updates will be much much more frequent. ❤️