Nikoli only moved once, and that was to go to the bathroom when they took Lily for another CT scan. Adam came back at one point and handed him coffee, but he wasn't sure if he even thanked him for it.
He was absorbed in Lily's book.
She had a way with words that made him feel every single emotion she did as she wrote it. He laughed, he got angry with her, but when it came to the tough parts, he hurt along with her as well.
And then came Race Day.
He stopped reading for a heartbeat, but he forced himself to do it. He felt that day all over again, only worse. He felt it through her words, through how she felt, and if he was able to go back in time, he'd have beat the shit out of himself. He always knew Lily felt deeply, but he'd had no idea the true depth of her soul. Until he read how she'd shattered into a thousand tiny shards and still wasn't able to put herself back together.
Adam super-glued her together enough to function. He'd lain with her for two days on the floor and just held her. Nikoli wanted to punch him, but he was too grateful to him to be able to do it. Lily would have regressed to the person she was without Boy Wonder. Reading her words, he knew it instinctively, so he had to refrain from bruising the man.
"Here. You have to eat." Adam dropped a Sonic bag in his lap and set a large drink on the table beside Lily's bed. "She still in CT?"
"They took her a few minutes ago. You didn't go home and change?
Adam shook his head. "If you'd eaten earlier, I wouldn't even have left the hospital."
"I'm fine. You don't need to worry about..."
"Yes, I do, because Lily would never forgive me if I let you sit and starve to death."
"I don't think a day and a half equals starving," Nik said sarcastically.
Adam shrugged and took out his own burger. The two of them had settled into a begrudging truce since Adam had broken up with Sue. After reading Lily's book, Nikoli had insights into Adam and Lily's relationship he hadn't before. He understood it better now. He also knew if he didn't attempt to get along with Boy Wonder, it would make his chances with Lily that much harder to achieve.
"Thanks for the food."
"Welcome." Adam tipped his head to Nik.
They ate in silence for a few minutes, but something had been bothering Nikoli from the beginning, and unless he cleared it up, he didn't think he'd ever be able to look at Adam without contempt.
"Can I ask you something without pissing you off?"
Adam popped a fry in his mouth. "Depends on what it is."
"It's about Lily."
"It'll probably piss me off, but go ahead."
"Why did you and Mike let her phobia go on for so long?"
"We didn't let it, as you put it. I tried..."
"You tried by hugging her when she was sixteen. Back then, I doubt there was anything you could have done that would have worked. She wasn't ready to be helped. But the last year or two? Why didn't you see how much she wanted help? You, specifically. You're her best friend. You know her better than anyone, including me. Why didn't you see it?"
Adam's face screwed up in anger, and he looked like he wanted to beat Nik, but he stayed where he was.
"Look, I get the question is hard, and you hate that she loves me, but I want to understand. You're important to her, and that means you and I are going to have to get to at least a civil point."
"She should be mine," Adam spit out.
Nikoli debated telling him about Lily's feelings, but once Adam read her book, he'd know anyway.
"She was in love with you."
That caught his attention, but he shook his head. "No, she wasn't. She told me she wasn't."
"You know she wrote a book?"
He nodded. "She won't let me read it."
"Jan gave it to me to read. It's basically our story, mine and Lily's. She put her best friend in it too. Reading her words, it's obvious she was in love with you in the beginning, but she fell in love with me."
Adam looked shell-shocked. "You're telling me she loved me?"
Boy Wonder wasn't quick on the uptake.
"Yes. That's why I'm asking you why you never saw that she wanted so badly to be helped, to get better. She knew you needed someone you could touch, and that was her goal when she and I made our bargain. The bet was something she told people so they'd believe she'd date me."
"You're telling me she was dating you so she could learn to touch and be touched...so she could be what I wanted?" His voice broke, and he cleared his throat, looking away.
"I saw how she felt about you that night at Joe's. It was there for anyone to see."
"I..."
Nikoli could have said a million things to Adam, but he chose to say nothing. Adam was beating himself up enough for both of them.
"I could tell you a thousand and one excuses," Adam said after a long minute. "But the truth is I don't know why I didn't see it. I was so busy with wedding plans that I didn't have time for her last year or over the summer. It wasn't until she started hanging out with you that I understood the depth of my feelings for her."
He stood and walked over to the window, gazing down at the parking lot below.
Nikoli almost felt bad for him, but fuck, the man was an idiot.
"I should have done more to try to help her." Adam crossed his arms. "Maybe I just got used to the way she was, and I liked that she needed me to protect her from everyone. She didn't want to be touched, and I made sure people stayed away."
That made sense in a strange way. Adam adapted to her phobia. Nik spent several hours talking to a counselor the school provided to try to understand Lily's phobia. He'd talked to him about Lily and Adam's relationship and his confusion with the way Boy Wonder let his best friend go on like she was. The counselor had said basically the same thing Adam was now. The two of them had a symbiotic relationship that fed off each other's needs and fears.
"Did you know she came to Boston to escape you?"
"What?" Adam's head snapped up, and his gaze swung to Nikoli. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"She knew you were going to LSU, and she saw this as her way of escaping her feelings for you because she couldn't be what you needed. Then you followed her here because you didn't think she could handle it on her own, but that's not why you followed her, is it?"
"No."
"I didn't think so. Even if you weren't ready to admit it, you loved her."
"I always have."
"Sue?"
"I thought I loved her. I convinced myself I did, but the truth is I gave in to the pressure of asking Sue to marry me. It was expected after we'd dated for over a year, and she kept dropping hints...and I didn't think Lily'd ever get better. So, I popped the question."
"That was a mistake."
"I know. When I realized how much I loved Lily, I knew I had to do something about Sue. Even Lily asked me if I was happy. She made me promise to think about what I was doing before I married Sue. When she wanted to leave while Lils was in surgery, that was the final straw. I knew I'd never be able to be happy with her because she was just too selfish."
"It blew up your future when you dumped her, huh?"
"Yeah, I guess it did."
"Lily's mine, though. If you think you're going to win her from me, you're dead wrong."
"She might have some thoughts on that."
"Fuck that. She's in love with me."
"If I'd been able to see she was ready to be helped, she wouldn't have looked twice at you."
"You're probably right, but your mistake was my good fortune. She's the best person I know, and I'm going to make sure she understands how much I love her every single day."
"I meant what I said last night. If you hurt her like that ever again, I will kill you."
"I'd expect nothing less."
Adam turned to look back out the window, his shoulders slumped. He understood he had no chance with Lily. Nikoli knew it too. She loved Adam, but she was no longer in love with him. Once Adam read her book, he'd understand too.
"Do you want to read the book?"
"Yes." He came back over and sat in the chair he'd vacated.
Nikoli picked up Janet's tablet, knowing this was the best way for Adam to get the idea that Lily could be his out of his head.
"It's rough to read." He handed over the electronic device.
"It'll probably hurt like hell, but I need to read it."
"That's how I felt when Janet brought it this morning."
"Why don't you go get a shower while I read? She won't be back for a few more minutes, and I bribed the nurse earlier to let me use the shower in one of the empty rooms. You shouldn't have an issue charming your way into one either."
Nikoli snorted, but he got up and went in search of a nurse. He stank. When you could smell yourself, that was when it was time to find some soap and water. He didn't want Lily smelling the stink and thinking she was somewhere bad. God only knew what she was experiencing while she was unconscious.
The least he could do was not add to her angst.