My mind runs in circles as an image of a house on fire appears inside my head. I can't process the fact that I am in this situation. This is a scene from a movie or better yet from my very active imagination. No one will ever believe that I just ran into one of the biggest celebrities in the whole country. I still have not moved not sure of what to say or how to say it. For a split second I contemplate if I should just turn around and run as fast as I can and not look back avoiding the awkward conversation to follow. But before I can make up my mind I hear him speak.
"Are you ok?" he asks and his genuine worry surprises me. It takes me another second to completely lift my head to meet his eyes and it feels like an eternity. My every move is filled with hesitation and I honestly don't know what to respond.
"Yes" I stutter and once our eyes meet I want the floor to swallow me. "I am sorry" I find my words and I bow to apologize for my clumsiness.
"No worries as long as you are ok" He says and even though he is wearing a mask I can still see him smile. His bright eyes are a dead give away. The embarrassment I felt before changes into nerves and I feel my heart beat faster, finally realizing how gorgeous this man is. How hard it is to look at him for more that a few seconds. I unconsciously look down trying to avoid his eyes and I apologize again.
"Please stop apologizing its fine, I was not looking where I was going. I should be the one apologizing" I hear him say and I don't think I have ever been this nervous around anyone. I don't know if it's because of who he is or if it's something else.
"No, No, No" I stutter again. "I was in my head and you would think the dancer girl should not be clumsy but I am the exception to the rule" I blurt out not really thinking before speaking. Why do I feel the need to remind him I am a dancer. That's such an odd response. I hear him chuckle and even though I don't want to my body takes over and I raise my head to see his beautiful laugh.
"It happens to the best of us" He speaks and I think he is trying to make me feel better. It seems to work because I can't help the smile that scapes me. "You have a beautiful smile" He says and I swear I feel my heart stop. "You should always smile and never let anything make you cry" he continues and it makes me wonder if he noticed I was about to cry when I bumped into him. "The world is full of beautiful things that are worth your smile" his words are so beautiful and it makes me think of who he really is.
"Thank you for your kind words. I needed them today" I say truthfully and I knew he was sunshine but I didn't know he could have this affect on me. Seeing him smile and laugh has made me forget why I was crying in the first place. Of course that only lasts a few seconds because what happened before I ran into Jhope comes back to my mind. "I should get going before my group comes looking for me" I say and I know my smile is gone.
"You are with a group?" He asks and for some reason he seems interested in my answer.
"Yes, it's a dance group. I have only been a member for a few months" I say and at this moment I realize he probably does not remember who I am. Its a big relief to know he would not remember this encounter if we were to meet again but at the same time it hurts to know he didn't remember me.
"Do you guys do a lot of backup dance?" he continues his questioning and now I am sure he does not remember me. I mean why should he? He probably meets million of people a day and I didn't spend enough time with him to make any type of impression.
"For the most part" I say and end up explaining that most of our jobs are backup dance but we also do different genres of music including ballet. Jhope seems to be in his element and for a what feels like a long time he is no longer Jhope of BTS he is just a guy who is passionate about what he does and what he loves. He seems to turn into a normal person in front of my eyes and I forget that he is this famous idol. He might not remember me but he seems to enjoy the conversation and after taking his mask off he gives me full access to his beautiful smile. We both share our favorite styles of dance and before I know it time has passed by without me noticing. I hear a faint ring and I recognize it as my phone text notification.
"I am sorry I think my group might be looking for me" I say interrupting Jhope who has been doing most of the talking. You can really tell dance is his life because his whole body light ups when he talks about it.
"It's ok I think I should also get going. My security is probably waiting on me." He speaks but his smile is gone. I wonder what could have caused the disappearance of that gorgeous smile but I hear my phone again and I look down.
"Where are you? We are leaving now." I read Ji-Hoon text and I was right. They are looking for me.
I look back at Jhope ready to say my goodbyes but his facial expression has changed and he seems to be upset about something. "Again I am sorry about bumping into you like that. I have to go but I also wanted to thank you for taking the time to talk to me. I really enjoyed talking about dancing with you" I smile hoping he will do the same.
"Take care of yourself and please don't cry again." He says confirming my suspicious that he saw me hiding my tears. I try to keep my smile but once he walks closer to me it makes it hard. I am frozen in my spot unsure of what will happen and I watch in absolute shock when he walks so close that his face is inches away from mine. "Those tears have no place on that beautiful face." And with those amazing words he turns around and without giving me a chance to react he walks away and disappears from my view. I stand there for more time than I would like to admit and I keep replaying his words in my brain. I can't figure out why he affected me so much. I swear my knees felt weak when he approached me and once he was so close my vision got blurry. I don't know what is this or why this is happening but I can't think about that anymore. I have to find my group and go on with my day.
The order of shoes is finally ready and I pick it up trying to move fast and make it back to my group. I am thankful when I look back at the store across from where I am and I see them all huddled outside. They haven't left and I feel a little happiness seeing they waited for me. I walk over and I try to put everything that just happened behind me.
"There she is" Kang exclaims being the first one to notice me.
"Where were you?" Ji-Hoon asks raising an eyebrow.
"Oh I though it would be a good idea to look for some jewelry for the girls" I lie through my teeth without hesitation. I feel Kang's eyes on me and I try to avoid his stare. He seems curious or confused about my words but he doesn't say anything.
"Did you find anything? Or was it a waste of time?" Nari asks and I know she doesn't believe me. I know I might seem rude but I don't look her way. After what I saw I don't know if I could ever look at her again. I don't know if its because of the embarrassment I feel or maybe because I could potentially have a crush on who could be her boyfriend. It's hard to understand my feelings and honestly I don't know what I should do. I don't want to assume anything but its hard not to after what I saw.
"Nothing matched the outfits we picked out, that's why I took so long" I continue with my web of lies still not looking her way.
"Well it doesn't matter anyway. I think we should be good with what we got" Kang says and I think he senses Nari's attitude. They seem to be connected in some way and maybe my assumptions are right and they are together. Maybe they are not public and thats why no one has talked about it. There are many reasons why they would be together and want to hide it.
"Ok now that we are all here let's go back to the studio" Ji-Hoon says getting some of the bags from the floor followed by the other guys who do the same. Lee who is one of the guys grabs the bags I carry and I bow to thank him. They seem to have bought a lot more stuff after I left because each guy carries more than 5 bags.
Once we make it to the vans I watch as everyone splits between cars and they seem to pick the same spots they had on the way here. I do the same and take a seat in the back of the same van. I don't know if I want Kang to sit with me this time after what I saw today. But I know I won't say anything if he does. After what seems like slow moving minutes Kang joins me in the back and even though he is still his usual smiling self I know I don't look the same as this morning. I want to act like I didn't see anything but my face always gives me away.
"Are you ok?" Kang asks and even though those are the same words I heard before from some else the affect is not the same. Kang words don't seem to be honest and I don't feel any warmth hearing them. For some reason it makes me think about my feelings for him. How could those simple words sounds so different coming from two people. Why did one feel like he truly cared about me and the other one seems so empty. This afternoon has been very eye opening in many ways. I say yes as quiet as possible and hopefully he will take the hint that I don't want to speak. After staring at my face confused about my words he seems to give up because he turns to the guys in front of us and starts talking about random stuff. I don't listen to their conversation and I am back in my head which lately has become my favorite place. This is the only place where I can be myself with no judgement and no one tells me what to do or how to think. Today was not at all what I was expecting. I was so excited for this trip and all the possibilities but after what I witness I don't know what my feelings are anymore. I don't know what really changed me. If it was what I saw happen between Kang and Nari or the few minutes I was in a different world with someone called Jung Hoseok.