Yibo goes still, and as Xiao Zhan tries to catch his breath, he realizes that just a second earlier he had began to suffocate.
As he had watched Yibo leave for the second time in the same night.
His throat had clogged up, and his heart had nearly stopped.
But now, as he leans against him, their bodies pressed together, all he can do is focus on recovering.
The contact is not nearly adequate, but he has to make do so that he can strengthen himself enough to let Yibo go.
For now.
Like he had promised.
Yibo's warmth taunts him, the memories of just how capable it is of putting him out of this misery, badgering his mind.
But he cannot have it for too long, so he tightens his eyes even further shut, and begins to count down from ten.
"Zhan ge," Yibo slightly shifts, and fear grips Xiao Zhan.
"I'm counting to ten," he tells him, his voice muffled in Yibo's hair. "I'm going to count to ten. I'll move away after that."
He awaits Yibo's response, and it is soon delivered in a defeated sigh.
So Xiao Zhan presses himself even harder against him, and begins to count.
Never in his life has he exercised as much restraint as this.
What he wants is a kiss, just a simple taste of Yibo to soothe the drought that their separation has caused his soul.
However he doesn't dare ask. He had given his promise, and his word.
And so he keeps counting, his mind focused on breathing in as much of Yibo as he can, and committing to his memory what it feels like to have him at such close proximity.
Soon, he loses count, but before he can think of how to resume Yibo again shifts restlessly against him.
"Ge," he calls, and tears sting Xiao Zhan's eyes.
"I'm sorry," he manages to croak out. "I'm counting. I'm almost there."
However they are both aware that at least a minute has now passed, if not more.
"What number are you on?" Yibo asks, and Xiao Zhan is tempted to lie. But there is no point he realizes because nothing about this moment will ever be enough.
"Three," he says, and two incredibly long seconds later, he somehow finds the strength to pull away form Yibo.
Before he can go too far however, he feels Yibo's hand close around his wrist.
His eyes come open in surprise, and although he cannot see Yibo's face, he can perfectly picture the pained expression that he has on.
"We're at six," Yibo mutters so low, that Xiao Zhan almost doesn't hear him.
At first he is a little confused, but then it clicks that Yibo is counting up why he has been counting down.
Yibo surprises him even further because he then reaches up to pull down the hand that Xiao Zhan had slammed the door shut with.
Yibo's fingers link with his, and then his arms are pulled around Yibo's waist.
Yibo keeps them locked around him like a vice, his body pushing even harder into Xiao Zhan's until they're almost completely melded to each other.
Xiao Zhan embraces him desperately, his head slanting and settling into the crook of Yibo's neck.
"Don't kiss me," Yibo breathes harshly as Xiao Zhan's lips come too dangerously close to his skin.
His tone is strained and on cusp of a sob, and Xiao Zhan understands this, all the way to the deepest depths of his soul.
Why are you doing to us? he wants to ask Yibo, but he remains silent. Choosing instead to bask in the sheer miracle of the present moments even as they rapidly pass by.
Suddenly, there is a knock on the door.
At first he doesn't hear it, or perhaps his mind refuses to process it, but then Yibo's grip of his hands begin to loosen so that he can pull away, and this forces Xiao Zhan to pay attention.
He lifts a murderous glare to the door, wondering whom it could possibly be, but then Yibo tells him.
"It's Shuhui," he says, and moves his hand to the door handle, thereby forcing Xiao Zhan to truly let go of him and step away.
The door is pulled open and true enough, Yibo's driver is standing right before them. Shuhui bows gently in greeting as their eyes briefly meet, but Xiao Zhan is too befuddled to respond as his gaze moves between Shuhui and Yibo.
"Just a second," Yibo tells him. He then pulls the door halfway close, and turns to Xiao Zhan.
"I'm leaving," Yibo tells him, however Xiao Zhan is still bemused.
"Why is Shuhui here?" he asks, more out of concern than anything else as he hopes that they haven't attracted the wrong attention. Perhaps Yibo had been spotted on his way up here, and thus Shuhui is here to help him leave?
"I..." Yibo begins, but then hesitates, his gaze lowering from Xiao Zhan's. "I called him."
Xiao Zhan feels something hard pummel into him.
He watches Yibo as this information sinks in, and then his gaze moves to the mask now covering the lower half of his face.
"You broke your string didn't you? So that you could come back?"
At this Yibo pulls the door further open, intending to leave but a surge of anger rips through Xiao Zhan.
Furiously, he slams his hand against the door and it is shut right in Yibo's face. Yibo turns to him, alarm flashing in his eyes.
"Xiao Zhan," he calls, his tone perplexed.
Xiao Zhan on the other hand begins to step forward, slowly and vindictively until he is right before Yibo.
"You broke the string right?" Xiao Zhan repeats his question, but Yibo stubbornly refuses to respond.
Instead he lowers his gaze and looks away, his hand returning to the door's handle.
So Xiao Zhan aims for the string around one ear, and as quick as lightening, begins to pull it away however Yibo is just as fast.
"Xiao Zhan!" Yibo pushes his hand away, however it is too late.
Xiao Zhan's grip on the string breaks it, and thus the mask is left dangling down Yibo's face.
Yibo is just as aggravated as he is confused, and it all leaves Xiao Zhan feeling satisfied.
Yibo yanks the rest of the mask off his face, and glares at him
"What are you doing?" he glowers, but Xiao Zhan takes things a step further.
He grabs the brim of Yibo's cap and yanks it off his head, finally and completely revealing his entire face to him.
"Xiao Zhan!" Yibo nearly yells this time around, and at the annoyance he sees in Yibo's eyes, Xiao Zhan feels his body set on fire.
Yibo loses his temper and shoves him, sending Xiao Zhan staggering until his back connects with the wall behind. Then he heads into the room to retrieve his cap. On his return he confronts Xiao Zhan.
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
Xiao Zhan feels a bitter amusement as he watches him. "Don't I get a chaperone too?" he asks, "or do you think you're the only one that can't handle the torment?"
At these words, Yibo finally understands, and so his scowl begins to dissipate.
He lowers his gaze, and then without another word, turns around to take his leave.
"You can't leave," Xiao Zhan says, but Yibo ignores him. "You can't leave until you call someone on my behalf too. To keep me here. And to keep me sane."
Yibo stops then, unable to go any further.
"Go get my phone and call Nini," Xiao Zhan says and at the chill of his tone, Yibo turns back around to face him.
His chest rises and falls heavily as he watches Xiao Zhan, his eyes soft and remorseful.
"I'm sorry," he apologizes, and the blade in Xiao Zhan's heart twists. "I did break the string. I couldn't bring myself to leave."
"Why couldn't you leave?" Xiao Zhan sneers, however Yibo doesn't take any offense at this. Instead he continues to watch Xiao Zhan, delicately and intensely, as though trying to reveal to him all that he feels but cannot say out loud. Xiao Zhan feels the exact same way or perhaps even worse, but he cannot help but be a little mad at Yibo.
"How strong do you think I am?" he breathes. "How easily do you think I'm handling all of this?"
"You don't have it easy," Yibo shakes his head, lowers his gaze in contrition. "I know."
"So why are you lenient only with yourself? Why are you giving only yourself a way out?"
Yibo sighs again, his head lowering even further, and this is a sight that Xiao Zhan detests.
"I'm sorry," Yibo apologizes once again, and Xiao Zhan loses his patience.
"Stop fuckingapologizing! You've been apologizing from the very beginning, for everything. What has that fucking solved except pull you away from me?"
At this, Yibo lifts his gaze and Xiao Zhan finds it red and damp.
"I shouldn't have come here. I"m s-" he stops himself.
Xiao Zhan moves then but so does Yibo.
Away from him until his back connects with the wall behind.
Xiao Zhan however keeps advancing towards him until Yibo raises a hand to keep him at bay. He doesn't touch him, but it is an adequate enough shield because it keeps Xiao Zhan farther away from him than he would have liked.
"You shouldn't have come here?" Xiao Zhan repeats Yibo's words. "I called because I needed your help. You wouldn't have responded?"
Yibo goes quiet for a while. "There are other ways of responding. I didn't have to meet with you."
Xiao Zhan doesn't even bother pursuing this line of contention anymore so he moves on to the next.
"You were already here," he points out. "You truly wouldn't have come up?"
At this Yibo's head lowers once again, as well as his hand. "I wouldn't have," he mutters back in response, and Xiao Zhan is taken aback by the conviction in his tone.
"I broke up with you," Yibo says. "I can't take that lightly... especially when it's hurting us both so much."
Xiao Zhan knows this, but it is only as he truly listens to him now that it sinks in.
"I know," Xiao Zhan says. "I understand. That's why you called Shuhui. To help you."
Yibo lifts his gaze then, and at the tears that suddenly roll down the corner of his eyes, Xiao Zhan's heart plummets.
"Yibo," he breathes and tries to close the distance between them but Yibo's hands shoot out to grab his shoulders.
He holds him away, harduntil Xiao Zhan truly can't move any further. "Let me go," he whispers, his head hanging low once again. "Please."
Xiao Zhan is reminded once again of his promise to give him the space that he needs. This however isn't all that he remembers.
"I wish you'd give up," Xiao Zhan says. "On this battle that you're fighting alone."
Yibo's hold on his shoulders loosen. And then his arms return to his sides, his demeanor rigid and impenetrable.
"My reasons are valid," Yibo grits his teeth.
"Maybe," Xiao Zhan replies. "But that was a week ago. What about now? A week ago was hell for the both of us, but it's no longer the case now."
Yibo turns his face away, but Xiao Zhan can still see the sheen of moisture on his cheeks. He aches to reach out, to brush it away, but he doesn't want to spook Yibo, especially after his next words.
"I'll always be an anchor to you. A good week or month, or even year won't change that."
Xiao Zhan feels his insides mangling into shreds. "Then why did you push for this from the very beginning?"
Silence.
"I thought you'd reject me," Yibo says quietly. "I was always sure that you would but then after the accident, I decided that I needed to hear it from you to completely believe it. But then afterwards, you invited me over, and then you kissed me."
Yibo pauses, his eyes fluttering shut as he tries to catch his breath. "You kissed me and I couldn't let go. I convinced myself that we could handle it. That we could make it work."
Yibo's eyes moves towards the room then, and as his gaze stops, Xiao Zhan knows that he is picturing the moment between them eons ago, when they had crossed the line of no return in this very room.
"After your audition," Yibo continues. "After you found out that you'd been favored for the role over me, I could feel you withdrawing once again, over the phone. And so I came over and gave it one last shot."
"I pushed everything out of my hands after that, and left it all to you."
Xiao Zhan can recall Yibo's very words to him from that night.
"You're looking for a reason aren't you? You're going to leave tomorrow and not speak to me again aren't you? How long is it going to be this time? Another two weeks? Two months? Another year?"
His heart begins to pound painfully in his chest as he rests his gaze on Yibo now, completely astounded at how immensely the tables have now turned.
It particularly hurts when he also recalls his responses to Yibo's heart's plea to him back then.
"Get out!"
"Fuck You."
"Don't fucking touch me!"
He shuts his eyes and lowers his head, however Yibo goes on.
"You blocked me, so I gave up. But then you invited me yet again to Chongqing. You took me to your bathroom and kissed me ... again."
Xiao Zhan can no longer hold himself back. He reaches forward with a hand but before it can get to Yibo's face, Yibo catches his wrist.
"Don't," Yibo pleads with him. "I don't want to hurt you again. Please let me go."
At Yibo's trembling voice, Xiao Zhan moves his gaze down to his lips, and stares at the flushed, delicate curves. He pulls his hand away and Yibo releases him.
Shutting his eyes, he inhales deeply and then exhales as he ponders on what next to do.
Eventually he settles on a decision, and reopens his eyes to meet Yibo watching him.
"You're not hurting me by being here," he tells him however it is obvious that Yibo is incapable of believing this.
So Xiao Zhan reaches out to touch him again, and this time around Yibo doesn't stop him. Or perhaps he is just not quick enough to.
Xiao Zhan cradles the side of Yibo's face in his hand, as his eyes roves affectionately over his features. Then he takes the final step forward to close the distance between them, and once again they are joined to the other.
Xiao Zhan's hips nails Yibo's to the wall, and at the press of Yibo's hardnesss against his, he cannot help but to grind delectably into the bulge.
Yibo's eyes instantly glide shut, his head falling backwards against the wall as he grips the sides of Xiao Zhan's shirt.
A sweet, breathy moan escapes his parted lips, and Xiao Zhan feels his desperate need to have Yibo begin to scrape down his soul like a rake. He feels chafed and wounded, so as his eyes settle on Yibo's larynx, bobbing up and down in response to his own desire, Xiao Zhan is unable to stop himself from leaning forward to close his mouth around it.
Tasting Yibo's skin once again, is all that is needed to completely set him ablaze, the slight saltiness and his scent and the privilege, all converging to reiterate the fact that Yibo's hold on him is unreal.
Yibo's grip of his sides tightens even further, as Xiao Zhan begins to slowly trail his nose up Yibo's neck until he arrives at his chin.
He closes his lips around that too, and Yibo shudders.
"Zhan ge," he cries out, and Xiao Zhan pulls his eyes open.
He stares once again at Yibo's lips, wondering how in the hell he will be able to kiss him and then allow him to walk away.
He cannot do it, and so he leans his forehead against Yibo's and then lowers his knees so that he can grind his crotch one more time against him.
Yibo's moan is even louder this time, so Xiao Zhan's hand gently goes over his mouth.
The sound is successfully muffled, and Xioa Zhan's sanity kept.
So with the last ounce of strength that he can muster, he pulls himself away from Yibo, and it registers as one of the hardest things that he has ever had to do in his life.
He tries to swallow down the lump of agony, however it refuses to budge and remains lodged in his throat.
Yibo's eyes come open then to watch him, his pupils dilated and the tumultuous depths, filled confusion, longing and pain.
Xiao Zhan shuts his eyes to speak, because the words will refuse to come out otherwise.
"I'll let you leave," he says. "But I don't want you to."
He straightens then, and reopens his eyes.
"So I'm going to ask that you don't," he breathes. "We don't have to make love but... perhaps we can just be together? I'd love to fall asleep with you... through the night... at least once."
Yibo's eyes slightly widen at his words, and Xiao Zhan cannot help the small smile that curves his lips.
"I'm tired," Xiao Zhan explains. "Reallytired, and if you left I don't think I'd be able to sleep at all. But I did promise that I'd allow you the space that you need, so I'll leave the choice up to you."
With this, he wills himself to leave, but he finds that he still cannot so he tilts his head, and presses a soft kiss to Yibo's cheek.
At this, his core melts completely, so he wrenches himself away before he reaches the point of no return. He turns around to leave but then Yibo grabs his hand.
Xiao Zhan stops in his tracks, his heart shooting up to lodge in his throat as he looks back at him.
Yibo's gaze is soft but grave, and whether it is with an apology or a plea, Xiao Zhan cannot tell.
So Xiao Zhan waits for him to speak, and although it takes a while, three words eventually fall from his lips.
"I'm tired too," he breathes, as tears suddenly fill his eyes.
Xiao Zhan tightens his grip of his hand, and then begins to pull him along with him.
However Yibo doesn't budge so easily. He takes a step forward, but then he stops, and when Xiao Zhan turns around to see the torment on his face, it doesn't take long for him to realize what is stopping him.
"You're not going to hurt me again," Xiao Zhan reassures him. "You're going to help me sleep. Just that. This doesn't mean that you're taking our separation lightly. We both just need to sleep."
At this, he feels Yibo's hand tighten even more around his, until his bones begin to ache from the pain.
Yibo slightly glances back at the door, and then back to him, and at this Xiao Zhan realizes the next thing he has to do.
He lets go of Yibo, but then he almost has to pull Yibo's hand out of his.
When he is free, he turns around and heads back to the door. He pulls it open and meets that Shuhui is still waiting, although now he is away from the door, and leaning against the opposite wall of the hallway.
"Does he have to be anywhere early tomorrow?" Xiao Zhan asks.
Shuhui is a bit startled that he is asking him this, so his gaze lifts so that he can see past Xiao Zhan and into the room for his boss.
He sees nothing, and so he is forced to respond. "Uh... he has a flight to Changsha in the morning."
"What time is it?" Xiao Zhan asks.
"7:30."
"Alright. Can you come get him before then? At about 5am?"
Shuhui obviously doesn't know how to respond to this question, and so he tries once again to see into the room for a desperate glimpse of his boss.
Xiao Zhan understands and appreciates Shuhui's caution and skepticism, however he cannot help but be annoyed by this yet again. By the fact that because the world is completely unaware of what they mean to each other, he will never be given the due authority to speak on Yibo's behalf.
"Goodnight," Xiao Zhan says with a slight bow, deciding then not to wait for Shuhui's response. He slams the door shut, and then turns around to meet Yibo watching him.
His eyes are still sullen, and his frame leaning weakly against the wall.
Xiao Zhan heads over to link their hands together, and as Yibo stares up at him, Xiao Zhan cannot help but to lean down to press a kiss on his forehead.
"Let's go," he says, and pulls Yibo along with him.
This time around Yibo follows, without a single iota of resistance.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
The moment they arrive in the room which is solely lit by one bedside lamp, Xiao Zhan attempts to let go of Yibo's hand, however Yibo once again doesn't budge. Instead, his grip tightens even further until Xiao Zhan is forced to turn to him. He meets Yibo staring at the bed before them, a worried expression on his face.
"What is it?" Xiao Zhan asks softly?
Yibo stares into his eyes, deeply, and then shakes his head to dismiss Xiao Zhan's concern. He let's go of Xiao Zhan's hand then, and once again they are seperated.
As Xiao Zhan tries to decipher him, he is reminded once again that a lot of these are firsts for Yibo, and although intimately spending the night by someone's side is in this case also a first for him, he takes on the responsibility of making Yibo feel as comfortable as possible.
"Do you need to wash up?" he asks, but Yibo shakes his head.
Xiao Zhan on the other hand had failed to brush his teeth after his dinner with Nini, so he heads over to his bag to retrieve his toiletries.
When he straightens, he meets Yibo still standing in the same spot, and his heart just melts for him. So he goes over, somewhat amused.
Xiao Zhan rubs his hand up and down Yibo's arm. "What is it?" he asks again, however Yibo just stares at him.
Yibo's hair has once again been cut short, but Xiao Zhan is still able to brush the longer parts away from the side of his face. He doesn't need to, but he cannot help but touch Yibo in this way, since he has banned himself off the others.
Yibo closes the distance between them, and to Xiao Zhan's surprise places a hand on his chest.
Xiao Zhan's heart jumps so painfully in response, that he is almost certain that Yibo feels it, because Yibo lifts his eyes to his. Then his hand begins to move down Xiao Zhan's torso, and not till Yibo takes it off, just before it reaches the waist band of his pants, does Xiao Zhan realize that he is holding his breath. Afterwards, he curves his hand around the back of Yibo's neck and leans his forehead against his, his eyes shut so that he can catch his breath.
Yibo wraps one arm around his waist and Xiao Zhan's confidence begins to falter- that they can get through this night as innocently as he hopes.
"Settle in," he tells him. "I'll be right back."
And then just because he can't help himself, he moves down to place a kiss on the tip of Yibo's nose, but then Yibo suddenly tilts his head upwards
Their lips connect, and at the sweet, wet, taste of Yibo's tongue, Xiao Zhan's bones turn to mush.
The toiletries bag he had been holding falls from his hand, just as he slants his head and tightens his hold on the back of Yibo's neck to hold him in place.
He kisses Yibo right back, a torrent of ecstasy ripping through his system and making his vision spin.
But then he is reminded of their charge for the night, and somehow finds the strength to pull away before he gets too far and completely loses himself.
Yibo's lips chase after his mindlessly, and this amuses him painfully.
At his breathy laugh, Yibo's eyes come open and Xiao Zhan stares deeply into them.
"Let's be good," he says, and Yibo sighs
He then takes a step away from him and nods.
"Take your hoodie off," Xiao Zhan says, and then slightly lifts up the grey sweatshirt to see that Yibo has nothing on underneath.
"I'll leave my shirt on," he says, and then he hooks two fingers into the band of Yibo's pants.
"You can take these off too. I want you to be comfortable."
He starts to move away, but Yibo holds onto him. "What about you?" he asks. "I want you to be comfortable too."
Xiao Zhan smiles. "I can fuck you," he says plainly. "And if my clothes are off, it'll be too easy to. So it's better that I do all I can to restrain myself."
After this, Xiao Zhan finally pulls away, picks his bag up from the floor, and begins to make his way over to the bathroom. In there, he squeezes out some paste onto the bristles of his toothbrush, and finds that his hands are tingling with a sweet heat. He smiles at this, and then slips the brush into his mouth.
To have Yibo here with him like this... he doesn't think he has been able to properly process it yet.
Perhaps he will be able to, after it's over but for now all he can do is stare, slightly wide eyed at his reflection in the mirror because one of his dreams is once again coming true.
It is a delectable feeling, and one that makes the nightmares of the last week feel like it never even happened.
But it did,he reminds himself and sighs.
Once he is done, he rinses out his mouth, washes his face and then pulls the tails of his shirt out of his pants.
He exits the bathroom and returns to the room, excited to see the state that Yibo is now in.
Xiao Zhan meets him seated on the left side of the bed, and with his eyes on his phone's screen.
"I'm setting my alarm," Yibo tells him. "But it might wake you."
"My flight is early too. "Xiao Zhan says. "So it's good that I wake up then as well."
Yibo nods at this, and Xiao Zhan rounds the corner to his side of the bed. He switches the lamp off, undoes the top button of his pants and then slides underneath the covers. Yibo does the same, and only then does he notice that Yibo is still dressed.
"Take your clothes off," he complains, and although Yibo hesitates for a few seconds, he eventually gives in.
So Xiao Zhan turns on his side, and watches as Yibo pulls the hoodie off his head. At the flex and stretch of the muscles beneath his toned skin, Xiao Zhan feels his mouth water. He admonishes himself then to look away, but he just simply cannot.
And so he continues to watch him, until Yibo is down to just his briefs, the discarded clothes on the floor by his side.
Yibo turns towards him then, and Xiao Zhan feels his heart swell with excruciating joy.
There is still quite the distance between them which he detests, so he turns around so that his back is facing Yibo, and moves over to the center of the bed.
"Hold me," he tells him, and Yibo heartily complies.
Xiao Zhan waits with bated breath as Yibo moves closer to him, and then Yibo's arm is around his waist.
Simple enough the gesture is, but Xiao Zhan struggles to hold the searing emotions doing quite the damage to his insides at bay.
His hope a little while earlier of wanting to fall asleep with Yibo comes to mind, and although this isn't exactly how he'd pictured it, this he realizes in this moment is what he truly needs.
Rather than having Yibo on his chest and holding onto him, he prefers that he is the one being held in Yibo's arms.
He moves even closer towards him, especially as Yibo's warmth begins to form its own ethereal cocoon around them.
Xiao Zhan sighs contentedly, and feels Yibo do the same. His head is just underneath Yibo's chin, so for a moment, he slightly tilts his head up just so that he can inhale Yibo's scent from the crook of his neck. This however brings his ass jutting so hard against Yibo that his bulge begins to dig into him.
Unable to help himself, Yibo settles in even more comfortably and moves down the bed a bit so that he can put a leg over him. This intertwines their feet, but it doesn't seem nearly enough for him because Yibo's hand then moves down to his crotch, and pushes Xiao Zhan even harder against him.
Soft laughter bursts from Xiao Zhan's lips as his body jerks at the contact.
"Yibo," he breathes. "You can't touch me there."
"Mn," Yibo moans softly, and wraps his arm back around Xiao Zhan's waist.
Yibo then moves to press a kiss to his neck, but Xiao Zhan's collar is in the way.
"Take your shirt off," he grumbles, and Xiao Zhan has to turn towards him then to see the frustration in his eyes.
"Yibo we're only meant to sleep," he reminds him, but Yibo argues back.
"Agreed, but take your shirt off. I can't stand it."
Xiao Zhan plans on explaining a bit further to Yibo that he can't feel his bare skin against his, and not fuck him senseless, however Yibo loses his patience altogether and moves until Xiao Zhan is flattened on his back.
"Yibo," he calls sharply, but all the protest dies tragically on his tongue as Yibo sits astride him.
"Ah shit!" he curses, his hand going to Yibo's rigid abdomen as Yibo's groin connects directly with his. He tries his best to hold him at bay, despite the surge of lust ripping through him, but Yibo pushes forward and grabs at his button.
Xiao Zhan is forced then to open his eyes.
Only the glow from the city's skyline beyond is lighting their room, but it is more than enough for him to see Yibo clearly with.
"Why won't you listen to me?" he asks, but Yibo's concentration remains astute as he undoes one button, and moves on to the next.
"I need this," he says. "We won't go any further. I promise."
Xiao Zhan's brows rise at this, his face full of smiles. "I don't think that's a promise that you can keep if you keep going like this."
Yibo simply shrugs in response, and Xiao Zhan gives in then. But he doesn't help.
He watches, entranced as Yibo unbuttons the rest of the shirt, and then pulls the fabric apart to reveal Xiao Zhan's torso.
Yibo first rests his hand against Xiao Zhan's erratically beating heart, and then moves down his skin as though admiring a piece of art.
Xiao Zhan squirms as he watches Yibo struggle to keep his eyes open, his lids heavy with arousal and adoration.
Thankfully, Yibo stops when he arrives at the unbuttoned band of Xiao Zhan's pants, his larynx bobbing down his throat in a pained swallow. He releases a tortured exhale then and licks his lips as he gazes miserably down at it.
Xiao Zhan sits up, and this returns Yibo's gaze to his.
"Finish it," he tells him, and Yibo is all too eager to slip the shirt from Xiao Zhan's shoulders and down his arms.
Afterwards, he flings the fabric aside, and then they lower back onto the bed together.
Yibo then proceeds to bury his face in Xiao Zhan's neck.
Xiao Zhan knows that Yibo is going to start kissing him again, and since he cannot bear to stop him he grips the sheets with one hand, and shuts his eyes in order to do focus on controlling himself.
Yibo kisses the skin above the pulse in his neck, and this immediately brings to mind a warning that needs to be given.
"Don't leave any hickeys," he tells him. "I might be performing soon and I still haven't completely healed from the old ones."
At this Yibo stills, and Xiao Zhan is for some reason so worried at the loss of contact that his free hand curves around Yibo to hold him in place.
"You're performing soon?" he asks, and at the soft burn of Yibo's breath against his skin, Xiao Zhan cannot help but squirm with desire.
"Mn," he responds softly, but then he realizes that he just doesn't want to feel. He also wants to look deeply into Yibo's eyes. So he pulls his open, and watches as Yibo begins to trace kisses across his neck.
"Where?" Yibo asks, and Xiao Zhan begins to trail his fingers up and down Yibo's bare back.
"Everybody stand by 2," he replies. "It's not confirmed yet."
Yibo's mouth closes around his Adam's apple, and the back of Xiao Zhan's head digs into the pillow.
You have to stop, he wants to tell him, as his need for Yibo begins to transform into a devastating ache. However the words refuse to go past his throat, so he is forced to shut his eyes again as Yibo begins to nibble on his chin.
"I saw your performance yesterday," Xiao Zhan says, and Yibo once again stills.
He opens his eyes and meets that Yibo is staring down at him, his eyes gleaming, so Xiao Zhan angles his head so that he can watch him properly. "You were amazing," he says, and is amused when Yibo bites down on his bottom lip, trying to control his smile.
Yibo reaches down then to kiss him, and Xiao Zhan smacks his behind.
"Ya!" he scolds. "Don't do that. You know I'll lose my mind if you do that."
Yibo's grin widens, and at the flash of his pearly teeth in a strikingly beautiful smile, Xiao Zhan feels his heart ache and swell with love at the same time.
He wants to be able to call Yibo his, even if not to the world but at least to him, like right now, but he cannot, and this extremelyhurts him.
But he cannot bring it up... he doesn't want to because this time between them is too precious and the last thing he wants is anything sour ruining it. So he shuts his eyes and turns his face away.
Yibo lowers to nibble on the tip of his nose, and Xiao Zhan's frame shudders in a tormented sigh.
"Do you have any concerns?" Yibo asks against his cheeks as he trails his kisses over there. "About releasing your drama? All at once?"
Xiao Zhan releases his grip from the sheets, and rests both of his hands on the small of Yibo's back.
"Mn," Xiao Zhan replies softly. "It's not usually done in this way is it? So it's quite risky."
"It is," Yibo replies, and then begins to nibble on the lobe of his ear.
Xiao Zhan cannot hold himself back anymore, so he slides both of his hands inside Yibo's briefs. They flatten over the soft swell of Yibo's ass and then he grabs them, crushing Yibo's arousal even harder against his.
Yibo's inhale is sharp, and as Xiao Zhan feels him tremble, he cannot help but to slide a finger through Yibo's crack.
"Fuck," Yibo curses into his neck, and for a moment Xiao Zhan loses his head. Yibo is wet, and so it doesn't take much for him to ease his middle finger into him.
"Xiao Zhan!" Yibo rasps out, but at the slickness, and the heat, and the tightness around his finger, Xiao Zhan is unable to pull out. And so he thrusts into him a few times until Yibo begins to lift away from him.
He comes back to his senses then.
"I'm sorry," he says as he pulls his finger out, and opens his eyes to see Yibo staring down at him.
His eyes are wide and damp and filled with the disbelief that Xiao Zhan truly intends not to go any further.
In an act of vengeance, which in all honesty Xiao Zhan had seen coming, Yibo crushes his lips to his and slides his tongue into his mouth.
Xiao Zhan gives in to the wild, unrestrained kiss for as long as he can remain coherent, which is only a few seconds.
The moment the ecstasy begins to flood his brain, and he feels himself losing control of his mind is when he wrenches his lips away from Yibo's and all but pushes him off his body.
He moves away from him then and before Yibo can recover, gets off the bed.
He takes a few steps away as he tries to catch his breath, before turning around to meet Yibo in the same breathless state, his back lying flat against the bed and his chest rising and falling heavily.
"We're meant to just sleep," he reminds him, and although Yibo turns to stare right at him, it takes him quite the while to respond.
"You started it," Yibo says unapologetically, and Xiao Zhan is forced to admit that this is true.
He cannot help his smile
"Alright," he says. "So, what do we now? Because I'm not going to go all the way with you until you agree to come back to me."
At this, and just as Xiao Zhan had intended, the fire in Yibo's eyes immediately begins to dim. The harshness of his breathing also soon subsides, until eventually his eyes move away from Xiao Zhan's.
He turns to his side then to back him, and Xiao Zhan watches as he goes still.
Just as I thought, Xiao Zhan thinks to himself, and then gets back into bed.
However he doesn't stay away from Yibo. Instead, he goes to him and curves his frame to fit his.
With his arm around his waist, Xiao Zhan urges him even closer towards him and Yibo complies willingly.
"If we go all the way you'll feel terrible tomorrow," Xiao Zhan whispers into his ear, and Yibo nods in agreement.
"Mn."
And so they just rest with each other, the heat between them beginning to cool. However their legs intertwine, and as Yibo's toe stokes up and down his foot from time to time, Xiao Zhan feels his blood continue to simmer.
"You're going back to Chongqing tomorrow?" Yibo asks, his tone now somewhat drowsy.
"Mn," Xiao Zhan responds as he buries his nose in Yibo's hair.
Yibo moves even closer to him, which is just downright amusing to Xiao Zhan because it is actually impossible for them to be any closer. So Xiao Zhan just tightens his hold around him and rests his head atop his.
"You and your father..." Yibo says even more softly, so much so that Xiao Zhan has to strain himself to hear him. But afterwards, Yibo doesn't say anything more.
"We're fine," he assures him, however Yibo doesn't seem to believe him.
"You didn't sleep at home that night," Yibo says to him, and Xiao Zhan's eyes come open. He waits.
"Did you fight with him?"
Xiao Zhan has no intention whatsoever of filling him in with the details.
"I was upset but... it was nothing serious."
"You have a temper " Yibo points out, and Xiao Zhan is amused.
"I do?" he asks, and at this Yibo starts to turn around.
Xiao Zhan is reluctant to allow him, but eventually he accepts that he has to. And so Yibo faces him.
Xiao Zhan keeps his eyes shut and his arms around him, although now the space between them is more and he detests it.
"It's quite explosive," Yibo says, and then Xiao Zhan feels the tip of his finger in the crook of his nose.
"You have one too," Xiao Zhan points out as Yibo's finger begins to trace down his nose.
"Yeah, but yours is quite scary," he says. "Because it's so rare. I on the other hand throw a tantrum every chance I get."
At this Xiao Zhan's eyes come open, and stares deeply into Yibo's. Their faces are in such close proximity that although the room is dark, he can almost count Yibo's lashes.
"I hope you didn't blow up at him," Yibo says, and Xiao Zhan tries his best to give him a reassuring smile.
It doesn't seem to allay the concern off Yibo's face, and so Xiao Zhan lies flat on his back and pulls Yibo until half of his body is lying atop his. He rests Yibo's head in the nook of his shoulder, and then then presses a kiss to his forehead.
His hand begins to stroke Yibo's scalp, and at this his eyes flutter shut.
"We're fine," he assures him once again, and Yibo nods in response.
"What about yourparents?" Xiao Zhan asks, and Yibo sighs.
"They were upset, but I handled it."
At this Xiao Zhan's heart grips in fear. "How?" he asks, but Yibo doesn't respond.
"You took all the blame didn't you?" he asks, and Yibo crosses his leg over his.
"We deserve all the blame."
At first Xiao Zhan is a bit confused, as he assumes that Yibo's werefers to the both of them, but as he ponders more about this he realizes that Yibo is most likely referring to himself and his management company.
He realizes then that he still doesn't know the details of what Yibo had found out, and he wonders if perhaps this is also one of the things that is holding Yibo back from him.
Perhaps their involvement was more grave than Xiao Zhan is aware of, and thus it is more than enough to make Yibo swear himself off him out of remorse.
He wishes that Yibo would tell him the details of it, so that he can reassure him that he doesn't hold it against him, but currently he also doesn't want to bring this up.
And so he shuts his eyes, and listens as Yibo slowly falls asleep.
He however isn't completely satisfied with this position, as he instead wants to listen to Yibo's heartbeat. So he takes the risk of disturbing Yibo before he falls alseep too deeply.
"I want to sleep on you," he tells him, hoping that Yibo will be able to hear him. "I want you to hold me."
It takes a few seconds, but Yibo to his joy responds. He gets up from him to move onto his back, and then taps on his chest for Xiao Zhan to come over.
Bursting with glee, he does, and in no time he is completely sprawled out on top of Yibo.
"Am I too heavy?" he asks, but Yibo shakes his head and lowers Xiao Zhan's head onto his chest.
Yibo is already half asleep he realizes, so he smiles in amusement as he presses his ear to listen to his beating heart.
It is slow as it eases Yibo into a deeper rest, and the position is so perfect to him that Xiao Zhan cannot help but wrap his arms around Yibo.
He suspects that they might go numb at some point during the night, but he doesn't care. He doesn't plan to sleep anyway so he is certain that he will be able to adjust when the time comes.
"Goodnight," he whispers, but Yibo doesn't respond, already too far gone.
So Xiao Zhan places a soft kiss to his chest, and hopes that Yibo is able to somehow feel it deep within his heart.
Then he pulls his eyes open and stares into the darkness.
He is exhausted too, but he is too afraid that he will fall asleep and wake up to meet Yibo gone again, just as it has been in the past. And so he whispers once again to him.
"Don't you dare leave without letting me know," he warns him and soon enough, against his consent, he drifts into sleep as well.
NOTES:
Originally posted on Archive of Our Own (https://archiveofourown.org/works/27443527/chapters/75157743)
I saw some of you coming for Yibo in the comments last chapter, so I'm first of all going to drop this here.
"...... Wow . . Yibo breaking. He wanted Xiao Zhan to love him and accept him so desperately but now on knowing it and to what extent in the middle of this chaos, he seems more overwhelmed plus scared to realise that he is the weakness and breaking point for Xiao Zhan and for him, Xiao Zhan can lose all his rationality." COMMENT FROM @nooyu33 in CHAPTER 47.
Any thoughts, class? 😅 In light of this chapter. Is Yibo being too cautious?
Or are the both of them simply just exhausting? Let me know this too. 😂❤️